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Ray Joker's Galaxy Pegasis Draft! (Ready for Checking)

Jan. 16, 2012  2:18 PM
 
(Jan. 16, 2012  5:03 AM)Shabalabadoo Wrote:
(Jan. 15, 2012  7:09 PM)Dan Wrote: Metal Wheel: Galaxy
• Weight: 29.4 grams
Galaxy was originally released in a metallic blue paint scheme. Much like Pegasis and Storm, Galaxy's main shape consists of three rounded, wing-like forms intended to depict the wings of Pegasis, and each wing has two separate protrusions. There are four indented separations on each wing, complimented by three curved ridges on the top and five small spikes on the bottom. Each of the undersides are hollow, making Galaxy very light.

Though Galaxy has a very violent appearance, in actual battle it is very reserved. It is unable to deliver a great amount of Smash even at high speeds, primarily because of its light weight and rounded protrusions. As such, Galaxy is easily outclassed by other Attack Wheels of it its time and not recommended to be used competitively.

I ended up only editing the Metal Wheel section.

It was really difficult. It was written in a way that when anything got moved, it looked odd. I'm pretty satisfied with what I did though, tell me if I did a good job or not.

Fixed the 'making Galaxy is very light' sentence, haha. I threw it onto the edits I made earlier.
Other than that, seems okay to me.

You know exactly how I feel, then hahaha. Hopefully Kei takes a look sometime soon.
Jan. 16, 2012  7:34 PM
 
Ray Joker, Dan, Shabalabadoo, etc. Wrote:Though Galaxy has a very violent appearance, in actual battle it is very reserved.

I understand what you're trying to say here, but being reserved is a human characteristic, one you can't apply to a Beyblade. It implies that the part has a choice in the amount of power it delivers at any given time. That's obviously not the case.
Jan. 16, 2012  11:22 PM
 
What would you suggest as an alternative, then? I actually like it like that, but alright.

Should probably change Wolborg MS' AR section as well then, haha.
Jan. 17, 2012  12:43 AM
 
Hmm,
Conventional?
Placid?
Restrained?

I like restrained, it goes well with the next sentence. We could even put a semi-colon at the end of that sentence to make restrained and the next sentence go together better, and make more sense than two sentences.
Jan. 17, 2012  1:08 AM
 
I was going to suggest "Though Galaxy has a very threatening/violent appearance, in actual battle it is quite weak." but I guess you could say that its attack potential is restrained by some of its inherent faults (like weight).
Jan. 17, 2012  1:10 AM
 

done.
Jan. 17, 2012  1:18 AM
 
NO, not quite done!!!! In the word "It", you need to make the "I" lowercase!!!! You should be ashamed.
Jan. 17, 2012  1:22 AM
 
see post #56.






i am ashamed, sire.
Jan. 17, 2012  7:23 AM
 
(Jan. 17, 2012  1:18 AM)Shabalabadoo Wrote: NO, not quite done!!!! In the word "It", you need to make the "I" lowercase!!!! You should be ashamed.


Cut Dan some slack, he is ESL after all. Wink
Jan. 17, 2012  7:59 AM
 
For the part about PEGI being writing on the CW, you may want to inculed that it is not on the Hasbro ver.
This is a vary good draft be the way.
Jan. 17, 2012  8:23 AM
 
By the way, the first sentence of the overall section is incorrect "leaves little to be desired" means "is nearly perfect". "leaves a lot to be desired" or "much to be desired" would be appropriate, though the rest of the sentence would need a little tweaking.
Jan. 17, 2012  11:00 PM
 
(Jan. 17, 2012  7:59 AM)All Gen Blader Wrote: For the part about PEGI being writing on the CW, you may want to inculed that it is not on the Hasbro ver.
This is a vary good draft be the way.
Yeah it is... it's tough to make out PEGI on both versions, but that's what it says. Like the Lacerta CW says LACERTA on it...
Jan. 18, 2012  1:43 AM
 
@Th!nk: Damn! I hadn't even thought about that sentence logically just blatantly smashed it on from reading it in the Beywiki and liking it. Shame on Beywiki! First "reserved" being used to describe Wolborg MS, now "leaves a little to be desired" for Trygle's Jumping Base!
Will fix it.
Jan. 18, 2012  3:54 AM
 
Fix those two articles too, while you're at it :p
Jan. 18, 2012  4:30 AM
 
I just did, yep.

So I think if you're now fine with it + everyone else, it deserves a look from Kei.

Anyone want to get some pictures up for the article? Tongue_out
Jan. 18, 2012  4:32 AM
 
I remember seeing pictures for Galaxy Pegasis in the photo topic, taken by Diamond.
Jan. 18, 2012  4:35 AM
 
Forgot all about it!

Well then we have a gallery down: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Beywiki-...#pid375545
Jan. 18, 2012  4:36 AM
 
Think it's worth mentioning that the TT version comes with an LL1 and the SK version an LL2?

Oh, also, one minor thing (same error I consistently make):
r2f section Wrote:However, it's stamina is greatly decreased due to the increase in speed and friction compared to the original RF. This also means an R²F will wear down faster than an RF.

The "it's" should just be "its".

That aside, this is a really solid article and I think it's easily ready to go up. The only thing I'd change would be tweaking the wording but that's just my natural tendency to prefer things worded as I would.
Jan. 18, 2012  8:38 PM
 
I do yes. Especially since it comes with a yellow light launcher and it's the only bey other than Ray Striker to come with one. Doesn't make sense why but it should be mentioned.
Jan. 18, 2012  11:06 PM
 
It looks great, other than one error.

Quote:Pegasis II Clear Wheel is originally released
The "is" should be "was", since it was released in the past. I may be wrong about this.

Also, shouldn't the Hasbro versions be listed, like in the other BeyWiki articles.
Jan. 18, 2012  11:56 PM
 
Fixed problems.

Hasbro didn't release it under a different name so I think it is fine.
Jan. 19, 2012  12:36 AM
 
Hasbro's has a "u" where the "I" is in Pegasis Serious haha
Jan. 19, 2012  4:36 AM
 
Although that is true, I was talking about the other versions released by Hasbro. For example, the Lightning L Drago article has the Hasbro Face-Off version listed.


Jan. 21, 2012  7:23 PM
 
I don't know the names of them.. Tongue_out

We'll see who does. I'd say now it is ready for checking.
Feb. 04, 2012  4:15 PM
 
Galaxy Pegasus W105R2F- Hasbro: Triple Battle Set (Opaque Sky Blue Clear Wheel, Red Metal Wheel)
Galaxy Pegasus W105R2F- Faceoff: StarBooster Attack (Dark Red with Blue Details)
Galaxy Pegasus W105R2F- Hasbro: Ultimate Gift Set: (Opaque Light Blue)

I believe these are all of them. Feel free to change the color descriptions if you have better choices.
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