STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - King of Lions - Jun. 28, 2012
This is my first story so please take it easy on me ok.
Chapter 1
Ever since i was young i been beyblading. I have battle weak and strong bladers with my Flame Leone. I never lost a battle yet. Until I faced a blader name zak. Hello my name is kelton and this is the story of when my bey stop spinning for good. It all started while i was battling me friend Tomas. Now Thomas wasn't a gifted blader. He was the type to talk the talk, but got lazy when it was time to walk the walk. He was saying how bad he'll beat me and how he'll crush my bey, in the real world his bey was slowly fading to sleep. "Now i got you kelton. How will get out of my trap.", He said thinking shore of his victory. But i didn't say anything because when he got done with that sentence his bey drop to the ground. " How did you defeat me. Me the great Thomas the bey slayer." " Thomas please dont call yourself The bey slayer you cant stop a bey even if i was still. HA!" I said to him. Out of nowhere a bey came crashing down into my Flame Leone. It was a Rock Libra. " Who are you to just smash into my bey like that. Dont you have no manners?
Do you care?" i said to the mystery man. But what he said next i will never forget. "Should I ?" Chapter 2
"I see that little toy of your got some power in it but really that bey's is patathic." the mystery man said with a big smerk on his face." If your planning to enter the Beycity Beyblade Superior Battle then just give up." I looked at him and all of a sudden i had a vision. I was 7 and someone gave me a Flame Leone. He said to me " Take good care of this bey." But when i heard his laugh it reminded me of the mystery men, and the vision disapered. " So kelton are we going to battle or what?" said the mystery men. " Ok lets do this leone. Lets show him the fire in our heart that can't be put out!" i said. Three...Two...One...Let it rip!!! Both of our beys went flying into the stadium and the battle started. I took a look at Libra and realized that it's a stamina type that battle as if it is an attack type. Leone being a defence type bey that also battle as if it was a attack type. I had the upper hand. " You wont beat me with just those attacks. Show me your spark. Use all of your strenght. Show me your power!" he screamed from the other side of the stadium. "All right then, i said, special move Lion flame Pride attack. When i use my special move Flame Leone starts to spin faster making a updraft with the heat it created. When the updraft gets strong enough Leone jumps into the sky and crashes down on it opponent. But something super weird happened. Libra disapers and pops up even higher then my Leone.
Chapter 3
"Whats going on here this don't make no since. How is rock libria able to move faster then leone. It just don't make since!" i said in confussion. "Hahahahaha! Do you really think that i'll let your bey use it's special move now? If you use it now then the battle might have been over by now. So for now just try to hold out ok little dude." he said. But what was he up to. In midair before the fall heats up leone making the special move more powerful is the only chance to really hit leone. He had that chance so what happened? Why didn't he finish it right then and there? Just who is this guy? Then right there i had another vision. This i'm i was around the age i am now. but this battle was an important one. My opponent was dressed in black. Mine and his cloths were turn up as if we got them out of the trash. He had an indigo ora around him, and i had a rainbow color ora around me. But the vision ended when my opponent said in a dark evil voice "If i'm disapering of this earth then i'll take you with me. Right after the vision i passed out. When i woke up i was back at my hideout which was a big surprise to me. Because no one knew where my hideout was at and for good reason. It was about 3 years ago i just woke up while my mom was in the middle of her spring cleaning. I cleaned my room and headed out to the beypark. i was going to my first tournament and she stoped me and told me to keep a eye out for her. So i said i will mom and left. When the battle started i showed off my strength so my mom could see. But i couldn't see her. I keep on winning and i got to the final battle. It was with thomas, the first time we met. '"I'm not going to take it easy on you ok kid? he said. Three...Two...One...Let it rip and our beys shot into the stadium. "End this now leone!" i said. And right there is how i won the tournament. When i returned home i found that the apartment caught on fire and killed my mother. When the police tried to take me to the boys home i ran away and i was living one my own ever since.
Chapter 4
Now that i have gained my consusness back i'm trying to piece out things that just happened. Like why after that vision i passed out? Who brought me to my hangout? And who is that mystery man? "We'll sitting here wont give me the answers so let's go!" i thought, but i didn't know what i was getting myself into. I started looking for clues a the beypark, the last time i saw the mystery man. " Where are you mystery man. Are you scared of getting beat by my Flame Leone? Come out and fight me!" i screamed into the empty park. As i stood there i begun to hear a girl screaming help. What was i exposed to do ignore her cries for help. So i ran to her aid. When i got there all i saw was a girl crying over a beatin up boy. I ran to them hoping her was dead to know he was knock uncussioness. I asked the girl " What happened? Who did this to him?" "It was yokihama the beylord. He battled my brother shun because shun didn't want to be in his gang anymore, because he believed that beyblade is not a game, it's life. So yokihama did what he always do to traiters, he disposed of him. Now we have no where to go and shun is badly wounded, can you....." she said being cut off. " Follow me i'll take you to a place where no one will hurt you." i told her. " Now follow me." I picked up shun even though i still didn't fully recover from my battle with the mystery man, but there was no time to think of the pain i was feeling. My main goal was to help these kids, and nothing would stop me from doing just that. " Ok we're here now i got to tell you somethings about this place so listen up." i said to the both of them. " Now this is a secret place for our eyes ok. No i mean no one shall come to this place other then us three. I will allow you two to stay here for as long as you want. Ok." They looked at me as if i was the meanest teacher ever. " Anyway you whats your name the girl." "My name is kiki i'm shun's little sister.' she answered. She was around my age and her brother shun was at least 15 or 16. "Thank you for helping us. We will have to repay you." kiki said in gradittude. " Don't think me. What were you thinking joining a group with a beylord are you crazy shun?" i said in anger. " I had to do it me and kiki are homeless our parents are dead and we need a roof over our heads. So i did what was best for us." shun said . " I see my mom is dead and my dad is........" i said then cut of to silence. " Your dad is what?" said kiki. "Nothing just get ready for tommorow because we're training. Oh and my name is Kelton, Kelton Magokiamoto. The brother and sister looked at each other and said at the same time Kelton. Chapter 5
The next day i was in a mode i call the blader spirit calling. Basicly that mean i am real to kick some bey. But the way shun and kiki were like that morning well it's not the worst or the best mode i have ever seen them with. "Ok this is beyblade 101 and i'm you teacher today Mr. Magokiamoto and i'm going to teach you how to beyblade like a pro do you understand?" I ask. " I said DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!" i screamed. " Yeah yeah you got our attition ok." shun said in fear. " Now what are the three types of beys.....kiki?" i said. Kiki thought hard on that question and she couldn't answer it. " It's ATTACK! DEFENCE! AND STAMINA!" i screamed. "Now shun pull out you bey and show my what you got." I will never forget the bey he pulled out nor would i forget kiki's ether. They were a Storm Leone for shun and an Earth Leone for kiki. I didn't know what to say but right there at that moment I knew fate brought us together for a reason and at that time i had another vision. But this time it was a good vision. It was about me and kiki it looked like it was after that fight with the other dude in my last vision. Me and kiki kissed but shun was no where to be seen. " What does this mean?" i thought to myself. " Will these vision come true or what?" "Ok kelton show use your bey." said shun. That's when i pulled out my Flame Leone. "What?" kiki and shun said shock if what they see. "I know that's why i thought we're together for a reason, but what?" i said. We stood there with a straight face like all our thoughts were intertwined. Then out of nowhere we all said " The Leone Elemental Pride!" And for the rest of the day we practice til our bones crushed improving our strenght together. "So the Leone Elemental Pride huh. My son you doing good for yourself, but your still blinded by the truth."
Chapter 6
[spoiler]
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - Syco - Jun. 28, 2012
thats a tinge of suspense i see there.Good writing but focus on the spellings
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - King of Lions - Jun. 28, 2012
thanks echoes of hell i'll work on the spelling, and i promise chapter two will make you say THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - DefStamina88 - Jun. 28, 2012
Hrrm...
It's very much "smushed' together. You should open it up quite a bit. I am getting too lost in where to read...
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - King of Lions - Jun. 28, 2012
Other then how smushed up it is, is this is a good first chapter?
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - DefStamina88 - Jun. 28, 2012
Eh, could be better... I've seen better, but I've also seen worse...
P.S., put your chapters in spoilers so that way it isn't blocking up space and put the Chapters in the OP to prevent us from searching through the pages to find each chapter...
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - King of Lions - Jun. 28, 2012
how you put them in spoilers?
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - CocoaPuffs - Jun. 28, 2012
Code: [spoiler]your text here[/spoiler]
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - King of Lions - Jun. 28, 2012
ok thanks
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - Duck - Jun. 29, 2012
This is pretty good, but the chapters need to be longer. I suggest that you uncenter it also, as it was hard for me to read that way, and, like DefStamina88 said, make it less smushed.
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - King of Lions - Jun. 29, 2012
i'm taking some ideas because after this plot i have for the story i got writers block
(i'm only choosing one idea)
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - Syco - Jun. 29, 2012
good writing.Make the chapters a bit longer and use a dictionary while writing.
and by the way u were write about the second chapter
read this
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - King of Lions - Jun. 29, 2012
Thanks dude now i'm done with chapter four and there is literaly no dicternary at my house.
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - Syco - Jun. 29, 2012
wheres chapter 6???
RE: STORY: The day my bey stoped spinning - CocoaPuffs - Jun. 30, 2012
(Jun. 29, 2012 2:17 PM)echoes of hell Wrote: wheres chapter 6??? There aren't going to be any more chapters, he is banned.
Time to close this?
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