(Mar. 22, 2022 2:24 AM)UnknownIfirit Wrote: Episode 1!
Episode 1!
Enter Lyvvi Hisoki!
(A green haired boy runs across a street, tears falling down his face as he cradled in his hands what looked to be very small, broken pieces)
???: W-Why would he do such a thing? Why would anyone do such a thing? (The boy dodged an incoming car, then proceeded to run through the busy streets of Tokyo, Japan)
(Finally, after a good 6 minutes of running, the green haired boy burst through a house door, ran up the stairs, went through a room, and planted his face into his pillow)
???: I-I thought we would become the best... ever since... that day...
(A flashback occurs, with the green haired boy holding a beyblade in his hand, looking a bit younger. He was surrounded by a spacious, woodland environment. Next to him was a man taller than he, adorned with a beard, a grey shirt, black shorts, and running shoes)
???: Here you go! I used to use it in my old days, but now its yours, Lyvvi!
Lyvvi: WOW! Uncle, is this really a beyblade?! (He'd say, his eyes sparkling with excitement)
Uncle: Yep! Passed down from my dad! I figured, since you love those beyblade tournaments, that you would love to actually have a beyblade yourself! (He'd say, ruffling Lyvvi's messy green hair) Now take good care of it, y'here me?
Lyvvi: Don't worry, Uncle, I'll take care of this with all I have! (He'd say, holding his bey up to the gleaming sun) Together, we'll totally become the best in the world!
(Lyvvi's Uncle would chuckle, and the image would fade back into Lyvvi's room, where he was still crying)
Lyvvi: But now, your broken. I failed to achieve our goal. It's all my fault-
???: Are you seriously crying while talking to your beyblade? Jeez, what is wrong with you?
(Lyvvi turned around)
Lyvvi: R-Reiki, what are you doing here?
Reiki: Just came to stop by and see what the heck you were crying about. But, seriously, what happened?
Lyvvi: (He wiped a tear from his cheek) Well, it all started when we were having a beyblade battle...
(Another flashback, yet this time it's at a BeyPark)
(Lyvvi rushes up to a stadium, panting and sweating from the running he did, then approaching a particularly medium height teen)
Lyvvi (panting): I'm finally here, Dakota... (He'd hold up his bey, Magma Ragnarok Giga Venture-3) Let's battle!
Dakota: Tch! So you really did come, loser? (He'd hold up his bey, Cyclone Phoenix Over Atomic-2) Well, don't be surprised once you lose! (He'd say as he'd push up his purple, spiky hair)
(A person would walk up to the BeyStadium, then instantly started to stare at Dakota)
Random Person: Wait a minute... is that Dakota Bushida? The winner of the local tournament?
Dakota: Yep, that's my name. Don't wear it out though.
Random Person: O-Oh my gosh! C-Could I please get your autograph?
Dakota: Well, unfortunately, I don't have a p-
(Suddenly, an entire crowd encircled the BeyStadium Lyvvi and Dakota would be battling in)
Crowd: DAKOTA!!
Lyvvi (Mind): Of course. Typical Dakota, always gotta be in the spotlight.
(The entire crowd made a thundering uproar, either shouting Dakota's name or asking for his autograph)
Dakota: Alright, alright, settle down, you all.
(The crowd became absolutely silent)
Lyvvi: Can we just start the battle already?
Dakota: Fine then! If you're so desperate to lose... (He'd grab his launcher from the belt on his waist, then he'd click his beyblade in)... then allow me to assist you! (He'd smirk)
Random Person (Crowd): Dakota's battling? Wow, I truly feel bad for his opponent! (He'd snicker)
Dakota: I'll be the one who counts down! (He'd position his launcher over the stadium, and Lyvvi would do the same) First battle! Ready, and set!
(As if on cue, the entire crowd started chanting)
Crowd: DAKOTA! DAKOTA! DAKOTA!
Lyvvi and Dakota: Three! Two! One! Go... SHOOT!
(The two beyblades would descend from their launchers, falling until they hit the stadium floor)
Lyvvi: Go in for an attack, Ragnarok! (He'd yell, pumping his fists forward)
(Magma Ragnarok surges towards Cyclone Phoenix)
Dakota: You fool! Think I'm just gonna let you attack? Phoenix, dodge it! (He'd yell, raising his hand before suddenly dropping it)
(Phoenix easily dodges the attack, then begins to close in on Ragnarok)
Dakota: Now go!
(Phoenix clashes with Ragnarok, creating an intense burst of wind as Ragnarok crashes into the wall from the impact)
Lyvvi: Not giving up now! Hit him with another attack!
Dakota: Intercept it!
(Ragnarok ricochets off the wall, then goes for another hit on Phoenix! However, Phoenix meets the attack with its own, creating a large shockwave throughout the stadium)
Lyvvi and Dakota: C'mon!
(Finally, both beys push each other towards the stadium wall. Ragnarok, hitting the stadium wall, starts to waver from the impact)
Lyvvi: (Gasps) W-What?
Random Person: It's over now! That kid should've gave up from the beginning!
Dakota: Heh. Now's my chance! NOW, PHOENIX!
(Phoenix then becomes enveloped in a red aura)
Dakota: SHOULDN'T HAVE MESSED WITH ME, HISOKI!
(Phoenix finally charges towards Ragnarok, creating an impact that completely knocked Lyvvi off his feet)
Lyvvi: What the...
Dakota: Now BURST!
(Phoenix then throws Ragnarok into the air. It starts to form tiny cracks all over it, until those cracks start to become gradually bigger)
Lyvvi: No... please...
(Finally, Ragnarok breaks, with both the Magma blade and Ragnarok core shattering into tiny pieces)
(Both Lyvvi and Dakota gasp, both surprised at the result of the battle)
Lyvvi: No... NO! (He'd fall to his knees, picking up the broken pieces of Ragnarok in horror)
(A grave silence filled the area)
Dakota: Tch... well, that's what you get for picking a battle with me!
(As soon as he said that, the entire crowd started bellowing in laughter)
Lyvvi: NOOO! (He'd then turn around, running off towards the street as the memory faded)
Reiki: So long story short, your bey broke and you started crying and weeping like a baby?
Lyvvi: It wasn't just a bey, Reiki. It was a gift. The last thing Uncle Itsuki gave us before he left to America.
Reiki: Uncle... Uncle Itsuki, huh?
Lyvvi: Yeah. This bey meant the world to me, but now it's shattered to pieces! (He started crying again, banging his fists on the wall)
Reiki: Lyvvi, calm down. I have a solution for this. Come with me. (He'd say, motioning his hand for Lyvvi to follow him)
(Lyvvi wiped his tears once more, proceeding to follow Reiki downstairs)
(Lyvvi follows Reiki into their house's basement, where BeyStadiums, 3D printers, and several blueprints lay scattered)
Reiki: Well, Lyvvi, this is my workshop-
Lyvvi: You have a workshop?! You never told me about this! (He said as he races around the room, looking at the different beyblade pieces and blueprints)
Reiki: Yep. I do enjoy making beys and launchers in here!
Lyvvi: Wow! That's totally wicked, big bro!
Reiki: Yeah. Anyways, let's get started on your new bey, shall we?
Lyvvi: Yeah! Lets do it!
(They'd both grab various scraps of metal, place them into the 3D printer, and started to work on Lyvvi's new bey!)
Reiki: So, which system do you want to base your bey off of? There's GT, Sparking, Dynamite Battle...
Lyvvi: Well, actually, I was thinking about making my own system-
Reiki: You WHAT? Don't you know how difficult and lengthy the process of making a new system is? There's planning, and proofreading, and testing, and-
Lyvvi: I know... but I'm sure we can do it! Besides, I already have plans for it!
Reiki: Oh really? Well then, let's get on it!
(They'd each grab one piece of paper, a pencil, and Lyvvi would guide Reiki through the new system)
Lyvvi: So, this new system will be called the Incognito system, since at first everyone will think I'm weak, but when I show off my amazing new bey, I'll be known as the new strongest blader!
Reiki: Pssh! Sure, keep on dreaming.
Lyvvi: Ooh! It will also have a very unique set of parts, like never before! I'll draw it.
(Lyvvi would pick up a pencil, then he'd start to draw various Bey parts, ranging from slightly small to medium sized)
Lyvvi: Done!
Reiki: Hmm... alright, I see! Let's get to work, then!
(They both put on gloves, and safety goggles, then they get to work on Lyvvi's new bey)
(Finally, after 5 laborious hours of hard work, Lyvvi and Reiki are finally finished with Lyvvi's new bey)
Reiki (Tired): So... Lyvvi, what're you gonna name your bey? (Yawns)
Lyvvi (Tired): Well... I'm thinking of naming it... (He plants his face into the table, falling asleep)
Reiki (Tired): (Sighs) W-Wait, Lyvvi, wake up- (He'd also slowly descend to the table, following his little brother in dreamy pursuit)
"Lyvvi, wake up!"
Lyvvi: Ugh... Ms. Perkins, I promise, my dog ate my homework- wait, who's talking to me?
???: It's me, your avatar.
Lyvvi: Avatar? What's that?
???: The spirit of your beyblade, of course. It gives said beyblade power and soul energy to harness into its special moves.
Lyvvi: Wait a minute- beyblade? So, I really did finish with making you?
???: Indeed. And this is the avatar realm, where I reside and restore my energy.
Lyvvi: Amazing! Wait, so you're my beyblade?
???: Yes. But, first, you shall name myself to make our bond that much more unique.
Lyvvi: Name you? I thought we just-
???: That which you said is unfortunately incorrect. We spirits are given names to further amplify our battle performance, and our bonding with our partners.
Lyvvi: Oh! I get it now... so, what should I name you?
???: That it up to you to decide.
Lyvvi: Oh. Ok... how about... (Snaps fingers) I got it! How about Loki! And my full beyblade's name will be named Cognizant Loki! People can call me the Jack of all Trades!
Loki: Very amusing. Also, very splendid choice of a name! Loki does have a good ring to it. So, tomorrow, are you ready to set off on our journey?
Lyvvi: You betcha! This'll be my way of retribution for my uncle, and payback for all those times I was messed with! Especially by Dakota Bushida!
Loki: Very well then! Now it is time for you to rest. Let us wake in the morning with our greatest power!
Lyvvi: Yeah! Let's do it!
(Lyvvi and Loki would high-five as the avatar realm would fade away)
[Morning]
(Lyvvi would arise from the chair he was currently sitting on. To his left, his brother, Reiki, was still asleep)
Lyvvi: Gotta stay quiet. Don't wanna wake Reiki up!
(He quietly grabbed his bey from out of the 3D printer)
Lyvvi (whispering): Loki, if you can hear me, let's go completely wild today!
(As if if heard what Lyvvi said, Loki glimmered, the entire bey illuminating as it did so)
Lyvvi: Alright then, lets go- wait... uh oh!
[Lyvvi's mind]
Lyvvi: Alright Dakota! I've forged a new bey and I'm here for a rematch-
Dakota: HAH! You, coming to battle me? What a pitiful display! (He then burst into laughter)
(Suddenly, an entire crowd bellows in laughter)
Lyvvi: W-What?!
[Out of Lyvvi's mind]
Lyvvi: If I return, I'll just get made fun of... and who's to say that I'll actually win against Dakota with my new bey? I haven't even trained yet... wait, I have an idea! (He'd run of towards his room)
(In his room)
Lyvvi: Reiki did give me a black jacket once... I might be on to something! (He'd rush to his closet, grabbing a black jacket. It didn't have a zipper, and the bottom was spiky)
(Lyvvi would then go into his drawer, grabbing a green mask with black pupils, and two black spikes going on the top of it. It also have various black details on the main part of the mask)
Lyvvi: (He'd put on the mask) So from now on, I'll be known as... Hearthstone! (He'd say, pumping his fist upward) Since nobody will know who I am, I'll be able to enter back into the beyblade world as a new person!
(Lyvvi would take Loki from out of his pocket)
Lyvvi/Hearthstone: Let's cause some havoc, Loki!
(Loki would glimmer, a deep voice laughing in the distance as Lyvvi exited the room, headed back for the BeyPark)
Constructive Criticism is welcome! I would like to note my mistakes and grow better from them!
Episode 2 Sneak Peek:
Lyvvi: I'll take revenge on Dakota using this new persona!
Lyvvi: Hah! I'll take you all on! Let's go, Loki!
Lyvvi: What's that? Confidence I see? A single person wants to challenge me!
Lyvvi: Let's show 'em what we're made of, Loki!
Next Episode on Beyblade Burst: Incognito!
Impending Chaos! Loki's Onslaught!
Three... two... one! Go... SHOOT!!
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Surprisingly enough, it is quite well written (not talking plot wise, I have no power to discuss plot).
The concept, as said before, is interesting. Although not sure if the stakes are that high, I guess having an influencer of some sorts making fun of you does work.
Some words got swapped, like "here" instead of "hear"
Writting style is not that bad, quite good actually.
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Hearthstone? I mean, cool name but a hearthstone is, well, a flat rock that makes or is part of a hearth, which in turn is the floor of a fireplace or the base/lower part of a furnace where molten metal collects.
I guess it could be taken as in he was born anew, like how molten metal is shapeless and can be forged into anything (kinda like a new life of some sorts). So it "kinda" fits.
I'm the original creator of "Welcome to the WBO".
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