Hi there guys, I've been planning a star wars story for a while now, here is a short section from what i have written, and please tell me whether you like it or not, and anything else constructive.
STAR WARS - A GALAXY DIVIDED
Teaser
Dyzek woke up from the sudden splash of water across his face. “Get up you snivelling idiot, it’s time to get to get rid of you†shouted the slave master furiously at Dyzek. He got up from his bed, still half asleep. “Now go over there and get a wash, we don’t want our buyers thinking that one of our finest slaves lives like a bantha now, do we?†Dyzek calmly walked over to the shower, trying not to look angry. Suddenly he felt a shrieking pain down his back from where the slave master was whipping him. He screamed. “Shut up you fool! Get over and get a wash!†Dyzek got up from his crouched position on the floor, and walked over the shower, whilst the pain of where the whip had previously hit still stung on his skin. As he was walking, the pain increased as he was hit again on his back for a second time. He screamed even louder than before. The pain was unbearable. He turned around, with a menacing look in his eye. He could tell the slave master was scared, but tried he was trying not to show it. Dyzek tried to grab the whip from the slave master’s hands, but his grip was tight. They wrestled around in his cell for a few moments, until finally Dyzek forced the whip out of the slave master’s hand. Without any remorse, He started to whip the slave master with the whip several times, building his power up from the pain that could be heard in his screams. All of a sudden, the door burst down and several Gammoreans charged through, and that was the last thing he could remember.
Dyzek woke up. The room he was in was even smaller than the last one, and lacked basic supplies such as a bed or a toilet. All that was in the room was a plate with a small amount of food on it, and other than that there was nothing but a desolate, grey room. He placed his hand on his head, feeling the colossal bruise on his forehead that was from where he had been hit by the Gammorean. It bulged up from his head, like magma trying to break through the thick crust of a planet. He sat up from the cold floor beneath him and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain on his head. After what he had done, was he ever going to leave this prison? If he did, it would most likely be for his execution. Dyzek focused on the world around him, trying to channel out everything that was on his mind. He could faintly hear conversation from outside his cell door, but he couldn’t hear them well enough. As he kept listening, the voices got louder, and he was beginning to make out what they were saying. There were two people. The first voice was one of a man that obviously worked as a guard at the prison, and a second of which was unknown to him. The voices were getting increasingly closer to his door, and he wondered if they were coming for him. After what he had done, he had no doubt that he would be sentenced to death, so the voice he did not recognise was probably that of an executioner.
STAR WARS - A GALAXY DIVIDED
Teaser
Dyzek woke up from the sudden splash of water across his face. “Get up you snivelling idiot, it’s time to get to get rid of you†shouted the slave master furiously at Dyzek. He got up from his bed, still half asleep. “Now go over there and get a wash, we don’t want our buyers thinking that one of our finest slaves lives like a bantha now, do we?†Dyzek calmly walked over to the shower, trying not to look angry. Suddenly he felt a shrieking pain down his back from where the slave master was whipping him. He screamed. “Shut up you fool! Get over and get a wash!†Dyzek got up from his crouched position on the floor, and walked over the shower, whilst the pain of where the whip had previously hit still stung on his skin. As he was walking, the pain increased as he was hit again on his back for a second time. He screamed even louder than before. The pain was unbearable. He turned around, with a menacing look in his eye. He could tell the slave master was scared, but tried he was trying not to show it. Dyzek tried to grab the whip from the slave master’s hands, but his grip was tight. They wrestled around in his cell for a few moments, until finally Dyzek forced the whip out of the slave master’s hand. Without any remorse, He started to whip the slave master with the whip several times, building his power up from the pain that could be heard in his screams. All of a sudden, the door burst down and several Gammoreans charged through, and that was the last thing he could remember.
Dyzek woke up. The room he was in was even smaller than the last one, and lacked basic supplies such as a bed or a toilet. All that was in the room was a plate with a small amount of food on it, and other than that there was nothing but a desolate, grey room. He placed his hand on his head, feeling the colossal bruise on his forehead that was from where he had been hit by the Gammorean. It bulged up from his head, like magma trying to break through the thick crust of a planet. He sat up from the cold floor beneath him and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain on his head. After what he had done, was he ever going to leave this prison? If he did, it would most likely be for his execution. Dyzek focused on the world around him, trying to channel out everything that was on his mind. He could faintly hear conversation from outside his cell door, but he couldn’t hear them well enough. As he kept listening, the voices got louder, and he was beginning to make out what they were saying. There were two people. The first voice was one of a man that obviously worked as a guard at the prison, and a second of which was unknown to him. The voices were getting increasingly closer to his door, and he wondered if they were coming for him. After what he had done, he had no doubt that he would be sentenced to death, so the voice he did not recognise was probably that of an executioner.
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