(Story) FullMetal Alchemist Brotherhood : After the Promised Day

Poll: How Was It?

GREAT!
83.33%
5
STOP WRITING! if you answer this im gonna pm you
16.67%
1
Total: 100% 6 vote(s)
the Ex-Alchemist (Click to View)
the Return of the FullMetal Alchemist! (Click to View)
the End of the Road…Literally! (Click to View)
the Mysterious Power (Click to View)
Awesome story, But you said that you'd only PM those who dissed your story, yet you still PM'ed me.
i pmed you becuase i wanted you to know about it k?
(Dec. 09, 2012  12:03 AM)The Alchemist Wrote: i pmed you becuase i wanted you to know about it k?

I was making a joke, But please accept my char. request.
I like this story. It follows the archetype of some great movies:

-It starts with showing the beginning of the problem that occurs later in the story
-The future hero starts off the day as normal and cheery
-The happy moment is twisted dramatically and takes a dangerous turn

And so on and so forth. But just a suggestion: you might want to add something that shows how Jay was able to truly tell that Envy wasn't Rose in the first chapter. I mean I understand the truck, but still. Like, make him really glimps into the immitator's soul or something. You know, that kind of stuff. But overall I do like it. It could play as a movie. My story (The Bey from the Dark Unknown) is more into being a part of the Beyblade show, but that was my intention. Yours is dramatic and adventurously dangerous. More of being an action-packed movie. If you want, you can check out my chapters and see what I mean.
hey thanks beycrafter01 but he saw envy transform into rose so he attacked him at full power
Oh, I guess I missread that part or something. But either way, it's great.
thanks he was watching envy transform throught the window k?
Ok guys sorry to double post but i have finished the newest chapter here it is:
Yay I was introduced, but it helps to show more obvious transitions. skip lines or something.
kay ill keep that in mind earthwolf1404
Question, for someone who isn't too far in season one, would reading this spoiler anything (important)?
Not really unless you want to see both movies.
Hey guys, I am sorry with the school work and the OAAs it has been hectic, so without furtherado I introduce the newest , and longest, chapter so far, a whole two pages, hope you guys like it Smile

the Mysterious Power (Click to View)
Tell me if you find a typo or a mess up in info , I would love that, and I am still open to Char. Requests, or monster requests, and if you want to help me out with the story line I would like the help, but please try to keep it PG-13 stuff, nothing like In Soul Eater , see ya in a while Smile

P.S. Summer is just a few days away so it will help out ALOT!
Nice one, this is one of my favorite chapters. But remember to start a new line when a new person is speaking.
Didn't read much, but good narration. I'm glad to see other people still make Fanfic stories on the WBO. I really shouldn't get all post-happy, my posts are becoming more spammy as I post.
Thanks Akio314, I have noticed the decrease as well, and most of the sprite shops I liked are closed too, or are in the necro phase.