World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Rukasu333 Story 1: The Dreams of Pegasus

Poll: How's my Story??

Great!
60.71%
17
Awful!
14.29%
4
Ok, but needs work.
25.00%
7
Total: 100% 28 vote(s)
  • You do not have permission to vote in this poll.
  • * You voted for this item.
  • Show Results
Dec. 05, 2010  9:23 PM
 

Ok, I'm making a beyblade story. This was kinda inspired by Night, who has an AWESOME story, you should read it sometime.
Anyways, just so everybody knows: THIS IS NOT BASED ON THE ANIME! THIS IS MY OWN STORY! Another thing: character requests are totally fine, just give me a bio about your character, what your bey is, and if it's made up then tell me what the parts are/what they do.

The Dreams of Pegasus
Episode I.
[/font]
Luke Wilkers was in the park, training his beyblade with his friend, Alex.
"3,2,1, Let it rip!" they both said.
Both beys safely landed in the stadium, and began to circle each other.
"GO PEGASUS!!" shouted Luke.
" You realize that your bey is actually Aquila, right?" Alex asked.
"Yes," said Luke, "but I wish I had a Pegasus clear wheel to make it actually be Pegasus."
"Well, you'll eventually get enough beypoints if you keep blading like this! You're getting a lot better!" Alex said.
"Hmm... Maybe I can get enough points right now! OK Aquila, special move! Aquila tornado vortex!!!" Luke yelled as loud as he could.
Suddenly, Luke's Storm Aquila DF145F started to move around Alex's bey, MF Thermal Libra M145Q, extremely fast, and would randomly attack it, then resume circling. Aquila did this several times, and after it was over, Luke had Aquila finish libra off with a very strong attack.
"Wow, Luke! Your special move is the best! You'll almost never lose if you use that!" Alex exclaimed.
" Hey, look, Alex!! I have enough points for a Pegasus clear wheel!! FINALLY!!! WOOHOO!! Let's go, Alex!!!!" Luke said as he looked at his beypointer.

Episode I, end.
Dec. 05, 2010  9:43 PM
 
A bit short, but otherwise good.
Dec. 05, 2010  9:47 PM
 
A bit short but you can use my character, Faust!

name: Faust

appearance: a bit like faust from shaman king but with no lipstick and no grey chest, and only 16 years old, very calm and never looses his cool, training to be a medic.

Bey:Medic Knight H145WD, Medic is a jagged balance ( literal) wheel that is a bit like killer or thermal, but the spikes are going the opposite way. Knight is a sort of armour looking clear wheel that has 3 shields pointing out over the metal wheel and has three metal bulbarins in the opposite places, which keeps it balanced when spinning, and it has celtic designs on it. the actual wheel is white, with green markings. H145 is Healing which can create a special frequeny when spinning that increases the rotation speed of beys close enough to it, nd can also be used in real life to help heal internal damage and keep a heart beating. WD is simple and is the same as earth eagles, it does the same performance as it...

special move: Ultimate rotation saber! the bey spins at an amazing speed and the spirit of a kknight wearing full armour comes out and is wearing a green cape and the armour has green markings, and it draws out an awesome massive sword and it runs at the opponents spirit and cuts through it.
Dec. 05, 2010  9:56 PM
 
Yeah, I didn't hav much time. The next ones will be longer.
Ok nwolf, you'll most likely be in ep. Three.
Dec. 05, 2010  11:02 PM
 
On Topic > Okay story, but too short. Also, your story has no name.

Off Topic > Wolf, H145 is already a track called Horn145. You can change it to HE145, because if a track already has a name, they add a second letter.

On Topic > It's not that good to make the main character have a Pegasis clear wheel/Dragoon attack ring because it's like you're making them too cool Cool because they have the main bey.
Dec. 06, 2010  12:03 AM
 
Oh.......
Ok.......
Sagittario, then?
Dec. 06, 2010  12:42 AM
 
These characters are a tribute to my little twin brothers, so if they're stupid don't get angry because they're only 5 (They made these).
1.
Name: Raphael
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Bey: Surrender Frog BO120B - Surrender is like Rock, but with 4 large protrusions like Earth. Frog is lots of frog eyes and feet, like Lacerta. Bounce 120 is like CH120, but the centre mechanism has a spring inside, causing it to jump. Ball is like a half Ball shape, and gives extra stability for when the bey lands.
2.
Name: Uriel
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Bey: Rock Dinosaur 145SW - Rock has six thick Protrusions, and is good for defence, but has been outclassed by the second mold of Earth. This version of Rock is a second mold, which only the Dinosaur Clear Wheel can go on. Dinosaur is a clear wheel of six Dinosaur heads, with three metal plates and three rubber ones. It can be swapped upside down on the second mold Rock to change from rubber to Metal. 145 is a track that is 1.45cm. Sickle Winder is a free spinning Wide Ball with gaps inside.

They sound childish, but were made by 5 year olds. I made slight differences to them.
(Dec. 06, 2010  12:03 AM)Rukasu333 Wrote: Oh.......
Ok.......
Sagittario, then?

In fact, this is your story. Do what you want Joyful_2
Dec. 06, 2010  1:19 AM
 
well, the only parts of those beys that sound childish are the names (frog and dinosaur) but otherwise they look, sound, and i thing will act pretty cool. a couple questions: is ball on surrender frog the same as a normal ball tip?
also, sickle winder has... more stamina than normal wb?
just curious. thanks for your input!!
Episode 2

Luke and Alex ran off to the store. When they got there, they were amazed at the HUGE assortment of beyblade parts. Luke looked around, but he couldn't find the pegasus clear wheel.
"Excuse me, do you have any pegasus clear wheels for sale, mister?" he asked.
"Sorry, but we're all out of those right now. There will be a shipment of those coming in by the end of the week, though. Here, why don't you use this one while you wait for it." replied the owner of the store, Mr. Yorudan, while he handed Luke a sagittario clear wheel.
"Cool! Thanks! How much do I need to pay you?" asked Luke.
"Oh," Mr. Yorudan said, "you can have it for free."
"Awesome!! Thank You!!" exclaimed Luke.
"No problem- anything for a beyblade fan!" said Mr. Yorudan "Come back soon for that pegasus clear wheel!"
"I will!!" Luke yelled as he and Alex ran out the door to go test his new beyblade.
At the park, they found two bladers using the beystadium.
Luke and Alex watched the battle, which was a very exciting one, in awe of the power of these two beyblades.
"Go, frog!!!" yelled the boy controlling a bey that acted very much like a frog- it was even bouncing up and down!
"Dinosaur, attack!" yelled the other boy, who was using a bey with a tip that neither Luke or Alex had seen before.
Surrender Frog BO120B jumped up and dodged the other beyblade's attack, but as it was coming down, Rock Dinosaur 145SW suddenly zoomed under it and knocked it into the sky, throwing it off balance.
"Awww... come on, you had to do that, AGAIN??" said the boy with Surrender Frog, who's name was Raphael.
"Yep, because it's the only way that I'll win!" the boy who used Rock Dinosaur, who was named Uriel, said.
"Fine. It just helped me get ready for my special move. NOW, FROG!!! SPECIAL MOVE, FLY-EATER!!!" said Raphael.
Surrender Frog came zooming down out of the sky and drove Uriel's beyblade into the floor of the stadium. But, Surrender Frog wasn't finished yet. It jumped up on top of Rock Dinosaur using it's BO120 track and began to slam down onto Rock Dinosaur, throwing it off balance and stealing some of it's stamina at the same time. Rock Dinosaur used it's special tip and defensive capabilities to try to stop the barrage, but eventually it stoppped spinning. Strangely, however, Uriel wasn't mad like Alex and Luke though he would be. Instead, he smiled, and shook Raphael's hand.
"Nice battle!" he said.
"Thanks! You too!" replied Raphael.
Then, the two bladers looked straight at Alex and Luke, and that was when they were twins, not just friends.
"You guys wanna battle us?" asked Uriel.


Episode 2, End.
wow, i just looked at that episode and realised: that IS a short episode. wow. sorry, guys.
Dec. 06, 2010  4:23 AM
 
Hey lucas... Soon can I Get Flame Pyxis in the story? Maybe tomorrow we can make part 2 Grin
Dec. 06, 2010  5:16 AM
 
Yea....
Possibly. I kinda have sn outline for the next ep, but we'll see.
Next ep will be up probably around 3-4:00 pm (my time), so dont ask for the next ep.
And yes, "flame byxis" will get it's part in the story-just wait.
Dec. 06, 2010  7:00 AM
 
Story has a name now:
The Dreams of Pegasus
Like? No like?
Dec. 06, 2010  8:35 AM
 
Rukas maybe if you want you can use my character :
name : Vincent
age : 11
Bey : Galaxy Phoenix GB145 MS
Special move : Galaxy wave triger when been hited to the sky it fall back and made a giant spining shock wave use to shake opponent bey and blowed up



Thx anyway if you use it
Dec. 06, 2010  8:49 AM
 
cant wait for me! awesome, you're improving...
Dec. 06, 2010  10:32 PM
 
(Dec. 06, 2010  7:00 AM)Rukasu333 Wrote: Story has a name now:
The Dreams of Pegasus
Like? No like?

Make the name what ever you want it to be, but add it to the Title, because people won't know what your story's basically about. Like if you only said:
"Story One" People may just skip it.
But if you said:
"Story One: Dreams of Pegasus" People will like it a little bit more and read it.

I'm not saying you won't get readers, I'm just saying you may get more if you add a title.
Dec. 06, 2010  11:07 PM
 
Thanks, nwolf.
The next ep will e up right after finish my homework.
And night, I'm gonna put the title in as well.
edit: uhh.... how do i change the title of it?
ok, here's episode 3. one thing: nwolf, is it ok if i changed your special move just a little bit? instead of attacking the blader, it attacks the beyblade and stadium outs it. (cuz i wanted you to be a good guy...)

"You guys wanna battle us?" Uriel asked.
"Uh... Sure!" replied Luke, "Come on, Alex-we're going to win!"
"Sorry, Luke. I can't battle right now. I still need to modify my Beyblade." Alex said.
"Aww... then who's gonna be on my team for this?" Luke asked.
"I will," came the reply.
"Who said that?" Luke asked.
"I did. My name is Faust," said the boy, who calmly stepped out of the shadow of the tree nearby.
"Ok, sure. As long as I get to beybattle, it's fine with me," Luke told him.
" Come on, let's get going!!! said a very anxious Uriel.
"Yeah, we don't have all day to stand around in the park!" Raphael said.
"Ok, ok. Calm down." Luke said.
"Ready?" Luke asked Faust.
"Yep," came the reply, " Let's go!"
"3, 2, 1, LET IT RIP!!" they all yelled.
Luke and Alex had seen Frog and Dinosaur fight against each other before, but he hadn't seen them act as a team. Their teamwork was the best, and each one new what the other was about to do.
Luke looked at Faust's bey, trying to figure out what type of bey it was. It appeared to be a stamina type, but each time it got attacked it easily deflected the attack and took barely any damage from each hit.
Alright, Luke thought, time to see how good my new Storm Sagittario DF145F is in action!
"GO SAGITTARIO! ATTACK!" Luke yelled.
Sagittario began to close in on Surrender Frog, and was about to attack Frog when suddenly Frog jumped up into the air.
"What? How... Oh, your spin track. I forgot." Luke said. "Watch out Sagittario! Don't be underneath Frog when he lands!"
Sagittario went over to where Faust's Bey, Medic Knight H145WD, was fighting Rock Dinosaur.
"Now, Knight! SPECIAL MOVE! ULTIMATE ROTATION SABER!!!" Faust yelled.
A knight came out of Faust's bey, and charged directly at Rock Dinosaur, knocking it into the sky.
"Heheheh. Perfect. DINSOAUR, SPECIAL MOVE!! THRASHING TYRANNOSAURUS BITE!!" yelled Uriel.
Rock Dinsoaur came down out of the sky, and instead of landing outside of the stadium like Faust and Luke thought it would, it landed squarely on Medic Knight. Using it's free spinning sickle winder tip, it began to quickly drain Medic Knight's stamina.
"Hah. That's not going to work," Faust said.
"Why not?" Uriel asked.
"My H145 spin track is a special form. It can regenerate my bey's stamina using a special frequency." Faust explained.
"WHAT????" Uriel exclaimed. Luke was surprised as well.
Suddenly, Surrender Frog came up out of nowhere and knocked Faust's bey up, causing it to shake wildly and lose it's balance. Then, Frog and Dinosaur started to double team Medic Knight, attacking him at the same time.
"Well, if your bey can regenerate it's stamina at the same rate as another bey takes it away, then it can't regenerate it fast enough if TWO beylades are attacking it!" Uriel said.
"Yeah! How about I finish your bey off with one move! FROG, SPECIAL MOVE! FLY EATER!!!!" Raphael yelled. Frog bounced up into the air using it's spin track.
"Uh oh!" Luke said, "His bey won't be able to take that amount of damage! I've gotta do something! GO SAGITTARIO! NEW SPECIAL MOVE! ARCHER COUNTER ATTACK!!"
Sagittario flew up into the air and slammed into Frog before Frog could hit Medic Knight. Surrender Frog went flying, and Raphael couldn't get control over his bey quick enough so Frog rammed into Dinosaur, and both Frog and Dinosaur landed outside the stadium, ending the battle.
"Aww... we lost... Oh well. Nice battle, guys!" said Raphael as they left the park.
"Wow, Faust! That's a cool beyblade you've got! Thanks for helping me!" Luke exclaimed.
"No problem, Luke. I've gotta go now, so I'll see ya around!" Faust said.
"Ok, see ya later!" Luke said.
After Faust left, Luke suddenly felt exhausted.
"Man, that was a great battle, wasn't it, Alex?" Luke said sleepily.
"Uh huh. Wow, that guy Faust has a neat beyblade." said Alex.
Luke yawned, and almost fell asleep right there in the middle of the park.
Dec. 07, 2010  3:44 AM
 
wow... Very good!
Dec. 07, 2010  5:55 AM
 
Thank you.
Any body know how to change the title of a thread?
Any more characters? (they're always welcome)
Dec. 07, 2010  6:21 AM
 
you could use one of mine from the "make your own mfb character thread"

and i have to say this is a good story
Dec. 07, 2010  2:16 PM
 
Thanks, lord wolfblade!
I'm still kinda new here, so I have a question: how do I change the title of this thread?
Dec. 07, 2010  2:21 PM
 
Lol awesome story, AND NICE AVIE!!!! XD Grin
Dec. 07, 2010  3:34 PM
 
mine
Name: Dragath
Apperence: Dark and shady guy wears a sand yellow robe has a pet raven about 21 years old
Bey: Aglie Sniper BS145 RL
Aglie is a metal wheel simaler to posion but the claws can move like c145 and can pick up pebbles and fling them at beys, if the pebbles are in Aglie long enogh they turn to sand and makes a sand screen
Sniper is a clear wheel that resembles a sniper's scope
BS145(ball shooter)can shoot 3 metal balls
RL (re load) useing the unique shape of this bottom it can send the metal balls flying back up to the track thus reloading it ,can also send pebbles at Aglie
Specail move : Hidden Fury , the bey makes a sand screen blocking the view of other beys then shoots the metal balls one by one first destabliseing it ,the second send it flying straght up, the third KOing it
Dec. 07, 2010  5:39 PM
 
(Dec. 07, 2010  2:16 PM)Rukasu333 Wrote: Thanks, lord wolfblade!
I'm still kinda new here, so I have a question: how do I change the title of this thread?

go to the first post of the thread and click edit and then edit the title

ps you can only change the title of your own threads
Dec. 07, 2010  6:12 PM
 
nice one s! i like that, too bad i was gonna try draw that...
Dec. 07, 2010  7:34 PM
 
Make sure it's the very first post. Then you can edit the Title.
Hoping for more longer episodes, though.
Dec. 07, 2010  11:54 PM
 
Meaning... Another long episode or I need to make all my episodes longer?
Page 1
Next