World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

yu.gi.oh the next king off games

Poll: should i carry on

yes
37.50%
3
no
62.50%
5
maybe
0%
0
Total: 100% 8 vote(s)
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Jul. 16, 2011  5:01 PM
 
one day their was a boy called tyler he hade a deck full of gx monsters and he was ranked 5th in the leaderboard of duel monsters.

"im gona be late i knew i shouldent have watch michal jackson tribuetes 12 times".tyler bangs to 4th placed ranked charlie.
"game on charlie"said tyler."what"said charlie.
"dual me"
"ok"said charlie.
i summon 12 samari tachi in attack mode"said charlie.12 samari attack is 1800 defence 200."my move.i play polimonisation i fuse sparkman and clayman to summon thunder giant and activate his abilite to destroy 12 samuri tachi and activate fake hero to special summon avian and sacrifice avian for malicous attack"said tyler.thunder giant attack 2400 and deffence 1500 malicous attack 800 def 800.charlies life points are 800."i activate tachis abbilite by getting rid of my top 12 cards of my deck i can special summon my best monster amored deastrour.i activate his abbilite for every card sent to the gravyard all monsters disearpear now attack directly"amored deastrour atk 3000 def 3000.
tyler life points 1000.
"i activate malicouses abbilite lets me summon an anorther one.i play monster reaborn to summon clayman. i play premature burial to reaturn sparkman. i sacrife malicous and clayman and sparkman to summon destiny hero dogma guy attack"said tyler.charlies monsters abbiltie so he is not destroyed in battle.dogma guy atk 3400 def 2400

To be continued...........
Jul. 16, 2011  6:05 PM
 
No offense, but this is horrible. I don't understand a thing that's going on. Your grammar and punctuation suck. What is an "abbilite"? I thought it was a monster. Perhaps you could also try capitalization. Also, who is this "jayden" mentioned in the last paragraph? I thought the main character was "jaden"? Really, I don't mean to be mean, but this is horrible. You need to learn to capitalize properly, spell correctly, and use the return/enter key.


What I mean is
(Dec. 21, 2010  2:23 PM)Odin Wrote: Instead of writing "I love cheese." said bob."I do too." said joe."lets go get cheese." they said. you could write something like:
"I love cheese," said Bob.
"So do I," replied Joe.
"Let's eat cheese together," the said happily.
Jul. 16, 2011  8:06 PM
 
This. Is. So. BAD. Premature Burial is banned, in case you didn't know, and the grammar stinks. The spelling is bad, the plot isn't going ANYWHERE, and the duel is too annoying to be bothered to read. You even used a character from the anime/manga! You've got to be original. Plus, anyone with a brain would have had Bottomless Trap Hole face-down, or some way to beat Jaden wildly inane and wimpy deck. In other words, this seems like a story where the protagonist never loses, which isn't original. And your spelling is inconsistent. Is his name Jayden or Jaden? You use both. To put it in one sentence, this has little potential to be good, due to it being done before.
Jul. 16, 2011  9:32 PM
 
For one don"t if premature burial is banned and to the plot is he beats yusei,jaden,yuki. and these evil duilests attacks tyler,jaden,yusei and yuki.and i havent put jaden dumb-carp and i amit i am bad at gramer but im DISLEXIC so go away
Jul. 16, 2011  9:32 PM
 
For one don"t if premature burial is banned and to the plot is he beats yusei,jaden,yuki. and these evil duilests attacks tyler,jaden,yusei and yuki.and i havent put jaden dumb-carp and i amit i am bad at gramer but im DISLEXIC so go away
Jul. 16, 2011  10:03 PM
 
Okay, then don't write stories? The story is bad regardless. The grammar could be perfect, and it'd still suck. The pretense and plot are just terrible. Honestly, the characters are about as robust as cardboard from the garbage that a cat peed on. I wouldn't care one way or another if they were all nuked. Sounds mean, but that's the brutal truth.
May. 06, 2012  11:13 PM
 
well you know what its been 2 years and idd love to see you make a better one
May. 06, 2012  11:30 PM
 
It's been one year actually, and you just necroed a thread for no reason..
Btw, he has a 1000000x better story..