The Legend of the beys: the lost blader- incomplete

aw, I see, all good, all, good. At least you tried, that's all that counts, anyways, hyped for chapter 5
sory to keep you guys waiting, been too hyped for pokemon white (witch was supposed to come today) that it made me go onto the pokemon sites insted of here, and made me tired. here is ch5, enjoy, it's about how dracoon meets the first bad guy.

CH5: How Dracoon's Mind Changed.
Dracoon thought he made up his mind. He tried to forget about it and get on with his difficult life. A week passed and Dracoon was getting ready to leave Tokyo for the next tournament. he was going to the grocery store to feed him for the next week when he saw a bey spinning in the middle of the foot path. the bey span into an alley and Dracoon followed it, his parents died before they could give him the 'don't-follow-beys-down-dark-alleys speech. When he turned a corner he saw the bey's owner. he was mostly hooded but seamed male. "Ahh, you made it," said the hooded person who sounded deferentially male but sounded quite young. "who are you, tell me!" yelled Dracoon. "ok, no need to yell," said the man as he took his hood off, "the name is Agateo." "and you brought me here because?" Dracoon asked. "i was told to eliminate your bey, maby thought as a threat or something to our organization." replied Ageteo as he set up his bey. "if it's a battle you want," started Dracoon as he set up his bey witch was set to his default setting, gravity persious right mode 90RF, "it's a battle you will get." "3,2,1 GO SHOOT!" and the beys were off. Dracoon noticed something. "i have never seen a bey like that before." "it's my own personalized bey, only members of our organization get them," answered Ageteo, "mine is called screw knight L85RF." the 2 beys clashed together and repelled each other, and continued to do this 7 times. "level 1 special attack, dark screw lance!" Knight glowed silver and charged towards persious. Dracoon tried to repeat the same thing as he did against Michal but nothing happened. "ha, what was that?" laughed Ageteo, obviously not showing his age. Dracoon had to think of something fast. "go, err, dark ring slash!?" yelled Dracoon, pulling his launchers string all the way. persious glowed black, but then knight rammed into persious before the ring appeared. persious flew into the air and knight struck it again by bouncing off the wall and into the air. both landed and knight prepared to charge again. "LET IT RIP," yelled an unknown, Australian accented voice. a bey sped down in a red and white line to strike knight and hit it far away from both persious and the new bey. a 14 year old boy was on top of a building. he kicked a ladder down and slid down as he said "we leave you for one week and you run into this guy." the boys bey ran into persious to give it more spin, thus revealing that the bey was meteo L-drago. "now, let's finish this guy off," said the boy. Dracoon just went with the flow. "go, dark ring slash," yelled dracoon. "level 1 attack, meteo pile-driver!" yelled the boy. "hey, 2 against 1 isn't fair," cried Agateo as he grabbed a round pellet. he threw it to the ground and it burst into smoke. the other 2 young boys lost concentration and the beys stopped their attacks. Ageteo was gone. "Chicken," said Dracoon, "hey thanks, who are you?" "Blake Ritchie, i was the one who gave you that letter last week, im also the top ranger bladder and cyber bey tester at the organization against the organization that that guy was part of, or the organization for short." "Your with Michal aren't you, you were following me weren't you?" asked Dracoon. "yes and no, i was on ranger patrol," answered Blake. "well im still not join your organization," said Dracoon. "never implied that, but i do recommend joining, we are not bent on revenge, only on legal justice, plus you get free food and air fare to tournaments," said Blake. "mmm, ill think about that," said Dracoon, and he ran off, "i would never turn down free food and air fare.

no more comments, got to go. see ya next time.
Agateo, chicken? naw, he's just thinking logically! Lol jk, nice to see one of my characters, thanks man.
Edit: on another note, isn't he 17 like I made him? Because 17 certainly isn't young for a blader, well actually.....are their adults in this story? If ethir are, I think it would make more sense to call him a ''young man'' rather than just young boy
oh wait,wait you said we could send in characters after chapter 4 right? well i've been working on some and...
Name: Toson Johnson
Age: 13
Gender:male
beyblade: Hurricane Otter SH(steel Hurricane)125 CS
Type: balance
Description: Toson is a tall kid for his age(5'7) and he has a dark complection(he's black, but I don't wanna sound racist..) and he's naive, thinking everything will go his way. Toson is a misguided kid, he grew up in the wrong neighborhoods, hung out with the wrong people, and had his parents killed in front of him. He's got some issues, Agateo found him one day, and tried to help him out. He felt bad for Toson, but he first needed a bey. Agateo searched long and hard to find good parts, and once he found what he could use, it made a deadly force. Toson is now a force to be reckoned with
Bey Description: Hurricane, is the left spinning counterpart of Tornado.
Otters energy ring is somewhat shaped like 4 otters swimming in a circle, it resembles Aquario's energ ring in weight, and distribution, but looks different, that's all. Otters face bolt is an otters head with 2 eyes like Saggittarios.
Steel Hurricane, has fan blades that spin left, it's a free spinning track, and its affects are more than great, it can push back other beys if needed too. And CS is CS, adding defense, stamina, and attack when tilted.
Level 1 attack: Fake out- Otter tilts and spins at such a high speed, it looks like they'res two of it, making it hard for enemies to decide who to hit.
Level 2 attack: Hurricane Vortex- once again, otter tils to its side, making steel hurricane face the other way. It takes into effect, and sends a Vortex straght at the enemy, lifting it up, and making it crash down.

Other character ._.''
Name: Glenn Dano(this character is based off me :D)
Age: 14
Gender: male
Beyblade: TetsuboOrso CB125(Chain Blade) WHF(Wide hole flat)
Type: Attack
Description: Glenn is Twitch's trusty ''bro''. He's like the Chris to Agateo, he's better, but, he doesn't have anger issues. But anyways, Glenn is just an average guy, black hair, glasses, average height to weight ratio. Glenn was also their to stand up for Twitch when Twitch first came to school, and he's the one who made hammer meerkat for Twitch. All in all, he's a nice guy.
Bey Description: Tetsubo serves like Hammer, but heavier, with metal balls on the ''hammer'' pieces, adding weight and increases some smash.Orso is just Orso, 'nuff said. Chain blade is a loose chain swinging around causing smash to move on different sides. making heavier smash on different sides. WWF is HF mixed with WF so it seems pretty usefull, actually, really usefull. It's easy to do sliding shots, and it has increased stamina.
Level 1 attack: Tetsubo swing- Orso comes out with tetsubo in both hands, and swings it like a baseball bat.
Level 2 attack: Metal Upper- Orso gets chain to slip down toward the opposing beyblade, so its blade is underneath the enemy, then it rises up and flips the bey over.
Level 3 attack: Bear barrage- Orso gets ultimate stamina(it doesn't spin forever, but it does spin for a LONG time)while Orso comes out, swinging rapidly, repeatedly smashing the enemy, not stopping until the opposing bey flies away.

And last but not least owo
Name: Keiko Takanara
Age: 16
Gender: female
Beyblade: Great Pisces FS155(forever spin) MHF(Metal Hole Flat)
Type: Stamina
Description: Keiko is the swim teams leader. She's also that one girl that ALWAYS looks good in a swimsuit(:D)!She's one of those popular girls too, but none of her friends know she's blades. Also, she's not one of those girls with an ego, she's a nice girl, but in battle, she's merciless. She's an undercover blader going to Twitch's school spying on him for Agateo(im thinking that they have a thing ewe). But she's not really bad, ALL villains I create have reasons for being bad, most influenced by Agateo, who's just trying to help his brother!
Bey Description: Great is like burn, but completely circular, and larger, making it heavier, and slides attacks off easily.FS155 is a free moving tack, resembling c145, the difference being the height, more ''claws'', and also sharper, looking more like jaws instead,so when a bey attacks the track, the other bey gets scratched.
MHF serves like HF does, the metal adds more stamina than HF already has, and the metal also makes sure it doesn't break, flat was chosen so it would be easier to evade hits.
Level 1 attack: High tide- a tide, not to big, but definetly tall, pushes the opposing bey back.
Level 2 attack: Shark pounce- Pisces jumps in the air, barely over the bey, smashes down, jumps off, jumps again, and smashes again, until the opponent completely stops.
Level 3 attack: Great torpedo- Pisces charges the enemy head on with Great and FS hitting it at the same time.

That's it, pick whatever you want, I would like all characters in, but just use what you can work with! K, thanks and bye.
Post: #20

Hey here is an evil character request.

Name : Makusouto Heminiko
Ethnic : Korean
Age : 13
Bey : Hell Kerbecs STS145MWD
STS = Steel Smasher
MWD = Metal Wide Defense
Moves : Hell Blast - A huge area of flames cover the whole bey dish and sends the bey flying losing its spin and power.
Hell Gate - 2 doors appear causing the bit beast to come out and get wrapped around by chains and bitten by Kerbecs
(Mar. 10, 2011  2:46 PM)Soopah Wrote: Agateo, chicken? naw, he's just thinking logically! Lol jk, nice to see one of my characters, thanks man.
Edit: on another note, isn't he 17 like I made him? Because 17 certainly isn't young for a blader, well actually.....are their adults in this story? If ether are, I think it would make more sense to call him a ''young man'' rather than just young boy

yes, Michal is about 34 years old. plus anybody under 25 is considered young to me, but old is 70.

edit: i need more international characters, expecaly more American, British and Egyptian bladders.
Toson's american, Agateo found him traveling,the character based off me is British, oh and you DID read the character bios right? ._.''
only scanned it, knowing you these will be good when i properly read them, the reason i want more international characters because the team go to other countries. ill put up chapter 6 as soon as i read the characters properly.

edit: ok, well those are... great, execpt when you said the character who is based on you made twitchs bey, i was going to make it that ageteo got it for him from the organization, fourtunatly i didn't rite that down so yea, i will go with that, good explanation anyway. as i said i have added ch 6 below, enjoy the description of the organization's base:

CH6: the organization:
when he reached the ware house ther was no lights on but the windows were open to let the sun, in. Dracoon walked up to the stadium, or more like it, where it was. Dracoon looked down and noticed a hole, one that looked like it was shaped for a bey. Dracoon knelt down and put his bey in the hole. a red light started to run over his bey. "PLEASE STAND BACK, DAMIAN COONDEZ," boomed a female, robotic voice. Dracoon jumped back, kinda surprised the computer knew his name. his bey fell down a pipe system and a round elevator thing rose out of the ground. Dracoon walked in thinking "sweet teck". the elevator's door closed and sped down. "NOW ENTERING HQ LEVEL 1, RECEPTION, PLEASE PICK UP YOU BEY FROM THE DISPENSE TUBE AND WALK TO THE COUNTER FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS, HAVE A NICE DAY," said the same voice as before. the elevator stopped and the door opened soon after that. As Dracoon walked out he whistled in awe. The place looked like a futuristic office building from some sci-fi film. he noticed his bey in the dispense tube. he picked it up and walked up to what looked like a reception desk. "excuse me, the elevator told me to come here," said Dracoon to the guy who had his back to Dracoon behind the counter. "Ah, new guy, name and beyblade," said the strangely familiar person as he turned around. " err, Damian Coondez and gravity persious," answered Dracoon, wondering which name to say. the accountant typed away. "ok, elevator to the left and you will be sent to your sector. "Thanks," replied Dracoon. the whole experience was like going to a new school, you have no idea on what to do when everyone else looks like they know what to do.he found the elevator, not the fastest he has ever found something. he figured his bey was a security pass around here. The elevator lead him to the Elite rangers to to find and apprehend fire arsonists organization members sector (lets just call it the elite ranger sector). "hey you made it," said a familiar voice. "Scar!?" responded Dracoon, "hey what are you doing here?" "what am i doing here, what are you doing here? i thought you weren't coming," asked Scar. "some kid named Blake Ritchie helped me out and changed my mind," answered Dracoon. "WHAT!? i haven't even seen Blake, he is a legend around here," responded Scar. "CAN SCAR, DRACOON, CHLOE JANGMI AND BLAKE RITCHIE PLEASE HEAD TO THE ELEVATORS TO BE TAKEN TO THE MAIN OFFICE!" boomed a speaker. Dracoon and Scar got in the elevator. This time it whizzed around like the great glass elevator from charlie and the chocolate factory. When it opened, apart from everything spinning, the room looked like the American president's office, only with a high teck monitor for a window. Blake and Chloe were already talking with Michal. "Miss anything?" asked Scar. "No just passing the time," answered Michal, now to business. After an hour of explaining, Blake summed it up. "ok, so basically, we are the international ranger team." "you also have to find legendary beys like Blake's meteo L-drago. "How do we do that?" asked Scar. "Ill answer that, we have a team who searches for beyblade arsonist activity, then we go there and use my ability to see beyblade energy to pinpoint the exact location. "wait, you can see beyblade energy?" asked Dracoon. "Well you can see energy being transferred between beys, cant you Dracoon?" "err, well yea, but not very well." "then that's good enough reason to believe me isn't it, wait i got a call," said Blake as he pulled out his launcher. He stretched out his launcher's string and but the handle against his mouth and the rest of the launcher to his ear like a phone, then he started to talk into it. "ok, thanks," finished Blake, "well we have our first mission."
hey, just wanted you to know, I changed Glenn's beys tip, if you're not fine with that, then it's okay. Just thought of it this morning
hey thats fine, got no ideas with those guys yet when it comes to beys.
OH, nice. Anyways you said that you needed more national characters right? Well i'm going to make a team of 3 for that, either African or Egyptian, you choose, oh and i'll make 1 or 2 American characters 2, but er, yeah just choose one of the 2 team types, because I can't thing of 8 new beys(well I CAN TRY, but3 African, 3 Egyptian, and 2 American teams..i;mma have tot hink pretty long on that) ^^''
well Egypt becomes the second main location. there is a reason for it.
right,right, well i'm going to church now, so i'll plan about it after church, which is in about an hour and a half
ok, didn't realize you went to church. well ill see you soon.
The Egyptian team! Team Abubakar( it means Noble in Egyptian )
Name: Abasi the guardian
Age: 22
Bey: Divine Ra K130(Khopesh) MFS(metal flat sharp)
Type: balance
Description: Abasi, meaning stern in Egyptian is the cold hearted leader of the team. Being the second oldest, he gives commands, he's also the most rude of the 3, making people dislike him, but on the inside, he's just mad that things never go well for the people around him. Divine Ra was his fathers bey.Abasi is a dark skinned tall young man. He wears a T-shirt showing the WBBA logo on it, baggy pants, and sandals.
Bey Description: Divine is the wheel that comes with Divine Chimera, Ra's face bolt depicts a hybrid mixture of a falcon and a man. Ra's energy ring is completely circular with cane like rectangles on it. K130 is a square shape, with 4 small curved notches, made of pure metal, when beys hit is, they scrape. MS has more friction than FS and more stability.
Level 1 attack: Heat ray- Ra gets scorching hot, and tackles the opponent.
Level 2 attack: Divine disaster- Ra repeatedly attacks the opponent scraping away bits of the other beys fusion wheel, until it reaches the center, and splits it in half.

Name: Akil the wise
Age: 28
Bey: Reaper Anubis TS150(tombstone) BF
Type: Attack
Description: Akil, means intelligent in Egyptian. Akil is the oldest of the 3, being the most logical, and giving out suggestions. Akil is somewhat quite, and not as social as most people. He has a lighter complection than Abasi, and is actually shorter. He's seen wearing glasses, and has silver hair, from first sight, you could call him a Nerd. But he's one of the best tacticians ever known to live.
Bey description: Reaper looks like 3 scythe blades pointing out. Tombstone is a heavy tall magnetic track, whatever hits it gets stuck, and that leaves the opponents beys energy ring vulnerable to getting sliced into pieces.

Level 1 attack: Repent- Anubis charges the bey, flipping it over.
Level 2 attack: Soul splitter- Anubis comes out, grabbing the bey, and ripping it in half.
Level 3 attack: Death row- Anubis clutches the bey in tombstone, and shatters it into millions of pieces.

Name: Dalila the naive
Age: 16
Bey: MF Basalt Virgo MB(metal bowl) MCS(metal coat sharp)
Description: Dalila means gentle in egyptian. Dalila is the youngest, and the one who always tries to cheer everyone up. She even treats her enemies nice. Which makes guys like her a lot, not to mention she looks good too. She has dark skin, a medium length hair for a girl. She's about 5'3 and petite. She's not the strongest, or the wisest, but she is good at being defensive, which is a major strong point.
Bey description: Virgo is what virgo normally looks like, the metal face has a picture of virgo too! MF and basalt are really heavy, so no moving them, and metal bowl is GB(yes it still has the balls too) but made entirely of metal! MCS has more stamina than cs, and it's heavier, again, so it's hard to move.

Level 1 attack: Magic guard- Virgo stays in one space, and becomes immovable
Level 2 attack: Metal buster- Virgo takes the offense and starts smashing the other bey head on, until the opponent, or Virgo stops.

Make them good, bad, whatever you want! And, sorry, if it wasn't what you were looking for, had to improvise, but I hope you like it! Grin
no 1. 8/10: i will need to change the RA part of the bey, how bout to the Egypt based bey that isn't Anubis, can't remember the name. this is very important. the rest it great.
no 2. 10/10: another strategist? great! ok i have nothing bad about this guy.
no 3: 12/10: err, the stuff i realy like about this character i don't want to say. plus there hasn't been many defensive bladers in this story so this is good.

this team could play aether little or major part in the story depending on how it goes, im not even sure about the part they play and im writing it.

edit: all this talk about the Egypt part makes me want to get to it as quickly as possible, so im going to write ch 7 today.
right, you can change Ra to Horuseus, I don't mind
heres some characters for the American tem, there is the word chinese in them, but ignore that

Name: Izuma Inzori
Name: Sonai Inzori
Name: Rez Inzori
(Mar. 14, 2011  1:48 PM)Dracovianauis Wrote: heres some characters for the American tem, there is the word chinese in them, but ignore that

Name: Izuma Inzori
Name: Sonai Inzori
Name: Rez Inzori

And here I thought I was good...
what?, it takes up 7 pages and there are 2484 words in that entire thing, including the spoilers
what do you mean what? those are great characters, but one thing. Why are all the people on the American team Asian? In America there is a big amount of different races, I seriously think you should have made them NOT related. and put maybe a Caucasian person, some African American person, and a Spanish person, on another note, why Asian?(not being racist, as I myself am Asian), Asians characters fill up like 40% of all the characters in the story(as i've already made many...), I really think you should change the characters...but other than that, you at least showed that you're good at making them!
Thx, but I am Asian to so I just want them as a family, it toes up with my story's plot
right, but don't you think that having a full group of asians being representatives for America weird? maybe you should make them a chinese(or whatever race they are..) team. That would make more sense to me, and the story would probably flow better

edit: and on another note, I was going to make an American team, I was thinking about it last night...lol
im probably going to need a few American teams, but yea there is quite abit Asians in this thrown in all sorts of places in this, and Asians as an american team might be a bit confusing, but maby an Australian team might fit. i may be australian but i can't realy think of many australian teams.
As that's what I was trying to imply before(well you said Australian, I said Chinese, oh well), i'm uncomfortable with submitting my American team now, seeing how Dracovianauis already submitted one, and I don't want to get into any arguments about it. I think i'll just keep quite on the American team idea for a while