raiden:Now finish him off!
raiden:FLAMESTRIKE!
"Whaa!?" i said in a confused voice.

*he attacks my bey about 4 times from each direction...below,making my beyblade fly in thin air...above....making my bey crash into the stadium....left and right making my beyblade hit the stadium corners...*

"whoa!"*my beyblade flys out of the stadium*
once again i lose...*holds my beyblade burn leone..*
*is shocked* l-l-leone!!! *leone has so many scratches like hes going to break up!*
*leaves the place and goes to mountains*
GO SHOOT!*launches leone on a rock*
*launches leone again and again and again and again on rock*
wow leone you broke the rock even when your half broken.
Well time to get down *watches the place from up* *gets dizzy but trys to go down*
*suddenly a shooting star appears*
wow a shooting star? *notices that shooting star...Its coming right above me*
AHHHHHHH!*BOOM*

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Credits to Xyo for the awesome sig!Be sure to visit his sig shop!

If your looking for a awesome story...http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-BeyStory-Into-The-Furnace?page=2 <====This is what your lookin for!

Nice story I enjoyed it lots, and you left it at a cliffhanger to make us think whats gonna happen next I think Storm Pegasus is gonna help Burn Leone to defeat the opponent, Raiden

Chapter 2:Another legend
AAAAAH!*BOOM*
*falls but hangs on a rock at the mountain and gets down safely*
Ugh..... *takes out burn leone* GAH! i-its totally fixed!!!Well time to beat someone up!
*runs to a forest*
raiden: So your up to get kicked another time?
Oh yeah?Well come on the real blader doesnt fight with his mouth!
raiden&me: Go shoot!!!!
Burn leone attack him!!!
stardust Anubis go!!! *an explosion happens*
Burn leone,Special move!
BURNING ROAR!!!!
*an explosion happens and the trees fall down*.. i think i got him!
raiden: Oh really? your not going to get me even if i spun my bey with my hand!
What!?
raiden:its my turn now! Stardust Anubis!Stardust crash!*Anubis gets my bey into the air and keeps attacking it with no mercy!*
Leone!!!*a huge explosion happens* burn leone falls down...Evolved!*
Wha,wha,wha,WHAT THE HECK!?
raiden:huh!? grrr..... *raiden takes his bey and runs*
He escaped...more importantly what is my bey now?
i know the right place to go....*runs to B pit*
Umm anyone here?
Anyone?
uhhhh
madoka:hello may i help you?
Oh yeah i just wanna check on my beyblade. madoka:I need it for 2 days just for regular inspection


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Thanks!

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Credits to Xyo for the awesome sig!Be sure to visit his sig shop!

If your looking for a awesome story...http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-BeyStory-Into-The-Furnace?page=2 <====This is what your lookin for!

Cr4p....This thread be falling

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Credits to Xyo for the awesome sig!Be sure to visit his sig shop!

If your looking for a awesome story...http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-BeyStory-Into-The-Furnace?page=2 <====This is what your lookin for!

sorry, poison pegasus, it's a good story, but it just can't compete with the other stories out there

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Member of Team Gravity Warriors, Terra Blazer

Yeah i know too bad but oh well i will keep on trying..But i need some more time to think for another story.

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Credits to Xyo for the awesome sig!Be sure to visit his sig shop!

If your looking for a awesome story...http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-BeyStory-Into-The-Furnace?page=2 <====This is what your lookin for!

it's just ok not so good

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sig by me

The large number of action cues and lack of real intro completely ruin this story's flow... Otherwise, the actual story idea is pretty good. Just need to work on some writing skills.

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"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends. Last night, I experienced something new: an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions about fine cooking is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto, "Anyone can cook." But I realize, only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist; but a great artist can come from anywhere."

-Anton Ego/Peter O'Toole (1932-2013)

The large number of action cues and lack of real intro completely ruin this story's flow... Otherwise, the actual story idea is pretty good. Just need to work on some writing skills.

Yeah i know....

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Credits to Xyo for the awesome sig!Be sure to visit his sig shop!

If your looking for a awesome story...http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-BeyStory-Into-The-Furnace?page=2 <====This is what your lookin for!

Why do you keep on using these *? Way too choppy man. A lot of improvement in every area needed. (not trying to sound too mean)

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<-SDC
Team Omega Nova!Poke-Fusion Lab!My story

dont give up poison pegasus. ive seen your old stories and youve improved soooooooo much. this story is actually very good. you might need to polish up on your grammar a bit. write your story on Microsoft Word or something us it will show your grammar mistakes. your story awesome. the only thing stopping you is how you write it

EDIT: I tthink hes using * cus he doesnt have "

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Thanks to Synth for the sig and the avatar
PM me for Mario Kart Wii, Brawl or Pokemon. My Pokemon FC is 2365 6466 0001
Before you read a story, go to Renagade Reviews. If you have a story, then ask us for a review: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Renegade...#pid729778

“I thought the devil was a goat-man with a curly beard and horns. I was wrong. Now I know the devil has no face… Literally.”
Read my new story Faceless. It's promised to be bigger and better than my last one.
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Faceless...pid1080518

Yes..I agree with sonicsora123...ur best option is to use MS word if u have it to decrease the grammatical errors...I liked the idea of the story and it is a really good story..keep writing

I sent poison pegasus a fixed version of the 1st chapter. hope u use it
PS: is this a playscript or something cus i can help u with that too

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Thanks to Synth for the sig and the avatar
PM me for Mario Kart Wii, Brawl or Pokemon. My Pokemon FC is 2365 6466 0001
Before you read a story, go to Renagade Reviews. If you have a story, then ask us for a review: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Renegade...#pid729778

“I thought the devil was a goat-man with a curly beard and horns. I was wrong. Now I know the devil has no face… Literally.”
Read my new story Faceless. It's promised to be bigger and better than my last one.
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Faceless...pid1080518

Thanks for the support,

---

Credits to Xyo for the awesome sig!Be sure to visit his sig shop!

If your looking for a awesome story...http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-BeyStory-Into-The-Furnace?page=2 <====This is what your lookin for!

Thanks for the support,

no probs
u and scorpion are my biggest fans. its the least i culd do after all you did to help me.
Dont give up

---

Thanks to Synth for the sig and the avatar
PM me for Mario Kart Wii, Brawl or Pokemon. My Pokemon FC is 2365 6466 0001
Before you read a story, go to Renagade Reviews. If you have a story, then ask us for a review: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Renegade...#pid729778

“I thought the devil was a goat-man with a curly beard and horns. I was wrong. Now I know the devil has no face… Literally.”
Read my new story Faceless. It's promised to be bigger and better than my last one.
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Faceless...pid1080518