The True Snipe of Revenge - A Novel - You Give Character Requets, YOU DIE!

“The True Snipe of Revenge”

Prologue:
It was a cold and windy night. Atop a lonely hill, stood a sniper, his name was unknown to his targets, only his title, "The Gillie of Death", was known and feared by all......

Chapter 1 "Izuma (Click to View)

Chapter 2 The Missing Piece (Click to View)

Chapter 3 The Attack on the Incura (Click to View)

Chapter 4 How He Died (Click to View)

Chapter 5 Impossible, Alive?! (Click to View)

Chapter 6 (Click to View)
Chapter 7a, Re-united, The Twelve Shadows! (Click to View)
Chapter 7b The World Swordsmanship Championships – Round 1! (Click to View)
*sobs* Loved.....every.....last....word. Its a masterpice XD XD XD
thanks, im working on chapter 6 right now, SPARTA, PLEASE CnC THIS!!!! I NEED YOUR EXPERTISE
Did you mean "True".
yeah, thanks for pointing that typo out Kai-V
Does anyone read this?
thats really great keep it up!
Thanks! But I really should make the chapters longer, almost done with chap 6, will be posted tomorrow
(Oct. 01, 2011  6:27 PM)Izuma Inzori Wrote: Thanks! But I really should make the chapters longer, almost done with chap 6, will be posted tomorrow

Can't wait...I think you forgot to post chapter 6?
It's pretty good...minus the comma errors. One of these days I'll offer to edit it, but I'm feeling kinda lazy. I'll point out an example instead.

All of the men gasped (Independent Clause), I was shocked (Independent Clause), it was Izuma (Independent clause)! Essentially, a run-on comma splice. Try saying this:

All of the men gasped, and I was taken aback; it was Izuma!

Now, you have an independent clause, followed by a conjunction attached to an independent clause, making it dependent, finished off with a semi-colon to avoid a comma-splice so you can use that last independent clause.
Thanks Temp Grin Chap 6 is almost done, had a writers block...........
Enjoy Chapter 6 Grin
Chapter 7a is up! CnCs please!
this is a writing art of masterpiece
(Oct. 25, 2011  6:08 AM)Destroy24 Wrote: this is a writing art of masterpiece

Thanks! hope others feel the same Grin
Chapter 7b is now up!
Wait, you wanted some critiquing? OK, uhm...I'm a little rusty on reviewing, but here's one for chapter 1:

1) Give us a bit o' background on this guy. Who is he? Why is he a sniper? Maybe just only gives us a bit, a teaser if you will, to keep us intrigued in the character.

2) DESCRIPTION!~What sounds did the helicopter make when it landed? What color were the generals eyes? Does this guy have a scar on his face? All good stuff.

3)
yep, good point Sparta, will fix that when I do chapter 8
Here to point out a typo in the first paragraph of chapter one. Loose in place of lose.
Difference: (Click to View)

I'm sure you know the difference. This is where Microsoft Word doesn't compare to reading it thoroughly in terms of reliability. I would encourage you to read it a few times then put it in Microsoft word, to fix any errors you may have missed.

Ah, sorry. I'm not too sure on military abbreviations Tongue_out
yep, thanks Mushy Grin and since it is a military - stealth organization story, KIA, MIA, AWOL, all are general terms