This past November I participated in National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.com), which is a contest to challenge aspiring authors to write a 50,000 word novel in the 30 days of November. It was easily the most stressful and challenging thing I have ever done, yet I came out feeling amazingly accomplished at the end of it.

After tossing the idea around in my head, I've decided to share the rough, unedited and unrevised draft with you all. I don't expect most of you to read through it all, but you are more than welcome to do so and I would really, really appreciate any and all feedback that you might be able to offer. The file is attached. For those who are interested, here's a quick blurb on the plot of the book:

Reverie is the story of Alex, who lives in a gutted out city by the name of Reverie. The city was once a flourishing bud of business, but quickly collapsed when a sudden and unexplainable outbreak of civilians with special abilities began. The Corona, Reverie's working governmental body, fearful of those with abilities, enacted a sweeping rule of reform that would effectively quarantine anyone with abilities on a remote island prison known as the Panopticon, where they would be watched and studied until their powers and their origins were understood. Unfortunately, not all as is it seems, and Alex sets out on a journey to avoid the grip of The Corona and ultimately bring an end to their shady ways, as well as to return Reverie to the beacon of prosperity it once was.

[Image: 116mffb.jpg]

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Ooh, I heard of this. I must say, the fact that you even produced something is commendable. If I was faced with this I would have just given up and cried. Like on the second day at that. XD So yeah, well done. *off to read the novel*

EDIT: Off to read part of the novel. 115 pages even after I made it Times New Roman 10. Wow, just wow. X_X

Okay I read up to like page 19? Wherever chapter 5 was. First off, I must say I'm awful at book/poem reviews so don't expect much of me. I'm afraid I can't give any constructive feedback or anything. ;__;
Anyways, I really liked it. I've heard of similar plotlines but I think you made it your own and I didn't find it boring at all. I normally work out whether I like a book just by reading and seeing if it grabs me and I got so immersed in this that I ended up forgetting about my plate of chips and they went cold......which was annoying for me but you can take that as a compliment. XD As I said, I can't really say much technical stuff but I liked the writing style. I dunno if everyone would do or not but it seemed to work for me. It was easy to read but descriptive so I could see all the scenes playnig out in my head and it was......meaningful. Well, I'm not sure that's the right word. Basically, I liked all the metaphors and little images you created. And how you asked little questions, like the things in the beginning about the top of the tower.
I'm gonna shut up now because I sound like a retard. XD But in short, I thought it was good and I'll probably read some more over the holidays and see where it's going.

Wow, thanks a lot. I really appreciate the feedback, its great to hear. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

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Hi Roan, If it is beneficial to you, I would be willing to read different chapters and give you my criticism. But I'll start this post off with the beginning.

So first of all, I'll start with saying I'm currently reading...lets see...5 different books right now. I read and read and read. When I criticize, I aim to always give the best hints I can. After all, it's not my writing, and it's yours, so I'll do my best not to interfere to much.

Phew...anyways, let's tear it apart! muahahaha----just kiddin

Well, let's start with the story generally. The plot and the main theme and things like that. I think that your story is very original. It's something I would consider reading. You've succeeded in having me interested in your story already, good job

So, Chapter 1.

The beginning is bold, a little too bold. The reason I say this is because We don't know who Alex is, and whatever is going on in Riverie is really hard to understand. For instance, the beginning of a book as you know should be capturing. It was hard for me to be drawn in when we were forced to stare at Alex. Alex is someone, but because we don't know Alex, he's kind of no one, and it really becomes hard read when were focusing on Alex, and then were going to a flashback, then back to Alex. It's very sudden. Although Flashbacks can be extremely effective, it's rare to see tons of flashbacks in the beginning chapter. I think though that you had the right idea of having to explain the situation to the audience, but it's strange how Alex is shown first, and then we find out what's going on. It would make more sense to know what is going on, and then too talk about Alex

Sooo...my suggestion is simple...make a prologue. Describe what is going on. I really cannot picture what Riverie looks like, because it's never been explained. When talking about a place, it's good to go into detail so the reader can understand what the setting is like.

Now, these are my only main concerns...drawing the reader in. I think the beginning is too bold, and maybe the addition of a prologue should be considered. I know you said this is your rough draft, but it's a good one. Everything else as far as sentence length, word choice, are used well. Just what I noted before would be my advice for you.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_medias_res

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_medias_res

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9wvr11cJeA

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_medias_res

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9wvr11cJeA

you're agreeing with someone named "the amazing atheist"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_medias_res

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9wvr11cJeA

you're agreeing with someone named "the amazing atheist"

?---does that suprise you?

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honestly yeah

also i use ellipses for pauses all the time, go to hell amazing atheist

watching more of this video the amazing atheist is an idiot

also i don't agree or disagree with your criticisms, just introducing in media res as a concept

Thanks for the comments TheUnkownGod, I really appreciate it. I hadn't thought of doing a prologue, but I totally get what you're saying about it starting with Alex and then describing the city. I'll work on that in the revisions. Thanks again.

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honestly yeah

also i use ellipses for pauses all the time, go to hell amazing atheist

watching more of this video the amazing atheist is an idiot

LOL...Well I've got plenty of Atheists friends too, plus I just used a ---- lol

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Thanks for the comments TheUnkownGod, I really appreciate it. I hadn't thought of doing a prologue, but I totally get what you're saying about it starting with Alex and then describing the city. I'll work on that in the revisions. Thanks again.

No problem...I look forward to reading more (after I take a shower lol)

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honestly yeah

also i use ellipses for pauses all the time, go to hell amazing atheist

watching more of this video the amazing atheist is an idiot

also i don't agree or disagree with your criticisms, just introducing in media res as a concept

Did you realize anything similar about all of the In Media Res though? Most of them are Historical fiction, or a sequel to a fiction book. When a world a setting is already established, In Media Res almost always comes into effect. It's just when you introduce a world that is completely new to readers, it's easier to explain what that world is like from the start.

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ahhhhh i'll see if i can read through parts of this on my break. if not, bug me during summer lmao

but from what you've told me during that long nov. month it sounded great. there's no dead dog in this one right

lmao there's no dead dog.

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i tried to read it but i couldnt understand half of words!!!
but it looks interesting

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Ok I realize that this thread hasn't been posted in in nearly a year, but I was just curious if any of you who started reading the novel ever finished it?

I just recently started to go back and edit the novel, out of guilt for not competing in NaNoWriMo this year. Any input at all from anyone who has read even the first chapter would be greatly appreciated. I'd really like to whip this up into a presentable state. It's the first real novel I've ever written, and while it is incredibly rough in its current state I really think it could be made into something great.

So again, I'd really appreciate any and all comments/suggestions! For those of you who never got to see this thread the first time around, your input would be just as greatly valued!

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Well it sounds very interesting I love books lol so I read the whole thing and tell what I think of it

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Hmm, so I've read up to Chapter 3 so far, so my comments are only relevant for these chapters; apologies if they're not applicable to the rest of the story.

The plot so far is really quite good, actually. It's fast at the moment, but is executed well. To comment on the point TheUnknownGod made about exposition, I personally really like the ambiguity of Reverie as a "wasteland". I don't think a prologue is needed particularly.

My main gripe so far is character inconsistencies. For me, Alex goes from angsty, alienated teenager ("For reasons he could not explain, Alex began to cry.") to wannabe hero (""Don’t worry, I’m getting us all off this truck,” Alex assured them.") far too quickly. Although I can appreciate, I suppose, that his departure has sparked a change in his responsibilities, if that's what you're going for. However, both his father Dean and Paul both exhibit similar inconsistencies.

Finally, there's something strangely missing from the piece so far. It's nowhere near as sophisticated nor eloquent as you are capable as I've seen from your poetry; again, I can appreciate it's only rough or perhaps you've intended it that way, but I feel the style could be elevated to do the plot justice.

Understandably, we can't all agree, but yeah ... my two cents, as it were. I'll definitely be reading on, haha.

Well anyway here are just some of my comments I only read the first 4 chapters so far but I am planning on reading the whole novel.

First of all I reading like the plot. its pretty original. The like theme has been used before like people with special abilities facing oppression but you put a more ruthless twist since they are often killed. I think things happen a bit too fast. Like right off the bat. Like everything was revealed at the beginning like you know whats wrong and eventually you know Alex is going to run away. I think you could have spent more time on other things like right off the bat Alex runs away. But I stilled really liked and what I have read so far and like the plot and just everything thats happened so far but i think you could have taken it slower because it just seems to happen so fast.

Well thats pretty much my opinion of the first 4 chapters. I definitely going to read on and when i finish I'll tell you what i think of the ending and more.

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Ok, I see your comments about the pacing of the novel and that it moves too fast, and I totally agree with you, but here's the explanation for that: I wrote this entire novel in a month. In 30 days I had to write 50,000 words. I think that is probably the reason the plot feels rushed, because I myself was rushing in writing it.

I do plan on editing the beginning of the novel really heavily, adding in a lot more so that there aren't those character inconsistencies you guys are talking about. I want to develop the relationship between Alex and his dad/brother in a couple more chapters and build up to what happens, rather than just have it kick off right from the start. I also plan on going more in-depth with Alex's personal life before he runs away, so that readers get more acquainted with his perspective as he's growing up and learning about his powers.

Finally, there's something strangely missing from the piece so far. It's nowhere near as sophisticated nor eloquent as you are capable as I've seen from your poetry; again, I can appreciate it's only rough or perhaps you've intended it that way, but I feel the style could be elevated to do the plot justice.

I don't really see what you mean. Poetry and prose are two very different areas of writing, and what might pass as eloquent in one form wouldn't in the other. Of course, this might also have to do with the fact that it was written so quickly. I didn't really have a lot of time to sit and consider the diction and style. I'll keep that in mind while I edit.

Thanks for the input guys, I really do appreciate it.

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Hmm, I know what you're saying with regards to the two separate styles; but what I mean is, a lot of the content is quite ... simple? For want of a better comparison, it's almost like a schoolboy assignment, and what I meant from the poetry comment, was that you're far and above that.

However, I can appreciate that you had time constraints and such, which might mean that you rushed. Of course, going through and editting in more depth would really improve it.

About the plot, I think the opening is really quite good in terms of pace haha. I definitely agree with you about the potential for relationship development between Alex's father and brother, which would really cement and broaden the anger and guilt he feels later on.

For want of a better comparison, it's almost like a schoolboy assignment, and what I meant from the poetry comment, was that you're far and above that.

Ouch, haha. I see what you mean now though.

Also, keep in mind that I wrote this over a year ago, so obviously my writing has matured since then, as have I.

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Oh goddd, I definitely didn't mean it like that, but yeah, that certainly could have been offensive, I apologise.

Yeah, a year makes a great deal of difference haha.

Haha don't worry, I didn't take any offense to it. No harm done.

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