[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst: Demonic/Cross Fight

Episode 4
Legendary Training! Fight to Survive!

The Kiyama Brothers with there new Cyclone Ragnaruks go to the US to challenge Bell and Tyler.

If you want you can rate it. :)
8.5/10- 'Cuz Rantaro is already training the Comets. Cannot become Bell and Tyler's teacher too.
(Apr. 13, 2021  1:17 AM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Episode 4
Legendary Training! Fight to Survive!

If you want you can rate it. Smile

Ooookay, this was kinda...random. The two Kiyamas appear out of basically nowhere and are just here as fodder for one chapter, with no background established or anything. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but there was no mention of a Bey Club at all in previous chapters so this was also pretty out of the blue. 
The battle was still short and, while I might accept Ranjiro losing because he's really not all that and a bag of chips, Sparking proved to us time and time again that Rantaro's no pushover anymore, so seeing him losing by a Burst on his very first match leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. Also, were the brothers still using Glide? It would be pretty weird if they somehow made two copies of Cyclone (the moves do have Cyclone in their names...)
Overall, while the chapter isn't bad per se, I'm still a bit disappointed. I'm sure you can do better in the next chapters though. I give it a 6/10
They did you use Cyclone. Also Ranjiro summoned his avatar but Rantaro did not. And yeah it wasn’t my best chapter but I needed a filler. I am hoping the next one is better. :)
a shorter name maybe
(Apr. 13, 2021  1:17 AM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Episode 4
Legendary Training! Fight to Survive!

The Kiyama Brothers with there new Cyclone Ragnaruks go to the US to challenge Bell and Tyler.

If you want you can rate it. Smile

Okay, this episode is kinda random and off, just like PinkRose stated.

Also, the dialogue form you use isn't really my style.

My Style: "I’ll admit, you guys are good. But you will have to get better if you guys are going win the Tournament of Guilds!", praises Rantaro.

Your Style:
Rantaro: I’ll admit, you guys are good. But you will have to get better if you guys are going win the Tournament of Guilds!


There wasn't any excitement or drama or any interesting thing. I'll rate it a 6.2/10.

The other previous chapters were better. I'm sure if you concentrate, you can make better episodes/chapters
new episode name?
Episode 5 Summary

The top 32 bladers from around the US gather for the start of the Tournament of Guilds. The Legend of Legends, Valt Aoi, has a exhibition match with Tyler.

(Apr. 13, 2021  6:29 PM)GodzillaFan101 Wrote: new episode
The Tournament Begins! Show your True Self!
nice! I like it!
Episode 5
The Tournament Begins! Show your True Self!

Hope this chapter was better than my last one!
(Apr. 14, 2021  9:04 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Episode 5
The Tournament Begins! Show your True Self!

Hope this chapter was better than my last one!
Yup, definitely better. Guess I gotta get used to relatively short battles, but it's still good. Let's see how the story will go from here..
My mission for this fan fic: Longer battles
I know me to
Valt Aoi
Heroic: Brave with winning Valkyrie’s Metal caps
Valkyrie: Valkyrie as a DB chip
Sword: A 2A Chasis disk that fits low mode
Power’+: Power’ with a rubber part around the tip
+3: a three pointed 2 Armor
Moves: Heroic Sword, Heroic Whip, Heroic Revolution
Avatar: Brave Valkyrie with two swords

I can post more special moves if you guys want.
(Apr. 16, 2021  10:31 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Valt Aoi
Heroic: Brave with winning Valkyrie’s Metal caps
Valkyrie: Valkyrie as a DB chip
Sword: A 2A Chasis disk that fits low mode
Power’+: Power’ with a rubber part around the tip
+3: a three pointed 2 Armor
Moves: Heroic Sword, Heroic Whip, Heroic Revolution
Avatar: Brave Valkyrie with two swords

I can post more special moves if you guys want.

Huh, and here I thought I already made the 3 Armor.
New episode and character bio Tonight or tomorrow!

Episode 6
Round Robin! Win More than Six!


Thanks to PinkRose for the edits!

Katie: Has Blonde hair with rainbow tips and pink eyes. She has constantly changing emotions even with medication she can’t really control it unless she is around those she trust. She wears a bright pink skirt and a purple t-shirt

Kitsune: A chip with a fox on it
S - Tengoku (Light): White and yellow Glyph but spins left
D - Kukan (Dark): Rock but black and purple and pointed up not down
A - Kaze (Wind): Judgment but gold and yellow and instead of rubber rusted colored metal
A - Kasai (Fire): Red erase
D - Chikyu (Rock): Master left spin but it spins right
S - Umi (Water): Cosmic but with the bumps on both sides

Avatar: A small girl with a fox mask three tails in a short dress wearing an innocent look. The element she uses spins around her.
Spoiler for next chapter

Two younger siblings one with a DB bey and one with a sparking bey battle in the semi finals

DB bey: Corkscrew ??? Pressure Nail - 3

Any guesses?
(Apr. 18, 2021  8:38 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Spoiler for next chapter

Two younger siblings one with a DB bey and one with a sparking bey battle in the semi finals

DB bey: Corkscrew ??? Pressure Nail - 3

Any guesses?

The Suiryus?
Also, doesn't the semifinals have only four members? That's Tyler, Bell, Athena (?) and someone else. Maybe since you said two siblings then Athena didn't participate here? Idk lol.
It is the elite eight, sorry guys...
(Apr. 18, 2021  9:58 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: It is the elite eight, sorry guys...

Whoops, my bad, didn't catch that during the proofread. Okie then.
(Apr. 14, 2021  9:04 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Episode 5
The Tournament Begins! Show your True Self!

Hope this chapter was better than my last one!

(Apr. 17, 2021  5:10 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: New episode and character bio Tonight or tomorrow!

Episode 6
Round Robin! Win More than Six!


Thanks to PinkRose for the edits!

Katie: Has Blonde hair with rainbow tips and pink eyes. She has constantly changing emotions even with medication she can’t really control it unless she is around those she trust. She wears a bright pink skirt and a purple t-shirt

Kitsune: A chip with a fox on it
S - Tengoku (Light): White and yellow Glyph but spins left
D - Kukan (Dark): Rock but black and purple and pointed up not down
A - Kaze (Wind): Judgment but gold and yellow and instead of rubber rusted colored metal
A - Kasai (Fire): Red erase
D - Chikyu (Rock): Master left spin but it spins right
S - Umi (Water): Cosmic but with the bumps on both sides

Avatar: A small girl with a fox mask three tails in a short dress wearing an innocent look. The element she uses spins around her.

Chapter level increased thoroughly, liked the battles, would ask for you to be more descriptive, so I'll just rate both these chapters a 8/10

Character Bio was good.
(Apr. 18, 2021  9:58 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: It is the elite eight, sorry guys...

I love this fanfic and when are you posting next chapter
Probably over the weekend, It includes 2 battles so it will take a little longer to right.

Arc 1 The Tournament of Guilds!
Episode 1: Awaken, Demon Beys!
Episode 2: Invite, The Tournament of Guilds!
Episode 3: Enter the Demon Queen! Athena Valhalla!
Episode 4: Legendary Training! Fight to Survive!
Episode 5: The Tournament Begins! Show your True Self!
Episode 6: Round Robin! Win More than 3!
Episode 7: Elite Eight! Fight on my Partner!
Episode 8: Fight, Fight, Fight!
Episode 9: Final Four! Don’t let Up!
Episode 10: The Finals, Broken Promise!
Episode 11: Meeting with the Legends! Enter your Guilds!
Episode 12: Challenging the Legends Themselves!

Updated Arc One!
Pretty good chapter names. I'll give the chapter names a 8.8/10