My first story in a while i hope you like it. Please dont leave negative criticism, leave constructive criticism.
Chapter 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

I woke in the middle of the night from my dream. It was so real, almost like it was a vision of the future. I thought back to the dream. All my friends and family lay dead around me. I was somehow able to smell what was happening in the dream, it wasn't much just blood and smoke. I am able to hear one faint voice from the pile of dead bodies. "Help, Help". The voice calls. I look to see who it is. It is my girlfriend Elsie. Both of her eyes are gouged out and her legs are cut off at the knee. She coughs up blood between her cries for help. "Help, Help". She calls again.
"I am coming". I call back to her. I kneel down at her side and begin to weep. I feel the life leave her body and that is when my dream ends. I tremble with sadness and fear merely thinking of this god-awfull nightmare. Somehow i knew the dream was true, I knew soon all my loved ones will be stripped away from me. I go back to sleep for now. When i wake it is time for school. I get dressed, eat breakfast and then leave for school. I meet up with Elsie a quarter way there. "Hey Hunter." She yells to me from down the road.
"Hello Elsie" I say as I kiss her on the cheek.
"Check out this new drawing I did last night". She says. It was magnificent. she was always very artistic and creative and that was one of the many reasons i always loved her.
"It is beautiful" I tell her. She is wearing one of her usual paint splattered shirts from all of her painting and a pair of shorts. She has short black hair and a beautiful smile. "Thank you so much" She says as she hugs me. As we walk the rest of the way to school we discuss what we did yesterday. I was going to tell her about the dream but I decided not to, And thats when the screaming started. We had just got onto school property and we ran to see what it was. A boy lay on the ground in a pool of his own blood. His body looked like it was gelatinized by what i'm guessing was the impact with the ground. He had a bullet hole in his head and a gun in his hand. It looked like suicide but I knew it wasn't. I realized it was was my friend Nathan. I began to weep as I was sure now that it was true. the killings had begun and soon all the ones I cared for would be dead.

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

You forgot to capitalize a couple of starting words, and dialogue should be spaced out. Kinda cliche though. Btw, how does he "know" that the killings would occur? Anyways, KIU!

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https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Beyblad...pid1530998

PLEASE READ MY STORY PLEASE ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Btw, how does he "know" that the killings would occur? !

You will find out soon enough.

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

I think I found out the reference btw.

Is it based off of the Alice Killings in Japan?

so yeah, convo ends here. PM me from now on.

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https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Beyblad...pid1530998

PLEASE READ MY STORY PLEASE ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Seems nice so far
I want to see where you i with it

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Cause i'm just one hell of a butler guardian
Retired Beyblader, just a writer on Your Creations section
Want feedback on a story or need a judge? PM me, and I will try to give you tips and help you to the best of my ability.

Thanks im starting chapter 2 now

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill