World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: {STORY}Beyblade: Kazuki's Quest( Chapter 18 Is Up!) [ 4000+ Views]
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
Pages: 1 2 3 4
Part 1: Japan's National Tournament
Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2 (Click to View)
Chapter 3 (Click to View)
Chapter 4 (Click to View)
Chapter 5 (Click to View)
Chapter 6 (Click to View)
Chapter 7 (Click to View)
Chapter 8 (Click to View)
Chapter 9 (Click to View)
Chapter 10 (Click to View)
Chapter 11 (Click to View)
Chapter 12 Told in Shane's POV (Click to View)
Chapter 13 Told in Ryu's POV (Click to View)
Chapter 14 Told in Ryu's POV (Click to View)
Chapter 15 WARNING: VERY SHORT! (Click to View)
Chapter 16 (Click to View)
Chapter 17 (Click to View)
Chapter 18 (Click to View)
How to make a character request (Click to View)
Dialog works like this:
"I challenge you to a bey battle!" Screamed the random kid in the background.
"What is a 'bey battle'? We're in the PokeWorld, remember?" Questioned the Ash look-alike.
Its pretty good, the dialogue wasn't very well, but close.
(Aug. 21, 2012  12:00 AM)Takasu Wrote: [ -> ]Dialog works like this:
"I challenge you to a bey battle!" Screamed the random kid in the background.
"What is a 'bey battle'? We're in the PokeWorld, remember?" Questioned the Ash look-alike.

Basicly what Takasu said plus, you need to capitalize after each punctuation.
Example:
Instead of: "You good enough to beat him?" he pointed to the dark haired guy who just won.
It should be: "You good enough to beat him?" He pointed to the dark haired guy who just won.
Did I fix it? Thanks for telling me what to fix.
(Aug. 21, 2012  12:08 AM)Akio314 Wrote: [ -> ]Did I fix it? Thanks for telling me what to fix.

Most of it is fixed, but, there are still a few Grammatical errors. Such as, run on sentences and places where spaces need to be put. Other than that, it's pretty good.
Thanks, that's a real compliment from Bey K. Rowling. (That's your new nickname I made for you, hahaha)
Sorry for double posting, but what are my writing errors? Please answer.
Sorry for double posting but Chapter 1 is in the OP
Chapter 2 in the OP.
sorry for quadruple-posting but chapter 3 is in the OP.
I just realized that this is my first story to get to three chapters, Yay!

EDIT: I'm sorry for fiftuple-posting and bumping Unhappy
This is Kazuki:
I am so sorry that I've posted six times in a row. I will not post unless someone else replies.
I like the story so far! Keep it up! Grin
I am writing it this minute.

Updated the OP
I am about to begin work on Chapter 5. Could anyone give me a character request, remember it will be a few chapters until your character is in the story. I apologize for double posting.
Request: Neku Sakuraba

Personality:
Neku's personality is generally unsociable; he claims he "doesn't get people", and because of this, he usually dislikes interacting with other people. His opinion of others is so low that he tends to see people only for their use. Neku refuses company, as he feels that friends only drag him down, cause him pain when they fail him and make him feel like "unnecessary baggage" to them. Neku sees society as simply an annoyance that forces their values on him, pester him and expect him to do things he doesn't want to do.

Apperance:
Neku is tall and slender, with spiky orange hair in a unique hairstyle and blue eyes. He almost always has his signature indigo headphones on. He wears a sleeveless shirt with a funnel-shaped collar and an indigo stripe outlined with gold going down the middle. He also wears a yellow sweatband on his left arm, and white shorts held up by a loose-fitting belt. He wears black shoes with an indigo stripe outlined in gold, similar to the color and style of his shirt. He also wears his MP3 player around his neck.
(Aug. 27, 2012  10:50 PM)Insomniac Wrote: [ -> ]Request: Neku Sakuraba

Personality:
Neku's personality is generally unsociable; he claims he "doesn't get people", and because of this, he usually dislikes interacting with other people. His opinion of others is so low that he tends to see people only for their use. Neku refuses company, as he feels that friends only drag him down, cause him pain when they fail him and make him feel like "unnecessary baggage" to them. Neku sees society as simply an annoyance that forces their values on him, pester him and expect him to do things he doesn't want to do.

Apperance:
Neku is tall and slender, with spiky orange hair in a unique hairstyle and blue eyes. He almost always has his signature indigo headphones on. He wears a sleeveless shirt with a funnel-shaped collar and an indigo stripe outlined with gold going down the middle. He also wears a yellow sweatband on his left arm, and white shorts held up by a loose-fitting belt. He wears black shoes with an indigo stripe outlined in gold, similar to the color and style of his shirt. He also wears his MP3 player around his neck.


Cool character, but what beyblade? I might change the character's name since he is from a video game, but most of the character will stay the same. That will be very helpful to have more characters in the future.
Character requests? Well, here, um, yeah.


name: Shiki Misaki

personality: Shiki tries to the best of her abilities to help others. She is generally positive and upbeat; however, despite her happy attitude, Shiki feels inferior and useless to others, making her jealous of her idols. Shiki attempts to turn these feelings into positive ones and not let them affect her. Shiki is shown to be a talented seamstress, making even her own clothes.

appearance: Shiki Misaki is a fifteen year old girl, tall and slender in stature. She has reddish brown hair that is concealed by her cap. Her attire consists of a red short sleeved shirt that exposes a very large portion of her midriff. Over this she wears a short yellow hoodie. She wears a necklace around her neck with a puzzle piece-shaped pendant. She is in a low-cut green colored denim skirt with a brown pouch around her waist. She also wears a yellow bracelet on her left wrist accompanied with a ring on her pinkie finger, and almost knee-length brown medium heeled boots with yellow stripes on the sides.

Think of her as Neku's partner, well, yeah. I will give you the bey later.
Shirayuki, I will hit you.

Btw, bey name : Uken Og 999KS
Here is a passage: "Aw man, I lost." Emi said in despair. The guy with the headphones walked away "You lost, you're a waste to hang around with." "Hiro, wait!" Emi cried. "No, it would be a waste to have you with me." Hiro said coldly. Was that how you want your characters to act?
(Aug. 27, 2012  11:05 PM)Akio314 Wrote: [ -> ]Here is a passage: "Aw man, I lost." Shiki said in despair. The guy with the headphones walked away "You lost, you're a waste to hang around with." "Neku, wait!" Shiki cried. "No, it would be a waste to have you with me." Neku said coldly. Was that how you want your characters to act?

Sounds good. I guess. BTW, Bey is Beat Lacerta GB145RF

(Aug. 27, 2012  11:05 PM)Insomniac Wrote: [ -> ]Shirayuki, I will hit you.

Btw, bey name : Uken Og 999KS

Crying
I'm only using Zero-G names, Shirayuki.
(Aug. 27, 2012  11:05 PM)Akio314 Wrote: [ -> ]Here is a passage: "Aw man, I lost." Shiki said in despair. The guy with the headphones walked away "You lost, you're a waste to hang around with." "Neku, wait!" Shiki cried. "No, it would be a waste to have you with me." Neku said coldly. Was that how you want your characters to act?


Yes, exactly. The do the same sort of thing in the beginning of the game too XD
(Aug. 27, 2012  11:10 PM)Akio314 Wrote: [ -> ]I'm only using Zero-G names, Shirayuki.

Fine, uhh, Begirados Dragoon E230CS?
Bey change: MSF-H Reviser Dragooon SA165EWD
Pages: 1 2 3 4