beyblade story (taking character response)

Poll: is this story good

yes great
28.57%
2
good
0%
0
okay/not bad
28.57%
2
carp
42.86%
3
Total: 100% 7 vote(s)
hey guys here is my beyblade story please try to bear with me as i am only 11 and go easy on the comments thank you

for character responses you will have to phrase it like

name:
beyblade:
special move:
description:
personality:
main character or not:
good at beyblade or bad:

for example
"I would like my character to be in the story
name: John
beyblade:burn wolf 145 wd
special move: wolf starblast attack
description: tall boy/girl wears blue jeans and a red top has scruffy hair
pesonality:kind but hot tempered loves beyblade
main character or not: main character , is good and accompanies main on his journey.
good at beyblade or bad: he/she is great at beyblading

I will try and get everyone’s request in the story I am sorry if i cant no nonsense plz. I will be updating this thread with the stories etc. if I get a lot of positive replies I will turn it into a book and give credit to those who helped. later on when editing I may need an illustrator.

20 years has passed since the hardcore battle between gingka and ryuga.
In a small town named twinleaf lived a young boy named Yahiko, little did he know a story/adventure lays ahead of him a quite treacherous one.

Chapter 1:
BEEP! BEEP! went the alarm clock
"huh what's that noise" Yahiko said as he stretched his arm out to turn the alarm clock off, at that very moment a girl of average size came running into the room came running into the room she had golden silk hair and her eyes were as bright the sun.
"Yahiko! Yahiko! wake up, wake up c'mon there is a big beyblade bash down the street and you are going to be late. the girl proclaimed.
"wh.. what I thought it wasn't for another week; well if that is true sis we better hurry, Yahiko dashed into the bathroom grabbed his tooth-brush, threw toothpaste onto it and brushed his teeth. After he finished he met his sister at the door and they ran to the tournament. When they arrived they were greeted by a tall man wearing a bandanna,
"hello young bladers I am the blader dj and I shall be your host for today, anyways wish you both luck."
"thanks mister"Yahiko and his sister replied. Yahiko took his bey out of his pocket and clenched his fist whilst holding his beyblade cyber death 100 rsf he looked at the participants and whispered to his beyblade goodluck.
the first matchup was yahiko's sister Yosuke vs a little boy.
"can Yosuke and Daniel please go to the arena" blader dj announced. Daniel glared at Yosuke and started blushing
"bladers at the ready! 3,2,1! leeeetttt iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt riiiiiiiippppppppp"
the bladers launched their beys to the arena Yosuke's beyblade (earth eagle 145 wd) span straight into the middle the opposing beyblade went around Yosuke's beyblade
"go Eagle special move eagle strike her bey spun to the edge of the stadium and flew up high in the sky and in a flash a yellow light beamed towards Daniels bey and collided straight into the facebolt, daniels beyblade was smashed straight out of the stadium. Daniel's face gleamed with shock by the fact a little girl creamed the floor against him.
Usually you would start making the story before you post it. There isn't too much point in people posting character requests for something that hasn't even started.
A friend of mine called the Assassin made a Thread very similar to this and it got deleted the second day it way on the wbo so i don't find this advisable
Very average. Not much really happened for a chapter. You haven't gone into detail and it is relatively dull and boring. There are also quite a few errors. Make sure you read over it so that it makes sense because if it doesn't make sense to you it won't make sense to anyone.
I'm trying as hard as I can not to be harsh. Give it another go and try to see if you can make it better.

name:Tutt Karmun
beyblade:Ancient Mummy R(a)85 R(ock)
special move:1000 layers rap
description:Boy who weres gold sandels and gold shirt, blue and gold striped shorts, gold eyes and lots of gold hair.5,5'', age 14, good figure.
personality:Cool, wise, smart, will do anything to protect his little bro
main character or not:Main character plz!Friend of Yahiko.
good at beyblade or bad:Realy great!
He has a girlfriend!I can do a description of her if you want.
:facepalm: you stopped character requests in YOUR story, and you do one for another user's story? WTH?!
It was my choice not to take character requests in my story. But I will be glad to help another person who hasn't made that choice.
I'll help out:
Name: Hyori
Gender: Female
Bey: Angel LeoneTH170LRF
Bey description:
Special Move: 1,000 Angel Strike: Leone attacks with vicious slashes 1,000 times.
Call from Heaven: leone flies upwards and attacks with one final blow.
Description: She has dark brown hair and wears a purple shirt, white shorts, and sandals. She is about 13 and is 5 foot 3.
Personality: Very kind and nurturing, but becomes terrifying when someone is getting badly hurt by someone else. Her beyblade is her first friend.
Main Character or not: Just travels with Main Characters, but not exactly one.
Good at beyblade or Bad: Amazing. Just plain amazing.
Also, try to make the chapters more exciting and fun.
that aint called helping out, more like destroying........................................ PM me if you want to argue. let's not troll the thread.
ok meteo leone i will add you to the story and you to nhhyan cat
Erm...I'm not so sure. When you get one character request, you get another. Then you feel an obligation to make the character good. Then you focus on them a bit too much. Then you make them a side character, then you lose control of your own story. It happens often.
soory guys im not continuing story due to scholl work i may pick it up over christmas bu for now closed plz can a mod. close this thread