Ryuga you have out done yourself you are basically god in my books!!!! just wow!!!! and you made this up all on your own???

---

Chapter 6 out now!!! The Mysterious Dragon Blader (TMDB)
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fic...pid1745137
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Okay, here's the review:
Plot: 5/5. The plot advances quite a bit and seems very interesting.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. There's not much dialogue, but that's understandable as this is a more action oriented chapter.
Characterization: 5/5. They are new characters, so I don't really know them well enough to say what's in-character or out-of-character for them. The characterization within the chapter seems consistent though.
Grammar: 4.5/5. I noticed just one or two wrong choice of words but nothing too serious.
Action: 5/5. The action part is well-described and I liked it.
Overall: 24/25. Great chapter. Keep it up.
I used PinkRose's rating system except for the last one I replaced Battles with Action as this is not a Beyblade fic.

Okay thank you. This review seems fair.

---

Ryuga you have out done yourself you are basically god in my books!!!! just wow!!!! and you made this up all on your own???

If I were to be honest, I say that I had help from a friend of mine. I did make up some things, but I did have help from my friend. Thanks for the compliment.

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

well still even with the help of a friend it would have taken some big mindpower to come up with an idea like this you should publish it and let the whole world know

---

Chapter 6 out now!!! The Mysterious Dragon Blader (TMDB)
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fic...pid1745137
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well still even with the help of a friend it would have taken some big mindpower to come up with an idea like this you should publish it and let the whole world know

Um it'll take a long time. Writing a whole book, editing, etc takes about  2-3 year.

---

Ryuga you have out done yourself you are basically god in my books!!!! just wow!!!! and you made this up all on your own???

Saying "you are basically god in my books!!!!" maybe is a bit too much. I do appreciate your kindness, but I've seen and meet and talked to many writes that surpass me in writing.

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

Chapter 5: Titan Realm Tribulation

i'm batman
SSJBDoku
WorldKai

Spoiler (Click to View)

Six continued cultivating. He focused on Body Strength. This day he ran from morning to noon as far as he could. Then he did other physical exercises. He twisted his body in ways that strengthened his structure. His stamina and endurance increased, but eventually he collapsed. At the end of the day Six got numb in his entire body. He could barely get up the next day.
The next day, he cultivated, absorbing Qi from his surroundings. Preventing any Qi from leaking out, he guided the Qi into his body. The Qi satiated his hunger for Qi, but he always wanted more, sucking energy into himself.
He worked on Jalth, which is teleportation. Fast movements so fast and peculiar it felt as if you were passing through space-time. First, one would have to focus on one's destination. Then one would have to converge one's Qi to move to the desired destination. Then, one must pull his or her soul to the desired location. Six focused teleporting to his master, Quan Roth. After, he sent his absorbed Qi to the place where Quan Roth resided. He pulled his soul out of his body, his souls shuddering. This means of teleportation was dark. A Soul being ripped from it's body. Cruel and twisted. Six didn't care. Power was all he wanted. He would crush anything that stood in his way through the process. Suddenly, he landed in front of Quan Roth.

Quan Roth smiled.

"You have done well, child", coldly praised Quan Roth.


He Cultivated again Thursday, circulating his Qi and allowing his body to absorb some of it. Slowly his body adapts to this and starts readily absorbing Qi.
He started working on his Mental Strength Friday, and nobody had words to describe what he did. He pushed his mind toward other living things, manipulating them as he saw fit. It felt as if he was a three-dimensional being controlling inferior two-dimensional beings. Six was getting stronger second by second.

He worked on his Attacks on Saturday. He had many martial techniques, but no weapon. He didn’t care yet, but he knew eventually he would have to find his main weapon. His attacks varied. He used many styles of Fist Arts, and figured out how to use Qi to cloak his body as armor or manipulate it along a surface.

He Cultivated again Sunday, everyday trying to get to Titan Realm by condensing his Qi. And one day, he did.

His energy radiated a blue light, successfully condensing his energy into his Golden Core. The sphere structure of the Golden Core stood out, transcending a tribulation onto him. If he fails, he will be crippled and unable to continue cultivating. If he passes, he will reach Titan Realm.

---

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Really good Ryuga really enjoyable and really well written

---

Chapter 6 out now!!! The Mysterious Dragon Blader (TMDB)
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fic...pid1745137
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Chapter 6: Titan Realm

Spoiler (Click to View)

Suddenly, clouds began gathering. The sky rumbled as if to summon wicked powers. Mental Pressure weighed his consciousness down, slowing his thought process. Physical Pain pales in comparison to Mental pain. Mental Pain could disfigure one’s consciousness, which is more threatening than any type of physical torture. Six looked above at the sky, slowly, more and more clouds gathered.
“This is your tribulation child,” his master said
Just hearing his master’s voice subconsciously made him feel at ease and the Mental Pressure disappeared altogether. Now he only had to survive.
A dark shadow appeared before him. Rays of light bombarded him, making him scream.
It felt as if the Rays were piercing through his Soul itself. He tried to use his Qi against the rays to stop it, but they were all useless. No matter how much Qi he used, the tribulation rays ignored his attacks. Six desperately calculated, trying to find something that could withstand the rays.

The Golden Core! Yes! The Golden Core is the main prospect of Titan Realm, so the Tribulation should be related to it.

Six pulled out his Golden Core, using it as a shield to deflect the rays.

The rays shot through the Golden Core, burning it. The Golden Core began to absorb the rays, slowly and slowly refining it. More rays descended from the sky, making Six stumble.

The rays burnt holes through the Core, and Six felt his Qi dissipate. The Golden Core split asunder, bursting into thousands of pieces. The rays passed through Six, sucking all his Qi from him.

“What are you doing?”, icily asked Quan Roth. Quan Roth’s voice was soaked with disappointment.

Six bowed his head. The tribulation was too difficult. His Golden Core had been destroyed, so his hope of reaching Titan Realm was annihilated. Now, the rays of light would cripple him.

But, Six would not give up until he was still breathing,

The rays of light began to tear off his soul. The pain was agonizing, Six couldn’t resist it.

His Qi leaked out of his body, in strains. Six willed his Qi to go back into his body, and he began to converge Qi.

He combined his Qi, contracting into a sphere. The Golden Core began to form again, building piece by piece. He went inside into his soul, and absorbed Qi from it.

‘Soul Qi! Amazing. So this is the famed Soul Qi?’, thought Six joyfully

The Soul Qi was pulled into the Golden Core, strengthening it in a way his previous Golden Core never would have.

He pulled out his newly constructed Golden Core in front of the rays. The Golden Core began to spellbind the Rays, and new energy began to surge into Six’s veins.

Boom! Titan Realm!

Six smiled.

His master looked at him with a look Six had never gotten before. It was a look of astonishment and surprise.

“You are a lot more talented than I ever thought you would be. I have found the one that I have been seeking for”.

SSJBDoku
i'm batman

etc everyone who reads this. Please rate this chapter

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
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Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

Great book so far. Get it published. Maybe you can use my character in your book. Just pm me if your interested in using her.

---

Creator/owner of beyblade burst apocalypse.
Maiden will awaken and destroy genesis once more!
i have returned

By the way, The Protagonist is Six. Kinda like how Darth Vader was the protagonist. This guy is corrupt and power-hungry

---

Great book so far. Get it published. Maybe you can use my character in your book. Just pm me if your interested in using her.

I'm not done with the book, just 100 pages in total. I have to edit it, find mistakes, it'll take years.

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

By the way, The Protagonist is Six. Kinda like how Darth Vader was the protagonist. This guy is corrupt and power-hungry

---

Great book so far. Get it published. Maybe you can use my character in your book. Just pm me if your interested in using her.

I'm not done with the book, just 100 pages in total. I have to edit it, find mistakes, it'll take years.

I know just saying as a option in the future.

---

Creator/owner of beyblade burst apocalypse.
Maiden will awaken and destroy genesis once more!
i have returned

By the way, The Protagonist is Six. Kinda like how Darth Vader was the protagonist. This guy is corrupt and power-hungry

---

I'm not done with the book, just 100 pages in total. I have to edit it, find mistakes, it'll take years.

I know just saying as a option in the future.

i thought you left '-'

---

current owner of IGLOO GEYSERS
*simps for Aoyama*
leaving on the 27th of may T^T
(nvm- next week-

I know just saying as a option in the future.

i thought you left '-'

Please don't start a whole new argument. He's here, so he is. I'm SICK of this. This is my book's thread, so stay on topic.

---

By the way, The Protagonist is Six. Kinda like how Darth Vader was the protagonist. This guy is corrupt and power-hungry

---

I'm not done with the book, just 100 pages in total. I have to edit it, find mistakes, it'll take years.

I know just saying as a option in the future.

Yes. I will probaby do that. Thanks dude.

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

Ryuga this is amazing it keeps me on the edge of my seat every time that i read it can't wait for the next chapter

---

Chapter 6 out now!!! The Mysterious Dragon Blader (TMDB)
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fic...pid1745137
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Ryuga this is amazing it keeps me on the edge of my seat every time that i read it can't wait for the next chapter

Yes, I'll post it soon

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

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Chapter 8: Six’s Quest

Spoiler (Click to View)

That day, his master realized he was finally strong enough to go outside to the real world. His master knew just the place for him to increase his power even more.
“Arda is but a drop in the vast Ocean of Creation,” the master said.
“It is time for you to finally see how small and weak you really are.”
And with that, Six, for some reason, blacked out.
****
When Six woke up, he had no idea where he was. He looked around to see himself in a confined space. He saw ... water?
He looked around having no clue where he was; his usually calm mind began to panic. Then he heard his master’s voice.
“Calm yourself. You are now in the Depths,” his master said.
“The Depths?” Six asked questioningly.
“A world outside Arda,” his master answered.
“World outside Arda?!” Six said, astonished.
“You will adapt,” his master said plainly.
Six looked around again, this time taking the world around him. He jumped, and it was much harder than before. Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.
“I was making an air bubble around you, now it’s your turn,” said his master calmly.
He tried to gasp for breath but the dense air couldn’t come in. Think! He thought to himself.
“Tick Tock,” his master said.
He guessed this was similar to water in density, and he combined his Qi with the “Air” around him to make a sort of air he could breath. He gasped for breath. His master looked surprised.
“It’s very difficult to alter, combine, or create martial arts, and you did it easily, I will adapt to that. In that case, your quest should be a little harder to keep up.”
Six mentally cursed himself, “Why did this have to happen!”
His master said, “Now you will train here again, but once you are ready, you will have to find out what this world is. After that, I will take you to your quest.”
Six said to himself, “Will I ever get a break?” as his eyes faded to black once more.

*****

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

I love this series one of the best on WBO.
Really good story line and grammar.
The characters are really well produced and stick to their personality types well.

---

Chapter 6 out now!!! The Mysterious Dragon Blader (TMDB)
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fic...pid1745137
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Chapter 8: Six’s Quest

Spoiler (Click to View)

   That day, his master realized he was finally strong enough to go outside to the real world. His master knew just the place for him to increase his power even more.
“Arda is but a drop in the vast Ocean of Creation,” the master said.
“It is time for you to finally see how small and weak you really are.”
And with that, Six, for some reason, blacked out.
****
When Six woke up, he had no idea where he was. He looked around to see himself in a confined space. He saw ... water?
He looked around having no clue where he was; his usually calm mind began to panic. Then he heard his master’s voice.
“Calm yourself. You are now in the Depths,” his master said.
“The Depths?” Six asked questioningly.
“A world outside Arda,” his master answered.
“World outside Arda?!” Six said, astonished.
“You will adapt,” his master said plainly.
Six looked around again, this time taking the world around him. He jumped, and it was much harder than before. Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.
“I was making an air bubble around you, now it’s your turn,” said his master calmly.
He tried to gasp for breath but the dense air couldn’t come in. Think! He thought to himself.
“Tick Tock,” his master said.
He guessed this was similar to water in density, and he combined his Qi with the “Air” around him to make a sort of air he could breath. He gasped for breath. His master looked surprised.
“It’s very difficult to alter, combine, or create martial arts, and you did it easily, I will adapt to that. In that case, your quest should be a little harder to keep up.”
Six mentally cursed himself, “Why did this have to happen!”
His master said, “Now you will train here again, but once you are ready, you will have to find out what this world is. After that, I will take you to your quest.”
Six said to himself, “Will I ever get a break?” as his eyes faded to black once more.

*****

Great chapter! And the sink-or-swim mentor kind of personality fits Quan Roth well. I also love that Six is a bit snarky (I imagined him saying the last line not with a pained, afraid or tired expression but rather with an annoyed face).

---

DON'T CALL ME SHORT!1!!1!

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 8: Six’s Quest

Spoiler (Click to View)

   That day, his master realized he was finally strong enough to go outside to the real world. His master knew just the place for him to increase his power even more.
“Arda is but a drop in the vast Ocean of Creation,” the master said.
“It is time for you to finally see how small and weak you really are.”
And with that, Six, for some reason, blacked out.
****
When Six woke up, he had no idea where he was. He looked around to see himself in a confined space. He saw ... water?
He looked around having no clue where he was; his usually calm mind began to panic. Then he heard his master’s voice.
“Calm yourself. You are now in the Depths,” his master said.
“The Depths?” Six asked questioningly.
“A world outside Arda,” his master answered.
“World outside Arda?!” Six said, astonished.
“You will adapt,” his master said plainly.
Six looked around again, this time taking the world around him. He jumped, and it was much harder than before. Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.
“I was making an air bubble around you, now it’s your turn,” said his master calmly.
He tried to gasp for breath but the dense air couldn’t come in. Think! He thought to himself.
“Tick Tock,” his master said.
He guessed this was similar to water in density, and he combined his Qi with the “Air” around him to make a sort of air he could breath. He gasped for breath. His master looked surprised.
“It’s very difficult to alter, combine, or create martial arts, and you did it easily, I will adapt to that. In that case, your quest should be a little harder to keep up.”
Six mentally cursed himself, “Why did this have to happen!”
His master said, “Now you will train here again, but once you are ready, you will have to find out what this world is. After that, I will take you to your quest.”
Six said to himself, “Will I ever get a break?” as his eyes faded to black once more.

*****

Great chapter! And the sink-or-swim mentor kind of personality fits Quan Roth well. I also love that Six is a bit snarky (I imagined him saying the last line not with a pained, afraid or tired expression but rather with an annoyed face).

Yeah, Quan Roth's that type of character. Currently, he's the most powerful character by far. he could destroy the Entities with a snap. But, he can't, since the last spell of the Order of Light constrained him from harming The Entities. Also, yes, Six is that type of guy (um not guy Entity lol).

Well, any questions about this Book?

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

Great chapter! And the sink-or-swim mentor kind of personality fits Quan Roth well. I also love that Six is a bit snarky (I imagined him saying the last line not with a pained, afraid or tired expression but rather with an annoyed face).

Yeah, Quan Roth's that type of character. Currently, he's the most powerful character by far. he could destroy the Entities with a snap. But, he can't, since the last spell of the Order of Light constrained him from harming The Entities. Also, yes, Six is that type of guy (um not guy Entity lol).

Well, any questions about this Book?

Is Six the antagonist or a villain protagonist?

---

DON'T CALL ME SHORT!1!!1!

Spoiler (Click to View)

Yeah, Quan Roth's that type of character. Currently, he's the most powerful character by far. he could destroy the Entities with a snap. But, he can't, since the last spell of the Order of Light constrained him from harming The Entities. Also, yes, Six is that type of guy (um not guy Entity lol).

Well, any questions about this Book?

Is Six the antagonist or a villain protagonist?

not villian protagonist, Let's say he is a Evil Protagonist.

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

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Chapter 9: The Drunk Entities

Spoiler (Click to View)

Meanwhile, on Arda.
A huge flaw came into the Golden Era, not because of Entity Six but because of the Other Five Entities. The Entities felt very proud of the creations that they had made within Arda; their pride grew and grew until the thousands of centuries of peace clouded their vision. They had not realized that the world around them was changing rapidly. They had thought that they could mess with the powers of nature and escape unscathed. Their ignorance and pride destroyed the time of Hope and Peace.
Many conflicts broke out in Arda but they did not grow into a war because the Entities stopped it as soon as it started. Their power granted them the ability to change things in the world on a wide scale and because of this gift that fate had given them, they felt as if they were superior and that none could stand against them.
They grew lax in their defense of Arda. The Entities thought that the age of peace would never end. Their watchful gaze over Arda began to falter. A huge and intense war came over Arda, the races struggling to keep control of their territories. Centuries of peace devolved into The First War of The Races.
The Entities still in their blissful state of ignorance had no idea this was happening. The races looked back on these years in horror. These years already began being called the Dark Ages.
Horrified with the bloodshed and led by the newly matured Entities, the races created a peace treaty that would last for hundreds of years.
The Entities, in their quests, found a lost scripture of the Order of the Light, filled with cultivation secrets.
The secrets allowed them to fully cultivate the Celestial Realm. Their powers soared, crossing many bounds.
The Entities’s vision was clouded. They could not see the darkness that was sewing into Arda.
Alas, the Fall of Arda was imminent.

Character Contest Form:

Name:


Personality:


Appearance:

Speciality: (Mage, Necromancer, Cultivator, User of the Forsaken Tongue (Forsaken Tongue is different from Cultivation, it's a magic language), Warrior, Martial Artist, Monk,):


Backstory:


Powers:


Race: (Human, Elves, Dwarves, Dragon, Wyvern, Kraken, Shinigami, etc any race you can come up with):

---

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Name: Liam Alexander Franklin


Personality: Liam's personality is very close to that of the zodiac sign Leo the Lion.


Appearance: Liam has midnight black hair tied back into a tight man bun and a stubble beard. His eyes are green with red specks and he has a turned up nose. He is 1 metre and 75 centimetres tall. He is always wearing a Blue GI and black shoes

Speciality: Martial Artist


Backstory: Liam's Father's name is Benjamin and his mothers name is Amy and he was raise in a small village where they were always fighting because Wolfs and other dangerous animals and the occasional bandit were attacking them. One year his father caught a terrible cold and Liam had to step up to help the village fight and that's how he got his fighting skills.
He is only at the Mortal realm's first stage

Powers: None … yet but he has a lot of martial arts moves like: wolf fang fist, meteor rush and dragon crash


Race: Can it be Saiyan if it can't then I'll just go with Human

---

Chapter 6 out now!!! The Mysterious Dragon Blader (TMDB)
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fic...pid1745137
Check out and Subscribe to my youtube channel please
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Name: Liam Alexander Franklin


Personality: Liam's personality is very close to that of the zodiac sign Leo the Lion.


Appearance: Liam has midnight black hair tied back into a tight man bun and a stubble beard. His eyes are green with red specks and he has a turned up nose. He is 1 metre and 75 centimetres tall. He is always wearing a Blue GI and black shoes

Speciality: Martial Artist


Backstory: Liam's Father's name is Benjamin and his mothers name is Amy and he was raise in a small village where they were always fighting because Wolfs and other dangerous animals and the occasional bandit were attacking them. One year his father caught a terrible cold and Liam had to step up to help the village fight and that's how he got his fighting skills.
He is only at the Mortal realm's first stage

Powers: None … yet but he has a lot of martial arts moves like: wolf fang fist, meteor rush and dragon crash


Race: Can it be Saiyan if it can't then I'll just go with Human

Good, but I will point out a few mistakes.

1. Personality. You have to use at least 5 sentences to describe it.
2. For the first stage of Mortal Realm, that is only for those who are Cultivators
3. It cannot be Saiyan because this is my book, and copying Saiyan from Dragon Ball will be copyright and I will be fined.

Otherwise, it's good.

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
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Alright then i'll go into a bit of depth then. BTW remove wolf fang fist and meteor rush because that is from dragon ball go with air blades and human wrecking ball
personality:
Liam's mostly warm, passionate, and dynamic. He delights in opportunities to let his charismatic, inclusive personality shine. And like the lion that represents him, Liam is also strong, brave, and ready to dominate everything he sets out to do. Once Liam sets a goal, he pursues it with a single-minded determination. If Liam sets his mind on something, everyone better get out of his way! Liam is also a natural born leader his charisma draws people to him, and his self-confidence inspires trust in his abilities. Additionally, his generosity and optimism breeds loyalty in those he leads. Don't get on his bad side though because he will destroy you literally.

By the way can Liam change to cultivator with some martial arts skill if not just completely change him to cultivator hope this works well enjoy

---

Chapter 6 out now!!! The Mysterious Dragon Blader (TMDB)
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fic...pid1745137
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Chapter 10: The Depths

Spoiler (Click to View)

Six woke up again, but unlike before, this time he woke up in a whole different world.
Now instead of doing a separate training session each day, he did a little of each thing. He did mental exercises in the morning. He cultivated all different types and worked on his Martial Arts, in the afternoon and evening. His old training schedule got compressed to one day and he had to do it Every. Single. Day. He enjoyed one thing though. He liked his “jogs” because he got to see all the diverse terrain and races.
He saw hundreds of Merpeople, similar to humans. They were like cockroaches, everywhere they shouldn’t be. They jumped and walked like it was Earth, but for Six each step required effort. This showed the difference of the realms.
He saw only a few Giant Crabs because they were busy mining underneath the tough ground. If Dwarves mined here they would love the ores so much they would stay here forever. But only if they even could dig into the ground with their strength in the first place.
He never heard a Siren, thankfully. He would probably get entranced like all the others that have heard their songs. They were beautiful creatures, but don’t get too close, because they will tear you to shreds. Since now, species realize the dangers of a Siren. The Sirens have to use their hypnotic singing to get people to come to them.
He was glad he had never seen a kraken, but he knew they were the real rulers of this world. Each of them could paralyze you with just their glare, sort of like Dragon Fear from Arda’s dragons. Only strong wills could even break out of this. Their raw strength was even more frightening. They could create storms kilometers across. Six dreaded the day he would ever meet one.

Krakens were the result of the mixture shamanistic magic in the Depths and the effects of the water.

Such terrifying creatures had been formed by those two things. Six knew that he would have to put on his guard thoroughly. Titan Realm is powerful, but Titan Realm wasn’t even the beginning of Cultivation. Cultivation Levels were Infinite.

Suddenly darkness twirls began to form out of nowhere, twirling and twisting. A figure came into being, and he said, "You're quest begins now. Kill or be killed".

i'm batman
SSJBDoku

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.