Bey Story: The Elusive Ghost (Co-Written By Sparta)

Poll: Do You Like My Story

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Total: 100% 63 vote(s)
(Jan. 30, 2011  3:36 AM)Sparta Wrote: Hey i wrote that chapter! Its sooo awesome you used what i weote im soo happy thx Smile
Hey thats awesome the chapter is amazing. Do you know when youre putting the new characters in? I have a good idea for a bad guy. PM me when you are excepting character requests again.
Mason had something of a plan to get to his brother. The place they were going was only about five hours away by car, but asking their parents to drive them there was kind of like saying “Hey mom and dad, could you drive Micah and I somewhere for five hours so I can find my long-lost brother and possibly die trying?” Yeah, so they couldn’t go by car. They would have been able to go by plane, which would probably only take one or two hours, but they only had about fifty bucks if they put their money together. But then Micah said “We could probably afford to send one person by train, and since this is your brother we’re saving, you should go.” It didn’t feel right to Mason, but it was the only way. He said “Well, I guess it is the only way, but you should go to the train station too, just in case we figure out a way you could go.” Micah agreed, and they started planning.
It had been two days since Mason received the location, and they were ready to go. They decided to walk to the train station, because Mason would still have to survive while he was gone finding his brother. When they arrived, Mason clenched Ghost in his pocket, and a strangely familiar voice spoke to him. Apparently, he was the only one that could hear it, and he wasn’t going to tell anyone either. When it was done saying it had to tell him, it said “Good luck, Mason.”
The voice's plan was irrational, not to mention risky , but if Micah could go too, he would give it a shot. He clenched Ghost again, but he didn’t hear a voice, but instead, he felt a tingling sensation all around him. He knew it had worked. When he let go, it stopped. He walked over to Micah and said “I have a plan. Take the money and buy a ticket for yourself, I’ll meet you on the train!” Micah was extremely confused, but eventually he said “If you say so,” and took the money. Mason Walked toward the side of the train, with his hands in his pockets, and jumped right into the train. Micah was more confused than ever, but he bought the ticket and walked into the train.
He saw Mason sitting in the back row, and joined him. Micah asked “How’d you get in here?! You jumped right into the side of the train!” Mason replied by saying “Just the way you said it. How’d you get in?” Micah said “Through the door, like a normal person!!!” From there, they rode in silence.
Apparently, making himself intangible took a lot out of Mason, and he slowly drifted into sleep.
He awoke to breaking glass and screaming people.

I wrote the rough draft for this part, then Sparta edited it. So, this was our first story we both worked on!
cool chapter.. i did that once too
Yaaaayy! It came out great we did awesome!!
(Feb. 10, 2011  1:49 AM)Sparta Wrote: Yaaaayy! It came out great we did awesome!!

We did! And people, it's what you've all been waiting for! These next few parts will be filled with you, the readers' characters! We will probably not have them all in this story ark, though.
Off topic: Being grounded sucks.

OK, one or two weeks until next part is up
The train was on a narrow bridge, but it wouldn’t be there for long. It was starting to tilt over, as if something had run into the side. And to make things worse, beys were bouncing everywhere, hitting people, breaking glass. A few passengers were yelling commands to their beys, but Mason couldn’t tell which side they were on. Micah had launched his, but it was being chipped away by the enemies. Mason decided to launch his bey for the first time.
He felt a strong recoil, like firing a high power shotgun. Every bey Ghost hit dissolved, which was the only way to tell what it hit. The train leaned even more, and Micah’s bey fell out of a broken window. Mason felt something tug at his gut. Ghost began spinning around rapidly, creating a tornado filled with illusory copies of itself. It began sucking enemies up, rapidly attacking them. They were reduced to dust, which fell out of the tilted train. Then Mason saw someone he never would have expected.
Character request pls

Name: Izuma Inzori
Name: Sonai Inzori
Name: Hatachi Inzori
Name: Rez Inzori

also, could i help you write? i have some of the best narative stories in my class
If it isn't to much to ask could i please be in your story, it is really interesting.
If so here is my character.
Name: Nick Iwaki
Age: 12
gender: male
Personality: Kind, freindly, playful and loyal to his friends
Bio: Satashi was from a small village called Isaro village, he was so skilled at blading,people were afraid they would lose and could not bare the humiliation of losing to a 12 year old so he moved out of the village at the age of 12 to find stronger opponents with his bey Hell Titan BD145CS.
Beyblade: Hell Titan BD145CS and later on after immense training Demonic Titan BD145CS.
BeyFace: Hell titan - kind of looks like perseus but has horns and looks more evil
BeyFace: Demonic titan - looks like hell titans but has flames behind it and looks much more evil.
moves:
hell titans move #1 - Hell drill: hell titan rams into the other bey and launches it into the air, then hell titan flies aound the the dish real fast and goes in the air as well and drills straight down onto the other bey all the way into the ground and smashes the other bey and hell titan is still spinning.
hell titans move #2 - Hell Barricade: hell titan spins even faster then usually and creates a flaming tornado like barricade
Demonic titans move #1 - Demonic Piledriver: pretty much the same as hell titans but goes red hot and catches fire and gains mega fast speed and completely destroys the other bey and still keeps spinning.
Demonic titans move #2 - Demonic Barricade: kind of like hell barricade but much more powerful and the tornado/barricade is higher and thicker and the tornado is spinning faster.
OK, any requests after I said no more will be done in a really long time.
im begin you plz can i be an co worcker like sparta you don"t even need to pay me <- random
THIS IS THE WORST STORY I EVER READ.
This is what I'll never write on this thread.
It goes smooth..like butter on bread.
Prove me wrong and I'll hit you in the head.

^^ My views about the story in a poetic way.
its not peotic to me,its like rhyming to me xd

it a so-so story.just need some emotions then its ok
Yeah, I know. Still, I think the story is great.
Standing on the other end of the bridge, with a blank expression on his face, was Jin Naito. Jin was one of the best bladers in North Carolina, and Mason had always looked up to him. One year before this, he disappeared. Six months later they said he was dead. But there he was, acting like nothing was going on. Mason projected his voice to Jin, saying "Aren't you Jin Naito? And while you answer that, could you SAVE US?!". "I am no longer Jin, I am Agent Claw! And if you want to save your friends, why don't you take it up with me and my co-workers?" said Agent Claw. He pulled out his bey, Ray Cancer CH120RF, and ten bladers walked up behind him, all of them hired thugs.

Tell me what you thought of this part!
(May. 07, 2011  11:41 PM)Titan Blader Wrote: He pulled out his bey, Ray Cancer CH120RF, and ten bladders walked up behind him, all of them hired thugs.

lol, just pointing it out otherwise great story. needs more sylistic features and perhaps a few more beybattles. love the suspense though. see what u think of my story (URL in sig below). maybe i can co-write
That's hilarious, stupid iPod! I will fix that. There will be a lot of battles now.

EDIT:Fixed
Everyone got off the train before it fell 3 stories. Mason began to walk toward the opposing bladers when one launched his bey at him. Mason was hit in the arm, and he felt it break. The enemy said "You'll have to take all of us on before you can get to Jin-I mean Agent Claw.". "Okay, who do I face first?" asked Mason. "Ha, you don't take us one at a time, you take us all at once!". "Then why don't you take on all of us?!" exclaimed one of Mason's fellow bladers. With some silent understanding, everyone readied their launchers and said "3, 2, 1, let it rip!!". Mason immediately said "Special move, Invisible Strike!!". Ghost completely disappeared, and five beys were knocked out, and the other bladers were doing well too. One had Cyber Libra BL145 MHF, and he was dominating. He said "Special move, Supersonic Inferno Gunner!" and his bey began vibrating and shooting sonic booms. He hit two beys with them, and then he rushed each one, knocking them away. Eventually, all the enemies were gone, and Claw launched his bey right at Libra. When the dust cleared, Libra was a foot in the ground, and Agent Claw said "Do you really want to face me now?"
Any feedback. I could use one more character, but they would have to be a bey mechanic, and C-Dub's brother/sister.
In the resulting crater, Libra was buried in the ground, and Cancer was still spinning, and it was continuously attacking Libra. Libra's owner was stunned, paralyzed from shock. Mason had seen enough, and he launched Ghost at Cancer. Cancer flew right to Agent Claw's hand, and Claw looked like he just had an epiphany. "You, with the black and silver bey, you're Mason, right?" asked Claw. Mason replied with "Yeah. Who needs to know?". "The Organization does. You're coming with me." answered Agent Claw. "You'll have to take me by force. If I win, I go. If you win, I go with you..". Both readied their launchers and said "3, 2, 1, let it rip!!". When Mason launched, his injured arm slipped, and his bey began wobbling. Cancer was in 120 height, and it was going right for the kill. Cancer gave Ghost a light hit, then two heavy hits, and did this three more times. By the fourth incarnation of the deadly dance, Ghost had regained its balance, and countered. Ghost moved faster than the eye could see, swung around Cancer, and gave it a nice hit.. They continued in a similar way, until eventually Claw got tired of it and said "Special move, Blitz Seaburst!!". Cancer charged, and when it was under Ghost, it switched to 145, knocking Ghost into the air. Then Cancer hopped up and hit Ghost until it hit the ground. Ghost only had enough juice for one more attack, and it would be a big one. Mason said "Special move, Phantom Fury Blast!!". Ghost became faster than the eye could keep up with, and hit Cancer. It was knocked two hundred feet away, and then a silver blast hit Claw. He was knocked out. When he regained conscienceness, he said "Where am I? Who are you? Who am I?"
Any comments? I guess if nobody will do the character, i'll do it myself.
"Wait, what did you say?" asked Mason. "I asked who you are, and who I am." replied Jin, or at least that's who Mason thought he was at the moment. Then, the boy with Cyber Libra walked toward them, and he said "I have no clue what's going on here, but I think we should head to that town down there. By the way, my name's Christian, but you can just call me
C-Dub.". Mason looked below the bridge, and sure enough, a two block town with something called a "Bey Hotel" in it. After talking to a few other bladers, the group went down to the town. They decided to spend the night at the Bey Hotel, and luckily C-Dub had a good amount of cash on him. But right when they entered the "Guest Stadium", which they thought was the hotel lounge, there was a huge stadium where the lounge would be. And at the other end of the stadium, a huge, six foot tall teen holding a launcher said "Hey little punks! Which one of you miniature bladers wants to face me in a battle?"
Questions? Criticism? All is welcome!