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+--- Thread: The Bey Power (/Thread-The-Bey-Power)
The Bey Power - Chuck the Duck - Jul. 10, 2013
There was a man who suddenly got struck by a beyblade. LIGHTNIG L-DRAGO! said the man. Out came Ryuga. It's you said the man. I need the power said Ryuga. You cannot control it Ryuga said the man. Well than DRAGON EMPEROR DESTRUCTION! His beyblade preformed his special move on the man. Only skeletons remained.
End of Prelogue.
RE: The Bey Power - Dual - Jul. 10, 2013
Is this trolling? If not, you really need to add more content, work on your spelling, and use quotations.
RE: The Bey Power - Chuck the Duck - Jul. 11, 2013
Lier
RE: The Bey Power - Leone19 - Jul. 11, 2013
(Jul. 11, 2013 4:15 PM)Armadurn Wrote: Lier
He's not lying. He's giving you tips to make a better story.
Keep an open mind to criticism.
If you listen and consider what ultramarine said, you can make a better story.
Like kyler said, if you want to argue, pm me, he's right.
RE: The Bey Power - 6 God - Jul. 11, 2013
1. He didn't say anything that can be objected as the truth or a lie.
2. Don't call people names.
3. Take it to PM.
4. No one word posts.
RE: The Bey Power - Chuck the Duck - Jul. 12, 2013
Okay
I don't okay
RE: The Bey Power - DefStamina88 - Jul. 20, 2013
Guys, calm down. No need to get frustrated by what's going on and yell at each other.
That being said, Armadurn isn't trolling. It's his prologue, just horribly done.
You can't just come up with something and make the prologue a short three sentences with so much going on. You either need to lengthen the prologue or get down to the point in those few sentences. I'd suggest taking time to think of something for Chapter 1 instead of letting it come to your mind while you're writing. Otherwise, people are gonna look at this and be like, "Ain't nobody got time for that." Also, grammar (Commas, hyphens, quotations, etc.) and spelling are needed desperately.
RE: The Bey Power - Chuck the Duck - Jul. 24, 2013
Okay BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Baby
RE: The Bey Power - Chuck the Duck - Nov. 09, 2013
Chapter 1 is up baby!
Spoiler (Click to View)
My name is Bob and I live in a hut for 14 years with a big fat butt!
So how do you like it?
RE: The Bey Power - RagerBlade - Nov. 09, 2013
It's pretty funny, but lots of grammar and punctuation mistakes...
RE: The Bey Power - DRAGON KING - Nov. 09, 2013
Well, try to put more content:\
RE: The Bey Power - Bularieleone - Nov. 09, 2013
A lot of grammar fails, and this is way too short. You should only go to a new line when a new dialouge begins. Like so:
I break through them and run. I find my friend Nick and we run.
"What did you do?" he asks.
But still, it makes you sound like a robot with sentences like these.
RE: The Bey Power - Chuck the Duck - Nov. 09, 2013
Chapter 2 is up! Hope you enjoy!
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: The Bey Power - DRAGON KING - Nov. 09, 2013
It was a bit better than the last, but work on your grammar and punctuation
P.s. u said "brazillion" and it's "Brazilian"
RE: The Bey Power - Chuck the Duck - Nov. 09, 2013
(Nov. 09, 2013 4:22 PM)DRAGON KING Wrote: It was a bit better than the last, but work on your grammar and punctuationButt do you like the story?
P.s. u said "brazillion" and it's "Brazilian"
RE: The Bey Power - DRAGON KING - Nov. 09, 2013
It's OK, it's funny but the bad grammar and punctuation kinda kills the story
RE: The Bey Power - RagerBlade - Nov. 11, 2013
The stories so random lol...
RE: The Bey Power - xSora10 - Nov. 12, 2013
A little suggestion. Try writing it in paragraph form, unless this is a kind of roleplay thing you're doing.
There's barely any description of what is actually happening. I'm sure you have good ideas for this, but you have to make sure it's presentable first.
Definitely work on your punctuation and grammar.
RE: The Bey Power - TC01017 - Nov. 12, 2013
I like it, but i would add more detail, like "The bey came out of nowhere. The design looked strangely familiar. But before the man could recognize it, Ryuga came, seemingly from the shadows. As the bey spun, Ryuga said "You have something that you are hiding. You thought I couldn't tell, didn't you?". As the man denied this, Ryuga destroyed the man's bey, without even lifting a finger. The man knew Ryuga was on to him, and refused to tell. Before he could end the sentence, l-drago preformed it's special move on the man, but not at full power. Ryuga left the man weakened and hurt. As the day turned to night, Ryuga slipped back into the shadows. Ryuga knew he couldn't finish the man off. He had too much secrets to spill, and Ryuga was determined to get them, one way, or another."
RE: The Bey Power - RagerBlade - Nov. 13, 2013
(Nov. 12, 2013 4:21 AM)TC01017 Wrote: I like it, but i would add more detail, like "The bey came out of nowhere. The design looked strangely familiar. But before the man could recognize it, Ryuga came, seemingly from the shadows. As the bey spun, Ryuga said "You have something that you are hiding. You thought I couldn't tell, didn't you?". As the man denied this, Ryuga destroyed the man's bey, without even lifting a finger. The man knew Ryuga was on to him, and refused to tell. Before he could end the sentence, l-drago preformed it's special move on the man, with the man's life now attached by only a single thread. As the day turned to night, Ryuga slipped back into the shadows. Ryuga knew he couldn't finish the man off. He had too much secrets to spill, and Ryuga was determined to get them, one way, or another."Didn't Ryuga
Spoiler (Click to View)