Chapter 2 is up!

Chapter 1 - The trap

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It was a late, dreary evening as I came across the colossal victorian styled manor. The structure seemed to emit an evil aura, which intrigued me. As I paced towards the manor, its details became more, and more visible. There were stone gargoyles with menacing faces, evil, piercing eyes, and long, sharp talons. The air was cold, and stiff that night, as if a fridge had been left open. As I the heard anonymous noises of creatures in the night, I sprinted to the door, wanting to knock but to my surprise, I found that it was already open. I crept slowly through the doorway, and once I was in, it slammed shut. I noticed a warm glow coming from the dining hall, and I went to it. Once I was there I could see that I was being surrounded, trapped by them. I was alone. Prepared to battle, I grabbed my grip with launcher, Infinity Cygnus, and I took launching position. I’d played directly into their trap, but I wouldn’t be defeated, not by a long shot.

Chapter 2 - An unexpected ally

Spoiler (Click to View)

There were several Team Abyss members that surrounded me, as a slender, shadowy figure said "We've been waiting for you, John." It was Aegis, the infamous leader of Team Abyss, who's main goal is to control Galaxy City, the largest city in the country. Aegis then came to the light, showing just half of his scarred face. Without hesitation he revealed his bey, Scythe Eonis. Soon after, a section of the floor opened up, and in it’s replacement, a stadium appeared. It had Eonis’ facebolt motif on it, and Aegis proceeded to say “Do you like my custom built stadium?”, and I responded with a simple, yet sarcastic nod. Then the both of us proceeded to saying “3-2-1 Go Shoot!” and our beys hit the stadium with a booming thud. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a third bey fly into the stadium, and spin rapidly. As the bey circled the stadium a hooded figure wearing black, and violet boots, black pants, a purple tank top with a black trim, and an onyx gauntlet. It was the blader everyone referred to as “Luna”. She had no allies, nor any enemies. She traveled alone, and as you could imagine appeared during only the most dire of situations. That meant that I was in deep trouble, beyond my comprehension. I didn’t know what Team Abyss had in store for me, but it was obviously dangerous, if Luna had the audacity to show up with her bey Galaxy Nemesis. As I proceeded to use my special move, Luna stopped me by shouting “Nemesis, Special move, Black Nova!!!”. Suddenly a pulsing black energy surrounded Galaxy Nemesis, and it began to grow larger, until it had absorbed Scythe Eonis, forcing it to stop spinning. To my amazement Luna had defeated Aegis with one attack, and I stood there dumbfounded. Before I could even thank her, she was gone. Seizing the opportounity, I grabbed Cygnus and sprinted for the shut door. I launched Cygnus again and escaped the Team Abyss manor, headed back to Galaxy City. My team wouldn’t believe my experiences, they wouldn’t believe that I had an unexpected ally.

This is great so far! I only saw one grammar error, which was "I found that is already open." You probably meant to say "it", but I'm just pointing it out for you. Again, great start!

Its pretty good, I guess. The chapter was a bit short, and confusing though.

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Daisuke Motomiya attached a moderator's notice to this user

Was warned for liking T.K. more then me.

Thanks! I changed that error (my laptop made). Also, the first chapter was meant to be confusing. Everything will be clearer in the second chapter.

Eh. Confusing and short...
You need to introduce your character more.
And it's really short, considering all the details.
Like, one paragraph.
Also, centering it makes it hard to read. (My dyslexia... Neyh.)
Work on that.
Otherwise, good luck on that.

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

Thanks China.

Well then.

I recommend you to add a bit more length to your chapters. If you combined the first two chapters, it would be at least a decent length...

Good use of descriptive words, but some sentences were a bit; how should I put it; long.
Some had too long of a description in one sentence. I would make them into more than one sentence, maybe two, at least.

The current plot is fine, though. Good job!

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/r/YoutubeLetsPlay

Kinda short, and it's too clumped. Spacing not only helps reading it, but it makes your story look longer, so do that...

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