(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Face: Lacerta
The face on this beyblade depicts Lacerta, the Lizard, one of the 88 constellation in space. The pattern on the Lizard's back, when read from head to tail, reads "LACERTA" in a stylised font.
Face should be capitalized. It's a proper noun in Beyblade terminology.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Clear Wheel: Lacerta
Weight: 2.8 grams
The Lacerta clear Wheel is translucent bright pink-red in colour, and takes the form of two lizards (including four small "feet" on each lizard).
Clear Wheel should be capitalized as such as well. I dislike "bright pink-red" as a descriptor. The comma and parentheses are unneeded. The sentence can, and probably should, be rewritten. As it stands, it's very unwieldy.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: The black half of each lizard is interrupted by clumps of blue painted "squiggles" which, upon closer observation, can be seen to spell out the word "LACERTA" in a stylised font.
No need to quote "squiggles". "Can be seen to" and "the word" can be left out.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Metal Wheel: Thermal
Weight: 30.5 grams
The Thermal Metal Wheel consists of two large wings which are pointed at their respective beginnings and ends. Thermal is largely based on the Metal System Pisces, and as such, the three notches on the Wheel are representative of a shark's gills. Although it has relatively sharp contact points, they do not protrude far out enough to provide any significant Smash Attack. The Wheel does possess moderate Stamina capabilities due to its relatively round shape, but is considered outclassed for this purpose by Earth, Burn and Hell.
This part's fine.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Track: Wing Attacker 130
Weight: 2.2 grams
WA130 is a 130-height track with two aerofoil-shaped “wings†that rotate freely around the track. The direction of these wings can be swapped by removing the “wing†piece, flipping it over, and placing it back on the shaft of the track.
Track should be capitalized. I honestly don't understand these quotation marks. They are being used improperly. If you are using them in an informal sense, it indicates insecurity in your definition. Drop the quotes or find a more suitable term.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: These wings are largely negligible in battle, while they offer some minor protection against lower Attack-Type opponents, there are far better tracks for this purpose.
This is two sentences mashed together, otherwise known as a comma splice. The hyphen is not needed. Also, "largely negligible", "some minor" and "far better" seem ick to me.
These wings are mostly negligible in battle. While they offer minor protection against lower Attack type opponents, there are better Tracks for this purpose.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Offensively, they are entirely useless due to their free-spinning nature. As for Stamina, the free-spinning wings can cause scraping along the stadium floor, greatly reducing Stamina. As such, it is generally considered to be a useless gimmick.
Oof. Needs a major rewrite. Lots of weak clauses and redundant phrasing.
They are offensively ineffectual, as their free-spinning nature does not allow for strong hits. The wings may also scrape the stadium floor when tilted, which greatly reduces Stamina. It is for these reasons that WA130 is generally considered a useless gimmick Track.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: The only real appeal of this track is its height. The 130 height has proven useful for a number of Attack customisations.
"Only real" should be replaced with "main" in my opinion.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: However, WA130 is arguably the least useful option here, as unlike S130 it is not able to make any significant impact on lower opponents, due to its free spinning nature.
Ah cha cha. "Unable" over "not able". Also, you missed le hyphen you used earlier in the article, which is actually needed as far as I know.
However, WA130 is arguably the least useful option. Unlike S130, it is unable to make any significant impact on lower opponents due to its free-spinning nature.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: In addition, the Fang Wheel, the main user of the 130 height, comes with a plain 130 track in its only release, Fang Leone 130W2D.
According to a previous section, the 130 height is useful for a number of Attack combinations. Why is one combination coming with a superior Track such a big deal?
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: As WA130 offers little advantage over its un-gimmicked counterpart, it is not considered a worthwhile purchase.
Ungimmicky is a real word, but feels iffy to me. I'd rather just say 130.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Use in Attack Customisation:
If for some reason a blader has Fang and does not have 130 or S130, WA130 can be put to good use in the Attack custom MF Fang Leone WA130RF
Except that it's really not being put to
good use. It's being used adequetely.
It's been mentioned enough in previous sections. I think I would just cut this section altogether.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Bottom: Hole Flat
Weight: 0.5 grams
HF has a very similar movement speed to that of F, with the main difference being a slight Stamina improvement due to the hole in the middle of the Tip. But, with this comes the detriment of even less grip to the stadium floor than F, and also increased fragility.
I just changed the Beywiki article, as this part wasn't that well written.
HF has a very similar movement speed to that of F, with the main difference being a slight Stamina improvement due to the hole in the middle of the tip. However, this comes with the detriment of even less grip to the stadium floor than F, as well as increased fragility.
(Jun. 29, 2011 8:39 PM)th!nk Wrote: Overall:
Thermal Lacerta is a blade which consists entirely of outclassed parts. As such, there is little reason to buy this Beyblade outside of collection purposes.
Take away "As such," and it's fine.
Pretty well written. You have a few issues, namely using too many adjectives and weak phrasing, but nothing too major.
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