hey guys this is a new story i am writing i hope you like it
plz tell me what you think and anything I can improve in.
Spoiler (Click to View)
plz tell me what you think and anything I can improve in.
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Total: | 100% | 6 vote(s) |
(May. 25, 2011 1:32 AM)Light Yagami Wrote: hey guys this is a new story i am writing i hope you like it
Spoiler (Click to View)
plz tell me what you think and anything I can improve in.
(May. 25, 2011 2:12 AM)Light Yagami Wrote: yes and no because i was reading it when i got this the idea of this story. and what do you mean to make less choppy
(May. 25, 2011 2:44 PM)Benjohadi Wrote: nicely written..
but i prefer more description in your introduction...
like yu just mentioned the smell of rooten flesh and blood..perhaps you can include the warmth,windy,rainy??like more description on the place..or night or days..it would be better with more description...
but still..its i nice job..