Part 1

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"NO MOMMY NOO"
BOOM
Earlier That Day
It was a peaceful day at the village hidden in the Sky, just like another day. Adults talking, children playing, stuff like that. That was until they came. This is how it went:
"Hey mom do you here something? It sounds like horse's and men in armor." I said suspiciously.
"Honey go get Tobio (My Little Brother) And Hide." My mother replied. I had never seen her so scared before.
"But wh-"
"I SAID NOW!" I now realize why she said that
At Town Hall
"Alright men, some of you won't survive this battle, but we must do this for the sake of our village. We must crush the empire. So Who's with me!" the village leader Kai said.
YEAH LET'S GO LET'S DO THIS! Those chant's came to a hault very quickly. They hit town hall with a suprise arieal attack. Back at my home there was a shady looking women coming inside
"Where's the boy?" She asked
"You'll never know" My mom replied firmly
"Then you'll do just fine as a replacement." She said while getting her Katana drawn
"MOMMY NOOO"
"Tobio look out!"
And that was the last time I had ever saw my family, my village. All of my memories reduced to ashes. But there is no time to look in the past, no it's far too late for that. I just have to keep on pushing foward.
~To be continued

Part 2!

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A year had passed since that horrible night, I had found a teacher, he goes by the name of Hawkeye. He's teaching me about the ways of the assassin, teaching me how to use my bow and my katana. Today is the day of my assassin's test.
"It's time Yuichi. You must defeat me in battle using deadly force only."
"Alright let's do this!"
"BEGIN"
I quickly hid in the trees, listening to the sounds of the wind.
"There"
I drew my bow, loaded with three arrows, and shot.
"Got him"
"Not quite." He thought he had me. Good thing he taught me about making clones. He didnt know I had rigged the clone with explosives.
BOOM
"Whew.. that was close" he said
"Go Now! Shadow Wing Smashing Strike!" my pet eagle and I came with great force, he had turned into a pheonix Katana.
"Game over" I said.
"Yuichi hide" Just then I started having flashbacks. I knew they were back, and they are coming after me
~Part 3 Soon!

Part 3

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They were the same people, but the were bigger, better, and stronger.  I'm talking about tank's, men with wrist rockets, and force fields.  
"I'm not gonna way this time master! Let's go Zues (my bird)!" I exclaimed
Master smiled,"Then we shall fight to the death!"
Some of the other villagers were helping, and that helped to get to my nightmare.  The one who murdered my brother and mother.  She is a woman who has Jet Black hair with purple highlights, a tight black shirt with a black leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and a Kantana and a Bow, just like me.
"We meet again" I said. Zues seemed really afraid
"Indeed" Then our blades clashed. We jumped back and both drew our bows, loaded with two arrows each.  It was weird, we both had the same attack patterns. 
"Secret Move: Shadow Strike!" Just then, out of nowhere, she came out of my shadow and tripped me. She had her blade pointed right at me.
"Mother always feared this would come, that's why she threw me out like Garbage when I was just seven."  I thought she was going crazy.
"What are you talking about?!" I said
"Of course she never told you.  I'm your sister.  My name is Aoi.  Mom didn't like my powers from Satan so she got rid of me." I was so speechless. 
"B-But if your my sister, then why do you keep attacking me.  Why are you so evil." I said
"Because, our father.... Is Satan himself."
~Part 4 Soon

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Thanks Charizard3 for the Signature!
My Google+ My Skype: samuraifraid1 My Facebook My Twitter My Instagram

New part up!
Part 3

Spoiler (Click to View)

They were the same people, but the were bigger, better, and stronger. I'm talking about tank's, men with wrist rockets, and force fields.
"I'm not gonna way this time master! Let's go Zues (my bird)!" I exclaimed
Master smiled,"Then we shall fight to the death!"
Some of the other villagers were helping, and that helped to get to my nightmare. The one who murdered my brother and mother. She is a woman who has Jet Black hair with purple highlights, a tight black shirt with a black leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and a Kantana and a Bow, just like me.
"We meet again" I said. Zues seemed really afraid
"Indeed" Then our blades clashed. We jumped back and both drew our bows, loaded with two arrows each. It was weird, we both had the same attack patterns.
"Secret Move: Shadow Strike!" Just then, out of nowhere, she came out of my shadow and tripped me. She had her blade pointed right at me.
"Mother always feared this would come, that's why she threw me out like Garbage when I was just seven." I thought she was going crazy.
"What are you talking about?!" I said
"Of course she never told you. I'm your sister. My name is Aoi. Mom didn't like my powers from Satan so she got rid of me." I was so speechless.
"B-But if your my sister, then why do you keep attacking me. Why are you so evil." I said
"Because, our father.... Is Satan himself."
~Part 4 Soon

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Spoiler (Click to View)

Thanks Charizard3 for the Signature!
My Google+ My Skype: samuraifraid1 My Facebook My Twitter My Instagram

Part 3 is up!

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Spoiler (Click to View)

Thanks Charizard3 for the Signature!
My Google+ My Skype: samuraifraid1 My Facebook My Twitter My Instagram

A pretty good idea for a story. I'm not sure why this hasn't got many views. Not a lot of people end up on the Your Creations part of this forum anyway so i guess thats why.

Well, It's good. But not great. There are lots of small errors, like spelling and grammar mistakes, but the main thing you have to do is describe. Just describe every single important detail to it's fulllest. Really after you do that this will be a pretty good story. I'll keep reading, but only if I see some real description, even if it's only a small paragraph of it, in the next chapter you write. I'll give you more tips from there.

"Some of the other villagers were helping, and that helped to get to my nightmare. The one who murdered my brother and mother. She is a woman who has Jet Black hair with purple highlights, a tight black shirt with a black leather"
This is a fairly good description. You could add something like "her eyes matched that of a raven's" to reinforce that she is evil.

"Then our blades clashed. We jumped back and both drew our bows, loaded with two arrows each. It was weird, we both had the same attack patterns. " Here, explain what types of attack patterns there are for a better description.

Just do stuff like this in the next chapter and your story will be much better!

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Thanks to Synth for the sig and the avatar
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“I thought the devil was a goat-man with a curly beard and horns. I was wrong. Now I know the devil has no face… Literally.”
Read my new story Faceless. It's promised to be bigger and better than my last one.
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