TAKE THIS DOWN NOW IT IS NOT APPROPIATE FOR WBO MY BAD SORRY

Hey this is my new fanfic that's based off one piece as i know it.


Prologue:



“NOW DANIEL, FINISH HIM,” Sensei called to me from where he lay on the ground beaten and bruised.

“YES, SENSEI,” I Called back raising then bringing the blade in my hands down upon my opponents’ sword, breaking through his defense and slicing his head clean off.

“Good, now come and help me get up,” Sensei groaned pulling himself into a sitting position.

“Yes Sensei,” I responded walking over and wrapping my arms around his waist then pulling him up so he was standing.

“Thank you my pupil,” Sensei said.

“It’s okay Sensei, now where too?” I asked.

“There is a village directly north of here take me there,” Sensei answered.

“Okay,” I responded putting his right arm around my neck and my left arm under his shoulders so I could support his weight.

“Thankyou Daniel,” Sensei said before passing out.


For the next two days I carried my Sensei directly north of the battlefield to the small village he spoke of. Every now and then he would wake up and tell me to take a break for lunch or tea then after a quick lunch/tea we would head off again. At the end of the second day, we stumbled our way into the Village he told me of it indeed was small with a population of maybe 20+. I asked around and eventually found somewhere to stay and somewhere to take Sensei so they could take care of his wounds.
This is Daniel’s Backstory.
Daniel was 4 when he developed a liking towards swords and on his fifth birthday he received a wooden sword from his father Hamatsu. Daniel trained with it every day for about two weeks then gave up when he lost in a battle with one of his friends. He then dug it out when he was seven and gave it to his older brother Zenisatu when he asked for it. Daniel sat by for four years and watched as Zenisatu trained day in and day out then one day it all changed. An evil man showed up to their door asking for Zenisatu and their dad recognized him instantly as the man named Blackbeard. His dad helps him off bravely but was the fight only lasted 5 minutes. Zenisatu got so mad that he charged Blackbeard with the katana he had bought the previous week and sliced downwards but Blackbeard dodged it. Zenisatu used the momentum of his last slice to turn around and slice upwards towards Blackbeard’s head and once again Blackbeard just dodged it this time though he sent a powerful shockwave towards Zenisatu. Zenisatu was sent flying through the air and he hit his head on the big rock that he normally trained on Zenisatu lay there blood slowly gathering around his head. Blackbeard then turned around and called out “DANIEL, KIRATSU (Zenisatu and Daniel’s mum) I WILL RETURN THIS TIME TOMMOROW AND I EXPECT ALL YOUR POSSESIONS,” then he turned and left. True to his word he returned to their house the next day and Daniel stepped out with his brother’s katana which he had spent the entire of the previous day training with. Blackbeard laughed then with his hand he signaled his men to come and raid their house. Daniel attempted to stop them but was knocked out and thrown to the ground like a ragdoll. When he finally came to, his house was on fire and his mum lay on the ground in front of him blood soaking her white dress and pooling around her torso. Daniel then spent the rest of the day morning his family and burying them he then rose revenge the only thing in his mind. This is were our hero’s story starts …
Just a little feedback: You should definitely put some spacing in your story. It's just unpleasant to see bunches of words cramped into one single paragraph. Also, you might want to put a spoiler tag into each chapter so that it's easier for people to see your thread.


One more: I'm not sure if this is a Beyblade fanfic, is it? If it Isn't then you might wanna remove the Fanfiction prefix...
I honestly don't know what to say of this fan fic or book yet, because tbh I don't even understand what this is about lol.
(Apr. 24, 2021  5:07 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: I honestly don't know what to say of this fan fic or book yet, because tbh I don't even understand what this is about lol.

Same here X) SSJBDoku , you should definitely clear things up in your writing, or your fic (or whatever it is) probs won't get any recognition.
(Apr. 24, 2021  3:49 PM)tenma Wrote: Just a little feedback: You should definitely put some spacing in your story. It's just unpleasant to see bunches of words cramped into one single paragraph. Also, you might want to put a spoiler tag into each chapter so that it's easier for people to see your thread.


One more: I'm not sure if this is a Beyblade fanfic, is it? If it Isn't then you might wanna remove the Fanfiction prefix...

Okay thanks can do i do that when i write it just copying it over to this is a little tricky.
also this is a fanfic i said that when i started it but its just a one piece fanfic

(Apr. 24, 2021  5:07 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: I honestly don't know what to say of this fan fic or book yet, because tbh I don't even understand what this is about lol.

You'll find out in chapter one k
how do you do a spoiler tag
(Apr. 26, 2021  8:29 AM)SSJBDoku Wrote: how do you do  a spoiler tag

do the following:

(spoiler)

word here lol

(/spoiler)


just change the parentheses (the ( ) symbols) to brackets (the [ ] symbols)

hope i helped !!
I finally finished chapter one and it is so long but i would love it if you could rate it for me please thank you here it is
hope its good and enjoyable

(Apr. 26, 2021  10:08 AM)tenma Wrote:
(Apr. 26, 2021  8:29 AM)SSJBDoku Wrote: how do you do  a spoiler tag

do the following:

(spoiler)

word here lol

(/spoiler)


just change the parentheses (the ( ) symbols) to brackets (the [ ] symbols)

hope i helped !!
thankyou this was very helpfull
(Apr. 30, 2021  1:14 AM)SSJBDoku Wrote: I finally finished chapter one and it is so long but i would love it if you could rate it for me please thank you here it is
hope its good and enjoyable

(Apr. 26, 2021  10:08 AM)tenma Wrote: do the following:

(spoiler)

word here lol

(/spoiler)


just change the parentheses (the ( ) symbols) to brackets (the [ ] symbols)

hope i helped !!
thankyou this was very helpfull

Im not trying to be rude or anything but don't you think this book is a bit to intense for WBO?
No it's not i don't describe the gore and anyway it's only the first chapter that is that bad

it gets better believe me

there better i change the title to warn people
can someone take this down its no good for WBO please and thankyou
(May. 01, 2021  7:27 PM)SSJBDoku Wrote: can someone take this down its no good for WBO please and thankyou

*laughs in the distance as I re-read another chapter of Sab's horrorburst fics*
Alright, if you say so.