World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

random carp in my head

Poll: are they any good?

yea.
72.73%
8
kinda
18.18%
2
no.
9.09%
1
Total: 100% 11 vote(s)
  • You do not have permission to vote in this poll.
  • * You voted for this item.
  • Show Results
Apr. 24, 2011  7:51 PM
 
Mostly short stories or poems (note i am 14 and a guy im straight so don't call me gay)
Death comes swiftly
Death comes swiftly to those who knock, but be warned once you have knocked you cannot go back, life blossoms within those who ask, but don't ask in peril. Freedom is something we all want, but the price for freedom is expensive and thus impossible to obtain except in death. Slavery is unavoidable as everyone and everything is a slave to their own mind. Life and Death. Holy and un-holy. You cannot have one with out the other.
Incarcerated: a short story.
My life revolves around the jail cell in which I am kept, the hours are measured by meals. My life was not always like this, i had a house, food, family anything a man could wish for, until the man we call 'king' appeared. Slowly we sank into despair waiting for this hell to end, yet knowing that the only way to end it is to ask our enemy, we do not know if they will help us. How i ended up in jail? I tried and failed to assassinate the king, I will hang in the morning infront of the city, its been two weeks since i was found guilty but i was able to scratch the king with my dagger. How is that an accomplishment? The dagger was coated with a poison although slow, even a small bit its deadly. To those who end up in this cell, i have one message if the king is dead then we have succeded but if he is not, dont give up.
Apr. 24, 2011  8:07 PM
 
Very good poem ! Smile
Apr. 24, 2011  11:10 PM
 
NICE dude!
pretty good for a 14 year old(note I am only 12).
Apr. 25, 2011  12:35 AM
 
lol imma add more here soon.
Apr. 29, 2011  4:26 PM
 
Added incarcerated: a short story
Jun. 14, 2011  3:06 AM
 
Shadow Stalked.
i am the shadow that you dont notice. Yet i remain with you, never leaving even after the sun goes down. You step on me and i sometimes appear misshapen. This is caused by other shadows crossing my path.
still working on it. but I think it wont be changed soon.
Jun. 14, 2011  3:27 AM
 
Decent, but a LOT of run-on sentences and comma splicing. (Comes off as harsh, but I'd love to see these cleaned up. They just might be great.) Clean up the grammar. I'm so serious. I like seeing aspiring writers, but I hate bad grammar. (Person planning on Double Majoring in Creative Writing, and also Philosophy and Study of the English Language)
Jun. 14, 2011  3:32 AM
 
yeah, I have to change all that but I don't wanna right now. Critism is something I prefer to have, bad or good.
Jun. 15, 2011  12:13 AM
 
whats carp ive seen the word a lot lately
Jun. 15, 2011  12:16 AM
 
pretty good.

WAYYYYYYYYYY better than the **** I come up with.
Jun. 15, 2011  12:31 AM
 
Hehe, all kinda Emoy, I like that sorta stuff, also I'm not a slave to my own mind, my mind craves death, revenge, People's Fear, and more scary stuff, the reason for it was my past, and the constant bullying with Knuckle dusters, Stones, called a freak, and knife insidents.

I have lost my sense of pain, although that sounds good, really it is upsetting, as you become a living rag doll, like me, as I get punched and I don't care anylonger, so I let them get their temptations over, but it's not the physical violence that gets me, it's putting down families and your own, then I get into a fight till they backdown, with my adrenaline pumping it wants me to carry on to make them feel the fear I have had.

That is what I call Yang, my sealed side, the side I have hidden to avoid other people's hurt. My mind always wants Revenge, but I want a calm, peaceful and happy way of life, and to make others happy...

You poems remind me of my other side of hate...
Jun. 15, 2011  12:37 AM
 
hehe i think like that too but in a comicical way
Jun. 15, 2011  12:42 AM
 
(Jun. 15, 2011  12:37 AM)Hytyjin Wrote: hehe i think like that too but in a comicical way

Believe me my head is the serious way.

But I don't listen, it doesnt deserve it, any way it's something that suffering can do to you.
Jun. 26, 2011  1:21 AM
 
callum I think the same way as you.
the stories and poems are emoy because thats the way I think.
Jun. 26, 2011  1:35 AM
 
(Jun. 26, 2011  1:21 AM)Ronnie Radke Wrote: callum I think the same way as you.
the stories and poems are emoy because thats the way I think.

Keen, letting your feeling out in poems, well me when I let mine out after holding them for sometime tends to be... Well ruthless lol

I should probably learn from you a better way to control my thoughts lol, any more you working on?
Jun. 26, 2011  11:09 PM
 
yeah I have quite a few, but since im at camp I dont have my notebook.
Jul. 16, 2011  5:46 AM
 
i have one im having trouble putting into words that sound good and its not getting easier: as i walk through this barren land i see the gates of hell, they open for everyone but close for no one. As i walk towards it i can hear the screams of torment and pain, this place will be just like home. As i enter i am asked 'do you fear death' my reply would be shocking to some 'do i fear death? I do not fear what does not exist' i am a shadow, i do not care for the light. I live for pain, i have paid for pain. I do not fear death, death should fear me.
Its not as good as i want it to be but i have other things on my mind.
Jul. 25, 2011  6:41 PM
 
Plagued By Hell: Time, a man made object. Time Travel is impossible due to this. Gravity, a god made object. Defying this is like defying death, it is impossible. Death, A natural occurence. it is unavoidable. Hell, something that plagues everyone. Love, no matter how much you try you cannot avoid it. hate, hate is a feeling everyone has but few understand. happiness, it is a feeling few have. Hope, hope is something everyone needs but few have. Trust, trust is almost impossible to come by.
~shade