World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
[Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 2 Up!) - Printable Version

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[Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 2 Up!) - Dum Spiro Pugno - Sep. 25, 2012

Chapter 2 is up!

Chapter 1 - The trap
Chapter 2 - An unexpected ally



RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 1 Up) - Rush - Sep. 25, 2012

This is great so far! I only saw one grammar error, which was "I found that is already open." You probably meant to say "it", but I'm just pointing it out for you. Again, great start!


RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 1 Up) - Driger Kai - Sep. 25, 2012

Its pretty good, I guess. The chapter was a bit short, and confusing though.


RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 1 Up) - Dum Spiro Pugno - Sep. 25, 2012

Thanks! I changed that error (my laptop made). Also, the first chapter was meant to be confusing. Everything will be clearer in the second chapter.


RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 1 Up) - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Sep. 26, 2012

Eh. Confusing and short...
You need to introduce your character more.
And it's really short, considering all the details.
Like, one paragraph.
Also, centering it makes it hard to read. (My dyslexia... Neyh.)
Work on that.
Otherwise, good luck on that.


RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 1 Up) - Dum Spiro Pugno - Sep. 26, 2012

Thanks China.


RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 2 Up!) - Dum Spiro Pugno - Oct. 07, 2012

Well then.



RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 2 Up!) - TakasuMouce - Oct. 07, 2012

I recommend you to add a bit more length to your chapters. If you combined the first two chapters, it would be at least a decent length...

Good use of descriptive words, but some sentences were a bit; how should I put it; long.
Some had too long of a description in one sentence. I would make them into more than one sentence, maybe two, at least.

The current plot is fine, though. Good job!


RE: [Beyblade Story] Heroes Ambition - (Ch. 2 Up!) - DefStamina88 - Oct. 07, 2012

Kinda short, and it's too clumped. Spacing not only helps reading it, but it makes your story look longer, so do that...