[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst: BU (Announcement!)

I know there's already a fanfic for BU, but I'm not copying any beys from their thread, some of the beys names will be original, except for some.


Story:




Falling Crest! Moon Fragment!
There is more for the chapter, just am busy tomorrow
WizardBlader, can you please rate what I have so far?
(Aug. 12, 2022  4:11 PM)Dragon Blader Z Wrote: I know there's already a fanfic for BU, but I'm not copying any beys from their thread, some of the beys names will be original, except for some.


Story:




Falling Crest! Moon Fragment!
There is more for the chapter, just am busy tomorrow
WizardBlader, can you please rate what I have so far?

Ill try my best. This does seem nice for a segment of the first chapter. I like the descriptiveness of the actions each beyblade does in battle (I'm a big fan of that in Fan-Fics, and it makes you mentally 'see' what's happening).

It was just a little bit of a fast battle, but since Jet Uranus is a SuperKing beyblade (Correct me if I'm wrong), and Dangerous Belial is a DB beyblade, I can understand the experience gap.

I didn't understand the part when Bell said: "Bell: What did you say?" at the end of the segment. The reason why I didn't understand it, is because I didn't know if it was in response to the: "Random: W-What?!" part, or if it was missing something inbetween.

Other than those things, Ill rate this segment a 7/5 out of 10.

-WizardBlader
(Aug. 13, 2022  4:27 AM)WizardBlader Wrote:
(Aug. 12, 2022  4:11 PM)Dragon Blader Z Wrote: I know there's already a fanfic for BU, but I'm not copying any beys from their thread, some of the beys names will be original, except for some.


Story:




Falling Crest! Moon Fragment!
There is more for the chapter, just am busy tomorrow
WizardBlader, can you please rate what I have so far?

Ill try my best. This does seem nice for a segment of the first chapter. I like the descriptiveness of the actions each beyblade does in battle (I'm a big fan of that in Fan-Fics, and it makes you mentally 'see' what's happening).

It was just a little bit of a fast battle, but since Jet Uranus is a SuperKing beyblade (Correct me if I'm wrong), and Dangerous Belial is a DB beyblade, I can understand the experience gap.

I didn't understand the part when Bell said: "Bell: What did you say?" at the end of the segment. The reason why I didn't understand it, is because I didn't know if it was in response to the: "Random: W-What?!" part, or if it was missing something inbetween.

Other than those things, Ill rate this segment a 7/5 out of 10.

-WizardBlader

The person said "I'll beat you here right then, Demon King" during the battle.
(Aug. 13, 2022  2:49 PM)Dragon Blader Z Wrote:
(Aug. 13, 2022  4:27 AM)WizardBlader Wrote: Ill try my best. This does seem nice for a segment of the first chapter. I like the descriptiveness of the actions each beyblade does in battle (I'm a big fan of that in Fan-Fics, and it makes you mentally 'see' what's happening).

It was just a little bit of a fast battle, but since Jet Uranus is a SuperKing beyblade (Correct me if I'm wrong), and Dangerous Belial is a DB beyblade, I can understand the experience gap.

I didn't understand the part when Bell said: "Bell: What did you say?" at the end of the segment. The reason why I didn't understand it, is because I didn't know if it was in response to the: "Random: W-What?!" part, or if it was missing something inbetween.

Other than those things, Ill rate this segment a 7/5 out of 10.

-WizardBlader

The person said "I'll beat you here right then, Demon King" during the battle.

I see. so Bell's response was meant as a sort of come-back to the earlier statement made by "Random".

Thanks for clearing that up.

-WizardBlader
WizardBlader, the whole first chapter is out! It's pretty long, but long enough to make you read it
(Aug. 14, 2022  3:21 PM)Dragon Blader Z Wrote: WizardBlader, the whole first chapter is out! It's pretty long, but long enough to make you read it

Just finished reading it. I would say, that the story is pretty good. Also, the length of the episode was also nice. It definitely wasn't too long to be boring and monotonous, and it wasn't too short to seem extremely fast-paced.

Review

Hope the review helps,
-WizardBlader
I'll make a bit of changes, but I'll add your suggestions from your review for the upcoming chapter
(Aug. 14, 2022  4:35 PM)Dragon Blader Z Wrote: I'll make a bit of changes, but I'll add your suggestions from your review for the upcoming chapter

Sounds great! Glad that I was able to help.

-WizardBlader
made a quick change at the part where the battle ended, hopefully, you enjoy it

-Dragon Blader Z
(Aug. 14, 2022  4:40 PM)Dragon Blader Z Wrote: Made a quick change at the part where the battle ended, hopefully, you enjoy it

-Dragon Blader Z

Just finished re-reading the whole thing. It has improved a whole lot more from the first time I read it, and I understood the character's reactions and emotions a whole lot better now.

There were a few past/present/future tense grammar/spelling errors, but it is understandable, so don't worry too much about those.

The Chapter rating should, in my opinion, be a nice, 8.5/10. Nice job!

-WizardBlader
Sorry for not posting a lot because of school, but here I am again

Lunar Evolution! Divine Belial

also new chapter isnt that short, there is more
I have a very important announcement,

it will take a while for the next chapter to release because I'm not used to wattpad yet