Theseus, named after one of the greatest Greek heroes, found a fathomless love for beyblade. But, the current world has Lane, the Endarkened, as the Beyblade Champion. He crushed all the legends even the Legend of Legends (Valt) with all other opposing bladers. His strength has reached a level where he is famed and feared as the "Endarkened Lord". Theseus, with his bey, Scilnor Tsukuyomi Rajiin, shall be the destined one to uphold the legacy of the Legends, the Scion. He will find rivals, enemies, friends, traitorous beings, and Dark Secrets about the Secrets of the Art of Beyblade. Will he succeed? Or will the Endarkened Lord remain the Ultimate Champion? Will Theseus fulfill his dream?
[Fan Fiction] {Slow Updates} The Eternal Ones: Scion of the Legends
Poll: Are you excited?
| No...This is absolutely trash |
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2 |
| Nope |
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1 |
| Yes |
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9 |
| Nani? |
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7 |
| Like it but, needs some improvements |
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9 |
| Total: | 100% | 28 vote(s) |
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/tOUKt6obtJJtZmXHFD/giphy.gif)
Alrighty then, if you'd rather restart from scratch in this thread rather than making another thread, here you go.
Huh, the switch in style is pretty interesting tbh.
Also, Lane's champion here? DeltaZakuro , you might wanna check this out if you haven't already.
Also, Lane's champion here? DeltaZakuro , you might wanna check this out if you haven't already.
(Mar. 26, 2021 2:18 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Huh, the switch in style is pretty interesting tbh.
Also, Lane's champion here? DeltaZakuro , you might wanna check this out if you haven't already.
Drastic change ik. Yes, Lane is champion here. It's a parralell burst universe. Different Timeline. I had a fantasy touch to my fan fic, I'll have that, but that reduced to it's minimum I think
(Mar. 26, 2021 2:06 AM)CitrusNinja3 Wrote: Alrighty then, if you'd rather restart from scratch in this thread rather than making another thread, here you go.
Thanks a lot!
Lane's New Bey:
Twilight Lucifer Drazalict'8v (Name Twilight Lucifer's credit goes to PinkRose
Special Moves: Soul Twister, Soul Ruin, Rigormortis: Sword of the Twilight, Ascending Twilight, World Domination
Flux: Unknown, but rumoured to have a flux
Flux Backstory: Unknown
Status: Beyblade Champion, renowned as the Greatest Blader of all time
Lane has defeated all Legends, most of the Legends are known to give up beyblade. Some other Legends have suddenly disappeared.
Another Bio will be posted tomorrow or today
Twilight Lucifer Drazalict'8v (Name Twilight Lucifer's credit goes to PinkRose
Special Moves: Soul Twister, Soul Ruin, Rigormortis: Sword of the Twilight, Ascending Twilight, World Domination
Flux: Unknown, but rumoured to have a flux
Flux Backstory: Unknown
Status: Beyblade Champion, renowned as the Greatest Blader of all time
Lane has defeated all Legends, most of the Legends are known to give up beyblade. Some other Legends have suddenly disappeared.
Another Bio will be posted tomorrow or today
Not the greatest fan of the name (feels a bit generic if you ask me), but I'm still looking forward to this.
Eh, still not a big fan. Maybe it's just personal preference, but I avoid using too many words in Layer Names, so for me I'd call it Twilight Lucifer, or Lucifer The Dawn to play the Chip-then-Ring naming aspect straight. You do you tho.
(Mar. 27, 2021 9:55 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Eh, still not a big fan. Maybe it's just personal preference, but I avoid using too many words in Layer Names, so for me I'd call it Twilight Lucifer, or Lucifer The Dawn to play the Chip-then-Ring naming aspect straight. You do you tho.
Twilight Lucifer! Sounds amazing I'll change the name to that, but credit for the name goes to you
Prologue: The Legacy of Lui
1. Battle for the First Precipice! Theseus vrs Ryujin! (Tommorow estimated time)
2. "I will not Give Up"
3. Don't you dare mess with Me!
4. The Dungeon of Despair
5. Two Big, Brutal Battles!
6. Conquers the Dungeon of Despair!
1. Battle for the First Precipice! Theseus vrs Ryujin! (Tommorow estimated time)
2. "I will not Give Up"
3. Don't you dare mess with Me!
4. The Dungeon of Despair
5. Two Big, Brutal Battles!
6. Conquers the Dungeon of Despair!
...Lui? Didn't see that coming, now I'm like, even more interested to see how this is gonna go.
SOUNDS SO GOOD MAN KEEP UP THE GOOD THE WORK
PinkRose
Prologue: The Legacy of Lui
A devilish laugh pierced through hope and determination, through the stadium.
Lucifer’s resonance blackened, molding it’s flare and new flux into a new bey!
“Twilight Lucifer!”
Lane smiled. The Legend of Legends was defeated by him, Lane, the Endarkened Lord! With every win, my Lucifer grows stronger and stronger!
The crowd stared at Lane, as his resonance darkened and bloomed, breaking through all his limits.
“Now do you understand? I am the Strongest Blader of all! You are just insects compared to me! Shu, didn’t I tell you I would blast all my flare at you?” said Lane, glaring daggers at the Shu who was clutching his destroyed Spriggan, like all the other Legends.
Shu didn’t even respond. All his hopes were pitifully crushed.
“Now, all I need to do is wait for Lui and Zac, to crush their beys! Then, I shall be the Strongest Blader, and no blader shall dare mock me,” yelled Lane.
“You don’t need to look for me!”
Lane looked around, trying to find the person who had interrupted him.
“I'm right here”, said a voice behind him.
Zac stood right behind him, with his launcher and bey readied.
“Good Good! Now I can quickly finish you off!”
“Twilight Lucifer!”
“Zillion Zeutron!”
“I’m not going to let you carry off with a stamina battle! I’ll finish you right away! My Lucifer has evolved into Twilight Lucifer, and now it’s an attack type”, said Lane.
Lucifer’s avatar rose from within the bey.
Lucifer held two swords, with it’s old avatar of Lucifer the End.
“You don’t stand a chance against my bey! The difference in power between your and my bey is CLEAR!”, yelled Lane
Lucifer raced toward Zillion Zeutron, and so fast that Zac didn’t even have the time to respond.
A huge explosion followed, with Zeutron flying upward in the air.
“I’ll finish you off now!”
Lucifer rose in the air, and attacked right beneath Zuetron.
Zeutron exploded, piece by piece, as it shattered.
Zac fell to his knees.
“How?!”
“Ha Ha Ha Ha! This is the End for all of you! The Pathetic Legends! You don’t even deserve to be called a blader!”
“Don’t get cocky just because you won a few times!”
A figure dropped right in front of Zac.
“Ah, Lui! The White Dragon King, eh?” said Lane, smiling.
“Instead of fighting me, you should join me, as a fellow powerful blader! You shouldn’t waste your potential! You can be a pseudo-legend, and be my right hand man!”, said Lane
“I’ll never side with the likes of you! Me, the White Dragon King, will reclaim his position as the Strongest Blader!”
“If that’s what you want, I’ll send you to your doom!” yelled Lane as he ripped his launcher.
Lui smiled.
The two beys dropped to the stadium, as Longinus circled Lucifer.
“I’m gonna tear apart your dream piece by piece!”, yelled Lui
“Don’t get ahead of yourself”, replied Lane.
Lucifer met Longinus in a head on attack, sending Longinus flying.
Looks like Lucifer’s power has increased by quite a margin. I’ll have to use my new move right and now, or else I won’t stand a chance, thought Lui.
Longinus’ resonance blazed, forming a huge Dragon.
“I feel it! The Dragon Blood inside me is finally boiling!”, laughed Lui
Lui extended his arm, closed his eyes, clenched his fist and yelled,
“King Dragon...Demolishing Death-Strike!
Longinus' speed increased, creating a huge windstorm as Longinus, the White Dragon King, appeared behind the wind storm.
The wind storm fell on top of Lucifer, batting it with a barrage of fierce attacks.
It felt as if Twilight Lucifer was getting thrown around.
The windstorm ceased, and Longinus soared high and started to approach Lucifer in a final deathstrike.
“I, Lain Walhalla, acknowledge your efforts, and shall also respond with full power!’
Lain’s flare enveloped him and his eyes turned yellow.
“Ahh! Ultimate Move! {Twilight Flare Disaster!}”, screamed Lane.
Lain was completely surrounded by his flare, his energy bustring and drawing energy from life.
Lain flicked his arm upward, as Twilight Lucifer followed Lui’s attack, both colliding in a attack which would determine the fate of the Legends.
Both beys’ energies exploded, turning the whole stadium to ash.
“Longinus!”
Lane laughed, as his Twilight Flare surrounded Longinus, bursting it.
Lane yelled, “Did you see that! That was the power of my flare!”
End of Prologue
Prologue: The Legacy of Lui
A devilish laugh pierced through hope and determination, through the stadium.
Lucifer’s resonance blackened, molding it’s flare and new flux into a new bey!
“Twilight Lucifer!”
Lane smiled. The Legend of Legends was defeated by him, Lane, the Endarkened Lord! With every win, my Lucifer grows stronger and stronger!
The crowd stared at Lane, as his resonance darkened and bloomed, breaking through all his limits.
“Now do you understand? I am the Strongest Blader of all! You are just insects compared to me! Shu, didn’t I tell you I would blast all my flare at you?” said Lane, glaring daggers at the Shu who was clutching his destroyed Spriggan, like all the other Legends.
Shu didn’t even respond. All his hopes were pitifully crushed.
“Now, all I need to do is wait for Lui and Zac, to crush their beys! Then, I shall be the Strongest Blader, and no blader shall dare mock me,” yelled Lane.
“You don’t need to look for me!”
Lane looked around, trying to find the person who had interrupted him.
“I'm right here”, said a voice behind him.
Zac stood right behind him, with his launcher and bey readied.
“Good Good! Now I can quickly finish you off!”
“Twilight Lucifer!”
“Zillion Zeutron!”
“I’m not going to let you carry off with a stamina battle! I’ll finish you right away! My Lucifer has evolved into Twilight Lucifer, and now it’s an attack type”, said Lane.
Lucifer’s avatar rose from within the bey.
Lucifer held two swords, with it’s old avatar of Lucifer the End.
“You don’t stand a chance against my bey! The difference in power between your and my bey is CLEAR!”, yelled Lane
Lucifer raced toward Zillion Zeutron, and so fast that Zac didn’t even have the time to respond.
A huge explosion followed, with Zeutron flying upward in the air.
“I’ll finish you off now!”
Lucifer rose in the air, and attacked right beneath Zuetron.
Zeutron exploded, piece by piece, as it shattered.
Zac fell to his knees.
“How?!”
“Ha Ha Ha Ha! This is the End for all of you! The Pathetic Legends! You don’t even deserve to be called a blader!”
“Don’t get cocky just because you won a few times!”
A figure dropped right in front of Zac.
“Ah, Lui! The White Dragon King, eh?” said Lane, smiling.
“Instead of fighting me, you should join me, as a fellow powerful blader! You shouldn’t waste your potential! You can be a pseudo-legend, and be my right hand man!”, said Lane
“I’ll never side with the likes of you! Me, the White Dragon King, will reclaim his position as the Strongest Blader!”
“If that’s what you want, I’ll send you to your doom!” yelled Lane as he ripped his launcher.
Lui smiled.
The two beys dropped to the stadium, as Longinus circled Lucifer.
“I’m gonna tear apart your dream piece by piece!”, yelled Lui
“Don’t get ahead of yourself”, replied Lane.
Lucifer met Longinus in a head on attack, sending Longinus flying.
Looks like Lucifer’s power has increased by quite a margin. I’ll have to use my new move right and now, or else I won’t stand a chance, thought Lui.
Longinus’ resonance blazed, forming a huge Dragon.
“I feel it! The Dragon Blood inside me is finally boiling!”, laughed Lui
Lui extended his arm, closed his eyes, clenched his fist and yelled,
“King Dragon...Demolishing Death-Strike!
Longinus' speed increased, creating a huge windstorm as Longinus, the White Dragon King, appeared behind the wind storm.
The wind storm fell on top of Lucifer, batting it with a barrage of fierce attacks.
It felt as if Twilight Lucifer was getting thrown around.
The windstorm ceased, and Longinus soared high and started to approach Lucifer in a final deathstrike.
“I, Lain Walhalla, acknowledge your efforts, and shall also respond with full power!’
Lain’s flare enveloped him and his eyes turned yellow.
“Ahh! Ultimate Move! {Twilight Flare Disaster!}”, screamed Lane.
Lain was completely surrounded by his flare, his energy bustring and drawing energy from life.
Lain flicked his arm upward, as Twilight Lucifer followed Lui’s attack, both colliding in a attack which would determine the fate of the Legends.
Both beys’ energies exploded, turning the whole stadium to ash.
“Longinus!”
Lane laughed, as his Twilight Flare surrounded Longinus, bursting it.
Lane yelled, “Did you see that! That was the power of my flare!”
End of Prologue
Hmm...Well, first thing I wanna point out is that the use of dub/Japanese names is really inconsistent. Normally we just stick to only one of them for the whole story so it’s not confusing (From the Bey names I can see you were going for Japanese names, so you should probably just use those.)
Second is that, well, some characters are really ooc (out of character). I mean, we all know Shu wouldn’t react to his Bey’s destruction like that, he’s not the despairing type. And Zac doesn’t even feel like himself; he barely says anything that indicates personality. Lui and Lane are a bit better off due to them being more relevant here tho, I feel like it would’ve been better if it was just the two of them.
Third, I’m kinda lost here: When does this take place? After the Legend Festival? The Super Tag League? None of them?
That’s all I have to say for now, still looking forward to see what’ll happen next chapter tho.
Second is that, well, some characters are really ooc (out of character). I mean, we all know Shu wouldn’t react to his Bey’s destruction like that, he’s not the despairing type. And Zac doesn’t even feel like himself; he barely says anything that indicates personality. Lui and Lane are a bit better off due to them being more relevant here tho, I feel like it would’ve been better if it was just the two of them.
Third, I’m kinda lost here: When does this take place? After the Legend Festival? The Super Tag League? None of them?
That’s all I have to say for now, still looking forward to see what’ll happen next chapter tho.
(Apr. 01, 2021 6:02 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Hmm...Well, first thing I wanna point out is that the use of dub/Japanese names is really inconsistent. Normally we just stick to only one of them for the whole story so it’s not confusing (From the Bey names I can see you were going for Japanese names, so you should probably just use those.)
Second is that, well, some characters are really ooc (out of character). I mean, we all know Shu wouldn’t react to his Bey’s destruction like that, he’s not the despairing type. And Zac doesn’t even feel like himself; he barely says anything that indicates personality. Lui and Lane are a bit better off due to them being more relevant here tho, I feel like it would’ve been better if it was just the two of them.
Third, I’m kinda lost here: When does this take place? After the Legend Festival? The Super Tag League? None of them?
That’s all I have to say for now, still looking forward to see what’ll happen next chapter tho.
After the Legend Festival. As in the title, it's a parallel burst universe, so some things are different. Personalities are also a bit different, but I re read the chapter and found out my mistakes, which were the ones that you stated, I truly appreciate the feedback you gave me. This prologue is very important to the overall plot of my fan fic. Would you like to collab?
Oh no zac 😢
Bruh..... 😭
Next Chapter: Battle for the First Precipice! Theseus vrs Ryujin!
Dungeon Levels:
Easy
Medium
Hard
Expert
Apex Expert
Ashura
Demigod
God
Dungeon Levels:
Easy
Medium
Hard
Expert
Apex Expert
Ashura
Demigod
God