So this story is based off of the anime "A certain Magical Index" I hope you guys like it!

Prologue

Spoiler (Click to View)

Prologue

Prologue

It was 14:37, I walked down the road as I usually did. It was a typical day. My buzz cut hair was thick as it usually was. And my thick grey jacket was unzipped like it always was, my grey converse made no noise against the sidewalk as they usually did, just another typical day. “My name is Chie Inuzuka, I am a level 5 esper who lives in Academy City, I am 16 years old.” I thought to myself. “I’m monolouging to myself. I’m definitely going insane.” I thought. Suddenly a man in a suit ran up to me then started to walk beside me.

“Hello Chie.” He said suspiciously.
“Yo.” I replied to the stranger.
“You aren’t concerned that I know you name?” He asked surprised.
“Nope.” I said stopping at the crosswalk as cars sped by.
“Well, I’m a representative from project radio noise and we believe that you have the capability to become a level 6 or even a level 7 esper.” He explained.
“Not interested.” I replied walking across the street.
“What! Are-are you sure you don’t want to think about it?” he asked surprised at my response.
“I’m sure.” I said walking into my dorm complex. “Just another typical day.” I thought to myself while getting on the elevator.

Chapter 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 1

I walked into my dorm and plopped down on my couch.


I looked at the door to my balcony to see that it was open and smoke was coming in through it.


“Is my balcony on fire?” I thought to myself. I decided to go outside and check it out.


I walked out onto my balcony to find a kid spread-eagled on the floor.


“What the..?” I said in surprise.


“Thirsty..” the boy muttered.


“Wha..?” I stated confused.
“I.. am.. thirsty.” The boy stated once again.

I sighed and went inside and came back to the balcony with a can of soda and set it down next to the boy, he lifted his head up and slowly reached for it, but his hand fell to the floor mid way.


“To.. weak” The boy stated. “Pour it in my mouth?” He asked making a gesture with his finger.


“Are you serious?” I asked him, questioning his sincerity. “Who is this kid?, is he even real?” I asked myself questioning my own sanity.

I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes expecting that when I opened them the kid would be gone.

When I opened my eyes I was surprised to see that the boy was still there.


I slid the can nearer to him with my foot.


He swiftly opened it and started to chug down the cola. He exhaled and put cigarette in his mouth and lit it.


“Much better.” The stranger said. He then plopped down in my chair and exhaled, expelling smoke into the air.


“Dude you can’t do that in here, put it out.” I coughed waving my hand to blow some of the smoke away from my dorm. “What are you doing here anyway?” I questioned as I got a better look at him as the smoke cleared. The stranger wore a black trench coat and black gothic boots.

He had somewhat tan skin and spiked up sky blue hair that looked like it had way to much gel in it.


“I guess I should introduce myself, I am Bloodlust, world renowned bounty hunter.” He informed me.


“Okay, that explained nothing.” I pointed out taking a seat.


Flashback (third person)

“I was walking one day.” Bloodlust said as his past self was aiming a rifle.


“And I bumped into this guy.” He continued as past Bloodlust pulled the trigger.



“And his friends just went ballistic.” He stated as Mafioso ran up to the roof where the past Bloodlust was.


“They chased me for days, from Canada to Asia, I’m pretty sure I lost them in Tokyo.” He summarized.


“So if I’m gonna be crashing here I am gonna need better amenities, “Diet Pepsi” will not do.” Bloodlust stated.


“Do you even know the meaning of the word amenities?” I asked him.


“Well honestly, no but-” Bloodlust’s confession was cut short by a loud bang. “We’ve got company.” He stated.

How you should make a Character request.

Name:
Personality:
Age:
Gender:
BackstoryOptional)
Esper Level: (Put Zero if you character is not an esper)
Esper Ability:

---

Spoiler (Click to View)

You should read the collab I'm working on with Dragon King.

Check out my new story Stoked Again!


My Goals:
Go to a tournament: incomplete

Host a tournament: see goal 1

Find a way to kill Mr. Brightside : Progressing...

Bleedin' Hell, I made my own sig!

You change tenses towards the beginning, and also dialogue needs punctuation. So instead of saying, for example:
"I bite people" said Cornelius.
It should be:
"I bite people." Said Cornelius.
That's about it. I haven't seen the anime, but this seems interesting!

Also, maybe change the title to something shorter because it's causing problems with post length and such.

---

“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

Thanks for the advice I just went back and edited it.

---

Spoiler (Click to View)

You should read the collab I'm working on with Dragon King.

Check out my new story Stoked Again!


My Goals:
Go to a tournament: incomplete

Host a tournament: see goal 1

Find a way to kill Mr. Brightside : Progressing...

Bleedin' Hell, I made my own sig!

Much better! One more minor thing, you say "and" like five times in the first paragraph, but it's not that big of a deal.

Anyway, yup, this looks good, I'll keep an eye out for chapter 1.

---

“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

Glad you like it I went back and edited it and I got it down to about 2.

---

Spoiler (Click to View)

You should read the collab I'm working on with Dragon King.

Check out my new story Stoked Again!


My Goals:
Go to a tournament: incomplete

Host a tournament: see goal 1

Find a way to kill Mr. Brightside : Progressing...

Bleedin' Hell, I made my own sig!

I got chapter one done


Chapter 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 1

I walked into my dorm and plopped down on my couch.


I looked at the door to my balcony to see that it was open and smoke was coming in through it.


“Is my balcony on fire?” I thought to myself. I decided to go outside and check it out.


I walked out onto my balcony to find a kid spread-eagled on the floor.


“What the..?” I said in surprise.


“Thirsty..” the boy muttered.


“Wha..?” I stated confused.
“I.. am.. thirsty.” The boy stated once again.

I sighed and went inside and came back to the balcony with a can of soda and set it down next to the boy, he lifted his head up and slowly reached for it, but his hand fell to the floor mid way.


“To.. weak” The boy stated. “Pour it in my mouth?” He asked making a gesture with his finger.


“Are you serious?” I asked him, questioning his sincerity. “Who is this kid?, is he even real?” I asked myself questioning my own sanity.

I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes expecting that when I opened them the kid would be gone.

When I opened my eyes I was surprised to see that the boy was still there.


I slid the can nearer to him with my foot.


He swiftly opened it and started to chug down the cola. He exhaled and put cigarette in his mouth and lit it.


“Much better.” The stranger said. He then plopped down in my chair and exhaled, expelling smoke into the air.


“Dude you can’t do that in here, put it out.” I coughed waving my hand to blow some of the smoke away from my dorm. “What are you doing here anyway?” I questioned as I got a better look at him as the smoke cleared. The stranger wore a black trench coat and black gothic boots.

He had somewhat tan skin and spiked up sky blue hair that looked like it had way to much gel in it.


“I guess I should introduce myself, I am Bloodlust, world renowned bounty hunter.” He informed me.


“Okay, that explained nothing.” I pointed out taking a seat.


Flashback (third person)

“I was walking one day.” Bloodlust said as his past self was aiming a rifle.


“And I bumped into this guy.” He continued as past Bloodlust pulled the trigger.



“And his friends just went ballistic.” He stated as Mafioso ran up to the roof where the past Bloodlust was.


“They chased me for days, from Canada to Asia, I’m pretty sure I lost them in Tokyo.” He summarized.


“So if I’m gonna be crashing here I am gonna need better amenities, “Diet Pepsi” will not do.” Bloodlust stated.


“Do you even know the meaning of the word amenities?” I asked him.


“Well honestly, no but-” Bloodlust’s confession was cut short by a loud bang. “We’ve got company.” He stated.

---

Spoiler (Click to View)

You should read the collab I'm working on with Dragon King.

Check out my new story Stoked Again!


My Goals:
Go to a tournament: incomplete

Host a tournament: see goal 1

Find a way to kill Mr. Brightside : Progressing...

Bleedin' Hell, I made my own sig!