There was a man who suddenly got struck by a beyblade. LIGHTNIG L-DRAGO! said the man. Out came Ryuga. It's you said the man. I need the power said Ryuga. You cannot control it Ryuga said the man. Well than DRAGON EMPEROR DESTRUCTION! His beyblade preformed his special move on the man. Only skeletons remained.

End of Prelogue.

---

Is this trolling? If not, you really need to add more content, work on your spelling, and use quotations.

---

“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

Lier

---

Lier

He's not lying. He's giving you tips to make a better story.
Keep an open mind to criticism.

If you listen and consider what ultramarine said, you can make a better story.

Like kyler said, if you want to argue, pm me, he's right.

---

Also, true lion gale force wall and fee-hee-heenay call

1. He didn't say anything that can be objected as the truth or a lie.
2. Don't call people names.
3. Take it to PM.
4. No one word posts.

---

6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

Okay

---

I don't okay

---

Guys, calm down. No need to get frustrated by what's going on and yell at each other.

That being said, Armadurn isn't trolling. It's his prologue, just horribly done.

You can't just come up with something and make the prologue a short three sentences with so much going on. You either need to lengthen the prologue or get down to the point in those few sentences. I'd suggest taking time to think of something for Chapter 1 instead of letting it come to your mind while you're writing. Otherwise, people are gonna look at this and be like, "Ain't nobody got time for that." Also, grammar (Commas, hyphens, quotations, etc.) and spelling are needed desperately.

---

Come check out my Youtube Channel here! It's all about video games!

Okay BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Baby

---

Chapter 1 is up baby!

Spoiler (Click to View)

"Hi!" I said.

"What's up!" said my friend, Nick.

We are going to the BeyPark.

"Who's that?" says my friend,

There is a guy with very pointy hair and he has sharp teeth.

"Who are you?" I ask him.

"I am Taka and I will win this tourney" he says.!

"Well Mr. Taco I'm afraid I will win." I respond,

"Little girl you won't win against me, TAKA" he says.

" I'm a boy and my name is Kyle!"

"Well then prove it!" he says.

I launch my bey at his face.

Taka screams!

"What was that?!" he says.

"My strength." I say.

Then the cops come.

"Ma'am your under arest." they say.

"My name is Kyle and I'm a Boy!" I yell.

"You have the right to remain silent." they say.

I break through them and run.

I find my friend Nick and we run.

"What did you do?" he asks.

"Be quite and run!" I say.

"You little baby girl come back!!!" screams Taka.

"I launch my beyblade at him. It hits his eye.

"LITTLE BABY!" he yells.

Just then a cop shoots a dart at me. I faint.

The end of Chapter 1 of BeyPower

---

My name is Bob and I live in a hut for 14 years with a big fat butt!

So how do you like it?

---

It's pretty funny, but lots of grammar and punctuation mistakes...

Well, try to put more content:\

---

Signature credit to Leet.o

Spoiler (Click to View)

Threads you should read:

Pony King ? God, can't believe I typed this. I have to put my keyboard in the dishwasher now...

dude are you a gangster

LOL did you asked Midnight to take that pic?

When a monochrome picture is posted on WBO, it doesn't mean that it's always from Midnight.

I wouldn't trust someone with that many Cancer faces.

Well damn.

@[The Supreme One] Soul Baez V145AS

There's nothing else really to do or say except wait for the Superbowl, but I'm only here so I don't get fined.



Time. *gets up and leaves*

We won't have tournaments in the winter. Cause we are not one of those Canadian people where they just go outside like nothing happened to their hands.

i like my coffee like i like my men B)



i don't like coffee

I never have.

*Ginga*.. you're drunk bro... go home.. : )

Tbh SGMS & BDMS are kinda worthless.
MSUV is a far better spent investment; DGMF is even better IMO.

Um what? You're just saying that because you're a dragoon fanboy...

Why would I be suspended????

HMS summarised:




Anything not Tornado Type S:  Wolborg will leave you #rekt




Otherwise:  Go crazy with Ultimate Grip Flat 




For something less cookie-cutter:  Jiraiya sure is sexy

Is Wolborg 2 useless for competitive play?

Extremely useless. 
Now, if you come upon one I'll just PM you my address so you can throw it away. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I wasn't looking for Beyblade Underwear, I swear

A lot of grammar fails, and this is way too short. You should only go to a new line when a new dialouge begins. Like so:
I break through them and run. I find my friend Nick and we run.

"What did you do?" he asks.

But still, it makes you sound like a robot with sentences like these.

---

Chapter 2 is up! Hope you enjoy!

Spoiler (Click to View)

I wake up.

"Oh it was just a dream!" I say.

"It was no dream." says a man.

"Your a police officer!" I say.

"NOOOOOOOB" he says.

"What?" I ask.

"Mama come to me!" he says.

I realize he is mental.

I scream for help.

"What's the-" start my mom.

"Who's that?!" she asks uncalm.

"I don't know..." I say.

My mom goes over and kicks him.

He screams. "I will avenge you mama!"

My mom is startled. Just then he launches a beyblade at her.

My mom dodges it and shoots her bey at her.

"Go Ray Striker!" she says.

My mom easily wins the fight when she hits the bey in the place where you don't want to be hit.

The man falls over and disappears.

"Who was that mom?" I ask.

"That was one of the rollers that the stupid hobo Ginga sends at us." she says.

"What are they?" I ask.

"They're called Dopie's and they act like there mental to make you feel sorry and then they attack" she explains.

"Why are they after us?" I ask.

"Ginga sends them along with strange dreams" she says.

"I had one! Why is Ginga after us? I thought he was good."

"He thinks we started the war that killed all his friends." she says.

"We didn't though..." I say.

My mom smiles. "Leave it to me Kyle. You go on to school."

I get to school and see Nick. "Hey what's up bro?" I say.

"Ready for the epic battle?" he asks.

"Of course!" I say.

" 3 2 1 Let it Rip!" we yell.

"Go Ray Gil" I say.

"Go Cyclone Herculeo" says Nick.

Our Beys attack. I win the clash and send his bey out of the stadium.

"Ha I win again!" I say.

"Good job Kyle. I wish we could get new beys, but the government won't let us." he says.

"The Garcias are something alright." I say.

The Garcias control the Brazillion government where me and Kyle live. As far as I know my mom is the only person with a Bey that the Garcias don't have.

"What did you say?" says someone behind me.

I turn and see the Garcias.

"Run!" I yell.

Me and Nick take off. I launch my Bey at one of the brothers. It hits his eye.

"YOU LITTLE BABY GIRL!!!" he yells.

I run, but someone shoots a dart at me. I have a strange feeling of déjà vu before I pass out.

End of Chapter 2

---

It was a bit better than the last, but work on your grammar and punctuation
P.s. u said "brazillion" and it's "Brazilian"

---

Signature credit to Leet.o

Spoiler (Click to View)

Threads you should read:

Pony King ? God, can't believe I typed this. I have to put my keyboard in the dishwasher now...

dude are you a gangster

LOL did you asked Midnight to take that pic?

When a monochrome picture is posted on WBO, it doesn't mean that it's always from Midnight.

I wouldn't trust someone with that many Cancer faces.

Well damn.

@[The Supreme One] Soul Baez V145AS

There's nothing else really to do or say except wait for the Superbowl, but I'm only here so I don't get fined.



Time. *gets up and leaves*

We won't have tournaments in the winter. Cause we are not one of those Canadian people where they just go outside like nothing happened to their hands.

i like my coffee like i like my men B)



i don't like coffee

I never have.

*Ginga*.. you're drunk bro... go home.. : )

Tbh SGMS & BDMS are kinda worthless.
MSUV is a far better spent investment; DGMF is even better IMO.

Um what? You're just saying that because you're a dragoon fanboy...

Why would I be suspended????

HMS summarised:




Anything not Tornado Type S:  Wolborg will leave you #rekt




Otherwise:  Go crazy with Ultimate Grip Flat 




For something less cookie-cutter:  Jiraiya sure is sexy

Is Wolborg 2 useless for competitive play?

Extremely useless. 
Now, if you come upon one I'll just PM you my address so you can throw it away. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I wasn't looking for Beyblade Underwear, I swear

It was a bit better than the last, but work on your grammar and punctuation
P.s. u said "brazillion" and it's "Brazilian"

Butt do you like the story?

---

It's OK, it's funny but the bad grammar and punctuation kinda kills the story

---

Signature credit to Leet.o

Spoiler (Click to View)

Threads you should read:

Pony King ? God, can't believe I typed this. I have to put my keyboard in the dishwasher now...

dude are you a gangster

LOL did you asked Midnight to take that pic?

When a monochrome picture is posted on WBO, it doesn't mean that it's always from Midnight.

I wouldn't trust someone with that many Cancer faces.

Well damn.

@[The Supreme One] Soul Baez V145AS

There's nothing else really to do or say except wait for the Superbowl, but I'm only here so I don't get fined.



Time. *gets up and leaves*

We won't have tournaments in the winter. Cause we are not one of those Canadian people where they just go outside like nothing happened to their hands.

i like my coffee like i like my men B)



i don't like coffee

I never have.

*Ginga*.. you're drunk bro... go home.. : )

Tbh SGMS & BDMS are kinda worthless.
MSUV is a far better spent investment; DGMF is even better IMO.

Um what? You're just saying that because you're a dragoon fanboy...

Why would I be suspended????

HMS summarised:




Anything not Tornado Type S:  Wolborg will leave you #rekt




Otherwise:  Go crazy with Ultimate Grip Flat 




For something less cookie-cutter:  Jiraiya sure is sexy

Is Wolborg 2 useless for competitive play?

Extremely useless. 
Now, if you come upon one I'll just PM you my address so you can throw it away. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I wasn't looking for Beyblade Underwear, I swear

The stories so random lol...

A little suggestion. Try writing it in paragraph form, unless this is a kind of roleplay thing you're doing.

There's barely any description of what is actually happening. I'm sure you have good ideas for this, but you have to make sure it's presentable first.

Definitely work on your punctuation and grammar.

---

l Buying Thread l

I like it, but i would add more detail, like "The bey came out of nowhere. The design looked strangely familiar. But before the man could recognize it, Ryuga came, seemingly from the shadows. As the bey spun, Ryuga said "You have something that you are hiding. You thought I couldn't tell, didn't you?". As the man denied this, Ryuga destroyed the man's bey, without even lifting a finger. The man knew Ryuga was on to him, and refused to tell. Before he could end the sentence, l-drago preformed it's special move on the man, but not at full power. Ryuga left the man weakened and hurt. As the day turned to night, Ryuga slipped back into the shadows. Ryuga knew he couldn't finish the man off. He had too much secrets to spill, and Ryuga was determined to get them, one way, or another."

I like it, but i would add more detail, like "The bey came out of nowhere. The design looked strangely familiar. But before the man could recognize it, Ryuga came, seemingly from the shadows. As the bey spun, Ryuga said "You have something that you are hiding. You thought I couldn't tell, didn't you?". As the man denied this, Ryuga destroyed the man's bey, without even lifting a finger. The man knew Ryuga was on to him, and refused to tell. Before he could end the sentence, l-drago preformed it's special move on the man, with the man's life now attached by only a single thread. As the day turned to night, Ryuga slipped back into the shadows. Ryuga knew he couldn't finish the man off. He had too much secrets to spill, and Ryuga was determined to get them, one way, or another."

Didn't Ryuga

Spoiler (Click to View)

Die

though?