Beyblade: Redemption

Hello all! This is my Beyblade story, which will not be on a schedule! So yeah, read, comment, and critique! I do not accept character requests anymore! If I want to use your character, I'll ask, but don't expect that to happen Tongue_out Also, please notify me of grammatical errors or anything of the sort.

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Chapter 1: Doubtful (Click to View)
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Chapter 2: Hunger (Click to View)
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Chapter 3: The Rally City Tournament - Round 1! (Click to View)
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Chapter 4: The Rally City Tournament - Round 2! (Click to View)
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Chapter 5: The Rally City Tournament - Semifinals! (Click to View)
I like it. Lol, somehow I find that it's somewhat the opposite of my story
(Jan. 30, 2011  3:53 PM)NightWolf7919 Wrote: I like it. Lol, somehow I find that it's somewhat the opposite of my story

Haha, yeah, kinda wanted something... different I guess.
I like it. It different. Here are some charecters.

Name: (No one know his name so they just call him Whirpool)
Bey: Whirpool Poseidon T120 RB
Look: Blue jeans, white T-shirt, blue jacket, blue hair.

Bey description: The metal wheel whirpool is blue and is shaped like whirpool waves in the outside and some pop up waves near the middle in the inside. The clear wheel is blue and is a whirpool. T120 (trident 120) is a blue 120 with four small gold tridents. RB (rubber ball) is a rubber ball. The facebolt is blue with a gold trident and two waves behind. Is a very powerfull bey.

Whirpool description: He is a 15 year old mysterious guy. No one knows nothing about him. Is a very good guy but no one talks with him. Whirpool is very strong blader and always is blading. He found Whirpool Poseidon when he was 8 yaers old. He was in a ship and a giant whirpool appear in front. The ship sunk and all his family died. He was the only one who survived. Under the sea he found his bey. Since then he is all mysterious.

Special Move: Giant Golden Whirpool. Appears water in the stadium and then Whirpool Poseidon Makes a giant whirpool . The tridents in his track get bigger.

He is a good guy.

Name: Briel
Beblade: Green Libra 100 WB ( Green Is like rock but bigger and green ) The bey is all green.
Special Move: Green Tornado. Libra makes a green tornado turning all things green and blowing the opponent bey away.
Look: He is obssesed with green. Green hair (hair is like ginka's), Green T shirt, Green jeans, Green shoes, Green skin.
He is a very strong blader and wants to get even stronger. He play all the time but when is time to get serius he get serius. And he is very very smart. He is good

Briel is 13 year old. From little he is beyblading. His bey was flame libra. When he was 6 there was a big explotion in his town and his fathers die. Since then he have been around the world beyblading and getting strong. In a town Green Libra felt from the sky hit him in the head. Flame libra disapered. When trainign with the very powerfull Green Libra 100WB the bey caused an explotion that turn him green.
Since then he uses his clothes all green.

They are best friends friends. They are friends since the fathers of Briel die.
Chapter 1: Doubtful

I pulled the winder as hard as I could, letting out all my anger and fear in the pull. It was raining outside and the only thing that went through my mind was fear. Fear that I could fail and that this was all a big mistake. But there was no turning back. Not at all.
"Go shoot!" the guy's voice boomed, echoing through the empty streets, only to be blurred by the sound of the rain.
My hand trembled as I tried to remember exactly what I was doing. Was this a dream? Am I really that crazy?
The beyblades circled around the empty alley, splashing in puddles and knocking in to each other.
"Come on, punk! You're no challenge after all!" his voice said again. B-but who was he? I looked at his face again, splattered with rain and dirt, his soaked cap sitting on his head. Oh yeah, he was the leader of the local Beyblade Gang. Trying to get my beyblade or something, I can't remember.
"I-I don't want to fight," I tried to plea, but it was hopeless. I'm not ready for this, this world I've never before experienced.
His bey, which seemed like a flash of black and silver, slammed into mine, propelling it towards the wall. He smirked, and my instincts told me to run.
I grab the beyblade, which was cobalt and gold colored, and I run. I can feel the x-shaped scratch I made on it to show my "rebirth", but I keep running. I don't look back, and I can hear the guy's angry grunts.
Go back home, you idiot. You're not ready for this; you're just a spoiled kid who doesn't have a clue on the real world. , my mind tells me. But I know, deep down in my heart, I can't go back.



Sorry it's so short, hopefully the next chapters will longer. I know it's kinda confusing, but this is only the beginning Grin
(Jan. 30, 2011  6:30 PM)brielyranger Wrote: I like it. It different. Here are some charecters.

Name: (No one know his name so they just call him Whirpool)
Bey: Whirpool Poseidon T120 RB
Look: Blue jeans, white T-shirt, blue jacket, blue hair.

Bey description: The metal wheel whirpool is blue and is shaped like whirpool waves in the outside and some pop up waves near the middle in the inside. The clear wheel is blue and is a whirpool. T120 (trident 120) is a blue 120 with four small gold tridents. RB (rubber ball) is a rubber ball. The facebolt is blue with a gold trident and two waves behind. Is a very powerfull bey.

Whirpool description: He is a 15 year old mysterious guy. No one knows nothing about him. Is a very good guy but no one talks with him. Whirpool is very strong blader and always is blading. He found Whirpool Poseidon when he was 8 yaers old. He was in a ship and a giant whirpool appear in front. The ship sunk and all his family died. He was the only one who survived. Under the sea he found his bey. Since then he is all mysterious.

Special Move: Giant Golden Whirpool. Appears water in the stadium and then Whirpool Poseidon Makes a giant whirpool . The tridents in his track get bigger.

He is a good guy.

Name: Briel
Beblade: Green Libra 100 WB ( Green Is like rock but bigger and green ) The bey is all green.
Special Move: Green Tornado. Libra makes a green tornado turning all things green and blowing the opponent bey away.
Look: He is obssesed with green. Green hair (hair is like ginka's), Green T shirt, Green jeans, Green shoes, Green skin.
He is a very strong blader and wants to get even stronger. He play all the time but when is time to get serius he get serius. And he is very very smart. He is good

Briel is 13 year old. From little he is beyblading. His bey was flame libra. When he was 6 there was a big explotion in his town and his fathers die. Since then he have been around the world beyblading and getting strong. In a town Green Libra felt from the sky hit him in the head. Flame libra disapered. When trainign with the very powerfull Green Libra 100WB the bey caused an explotion that turn him green.
Since then he uses his clothes all green.

They are best friends friends. They are friends since the fathers of Briel die.

Kay, I'll put them in. Expect them soon Smile
Wow, sounds great! I'll be checking back.
Omg, so mad... I just wrote the next chapter, and an internal server error deleted it. Really mad... Next one will be out probably tommorow Unhappy
I recommend typing out your stories on Word first. It's what I do with mine, and you can spell check, not worry about losing it, etc.
(Feb. 01, 2011  4:09 AM)GaHooleone Wrote: I recommend typing out your stories on Word first. It's what I do with mine, and you can spell check, not worry about losing it, etc.

Yeah, I'm starting that...
Chapter 2: Hunger


Rally City, read the tattered poster that hung on the brick wall. Rally City Tournament, to be exact. The hideously ugly colors weren’t appealing at all, but the poster still intrigued me.
After last night’s experience, I didn’t think I was fit to be in another battle, but I ripped the poster down and stuffed it in my jacket pocket anyway. I could feel my bey as I scrambled my hand out of my pocket, and I could feel all the scratches that tainted its metal surface.
Scratches I made…
I shook my head to get my mind of that.
An alarming voice loomed over, or should I say under me, and I turned to see a small boy sitting on the bench, sipping on a juice box, looking at me with big eyes.
“Hey, mister!” he said, his eyes wandering over every part of my body. I tried to speak, but all that came out was a raspy cough. I tried again, but the same thing happened. He looked at me again, and handed me the juice box he was drinking. He smiled when I took it, but he left to his mother, who was warning him about something. I threw it out after he left, I know I needed it, but I wasn’t comfortable taking things from strangers.
I tried to stare at the sky, to try to get my mind straight: goals, what I was doing or planning to do… But, my mind was a scrambled mess. I could barely sleep last night with all the rain pouring on the small awning of the concession stand I had to sleep at. Not only that, but I had to watch my back for anyone that got near me.
My eyes are groggy and I’m confused and don’t know what to do. It’s like my brain is doing stuff without my consent. So, I sat myself on the nearest bench, hoping I could get a grip on reality.
I looked down at my soaked sneakers, gray from the dirty water I had to run through last night. My jeans were worn and like everything else, soaked.
I tried to look to my sides, to see if there was anything to pass the time, to get myself straight. I saw a crowd that steadily got bigger, surrounding a small electronics shop. Curiously, I walked over to the crowd and pushed my way through. People grunted angrily as I shoved them aside, but it’s not like I care.
Lined on the window of the shop were five television sets all showing the same thing: what appeared to be the ending of a beyblade tournament. A guy with blue hair decked a white and blue outfit waved at the camera and to the crowds of people cheering in the stadium.
“And the mysterious blader Whirlpool takes another victory, leaving him with 19200 points!” the announcer boomed through the speakers of the television.
What a waste of time, I thought, walking away from the store. But then something caught my attention. Something the announcer had said about Whirlpool attending another tournament. The Rally City tournament.
A flame ignited itself in my heart; I never felt more excited to battle in my life. I felt so good, like this journey was possible, like I was an unstoppable canine. That is, until it came. The burning feeling in my body I had tried to ignore as I slept near the concession stand. Hunger. I felt like my body was igniting itself, burning endlessly. No water could stop this flame, no ocean.
In panic, I reached for my pockets to try to find a little money, something that could get me something to eat. I had never been in this situation before; back at home, no one would stay hungry. A longing feeling entered my heart; a longing for home. I shook the feeling away immediately.
While I was thinking about home, another thought crawled into my mind. I scrambled for the crumpled poster in my pocket and read it carefully:
RALLY CITY TOURNAMENT
October 11th at 15:00
Ignite the Blader Spirit in this All out Battle
First Rounds will be One vs. One
The Final Battle Will Be a Triple Battle!
Prizes Awarded to FIRST PLACE:
3000 BeyPoints
$250

My heart skipped a beat when I saw the last line. This was my chance; if I won, I could have enough money for food. If I could just brave one more day of this pain, I could have more than enough!
But, a feeling rushed over my body. Regret. Why was I doing this? Was my “honor” really worth risking my life?
Yeah, Kyo. Why do you care what your parents did to other people? It’s not like it’s happening to you.
But, that boy earlier. He cared. He cared about me without even knowing me. I'm so confused, and angry.
Why should I care? Why should I care!? I wanted to yell out, so everyone could hear me and understand what I was going through. But, to be honest, I didn’t even know why.



Had to re-write it -__- But I think it's better now. Hope you like it!
Please give critiques! I would really like some Smile
i love it.keep it going
(Feb. 06, 2011  9:41 PM)darkangelkaieru Wrote: i love it.keep it going

Thanks, I'm gonna upload a picture of the main character and his bey soon.
Sorry for the Hiatus guys, chapter three is up now! Grin


Chapter 3: The Rally City Tournament-Round 1

The building in front of me was large; with bright blue paint shimmering on the bricks. There was a large poster above the doorway that said, “Beyblade Tournament!” Nobody else waited besides the building, so I guessed it was only 12:00.
I yawned and slumped myself against the wall, my eyes wandering for anything slightly important. My legs ached from walking so much, and my eyes were foggy since I didn’t get much sleep the night before. My eyelids were like bricks, slumping downwards, trying to make them shut. I struggled to keep them open, but they came thundering down, and everything went black.

* * *


The sounds of children running and shouting nearby woke me up with a start. I opened my eyes slowly, watching the children run through the doors, dragging their friends by their arms. They wore colorful bookbags and dull-colored uniforms.
I stretched my arms and stood up. Grabbing the silver handles of the door, I headed in to the crowded building. A guard waited in front of the door, looking at ID’s and moving to the next child in seconds. The walls were painted blue, with tiled floor that smelled and looked clean. Children waited in lines, dashing past into the waiting rooms when they were done.
Finally, it was my turn.
“ID,” the guard said, not looking at me directly. I froze nervously. Had I come all this way to be told I couldn’t enter?
“I-I don’t have one.”
He sighed and pointed to an empty booth on the other side of the hallway. A woman who had a bored expression waited, half-asleep. I walked over nervously.
“Here,” she said in a low pitched voice, handing me a paper that was blank.
The form had basic questions: Name, Age, and Beyblade. But, that last question caught me by surprise. I had never known the actual name of my Beyblade, as I simply referred to it as “Canis”, since that was the name imprinted on the face bolt.
I filled out everything else except that.
“Only ten spots left!” the guard yelled across, the kids fidgeting at their place in line. At the rate he was going, I would never make it in time.
I looked at the empty section, where the name of my Beyblade was supposed to go. I tried to rack my brain for any names I had ever heard people refer to it as.
“Five spots left!” the guard yelled again.
I nervously tried to think again, but time was not a friend.
“One spot left!” he yelled. I shoved the paper into the girl’s arms, hoping she wouldn’t notice the empty space. I ran across, past the children and the guards. The guard glanced at me and made his final announcement.
“No spots left!”

* * *

The waiting room was a large, green colored room, lined with steel benches and children and teenagers. Three large televisions lined opposite walls, their screens black. The smell of metal and oil lingered in the room, but it was faint. Everyone had the same look on their face; a face of competition. I glanced around, ignoring their glares, and counted roughly fifty people.
Younger competitors shoved their prized beys into other people’s faces, giving off every strength and weakness. Older ones kept theirs secretive, while adjusting them occasionally in the shadows of other people.
The televisions flashed simultaneously, catching the attention of every blader in the room. A guy with a blue vest and red bandana appeared on the television screen.
“Bladers! The next round begins in five minutes!” he said, sticking out all fingers to make a five. “Here are your opponents!” The television flashed again, and a large tournament grid appeared on the screen. I inched closer to get a better look as it randomly generated pairs. Teenagers sighed when the results were in.
I scanned the screen for my name, looking through many names in the process. Finally, I caught sight of it. I would be playing in the second round, since there were only four stadiums in the arena. My opponent was named Hideo Iwate.
My first match would be in a while, so I sat down on one of the benches, keeping my eyes peeled until the first match ended.

* * *


“Aaaand the first match ends with a bang!” the guy said again, recaps flashing on the television screens. “The second match begins now! Bladers, make your way into the arena, now!”
I walked out into the arena, a huge crowd sitting on the side lines. I went to Stadium # 3, which was where my battle would take place. The announcer guy didn’t announce anyone’s name, so as to save time while the battles took place simultaneously.
“Hey you!” a boy’s voice said towards me. Startled, I looked in front of me. A short boy with straight, jet black hair stood in front of Stadium # 3. He had a white polo and navy colored pants, with tools lining his belt. “You’re going down!”
Irritated, I pulled out my launcher, and reached into my pocket, where my bey was. I slammed the winder into the hole and stood in position.
“Three!” the announcer said, the voices of other people following his lead.
“Two!”
“One! Gooooo Shoooot!” he said, as I pulled the winder strongly. The sound of metal hitting metal filled my ears.
My bey circled the arena, a flash of gold and blue, quickly. My opponent’s bey was a turquoise and silver blur as it circled gently in the middle, unmoved. It stood taller than my own, seeming almost superior. The boy, Hideo, smirked as my bey continued its radial pattern, making no contact.
Anger filled inside me. How was I supposed to attack him? Why wasn’t he making the same circling movement as I? I was confused, but I couldn’t lose.
“Goooooo!” I yelled, every sound escaping my mouth filled with anger. The gold blur made smaller movements now, inching in closer to my opponent. But, as it made contact, it didn’t have enough speed left to make a devastating blow.
Fear flooded my thoughts; fear of losing.
No! I thought. I will not lose!
“I can taste the victory! I will not let it escape my grip!” I cried out. Canis changed its course to elsewhere: the slopes. It made a back and forth movement; from the slope to the opponent, over and over. As it did this, it gained something very valuable in my situation: momentum.
“Now!” I said, as Hideo’s facial expression became twisted and fearful. In a matter of seconds, his bey was knocked out of the stadium, the once thought superior, fallen. I reached into the bowl and grabbed the cobalt-gold top. Joy rushed through my soul; through my spirit. Now, I was one step closer to my goal, one step closer to my Redemption.




Hope you liked it! Please critique!
Character and Bey Design:
His Bey; Flare Canis HW125CF (he doesn't know that's the name)
[Image: 2vj63qo.jpg]

Him; Kyo Hayashi
[Image: 6o0t3t.png]
I added pictures of the character and his bey, soo... Hope you like them!
Name: Shīrudo Kōen
Age:11
Appearance:Has long bangs going through his right eye, wears a t-shirt with a jacket that's colored green, wears baggy black pants, and rubber shoes and has a fingerless glove on his left hand
Left handed
Beyblade:Aegis Scuto (Based on the constellation Scutum) UD90XtremeDefense
Description of Beyblade:Aegis looks alot like earth but is thicker, has spikes and has bigger gaps
Scuto's design is like Perseus but the heads are Shields. Heavy and has PERFECT well not really perfect but great weight distribution
UD90 (Ultimate Defense) is like defense but lower and the ring is as big as the metal wheel.
X D: Xtreme defense, sharper tip but heavier tip than defense
PersonalityGasputgoing and generous, Cheery and for some reason: always jumps around. Good Guy
Special Moves:
First: Tower Defense
Stays on the middle and if gets hit, counters the bey with amazing force.
SecondTongue_outressure Point
When the opponent tries to attack the bey, it dodges and circles around the bey trapping it, then it attacks with perfect precision to the off guard enemy.
Third:
Shield of the Gods
When the enemy attacks, all of the attacks bounce off and and the other bey is sent flying while scuto rams the falling bey in mid-air.
Chapter 4: The Rally City Tournament- Round 2!

“And that concludes Round 1: Sector 2!” the announcer’s voice boomed. I walked past the other competitors in the arena, forcing myself to smile at them, so they wouldn’t suspect me. Not a single person smiled back; they only gave me merciless glares.
I continued walking towards the waiting room, holding Canis in my hand, feeling as if some of its darkness was wiped off. While I was staring at its gleam, a girl slammed into me, an angry look on her face.
She looked tough, a red baseball cap on her head, long black locks coming out. There was a band-Aid on her cheek, and two scars.
“Watch where you’re going, punk!” she yelled, holding out a fist. I was terrified, but I tried not to show it. “You’ll be gone by the next round anyway, loser,” she said, walking away.
What she said sunk into me, not as fear, but as anger. My nostrils flared, and my eyes were steaming. I continued walking, tightening my grip on the metal top even harder. My fingers dug into my left palm, a painful surge entering my body. I wanted to scream, to bring down everything that stood in my way, I was just so angry. But instead, I just sat down on the bench, my grip tightening every second.

* * *


“Now, Bladers! Round two will begin right now! Take a glance at the tournament grids, and if you’re participating in the first sector, then get out in the arena!”
I looked at the tournament grid with names flooding the screen. I quickly looked for my name, and I saw I would be in Sector 1: Stadium # 2. I ran off into the arena before I caught a glance of my opponent’s name. I was the first one there, but others quickly followed.
Anger still burned in my heart, but I had calmed down a bit. Everyone was in the arena, but no one stood in front of me. A squeaky noise alarmed me as a boy ran up in front of me. Long bangs covered his right eye, and he wore a jade-colored jacket. Baggy black pants covered his legs, his bey hanging by the pocket.
“Three!” I yelled out, simultaneously with the crowd and other bladers. I pulled out my launcher and put the winder in, the gears inside cranking in an approving gesture.
“Two!” The boy followed me, but did so in a clumsy way. He misplaced his winder and had to put it in again, an unpleasant noise following.
“One!” I yelled, slamming Canis onto the launcher.
“Gooooooo, Shoooooot!” I pulled my winder out forcefully, letting my emotions run, like that first night…
Memories flooded my mind like tsunamis. The sounds in the arena became a blur, and the scenery changed drastically. I was outside now, in the dark, and the rain was pouring. It was misty around me, engulfing me into an abyss. Everywhere on my body was painful, my head, my arms, my legs. I collapsed onto my knees, holding myself up with my hands.
I heard footsteps at my rear, and I struggled to get up. More footsteps swarmed into my ears. I panicked and held my head as it pounded through my palms. I got up, running to… Running to, to… I don’t know, but I was running. More footsteps came, and my heart thumped in my chest faster than a bullet. Suddenly, I spiraled to the ground, the pain escaping… The light escaping… The sound escaping… Everything escaping.

Reality shoved itself into my mind in a flash. The bright lights warped my eyesight as if I had just woken up. I could see a faint blur of gold spinning in a large circle, and a black flash steadily rotating in the center of the stadium.
His bey was like a wall, a towering wall standing straight up. It was much shorter than mine, focusing its defense in a smaller perimeter. The boy smiled eagerly and stared at the stadium in awe.
Are you really going to lose to a kid?! My mind yelled.
“I won’t lose…” I repeatedly mumbled. “Gooo!”
Canis slammed into the black blur, only to get swatted back like a fly. I tried again, but to no avail. The spinning menace was impenetrable. I was going to lose…
Flashes of me losing or practicing in the past entered me. I could see myself practicing, and giving up before I was done spinning. My arm reached out and stopped my bey, by pressing a finger in the center, so the metal wouldn’t hurt my hand...
My eyes opened wide.
This is it! That’s how I’ll win! I thought excitedly. Canis was taller, and that made my plan possible!
Canis towered over into the center, the metal making little contact with the opponent since it was thin. It tilted over, scraping at the clear black wheel sitting on the metal.
The boy just laughed.
“Okay! Enough playing!” his face grew serious. “Go! Shield of the Gods!”
Nothing happened, as Canis continued scraping its opponent, making it wobble. Whatever he was trying to do, didn’t work because I was making it so that both metals couldn’t make contact.
“That’s enough!” I cried out as the top began to wobble uncontrollably, making it unstable.
Finally, the metal scraped the floor and made it stop spinning.
I won! I thought to myself. I actually won!
I grabbed Canis and walked back to the waiting room as if I was the strongest person in the entire arena.
nice story ill come back and see when uve posted more
(Mar. 14, 2011  9:42 PM)MEECH Wrote: nice story ill come back and see when uve posted more

Thanks! The next chapter will be up tommorow!
Its awesome I cant wait till the next chapter..I cant crtisize ;p its perfect
Name:Zane
Age:16
Appearence:Black hair,wears red all the time,Looks like naruto or kakashi
BeybladeGrinestrucion Leone
Description of Beyblade: Black,Red on sides of Metal wheel
Tip: Ball tip B Spin track 145
PersonalityGrinark personality,Likes color black,Like i said wears alot of red.
Special MovesGrinestrucion thrust.
(Mar. 15, 2011  3:56 AM)Chaotic_Blader Wrote: Its awesome I cant wait till the next chapter..I cant crtisize ;p its perfect

Thanks! It means a lot that you guys like it Smile
Age:11
Appearence:Brown Shaggy Hair. Tight pants. Rubix cube hanging from his pants. Red Jacket with crab design.
BeybladeGrinark Cancer
Description of BeybladeGrinark power in stored. Crab shaped clear wheel. Sharp Crab like hinges.
PersonalityEeevil
Special Moves: Double Crab Pinch, Circles around the target bey causing sparks to appear. King Crab, Jumps into the air and hits the opposing bey clear wheel directly forcing it into the ground
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heres 4 characters


Name: Izuma Inzori
Name: Sonai Inzori
Name: Hatachi Inzori
Name: Rez Inzori