Here is a passage: "Aw man, I lost." Shiki said in despair. The guy with the headphones walked away "You lost, you're a waste to hang around with." "Neku, wait!" Shiki cried. "No, it would be a waste to have you with me." Neku said coldly. Was that how you want your characters to act?

Yes, exactly. The do the same sort of thing in the beginning of the game too XD

I haven't even played the game.

Well then, it shows how much you are able to connect with character descriptions and envision their connections.

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Name: Joey Utara
Personality: He is very friendly, and loves to battle. He is A optimistic, friendly guy. His big brother is Leonardo Utara, the #1 Blader in Italy. He brags about it alot. In battles he is clever and tricky. When an opponent gets him angered, he looses it and totally destroys his opponent, transforming into a corrupted, being of darkness, a curse set on him by the Shigami.
He is brave and not scared of anything, except for waterfalls, which reminds him of his mother's death. She died by falling off a waterfall.
Appearance: He wears a Monster Energy drink cap, long brown hair, brown eyes, a green t-shirt with the WBBA logo on it, official WBBA gloves, blue skinny jeans, grey converse shoes, and a pair of green headphones around his neck.
Bey: Assassin Nocturnal DR165RDS (Double Rubber 165 Rubber Defense Spike
Special Move(s):Normal: Infernal Gamma Fatal Booster (The whole stadium erupts into a green aura, and Nocturnal's spirit, an assassin comes out and throws multiple knives at the opponent, and if he really wants to destroy his opponent, the assassin pulls out a sword and destroys the opponent's bey. Dark Move: Corrupted Darkness: A darkness consumes the whole stadium, swallowing up the opponents bey, obliterating the opponents bey.

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"I'll solve equations with my right hand and write names with my left. I'll take a potato chip... and eat it!"- Yagami Light

I'm sorry I didn't write tonight, it was just a hectic night.

Chapter 5 in the OP. How do you like it?

Chapter 6 is up. Sorry for double-posting.

I won't be able to make a chapter tonight. Insomniac and Shirayuki's characters have entered the story. Sorry for triple-posting. Hiro and Emi are Neku and Shiki.

Chapter 7 is in the OP. I won't write anymore unless you guys post.

AWWWW YEEEEAAH
GO JOEY!
lolwut
I lieked chapter 7 yo

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"I'll solve equations with my right hand and write names with my left. I'll take a potato chip... and eat it!"- Yagami Light

AWWWW YEEEEAAH
GO JOEY!
lolwut
I lieked chapter 7 yo

I was trying to make the battle more important than the characters for this chapter.

I am doing character Q and A like ChinaBlade and Beyniac. So ask away!

I feel special now. XD
Anyways, try avoiding double posts. XD
Good luck with trying to manage all the questions.

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

I feel special now. XD
Anyways, try avoiding double posts. XD
Good luck with trying to manage all the questions.

My story isn't that popular so I won't get as many questions as you? Have you read my story yet, there's already seven chapters.

I feel special now. XD
Anyways, try avoiding double posts. XD
Good luck with trying to manage all the questions.

My story isn't that popular so I won't get as many questions as you? Have you read my story yet, there's already seven chapters.

To be honest, I haven't.
Not a big reader of others' stories unless I know the person really well, like Shi, DefStamina, Insomniac, or Shirayuki.
I may read it when I have free time.

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

I feel special now. XD
Anyways, try avoiding double posts. XD
Good luck with trying to manage all the questions.

My story isn't that popular so I won't get as many questions as you? Have you read my story yet, there's already seven chapters.

To be honest, I haven't.
Not a big reader of others' stories unless I know the person really well, like Shi, DefStamina, Insomniac, or Shirayuki.
I may read it when I have free time.

Actually, all of those people besides DefStamina have requested characters for the story.
But I am just setting up the story, you guys haven't seen nothin yet!

Chapter 8 is up, sorry the chapter is so short. Sorry for double-posting. Joey to the rescue!

"What kind of jerk are you?" I yelled at Hiro. "Get away from me." He aimed a launcher at me, I raised mine in return.

This is like that one time the reaper tells Neku that he is free to leave if he kills his partner!

Nice work, keep it up!

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Thanks for the compliment. I have already written an outline of Chapter 9 but I'm trying to make sense of it.

So Excited for next chapter!

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"I'll solve equations with my right hand and write names with my left. I'll take a potato chip... and eat it!"- Yagami Light

So Excited for next chapter!

It will focus on Hiro and Emi, maybe.

Chapter 9 is in the OP. I think the next one will be about Hiro and Emi.

EDIT: Hiro and Emi will not make a large appearance in the next episode.

Sorry for triple-posting, but this story has OVER 1000 views!

Chapter 10 is done.

Chapter 10 (Click to View)

Nemean avoided the dragonic bey. “Feel my wrath, fool!” Ryu shouted in glee. “I won’t unless you feel mine first!” I yelled in anger to cover my fear. “Hunter Dragoon, Dark Matter attack!” Ryu activated his skill and created a black hole. How did this begin? It started this morning. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! My alarm rang at six thirty, and hour after I woke up. “Hey mom my tournament’s today, and Shane told me to come early. His uncle is also making our whole team breakfast.” I explained. “At Six-thirty?” She asked. After two hours of watching TV I started talking. “Hey mom, can I go now? The tournament starts in two hours.” She starts talking too. “OK, but if they aren’t awake come home.” She told me. “OK, thanks.” I said as I ran out the door, Shane’s house isn’t that far away from mine and Joey and Ken live across the street from me. When I got to Shane’s house there was amazing a feast of bacon, sausage, waffles, and eggs. For the next hour we talked about who we thought would be there and what beys they will use. Shaun told us to get in the car because the tournament was an hour away, but we were lucky because we were only an hour away. We got there ten minutes early and got signed up really fast. “Would team Dragon Blade and Team Star Knights report to Stadium One?” The intercom blared, we were Team Star Knights. We walked to the first stadium, an extra-large Zero-G stadium. Joey went first and surprisingly lost his battle, Shane went next and won faster than I could understand what was happening. It was my turn."Hi, I'm Ryu."He greeted me happily. “Three, two, one, let it shoot!” Our word mixed as we said different things. The beys hit the stadium floor, and his bey stayed in the same place while mine attacked like mad. Paladin Nemian finally bashed his bey. So now you understand what’s happened up until now.

Sorry for Quadruple posting.

I think that you should space out your chapters. The sentences are all fit together in one "chunk", or "paragraph". Difficulty is brought because of a bit of trouble reading it.

And I would suggest you to make a chapters longer, or maybe think about combining a few into one.

~Takasu

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I think that you should space out your chapters. The sentences are all fit together in one "chunk", or "paragraph". Difficulty is brought because of a bit of trouble reading it.

And I would suggest you to make a chapters longer, or maybe think about combining a few into one.

~Takasu

Yeah, the first few chapters were REALLY short, but I like having it the same. What do you mean by clumped?