Hey guys! This is my first story so if you'll could help me improve it I'd appreciate it! I'm working on chapter 2 right now
Prologue:

Spoiler (Click to View)

When you have an abusive mother/father/family, you feel like not living because they truly don't care about you! All you want to do is sit in the corner of your room and weep about how much they HATE you or maybe you feel like running away?...... That's what I did, even though my house was in the middle of nowhere. There was a pitch black forest in the backyard, I ran into the darkness……
I hold my bey in one hand and make a fist in the other. Then I run. Run for my life, run deep into the woods, run.... To start a new life.... Where I can't be seen.....
But before I tell you about all that's happening right now. I must tell you about my dark, abbusive past.......

Chpter 1: My past (part 1)

Spoiler (Click to View)

My parents had just bought a house, My mom was several months pregnant with me at the time. It was April 14th, snowing and breezy outside, the day someone important in my life is gone forever……
My mom's name is Shinsei, my dad's name is Waru.
All I know is that my mom and dad had just bought a new house to start their new life together. They had went to the backyard where snow covered everything, yet the forest trees weren't green like all other forests, Instead they were black!?
“The forest looks ugly!” Said my mom. “Well the owner did say there was a forest in the back?” My dad said. “It's called Kuro Forest?” “Oh!” Said my mom.
*3 hours later*
They pull out chairs on the crisp snow in the backyard. “Waru?” Shinsei says worriedly.
“Yes honey?”
“Why are there wolf prints in the snow?” She says as she gets closer to one and touches it.
“Well wolves live here of course, in the forest!” He says as he goes to here side.
“Oh?” She says confused. “Guess I should've known that!”
“Yeah?” Waru says with a lite giggle.
As it starts to get dark the moon's the only light outside, so they decide to go inside. As they get ready for bed Shinsea worries about going to sleep.
When Waru notices that she looks sad. He asks, “Honey? Are you ok? You look worried?”
She looks up at him, “Well yeah? I'm scared we might get attacked by wolves.”
He gives her a soft smile, “Don't worry, we'll be fine…… Just don't go outside and explore.” He says sarcastically as he gives her a kiss on her head.
“Ok” she says as she gives him a hug. “Now we should go to bed!”
At 12 A.M Shinsei wakes up to see the moon light shining on her face.
“It's so pretty.” She says to herself, she decides to get out of bed and go outside to get a better view. So she puts on her slippers, opens the door, and breathes in the icy cold air. “Ooooohhh” she hears a wolf howling the moment she steps out. She walks a little further, closer to Kuro forest. Then looks up at the sky and sees the moon shining ever so brightly in her face. As she squints her eyes to the moon's brightness she hears something come near her. Suddenly she hears growling getting closer to her, she takes some steps back. Waru comes outside to see what his wife was doing. As she turned around to see him smiling at her, he also had a worried look on his face. Suddenly a black wolf jumps out from the shadows of the forest and his giant paw scratches her across the stomach! Waru stared at his wife In shock as she was laying in a puddle of blood! He ran up to her with tears in his eyes screaming at the wolf, which never moved, it was only a couple feet away from them. He growled at Waru as he tried to get closer to his wife then the wolf tried to jump up and bite him! Waru turned and punched the wolf in the nose, it yelped, then ran back into the forest. Waru picked Shinsei up and put her in the front seat of his car, she screamed in pain as they drove to a nearby hospital which wasn't nearby at all! It was on the other side of we're they live! Waru drove as fast as he could to the hospital. When they got there an hour had passed and Shinsei was screaming in pain as they put her on a hospital bed. Waru was told to wait in the waiting room. The nurses came back “Mr.Waru?”
“Yes?! How is she?! How's the baby?!” He said impatiently.
“Your wife is going to go into surgery so we can try and get the baby out. She's lost a lot of blood. So wait here and we'll get started.” The nurse said calmly.”
*sigh* “Ok”
*4 hours later*
One of the surgeons came into the waiting room and said………

---

Join Team OkamiRyu

Spoiler (Click to View)

Credit for sig goes to "L"!
Wolf's Rain Quotes

Spoiler (Click to View)

Dying or getting killed isn’t something unnatural. Living aimlessly without a purpose is.
Kiba
That's not your true form. Why do you hide yourself?
Kiba
Everyone's gonna die. It's a natural part of life. But if life has no purpose, you're dead already.
Kiba

My rap by earthwolf1404

Spoiler (Click to View)

Her attacks are like diamond to the flesh
She's already seen all the HTTYD movies
And Ryukiba is her address,
In a Texas town, no bey part envy

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.

And You'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of Power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.


My friends and I—we've cracked the code.
We count our dollars on the train to the party.
And everyone who knows us knows that we're fine with this,
We didn't come for money.

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.


And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.

Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
She's stonger than you'll ever be,
The one and only Dragon queen.
Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
Was born L-drago's lair
To be the best is her affair.

And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.

Sounds kinda short, don't you think? It sounds okay right now though. Good Luck!

---

6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

Well it's the prologue, it's not supposed to be long. A few spelling errors, and you changed from past to present tense, but the concept seems really interesting!

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

Nice so far I like it

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Yes, the concept does seem interesting. I also think that abbusive is spelled, "Abusive." Other than that, I'll keep my eye out for this.

---

Great Scott! Signature made by me finally!
"That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me... This One's A Fighter!" Gym Class Heroes Feat. Ryan Tedder, "The Fighter"

Call me Septy, if my name's too long; Read my stories: Shadows of The Condemned, The Lost Birthday and The Crimson Winter

Well it's the prologue, it's not supposed to be wrong. A few spelling errors, and you changed from past to present tense, but the concept seems really interesting!

Yeah I'm not that good at that-.- I'll try and fix it and the spelling errors also thanks!

---

Join Team OkamiRyu

Spoiler (Click to View)

Credit for sig goes to "L"!
Wolf's Rain Quotes

Spoiler (Click to View)

Dying or getting killed isn’t something unnatural. Living aimlessly without a purpose is.
Kiba
That's not your true form. Why do you hide yourself?
Kiba
Everyone's gonna die. It's a natural part of life. But if life has no purpose, you're dead already.
Kiba

My rap by earthwolf1404

Spoiler (Click to View)

Her attacks are like diamond to the flesh
She's already seen all the HTTYD movies
And Ryukiba is her address,
In a Texas town, no bey part envy

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.

And You'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of Power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.


My friends and I—we've cracked the code.
We count our dollars on the train to the party.
And everyone who knows us knows that we're fine with this,
We didn't come for money.

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.


And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.

Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
She's stonger than you'll ever be,
The one and only Dragon queen.
Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
Was born L-drago's lair
To be the best is her affair.

And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.

Sorry for double posting
I fixed the prologue a little bit and chapter 1 is up! hope ya'll enjoy it!

---

Join Team OkamiRyu

Spoiler (Click to View)

Credit for sig goes to "L"!
Wolf's Rain Quotes

Spoiler (Click to View)

Dying or getting killed isn’t something unnatural. Living aimlessly without a purpose is.
Kiba
That's not your true form. Why do you hide yourself?
Kiba
Everyone's gonna die. It's a natural part of life. But if life has no purpose, you're dead already.
Kiba

My rap by earthwolf1404

Spoiler (Click to View)

Her attacks are like diamond to the flesh
She's already seen all the HTTYD movies
And Ryukiba is her address,
In a Texas town, no bey part envy

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.

And You'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of Power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.


My friends and I—we've cracked the code.
We count our dollars on the train to the party.
And everyone who knows us knows that we're fine with this,
We didn't come for money.

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.


And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.

Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
She's stonger than you'll ever be,
The one and only Dragon queen.
Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
Was born L-drago's lair
To be the best is her affair.

And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.

I think if you look at other stories and see how they paragraph and format their speech, you'll understand how to adapt it to your story. Other than that, this is pretty goo
D. Just keep thay description flowing and format it.

---

Important Stuff (Click to View)

Natsu smiles at his opponent, ready for combat. His reawakened spirit shines through his body, as he lights his fists. He jumps, as he breathes in the flames of hell itself, his lungs expanding rapidly... His 2 opponents stare in fear of their ferocious enemy and ready themselves...


Members I wish to battle:

Spoiler (Click to View)

1. Switchblad3r
   
2. XKai_DranzerX
   
3. Bularieleone
   
4. Kyler_the best
   
5. Luck
   
6. Blitz
   
7. Manicben
   
8. Akio314
   
9. Rnold201
   
10. Kai-v
    
11. Shining God MS
    
12. Ryukiba
    
13. Hakumen
    
14. SoulNinja
    
15. AZL
    
16. UltimiteOrion
    
17. Ingulit
    
18. Ga'Hooleone
    

I try and help the WBO, so here's some important threads, and some important posts. I haven't been on for a while, so pm me on updates please!! [spoiler]

1. BEYWIKI
   
2. The beywiki project
   
3. Difference between duo and phantom
   
4. WBO community rules
   
5. Comprtitive MFB discussions
   
6. Build me a combo
   
7. Competitive Heavy Metal System Combos
   
8. Misconception of R vs R2F and possibility of LRF
   
9. Bey Marketplace
   
10. Beginner's guide to custom MFB construction
    
11. A new, Experimental RuleSet?!
    
12. RS vs RDF vs RB vs CS vs RSF
    

I think if you look at other stories and see how they paragraph and format their speech, you'll understand how to adapt it to your story. Other than that, this is pretty goo
D. Just keep thay description flowing and format it.

Ok I'll try and im working on chapter 2 so that'll be up soon!

---

Join Team OkamiRyu

Spoiler (Click to View)

Credit for sig goes to "L"!
Wolf's Rain Quotes

Spoiler (Click to View)

Dying or getting killed isn’t something unnatural. Living aimlessly without a purpose is.
Kiba
That's not your true form. Why do you hide yourself?
Kiba
Everyone's gonna die. It's a natural part of life. But if life has no purpose, you're dead already.
Kiba

My rap by earthwolf1404

Spoiler (Click to View)

Her attacks are like diamond to the flesh
She's already seen all the HTTYD movies
And Ryukiba is her address,
In a Texas town, no bey part envy

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.

And You'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of Power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.


My friends and I—we've cracked the code.
We count our dollars on the train to the party.
And everyone who knows us knows that we're fine with this,
We didn't come for money.

But every blader's like Synchrome, Metal Face, Stallin' on Tornado Ridge,
Giga Flats, Spin Steal , trashin' the whole stadium,
She don't care, She's chillin' with Ryuga in her dreams.
But Blader's like Cristal Wheel, Tall Track, Wear Tempo like a timepiece.
4-D, Zero-G, Byakkus and Garudas.
She don't care, She's made a different Top Tier.


And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz.
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.

Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
She's stonger than you'll ever be,
The one and only Dragon queen.
Ooh ooh oh, Ooh ooh oh
Was born L-drago's lair
To be the best is her affair.

And we'll never beat Ryukiba (-kiba).
She's got Ryuga's Dragon Blood,
That kind of power just ain't for us.
Her Beyblade style's all the buzz
She will be your ruler (ruler),
You can call her Fishy
And baby She rules, She rules, She rules, She rules.
To beat her is a fantasy.