Chapter One :

Spoiler (Click to View)

1:00 AM Dublin, Ireland
Firestar was staring into the sky. He was sitting on dirty bench in the phoenix park. No person dared challenged him. Except one. Darkstripe.

“Firestar, Oh Firestar.” Firestar stood up. He slowly spun around, his red hair flowing behind him.
“What do you want?” Darkstripe was more than he expected. Well actually, less. Darkstripe was 10.
“Heh let’s get this over with! If I win, you give me your bey” Firestar was optimistic. He was like no other person out there.
“Fine but who would want to battle a brat like you? You’re not kind.”
“321, Let it Ripp!” Darkstripe shouted. Firestar said nothing. He just snapped his fingers. Brambleclaw, Firstar’s cat, ran along.
“Where’s Tigerstar?” Firestar nodded to Brambleclaw as if to say a battle command.
“He’s coming!” Darkstripe shouted aggressively. “Tigerstar come on!”

A huge, brown, scarred tabby walked into the clearing. First it looked puzzled. But then it curled its lip into a snarl. Brambleclaw unsheathed his claws. Tigerstar jumped in to the cold air, he landed on Brambleclaw, and he sank his teeth into his neck. Brambleclaw let out a horrific yowl.

“Go Fire cat! Special move, Claw swipe!”Brambleclaw swiped furiously at Tigerstar, whistled Fire Cat C145 Q attacked furiously at Dark pelt 160 L causing it to lose balance vitally.
“NO! Tigerclaw you carp come on bring it on! Dark Pelt special move, Cats eye!” Dark Pelt smashed into Fire cat causing its performance tip , Quiet, to slightly crack.
“You B...rick wall! You’re not going to like this but, I'm TAKING EXTREME MESURMENTS! GO FIRE CAT , Starclan strike!”
Darkstripe nearly fell over. Dark Pelt flew into pieces.
“Pelt! N-n-n-no! STOP!” Tiger claw jumped off the bleeding Brambleclaw. Brambleclaw collapsed into a heap of fur. Darkstripe ran over to the pieces.

“YOU’RE the not nice one!”
“No I'm not. You deserved it,” Firestar bent down and stroked Brambleclaw.
“Anyways Kik can fix that. Come on Brambleclaw” Firestar signalled to Brambleclaw to come. They walked slowly out of the park leaving Darkstripe to grieve in Peace.

In progress

Spoiler (Click to View)

7:30 PM Dublin, Ireland
Darkstripe was still there. Firestar walked over and kicked him really hard. Darkstripe clenched his stomach and started to roll around.
"Why?" He said. His nose started to bleed and he clenched his fists.
"Just checking." He replied calmly.
"For what?"
"If you where alive."
"Gack," He coughed and spat. "Why would I be dead?"
"Wont your parents want you?"
"I have none. Well, Tigerstar takes care of me, as in giving me food, but he doesn't care." Darkstripe gathered the pieces of the smashed bey and walked of.
"Go on lad!" Firestar shouted at him. Just then a stray cat jumped down from a tree.
"Mrooow!" It screamed.
"Brambleclaw, whats he saying?"
The cat curled up its lip and snapped at Brambleclaw.

How to charecter request:
Name: (Must end in , Claw,Star,Pelt,Tail,leaf,Nose,.)
Age: (Firestar is 15.)
Discription:
Cat: (Must end in Claw,Star,Tail,Pelt.)
Bey:

---

Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

There's a lot of mistakes like a lot, and I don't get the names, and there was a weird ending on chapter 2. Also I totally don't get the story at all, not trying to be rude or anything, but I just can't connect with the story.

---

6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

He's writing a weird crossover between the Warriors and Beyblade series. Firestar is the name of the protagonist of the first Warriors series, and a recurring but important character afterward. Darkstripe is the name of an antagonist. (Protip: It's about cats)

It's a rather odd mix though, and it's not exactly well written either...

---

"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends. Last night, I experienced something new: an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions about fine cooking is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto, "Anyone can cook." But I realize, only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist; but a great artist can come from anywhere."

-Anton Ego/Peter O'Toole (1932-2013)

Oh, I've seen that before, at books-a-million, thanks Ga'Hooloene, so it's about cats playing Beyblade?

---

6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

Ok let me explain.

Firestar was staring into the sky.

“Firestar, Oh Firestar.” Firestar stood up. He slowly spun around, his red hair flowing behind him.

“What do you want?” Darkstripe was more than he expected. Well actually, less. Darkstripe was 10.
He just snapped his fingers. Brambleclaw, Firstar’s cat, ran along.
“Where’s Tigerstar?” Firestar nodded to Brambleclaw as if to say a battle command.
“He’s coming!” Darkstripe shouted aggressively. “Tigerstar come on!”
A huge, brown, scarred tabby walked into the clearing. First it looked puzzled. But then it curled its lip into a snarl.
"Go on lad!" Firestar shouted at him. Just then a stray cat jumped down from a tree.
"Mrooow!" It screamed.
"Brambleclaw, whats he saying?"
The cat curled up its lip and snapped at Brambleclaw.

1:There not all cats
2:Firestar and Darkstripe are humans.
3:Tigerstar and Brambleclaw are cats.
4: That wasn't Chapter two. Its in progress.

But thanks. For not being mean.

---

Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

This isn't actually half bad IMO, but I'd suggest splitting up the sentences and dialogue a little bit. It's neater, easier to read, and makes your story appear longer. I'm not saying 5 spaces in between each paragraph, but a space or two to organize it.

I personally like it. Keep it up!

---

Come check out my Youtube Channel here! It's all about video games!

This isn't actually half bad IMO, but I'd suggest splitting up the sentences and dialogue a little bit. It's neater, easier to read, and makes your story appear longer. I'm not saying 5 spaces in between each paragraph, but a space or two to organize it.

I personally like it. Keep it up!

Thanks a lot! Really effects my story better.


Does anyone want me to post the script I was asked to right. People are actually going to perform it in front of people. Just so people know I'm not very experienced and I'm 10.

---

Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

This isn't actually half bad IMO, but I'd suggest splitting up the sentences and dialogue a little bit. It's neater, easier to read, and makes your story appear longer. I'm not saying 5 spaces in between each paragraph, but a space or two to organize it.

I personally like it. Keep it up!

Thanks a lot! Really effects my story better.


Does anyone want me to post the script I was asked to right. People are actually going to perform it in front of people. Just so people know I'm not very experienced and I'm 10.

So its a BeyBlade play?

I'd be interested in seeing the script.

The concept is really interesting so far, btw

---

Also, true lion gale force wall and fee-hee-heenay call

Well the first play isn't about beyblade but the other one Im writing for my friends is.
But would anyone like to see the non-beyblade one?

---

Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D