is the contest over?
[Fan Fiction] Beyblade: Angels {~A Dark Beyblade Story~}
![[Image: im-coming-for-you-ghostface.gif]](https://i.postimg.cc/yxDQrdSs/im-coming-for-you-ghostface.gif)
(May. 03, 2021 3:05 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:(May. 03, 2021 3:03 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote: is the contest over?
Read the last post.
okie
Name: Alex Scott
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Height: 6'3
Hair Color: turquoise blue
Eye Color: blue
Beyblade Name: Tidal Aegaon Wave, Zenith', zephyr'M
Beyblade Parts:
Tidal-a 4 winged attack type ring with attack points shaped like sharp rolling waves.
Wave- a ring that lines up with the sharp edges of the tidal ring and looks like rolling waves but less sharp then tidal's design.
Zenith'- a bigger version of Zenith and with 4 points instead of 3
Zephyr'M- zephyr' but with a metal tip
Beyblade Type: attack
Appearance: a skinny figure,white skin, a black shirt with a leather jacket on top, a charm on his neck (all details besides eye and hair color)
Personality: pretty chill(a knock-off free 🤣) in battle can get pretty heated and s e r i o u s, takes pity,respectable
Special Moves: Rage of the sea, Tidal crash, tidal charge,
(May. 03, 2021 2:57 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:(May. 03, 2021 2:55 AM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: When will winners be announced?
Contest ends May 14th and I'm gonna need at least a week or 2 afterwards to decide the winners.
Okay makes sense. Thanks for responding.
(May. 03, 2021 2:57 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:(May. 03, 2021 2:55 AM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: When will winners be announced?
Contest ends May 14th and I'm gonna need at least a week or 2 afterwards to decide the winners.
Okay makes sense. Thanks for responding.
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/tOUKt6obtJJtZmXHFD/giphy.gif)
Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
Spoiler (Click to View)
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
(May. 03, 2021 3:07 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote:btw- i would prefer ale to be a protagonist/ a good boi(May. 03, 2021 3:05 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Read the last post.
okie
Name: Alex Scott
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Height: 6'3
Hair Color: turquoise blue
Eye Color: blue
Beyblade Name: Tidal Aegaon Wave, Zenith', zephyr'M
Beyblade Parts:
Tidal-a 4 winged attack type ring with attack points shaped like sharp rolling waves.
Wave- a ring that lines up with the sharp edges of the tidal ring and looks like rolling waves but less sharp then tidal's design.
Zenith'- a bigger version of Zenith
Zephyr'M- zephyr' but with a metal tip
Beyblade Type: attack
Appearance: a skinny figure,white skin, a black shirt with a leather jacket on top, a charm on his neck (all details besides eye and hair color)
Personality: pretty chill(a knock-off free 🤣) in battle can get pretty heated and s e r i o u s, takes pity,respectable
Special Moves: Rage of the sea, Tidal crash, tidal charge,
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
Episode 1 releases June 25thSpoiler (Click to View)
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
Potential Part 2? maybe.
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
Episode 1 releases June 25thSpoiler (Click to View)
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
I'm not PinkRose or tenma but...
Spoiler (Click to View)
![[Image: full-metal-alchemist-edward-elric.gif]](https://i.postimg.cc/CLghV9xr/full-metal-alchemist-edward-elric.gif)
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
Episode 1 releases June 25thSpoiler (Click to View)
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
Um I'm not PinkRose or tenma but I'm a random idiotic guy if you prefer.
Plot: 8.2/10
Description: 8.7/10
Dialouge: This type of dialogue isn't my style but it was fleshed out well, so I'll give it a 7.7/10.
Character Personalities: Love it. 9.3/10
Drama: 8/10 (kinda weird for prolouge imo)
Grammar: 8.2/10
Precision: 10/10
Appeal to Reader: 9.3/10
A bunch of other blah blah.
Overall this is a whopping
8.73/10
(I guess you could say it rounds to 9/10)
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
Episode 1 releases June 25thSpoiler (Click to View)
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
!! This is very well done! Alena's personality is well fleshed out already - even knowing the fact that this is just the prologue - and none of the scenes here seem bland at all. We stan a menacing queen. Battles and conversations/descriptions are also nicely written despite the format not being my favorite.
I am excited for the rest of the fic!! Keep going, DZ!
![[Image: 134.png]](https://www.serebii.net/pokedex-swsh/icon/134.png){kind=icon}
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
Episode 1 releases June 25thSpoiler (Click to View)
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
This doesn't count as spamming your notifs, does it?
Yeah, finally got around to reading this thing so let's go and rate it!
Plot: 4.5/5. I mean, this is just a basic introduction to our MC, but it sets her up well.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Even if I'm there's a bit of inconsistency with the ~ and * and stuff like that, the dialogue flows nicely and is character accurate so yeah, noice.
Characterization: 5/5. Like I just said, characters are accurate (well it's just Arthur, but still, he's every bit of the egotistical sore loser we remember from GT) and I don't really see anything wrong with it.
Grammar: 4/5. Just some inconsistency with the tenses (keeps switching from present to past and vice versa)
Battle: 5/5. Sure, it's short, but that's exactly the point.
But quick question: If this is the next gen of Bladers, how is Arthur still in his 20's? I'm assuming this is a typo?
Final Rating: 23/25. Pretty great start, this looks promising. Can't wait to see Chapter 1, so good luck, stay safe, and see you soon!
(May. 04, 2021 2:11 PM)PinkRose Wrote:So for the Arthur's age question in GT he was at most 11 so since he looks older than Drum I'll stick with 11 for this calculation in Superking he'd be 12 and I'll use Alena's age in the prologue to help calculate his age by adding 13 to 12, so Arthur's age would be roughly 25 at this point putting him in his mid twenties.(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
Episode 1 releases June 25thSpoiler (Click to View)
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
This doesn't count as spamming your notifs, does it?
Yeah, finally got around to reading this thing so let's go and rate it!
Plot: 4.5/5. I mean, this is just a basic introduction to our MC, but it sets her up well.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Even if I'm there's a bit of inconsistency with the ~ and * and stuff like that, the dialogue flows nicely and is character accurate so yeah, noice.
Characterization: 5/5. Like I just said, characters are accurate (well it's just Arthur, but still, he's every bit of the egotistical sore loser we remember from GT) and I don't really see anything wrong with it.
Grammar: 4/5. Just some inconsistency with the tenses (keeps switching from present to past and vice versa)
Battle: 5/5. Sure, it's short, but that's exactly the point.
But quick question: If this is the next gen of Bladers, how is Arthur still in his 20's? I'm assuming this is a typo?
Final Rating: 23/25. Pretty great start, this looks promising. Can't wait to see Chapter 1, so good luck, stay safe, and see you soon!
Prologue Part 2
Spoiler (Click to View)
Man, Hisato's giving me Jingemon vibes. I like him already.
Prologue Final Part
Spoiler (Click to View)
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
Spoiler (Click to View)
Dang I woudn't want to battle her she is down right scary
I finished all the parts of the prologue and I got to say, you had me on the edge of my seat with the Lucifer battle the whole thing was a joyride to the very end and got me very interested in what's to come and Alena feels like Delta, Phi, and Ryuga mixed into one making for an interesting character who I am interested in seeing the outcome of(though, I have a feeling it may be similar to Delta's arc just more natural.) But you've already done plot armor right, looking at you Lean.
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
Spoiler (Click to View)
OKAY, Alena's scary. And idk why but the kid's dialogue about the shrimp thing made me remember Edward from Fullmetal Alchemist. And I can't help but feel a little bad for the kid.
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
Spoiler (Click to View)
You messed with the wrong girl, Generic Kid....You messed with the wrong girl.
Serious rating since this is the end of the prologue? Sure, let's go:
Plot: 5/5. Welp, we get to know even more about Alena, who she is, and how she battles. That's the purpose of prologues and it's done right.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Man, I loved that bit at the start of the battle. Dunno why, but Alena calling Generic Kid a shrimp had me wheezing for a moment.
Characterization: 5/5. Can already tell peeps will be having a hard time getting through to Alena in the future, this girl's straight up nuts.
Grammar: 4.5/5. Yeah, still some minor errors but like, no-one's grammar in perfect.
Battle: 5/5. I don't know if Generic Kid using Lucifer is just a random pick or not...but you get bonus points for it anyway. I didn't expect a random to last for more than two seconds, so that was a bit interesting, even if he got countered and rekt in the end. Kinda curious on how Anahel's avatar looks now that you mention it.
Final Rating: 24/25. Awesome ending to an awesome prologue, now I'm really looking forward to the rest of the story....and lowkey hoping Droite makes it in XD.
King Spriggan 7Axe Meteorite -Axe
-Axe Metal Ring: a metal ring that looks like Spriggans axe. it is also painted gold.
King Spriggan Layer (KS) - a very bulky layer with 2 white rubber blades which contains the face of Spriggan and features 2 golden axe blades. the center features a metal core with the face of Spriggan (which looks a bit like Lord). like the evolutions that came before it, it is dual spin.
0Wall Disk (0W)
Quattro Driver (Qt)
User: Selena Kurenai
Special Moves: King Slash, King Guard, King Upper, Counter Break, Axe Shoot
-Axe Metal Ring: a metal ring that looks like Spriggans axe. it is also painted gold.
King Spriggan Layer (KS) - a very bulky layer with 2 white rubber blades which contains the face of Spriggan and features 2 golden axe blades. the center features a metal core with the face of Spriggan (which looks a bit like Lord). like the evolutions that came before it, it is dual spin.
0Wall Disk (0W)
Quattro Driver (Qt)
User: Selena Kurenai
Special Moves: King Slash, King Guard, King Upper, Counter Break, Axe Shoot
Ayo, Axe Shoot is back!
(May. 04, 2021 11:07 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Part 2
Spoiler (Click to View)
I liked the chapter, but how come, with Alena's personality, agree to come to a Old Man's house and into someone's house who plays beyblade for fun?
I'm betting she just went along cuz she had nowhere to stay and didn't actually expect them to be kind to her and stuff (and definitely didn't expect to grow fond of them)
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
Spoiler (Click to View)
Here's my ratings for the prolouge overall.
Plot: 9/10. We get to see how Alena is, her personality, bey, powers, dreams, etc. But does she have any empathy? Any other humane feelings? This is why I had to rate it a 9/10 instead of a 10/10
Characterization: 8.3/10. I didn't quite see any good personality from other characters. Otherwise, this is good.
Attraction: 10/10: Perfect. Nothing to say about.
Description: 8.5/10: Good the way it is, but it can be better if you describe feelings, places, etc. Show, not tell.
Consistency of Plot: 10/10
Overall, I would say that this is a 87/100.
(May. 05, 2021 4:20 PM)PinkRose Wrote: I'm betting she just went along cuz she had nowhere to stay and didn't actually expect them to be kind to her and stuff (and definitely didn't expect to grow fond of them)
Maybe, but deltazakuro needs to display that. Needs to show humane feelings. And some description.