This is a story based on flow spinners by TheLibraKing. Don't complain about copyright, he let me do this.
Characters

Spoiler (Click to View)

Name: Jake Hagane
Age: 17
Flow Spinner: Blaze Orca ST001 (Fin Sharp)
Gender: Male

Name: Vanessa Bayla
Age: 17
Flow Spinner: Ocean Flame DEF001 (Defensering Ball)
Gender: Female

Name: Roy Jacobson
Age: 16
Flow Spinner: Grith Lightning AT001 (Flat)
Gender: Male

Name: James Dominic
Age: 18
Flow Spinner: Royal King DEF002 (Ball)
Gender: Male

Name: Damian Hasema
Age: 17
Flow Spinner: Blades Hades AT002 (Blade Flat)

Prologue

Spoiler (Click to View)

I sat down with my spinner in hand.

Blaze Orca

The whale emblem on the spirit dish was astounding. It was so beautiful.

“This is amazing. Best birthday EVER!”

I had just got this yesterday. A Flow Spinner. I was DYING to have one.

There was a huge rave about it at school. I finally have one.

“YES!”

I don’t have anyone to battle though. I lay down on my bed, thinking to myself that tomorrow, people will battle me at school.

Maybe

I opened up my laptop when I heard a small BEEP. I looked at my messenger, seeing my new texts. But, the new program wouldn’t work the first few times I clicked reply.

CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

“Screw this!”

It finally works.

I really didn’t want to waste time on this stupid messenger. But I had to. My girlfriend kept texting me and texting me, ‘Do you have a flow spinner yet? Do you have a flow spinner yet?’

It was so damn annoying.

Trust me, it’s one thing to have a good girlfriend that actually CARES about your life, but it’s another thing to have a girlfriend that constantly asks you questions.

Anyway, I got to sleep and the next day, I finally get to battle.

“3!”

“2!”

“1!”

This is it!

“Go shoot!!!”

Chapter 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

Three years later

“No, my spinner!” A kid in my grade cried as my spinner sent his flying out of the stadium.

“Yes, I won again!” I cried as I called my spinner back. I looked at it. Rusty.

“I wanna battle you!” Another kid cried as he readied his launcher.

“OK!”

“Go shoot!”

My spinner stood in the middle of the stadium as the other attacked. The magnetic force was strong, but not enough to move Orca.

“Blaze Orca!”

WHIRR

“No! I lost too!” The kid cried as I called my spinner back again, him picking his up from the stadium.

“Never underestimate my power!” I said in reply. I walked away, the bell rang. The noise stung my ears, like always. The stadium closed up as everyone rushed inside, pushing through the fat lineups. We got back to the classroom and my classmates readied their belongings. Another boring moment. Until…

“Who knows the square route of 9?” My teacher said loudly so the whole class could hear it. Me and my friends rushed into the classroom.

“PINEAPPLES?” My friend Roy yelled across the room as everyone laughed.

“No!” Yelled my teacher in anger.

Everyone was listening to the teacher, me taking notes. About an hour and a half pass until the dismissal bell rings. I meet my friends in the hallway, picking up my things and took my daily bathroom break before going home.

“Hey, who wants to meet at Flow Park tonight?” My other friend James asked me, Roy, and Damian as I thought.

“I’ll go! Who cares if I got homework, I’ll have time!” Damian said, reckless. He always waits it out until the last minute to do homework/projects. Always fails them. Not to be rude to my friends, but the amount of times it happens, it’s a bit funny.

“I’ll try to make it, but I got a date with Vanessa,” I answered James’ question as I got out my phone.

“Oh, your girlfriend?” Roy asked sarcastically. Actually, what he said was true.

“I wish I had a girlfriend like yours Jake,” James said in upset, he’s jealous of me.

“Just, I wanna go to Flow park but I can’t, how about tomorrow?” Roy asked as we all nodded. We said goodbye and left for home. I walked fast; I had to prepare for my date. Dress for success, right? My mom was standing at my house door.

“Jake, come on! You have to get changed!” My mother yelled to me as I rolled my eyes.

“I know!” I called in reply as I slammed the door shut on my way in.
I got into my thin grey jacket and black combat gloves. I had to be quick.

“Where the hell are my boots?” I cried as I dug into my drawers. “My date’s in an hour!!!”
I panicked as I slipped my jeans on. I knew that at this rate, I’d be late. And I hate making my friends feel ditched.

“Get out here!” My mom exclaimed as I quickly found my boots and rushed to get them on. I ran back out the door and ran to my car. I rushed to get driving to my destination.

“Finally!” I said to myself, sighing as I parked at the arena parking lot. I saw Vanessa standing at the door to the stadium.
“It’s not like you to arrive after me!” Vanessa said in surprise, running up to me as she hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her back.

“Couldn’t find my boots,” I said as she laughed.

“Probably the case,” Vanessa said as she unlocked her arms from my body. “Let’s have a battle!”

“OK!” I said, readying my launcher. “3!”

“2!”

“1!”

“Go shoot!”

Both spinners flew into the stadium as the air force clashed.

“Blaze Orca, go!” I cried as Vanessa’s spinner circled mine.

“Take him, Ocean Flame!” She cried as her spinner attacked mine, the air force pushing it back.

“Orca!”

My spinner escaped the magnetic waves as it came back and attacked.

This’ll be fun!

Chapter 2

Spoiler (Click to View)

Struggle

“Ocean Flame!” Vanessa cried as her spinner was pushed back from mine’s magnetic force.

“That’s it Blaze Orca!” I called out, hand opened in front of me. “GO!”
Flame went around attacking Orca, which was successful. Flame circled the stadium afterward, creating an orbit around Orca.

“Now, Ocean Flame, Special Move!” Vanessa called as she sent her arm back, spinner circling the stadium fiercer than ever. I created a shielding gesture on my arms. “Damp Burn!”

Flames enveloped the stadium, and Ocean Flame jumped into the air and flipped upside down. The spin power caused water drops to pour onto the fire and smoke broke the magnetic force. Vanessa’s spinner dove at mine, hitting it and mine sent flying.

How did they make contact?!

I was shocked at the sight; I never knew that Flow Spinners could make contact.

“But how?!” I cried, arms clenched in fists at my sides.

“A bit of fire!” Vanessa answered with a smirk. “Pretty fun date, isn’t it?”

“Not much of a date, really!” I said in sarcasm. “Still fun, glad you asked!”

Sweat dripped down my cheeks quickly as Vanessa laughed.

“Just jelly?”

“Nice word play, but I’m no food!”

“Nice comeback!”

I laughed. I knew Vanessa was never saying things to me with a sad expression.

“It was a joke.” I said in reply as I sent my arm forward, she forcing her arms downward.

“Ocean Flame, special move! Damp Burn!”

This special move was more powerful. Was this caused by anger? I was shocked. Her attacks were only more powerful than usual when she was angry.

“Why are you acting like this?!”

“I’M DONE! DON’T USE COMEBACKS AGAINST ME! NOT EVEN AS JOKES IN BATTLE!” Vanessa yelled as her special move smashed down at my spinner.

“No! Vanessa!” I cried while shedding tears at this heartbreak. The stadium smashed apart as my spinner was sent flying rapidly at the wall. I fell to my knees. I couldn’t take this. Vanessa called her spinner back as she ran away, tears in her eyes.


“I’m sorry for your loss!” James said to me, I knew he was sarcastic. He’s had a crush on Vanessa forever. I never even knew how to explain this to anyone.

“I know that you’re going to try to date her James!” I cried in reply, him chuckling.

“So what if I do?” He said in excitement. He’s just been using me so he knew when he had the chance to hit on Vanessa.

“James! Don’t take this as a chance to get flirty with Jake’s ex!” Damian cried as James readied his launcher.

“Battle me, Damian! If you lose, you’ll lose your spinner! And if you don’t do it, you’ll lose your spinner!” James called as Damian readied his launcher.

“Don’t do it!” Roy cried as Damian looked towards him.

“It’s my only choice!” Damian cried as he looked back at James. “If I don’t do this, I’ll never get to battle again!”

“But what if you lose?” I asked as Damian ignored as James got ready.

“3!”

“2!”

“1!”

“Go shoot!”

“Let’s go Hades!” Damian cried as his spinner ran at James’.

“Counter it Royal King!” James called out as his spinner attacked with the magnetic force weak, and almost both spinners touched. Hades got sent back with the rebound, King running up the wall. Hades hit the wall of the hallway, causing a dent.

“They’re in trouble…” I said softly as King ran back down, almost hitting me. “AAAAAAAAH!”

“Blades Hades!” Damian cried as his spinner attacked James’, being pushed back by the magnetic force.

“Let’s go Royal King, special move!” James cried as his spinner ran at Damian’s. Damian sent his arm back, calling out commands.

“Blades Hades, Heaven’s Nemesis!” Damian cried as his spinner jumped, spinning in a circle. This caused King to lose spin power.

“Throne Hold!” James called as his spinner’s spirit emblem popped up; the bit-beast emerged and closed its hand on Hades, causing a sleep out.

“No!” Damian cried as he shed tears, falling on his knees…

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

Dot post the thread until you have actual content. I'm locking it until you do.

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still posi

Ok, Prologue is up!

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

You change tenses once or twice, be wary of that. A bit redundant at the beginning and you may want to watch your language as there are younger members on this site.
Seems pretty interesting though.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

You change tenses once or twice, be wary of that. A bit redundant at the beginning and you may want to watch your language as there are younger members on this site.
Seems pretty interesting though.

OK, I'll keep that in mind! I'll get that edited, bleeped or changed to something similar. Think bleeping would be better.
Chapter 1 will be soon, so watch out!

EDIT: Dual, when you said I should watch my language in the beginning, were you referring to the line, 'There was a huge rave about them at school'?

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

I think it was towards the end.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

I think it was towards the end.

OK just wanted to make sure. I got that part now, no worries!

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

No, he does not mean, use smaller words, use more appropriate words for a children's spinning top forum.

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6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

No, he does not mean, use smaller words, use more appropriate words for a children's spinning top forum.

OK, I don't know if you're trying to be rude with that statement. If you are, please don't be as rude next time? Anyway, I will take this advice regardless.

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

No, he does not mean, use smaller words, use more appropriate words for a children's spinning top forum.

OK, I don't know if you're trying to be rude with that statement. If you are, please don't be as rude next time? Anyway, I will take this advice regardless.

he wasn't trying to be rude, some of the material you use in stories is a bit inappropriate some times. Just work on it , glad to see your doing the story!

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Signature credit to Leet.o

Spoiler (Click to View)

Threads you should read:

Pony King ? God, can't believe I typed this. I have to put my keyboard in the dishwasher now...

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i don't like coffee

I never have.

*Ginga*.. you're drunk bro... go home.. : )

Tbh SGMS & BDMS are kinda worthless.
MSUV is a far better spent investment; DGMF is even better IMO.

Um what? You're just saying that because you're a dragoon fanboy...

Why would I be suspended????

HMS summarised:




Anything not Tornado Type S:  Wolborg will leave you #rekt




Otherwise:  Go crazy with Ultimate Grip Flat 




For something less cookie-cutter:  Jiraiya sure is sexy

Is Wolborg 2 useless for competitive play?

Extremely useless. 
Now, if you come upon one I'll just PM you my address so you can throw it away. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I wasn't looking for Beyblade Underwear, I swear

EDIT: Dual, when you said I should watch my language in the beginning, were you referring to the line, 'There was a huge rave about them at school'?

I was regarding this statement. My message was not intended to be rude, just stating what Dual meant.

I'll vote on the poll once I've read a few more chapters.

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6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

No, he does not mean, use smaller words, use more appropriate words for a children's spinning top forum.

OK, I don't know if you're trying to be rude with that statement. If you are, please don't be as rude next time? Anyway, I will take this advice regardless.

he wasn't trying to be rude, some of the material you use in stories is a bit inappropriate some times. Just work on it , glad to see your doing the story!

OK, yeah I've noticed in my stories when my characters are older there's some language issues! I'll get to that!

EDIT: Dual, when you said I should watch my language in the beginning, were you referring to the line, 'There was a huge rave about them at school'?

I was regarding this statement. My message was not intended to be rude, just stating what Dual meant.

I'll vote on the poll once I've read a few more chapters.

OK, thanks for letting me know that. And I'll be making a new chapter soon

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

OK, Chapter 1 is up! Also, the OP has a Characters section. Character descriptions as well as spinner descriptions will be in the Characters section later!

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

The critique I have is basically the same from last chapter. You changed tenses, the grammar was a bit out of whack (when listing people, the speaker always goes last)(recklessly, not reckless), and maybe describe the environment a bit more.
The spelling and writing are pretty good, just work on what I mentioned above.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

The critique I have is basically the same from last chapter. You changed tenses, the grammar was a bit out of whack (when listing people, the speaker always goes last)(recklessly, not reckless), and maybe describe the environment a bit more.
The spelling and writing are pretty good, just work on what I mentioned above.

OK, thanks for that! I'll take the extra too! The chapter was a bit rushed though...

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

OK, Chapter 2 is up! I made sure before I updated the OP to check for tense changes, and fixed the ones I found!

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

So the main character uses a comeback against his girlfriend and she breaks up with him? This chick needs therapy.

Besides that one little thing, the structure, story, and everything else was pretty good.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

So the main character uses a comeback against his girlfriend and she breaks up with him? This chick needs therapy.

Besides that one little thing, the structure, story, and everything else was pretty good.

Thanks! And, Vanessa is a mentally challenged chick, she had a bad childhood...

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

Well, I'd suggest revealing even a bit of that in the chapter, or she'll seem just plain loopy to anyone reading, haha.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

Well, I'd suggest revealing even a bit of that in the chapter, or she'll seem just plain loopy to anyone reading, haha.

It gets revealed in the next one, but I'm not spoiling anything!

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

I like this! In the prologue and first chapter, tense changes occur,(as Dual said)
Anyway, keep up the good work!

I like this! In the prologue and first chapter, tense changes occur,(as Dual said)
Anyway, keep up the good work!

Thanks! I really like to hear good feedback and advice! I hope you all enjoy the future chapters!

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth

Im really enjoy this,keep it up! if you need help naming anything just ask!

Im really enjoy this,keep it up! if you need help naming anything just ask!

Thanks ImperialBrave, new chapter is coming soon!

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STORIES:

GGO+ | Country of Birth