World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Beyblade Revolutions: MFB story

Poll: What do you think of my story?

Stupidest story ever
23.53%
4
GF idiot
17.65%
3
Good
11.76%
2
Bad
29.41%
5
AWESUM!!!
17.65%
3
Total: 100% 17 vote(s)
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Nov. 25, 2011  9:59 PM
 
One day,a blader by the name of Gingka Hagane was at the park with another blader named Kenta Yumia.They were having a Beybattle.Go!Big Bang Pegasus!Gingka cried.Go go go!Inferno Saggittario!Pegasus and Saggittario clashed fiercely.Pegasus!Special move!!!Star overdrive attack!!!Pegasus flew up high into the sky.It made it's way down,with blue flames coming from behind it,at high speed.Saggittario ends up with a sleep out.Pegasus flew back into Gingka's hand,while Kenta picks up Saggittario.They walked to a tournament arena nearby to register,and they hoped to battle again soon.What will happen next?
Hope ya liked it!Joyful_3
Nov. 25, 2011  10:23 PM
 
Nice story.Grin
Nov. 25, 2011  10:30 PM
 
Thanks,I put a lot of thought into this!Grin
Nov. 25, 2011  10:40 PM
 
Do not take this harshly, but:

-This is not a good story. Chapters are much longer than this, and basing it off of anime characters... Not so good.

-The grammar isn't good. Dialogue starts another paragraph, and this is just one big paragraph.

-There aren't any quotation marks, so you can't tell if someone is saying the dialogue unless you look hard.

Use these tips and your story will at least be decent.
Nov. 25, 2011  10:59 PM
 
Ok,thanks man,I'll make it different in this thread
I'll think up ideas overtime,ok.
Nov. 26, 2011  5:03 PM
 
(Nov. 25, 2011  9:59 PM)rydeatwon Wrote: One day, two bladers stood facing the stadium, shouting at their Beys. One with fiery blue hair and a long white scarf. Another with short, spiky green hair. They were having a Beybattle.

"Go! Big Bang Pegasus!" Gingka cried.
"Go go go! Inferno Saggittario!" Kenta shouted.

Pegasus and Saggittario clashed fiercely.

"Pegasus! Special move! Star Overdrive Attack!"

Pegasus flew up high into the sky. It made it's way down at a high speed, with blue flames coming out from behind it. It was all over with a Knock Out.

Pegasus flew back into Gingka's hand, while Kenta picked up Saggittario.

"Good Match!" Ginka shouted.
"You were were great!" Kenta replied.

They walked to a tournament arena nearby to register, and they hoped to battle again soon.

I improved as much as I could.
Nov. 26, 2011  6:17 PM
 
(Nov. 25, 2011  10:23 PM)Raiderofawe Wrote: Nice story.Grin

No, it most definitely is not. You should not encourage mediocre writing.

Once again, this story is really, really bad. I guess you took the "other list".
1) Ignore first list
2) Make a story that is just as bad
3) ???
4) PROFIT!

Seriously, at least think up a good idea for this, first. This is pretty pathetic. I'm not going to pull punches here. You should have come up with an interesting premise, not a fan fiction about Gingka and Kenta. Beyblade battles will get very old, very fast. Also, the punctuation and such are very bad. If you type it out in MS Word, you will be better off than roughly 85% of the other authors who write Beyblade fan fiction.
Nov. 26, 2011  6:21 PM
 
good i like touched my heart
very good
Nov. 27, 2011  2:05 AM
 
(Nov. 25, 2011  10:30 PM)rydeatwon Wrote: Thanks,I put a lot of thought into this!Grin

The originality and creativity is simply oozing from this story. Speechless

Try to be a bit more creative, this is so cliché it's mind-blowing. Like Odin said, just type the story in MS Word or Pages, use spell check and grammar check, fix it, and add some more originality into this story.
Nov. 27, 2011  2:20 AM
 
(Nov. 26, 2011  6:21 PM)mittalrobby Wrote: good i like touched my heart
very good

..... Just .....
I mean, like touched your heart? pffffffffffffffffffffffffft you must be crazy..