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Chapter 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

"Why must I stay here in this wretched world?" Neku Sakuraba shouted at his father.
"Don't say that," His father replied worryingly.",They might be watching!"
Tom (Neku's dad.) stared at Neku for a while.
"What?" Neku eventually said. He didn't like the world he lived in. He claimed he didn't get people and that people did not make sense. His father would always make him give him back toys or games if he said it that.
"Nothing. What are you doing?" Tom asked.
"Go away!" Neku took his book and smacked his dad. He ran down the stairs, out the door and jumped over the gate. "I hate everything!" Neku shouted. Oliver Harris stood at the top of the rock, fishing. "Is that Neku?" He thought to himself.
"ARGHHH!" Neku screamed more violently.He didn't see Shiki Misaki though. "
Ow! You did that on purpose you meanie!" He shouted at Shiki.
"S-s-sorry! I didn't do it on purpose!" She coward as Neku ran past.
Neku climbed up the old cherry tree in the middle of the forest and chomped down a delicious cherry. The juices dropped to the ground.
Reece Dyer creeped up to the cherry tree and jumped up and got cherry.
"GET YOUR PAWS OF MY TREE!" Neku screamed loudly.
He screamed at the top of his lungs, "I DON'T GET PEOPLEEEEEEEEEE!" At that Reece picked up a stone and threw it at Neku.

Neku's dad was going crazy looking for Neku. He screamed "NNNEEEKKKUUU!!!!"
"If I don't find him Hayle will kill me." He thought. He opened the gate and went over to Oliver.
"Excuse me,Oliver have you seen Neku and what was he doing?"
"He was screaming his lungs out. He went towards the cherry tree."
"Thanks Oliver."
Oliver noded his head and grinned.

Neku was found lying on the ground.

Chapter 2.

Spoiler (Click to View)

“What the hell happened?” Neku jumped up.
He saw Reece hiding behind the tree. Reece stared at Neku.
“What is wrong with that rock?” Neku asked curiously.
“It’s dead.” Reece ran off. Neku stared at the rock.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S DEAD?” He went over and picked up the rock.
“IT JUST IS!” Neku could hear Reece shout faintly.
Neku through the rock at a different tree. “Unghh.” He shouted. The rock went straight through the tree. “Woah...” Neku didn’t notice his Dad.
“Neku?” His dad asked.
“What happend last night and why was I on the ground?” Neku didn’t realise that he went on a rampage. That is the power of the dead rock. The holder of the rock can do anything to anyone.
“I don’t know.” His dad replied worryingly.
They walked back peacefully. Neku had retrieved the rock.
“I think....” Neku said but decided to stop.
“What? You can always tell me anything!” His dad said.
“This rock has paranormal powers....” Neku looked down at the rock. He looked back at his dad. They stopped walking and his dad stared at the rock.
“What do you mean. How?”
“Just watch. One, Two and THREE!” Neku screamed as he through the rock. This time it went through two trees.
“I see what you mean!” His dad said as he went over to pick up the rock.
“Reece threw it at me. Knocked me right of.” Neku said as his dad’s mouth dropped.
“Really? What did he say?”
“Um..You’ll think it’s crazy!” Neku shouted.
“Tell me!” He coughed then continued. “I mean tell me please.”
“Ehh...He shouted IT’S DEAD!”
“Weird....”
“I know right!”
“I should probably tell you that you had a whole huge tantrum and went on a rampage.”
“WHAT??!!!” Neku screamed as he threw the rock at the ground.
“You knocked Shiki down. Oliver probably thinks you’re crazy.”
“Grr! Lets test out the rock. Does it let me do more things?”
“Imagine Shiki didn’t remember last night an same thing with Oliver.”
“Ok!”
He imagined exactly that.
“Let’s go over to Shiki first.” Neku suggested
“Ok.”
They walked over to Shiki and asked her.
“What did I do last night?” Neku asked her.
“I don’t know!” She replied.
Tom and Neku looked at each other in suprise.
“Thanks thats all we need to know.”

Chapter 3

Spoiler (Click to View)

"You go home. I'm going to find Reece and KILL HIM!" Neku announced.
And before Tom could say anything he was of to find Reece.

Somewhere out in a cave..

"DAMN IT! LYNX! WHY! YOUR BETTER THAN THIS!" Duck scowled at Lynx of Halloween.
"OH I COULD JUST EAT YOU!" Lynx of Halloween shouted.She got up and
took a can of tuna from the shelf. She peeled it open and scoffed it down.
"I-Nom,nom,nom-shall just-nom,nom-go back to the restraunt-"
"Don't you dare finish that sentance!"Duck shouted.
Lynx's hair swished as she talked. Her hair was red and lighter colour on the top but underneath it was very dark. She was wearing a light blue shirt with a squid on it that said "When I grow up I want to be a potato." Her jeans were purple with fish on them. While duck's hair was black. Of course duck wasn't a duck- at the moment. She wore a necklace that kept her from being a duck. She was wearing a yellow t-shirt with a pikachu on it. She wanted a pikachu but there wern't any in the Irish region.
She had black shorts on and carp black trainers.
"WELL I'M GOING HOME!" She grabbed her sandels forced them on and dashed of.
"Well Tompt will be glad!" She quickly grabbed her phone and rang Tompt the elf that lived around the corner.
"MWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Tompt answered with.
"Um yeh Lynx is out."
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Duck slammmed the phone down so her ears wouldn't get even more damaged.

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Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

Well ... that was really messed up 0_o

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W-w-what do you mean?

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Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

"I DON'T GET PEOPLEEEEEEEEEE!"

"NNNEEEKKKUUU!!!!"

Neku was found lying on the ground.

My brain=lolwut

Everything was fast-paced in the chapter. I think maybe you sould take the time to introduce your characters and slowly give them volume+depth.

PS: Its "story", not "storie"

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|| MyBB Code Guide || User Control Panel Guide ||

This story is really messed up XDD

I was like, dafuq I just read?

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https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Beyblad...pid1530998

PLEASE READ MY STORY PLEASE ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Why is Neku on the ground?is it because the other person threw a rock at him?

I'm so confused... Good story though, decent chapter length.

You will all find out in the next chapter!


Heh heh hehhhhh.....


Am I going crazy or something?

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Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

Confused, stick with one thing at a time. It's jumbled everywhere.

KIU though

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Haha mind the username "Nausea"
it's my username for an Elsword Forum, don't really
know how to change usernames now

MIND=BLOWN. Reminds me of Death Note. I dont really understand much of the story other than this rock that kills you upon impact...

Dafuq?

People people please do not say 'Dafuq?" it's inapropreate for me. At least I think.
Chapter 2.

Spoiler (Click to View)

“What the hell happened?” Neku jumped up.
He saw Reece hiding behind the tree. Reece stared at Neku.
“What is wrong with that rock?” Neku asked curiously.
“It’s dead.” Reece ran off. Neku stared at the rock.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S DEAD?” He went over and picked up the rock.
“IT JUST IS!” Neku could hear Reece shout faintly.
Neku through the rock at a different tree. “Unghh.” He shouted. The rock went straight through the tree. “Woah...” Neku didn’t notice his Dad.
“Neku?” His dad asked.
“What happend last night and why was I on the ground?” Neku didn’t realise that he went on a rampage. That is the power of the dead rock. The holder of the rock can do anything to anyone.
“I don’t know.” His dad replied worryingly.
They walked back peacefully. Neku had retrieved the rock.
“I think....” Neku said but decided to stop.
“What? You can always tell me anything!” His dad said.
“This rock has paranormal powers....” Neku looked down at the rock. He looked back at his dad. They stopped walking and his dad stared at the rock.
“What do you mean. How?”
“Just watch. One, Two and THREE!” Neku screamed as he through the rock. This time it went through two trees.
“I see what you mean!” His dad said as he went over to pick up the rock.
“Reece threw it at me. Knocked me right of.” Neku said as his dad’s mouth dropped.
“Really? What did he say?”
“Um..You’ll think it’s crazy!” Neku shouted.
“Tell me!” He coughed then continued. “I mean tell me please.”
“Ehh...He shouted IT’S DEAD!”
“Weird....”
“I know right!”
“I should probably tell you that you had a whole huge tantrum and went on a rampage.”
“WHAT??!!!” Neku screamed as he threw the rock at the ground.
“You knocked Shiki down. Oliver probably thinks you’re crazy.”
“Grr! Lets test out the rock. Does it let me do more things?”
“Imagine Shiki didn’t remember last night an same thing with Oliver.”
“Ok!”
He imagined exactly that.
“Let’s go over to Shiki first.” Neku suggested
“Ok.”
They walked over to Shiki and asked her.
“What did I do last night?” Neku asked her.
“I don’t know!” She replied.
Tom and Neku looked at each other in suprise.
“Thanks thats all we need to know.”

I'm going crazy!!Mwa hah ha!!!

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Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

Still confused here, try to make it clear. Especially since most of this is dialogue, try to state who is talking e.g "Dialogue", said dad or Dad: "Dialogue".

Found some mistakes.

“Just watch. One, Two and THREE!” Neku screamed as he through the rock. This time it went through two trees.

Threw*

Knocked me right of

Off

KIU!

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Haha mind the username "Nausea"
it's my username for an Elsword Forum, don't really
know how to change usernames now

um. i don't know where to start .. i can tell this story will be very confusing. well i will continue to still read them.
( im not a big reader i stick with Manga )

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YES I QUIT! Me and Blitz Unicorno friends forever! My channel BlitzUnicornoHD almost 2k!
http://www.youtube.com/user/BlitzUnicornoHD

IIIIIIIIII DOOOOOOOOOON'T GEEEEEEEEEET PEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOPLEEEEEEEEEE!!!


Yes, Katri, you are totally going crazy.


This story is so damn confusing, and it makes no sense. That's why it's awesome!!!

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I know about the grammer my dad told me. Im not bothered to fix it at tho momment I will.

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Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

No, no, no. Katri, it's not about the grammar. The whole thing is just wacky, almost absurd. I'm totally following this! XDXDXDXDXD

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I'm going to do more soon. I will have a big Halloween chapter. Soon!
I have pics but I need to take the pictures of them.
So look forward to it

---

Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

Chapter 3

Spoiler (Click to View)

"You go home. I'm going to find Reece and KILL HIM!" Neku announced.
And before Tom could say anything he was of to find Reece.

Somewhere out in a cave..

"DAMN IT! LYNX! WHY! YOUR BETTER THAN THIS!" Duck scowled at Lynx of Halloween.
"OH I COULD JUST EAT YOU!" Lynx of Halloween shouted.She got up and
took a can of tuna from the shelf. She peeled it open and scoffed it down.
"I-Nom,nom,nom-shall just-nom,nom-go back to the restraunt-"
"Don't you dare finish that sentance!"Duck shouted.
Lynx's hair swished as she talked. Her hair was red and lighter colour on the top but underneath it was very dark. She was wearing a light blue shirt with a squid on it that said "When I grow up I want to be a potato." Her jeans were purple with fish on them. While duck's hair was black. Of course duck wasn't a duck- at the moment. She wore a necklace that kept her from being a duck. She was wearing a yellow t-shirt with a pikachu on it. She wanted a pikachu but there wern't any in the Irish region.
She had black shorts on and carp black trainers.
"WELL I'M GOING HOME!" She grabbed her sandels forced them on and dashed of.
"Well Tompt will be glad!" She quickly grabbed her phone and rang Tompt the elf that lived around the corner.
"MWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Tompt answered with.
"Um yeh Lynx is out."
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Duck slammmed the phone down so her ears wouldn't get even more damaged.

---

Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D