STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning

This is my first story so please take it easy on me ok.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
[spoiler]



















thats a tinge of suspense i see there.Good writing but focus on the spellings
thanks echoes of hell i'll work on the spelling, and i promise chapter two will make you say THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
Hrrm...

It's very much "smushed' together. You should open it up quite a bit. I am getting too lost in where to read...
Other then how smushed up it is, is this is a good first chapter?
Eh, could be better... I've seen better, but I've also seen worse...

P.S., put your chapters in spoilers so that way it isn't blocking up space and put the Chapters in the OP to prevent us from searching through the pages to find each chapter...
This is pretty good, but the chapters need to be longer. I suggest that you uncenter it also, as it was hard for me to read that way, and, like DefStamina88 said, make it less smushed.
i'm taking some ideas because after this plot i have for the story i got writers block
(i'm only choosing one idea)
good writing.Make the chapters a bit longer and use a dictionary while writing.
and by the way u were write about the second chapter

read this
Thanks dude now i'm done with chapter four and there is literaly no dicternary at my house.
wheres chapter 6???
(Jun. 29, 2012  2:17 PM)echoes of hell Wrote: wheres chapter 6???
There aren't going to be any more chapters, he is banned.

Time to close this?