Alright. This story is so twisted I don't know how to begin.

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now and we've been deep and loving the whole time. We took things slow and we did everything right. Our relationship was/is perfect for us. Anyways. Entering this relationship I knew she was in a tight knit group with a "group" (think Friends) that consist of her brother, his best friends, their girlfriends and so on. For the first year and a half I tried hard to fit in this group and enjoy it for my girlfriends sake. And to be fair it worked every once in awhile. I felt accepted into the pack so to speak even if I was not popular among them. But something happened to shatter the group and a friend or two left it. No big deal, it happens. But ever since then her whole group of friends became just flat out mean and stuff. They treat me like carp and talk behind my back about myself and my friends. Whatever, I don't care about them. I care about my girlfriend. And that is where I run into the crux of the situation. This whole group of friends is deeply entwined in her life that she couldn't stop being friends with them if she wanted to (and she doesn't want to stop). She's known them a long time and I guess I can understand that. But that's where it gets to the teeth gnashing part. It's gotten to the point where...in order to see her like I normally do...I have to accept being around her cruel friends...people I can't stand and have slowly grown to dislike a ton. I don't want to have to deal with them but at the same time I don't want to sacrifice our relationship. I can already tell we're suffering from it and that sucks because we always held ourselves really strong.

I need help guys, seriously.

For the "too long, did not read" crowd here is a summary:
Tried to be friends with girlfriends best friends for almost two years. It didn't work. I really dislike them and they really dislike me. I can't see her without having to put up with them. She won't stop seeing them.

yea I don't really get why "24" people will just look and have nothing to post. maybe its cause your a member with few posts.. w.e

Say what you mean, tell her what you think. If she can't see what you mean or doesn't try, then it should end. Cause really, people that you don't like and don't really like you, shouldn't be around. period.

Also it might be worth Calling them out on their BS. Still might have to end it.
be straight though

yea I don't really get why "24" people will just look and have nothing to post. maybe its cause your a member with few posts.. w.e

Or maybe we just don't know what to say? That might have something to do with it.

Anyway, you're right. Jason, you need to just be direct with your girlfriend and tell her that you don't like the way her friends treat you or just don't like them in general.

It will inevitably cause some drama between the two of you because you will more or less be asking her to choose between her "best" friends and you. But to be honest, true best friends don't treat their friends' partners like trash.

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What Roan and Blue said was right - you really need to be straight with your girlfriend about this. I assume you find it easy to talk to each other about your problems, so tell her that the whole situation is really troubling you and that you feel it's coming between you both. Don't force an ultimatum upon her, just try and calmly discuss why you think she should see less of those friends.

How come you can't get to see her without spending time with them? Don't you spend any time alone together? Maybe you can suggest that to her. Good luck Jason, I'll keep an eye on this topic in case you need any more help.

Thanks for the advice guys, I really appreciate it.

I've tried all of the stuff that you'd think would be common sense that would work to no avail. I've talked to her many times about it. I've brought up all the carp they put myself, her, and my friends through, and I even offered to just hang out one on one more.

But none of that works. She's not being like evil about it either she just can't do it. She's been friends with them a long time and one of them is even her brother (who treats her like dirt). They all sort of treat her like dirt and I'm the only one that'll say anything. She can't see it because for some obscure reason she feels she owes them. Back when she didn't have many friends she got introduced to this group of kids and then I came along and things were on and off OK with them. Then the "group leader" gets dumped by his girlfriend, gets jaded, and starts a huge pity party. Of course she tries everything to help him and he even almost flirts with her while getting the pity (of course I bring this up, and it just adds more tension ). Her thought process is: they were there for her when she needed them. Her brother is in the group. She isn't worth being treated well by them (threw me for a freaking loop. cause i brought up they treat her like carp too), and she just doesn't have any friends. So by this time she's crying and stuff. She wants to help me out and make me happy but at the same time she just can't mentally make the leap to ditching her cruel friends.

It sucks guys.

It must be really difficult for you man. Don't worry, things will work out though!

It sounds like what your girlfriend really needs is massive amounts of support from you; she needs to start to pull away from this group of control freaks before it destroys your relationship and her feelings. Calmly explain why you think she needs to break away from them and tell her over and over that you'll help her all you can and that you'll always be there to support her. Lay it out as plainly as possible - "It's tearing us apart and it's doing you no good" - but don't lose your patience and don't expect her to agree straight away. It will probably take her a long time to pull away from these people but if you really love your girlfriend and she really loves you, everything will turn out fine. Give her your strength and be upfront with the group of friends too, if you have to. If she asks for your help in telling them to piss off, so to speak, give it to her. Always remind her that she's not alone.

I hope everything works out for you both! Let us know how it goes.

It does sound like you're putting in a good effort on your part, but it seems your girlfriend is regrettably not picking up the slack on her end. Surely you've told her how they treat you and how they make you feel, and I would think that if she loves you, she'd stand up for you in the same way you stand up for her. If she doesn't do that (which seems to be the case), then I can see how you are suffering from this. The good thing is you're openly communicating.

It seems to me that your girlfriend has self-esteem issues (which usually sets off warning bells for me). You need to encourage her to be more sure of herself, and more respectful of what she thinks (as well as more independent). If she cannot respect herself, then unfortunately your relationship doesn't have much of a future - where this current issue will just be the tip of the iceberg. It will just destroy the both of you.

Now helping her find that esteem isn't an easy thing to do. It requires patience, commitment, and hard work. If she loves you and has any love of herself, she'll work on it - as your relationship depends on it.

I'm sorry if I sound very cavalier, but I feel what I had to say was necessary in a straightforward manner than some euphemistic Disney version. It's how I roll.

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I'm Ommy
http://unqualify.blogspot.com

Support. Spend more time with her, so she can feel "able" to break away?

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That's the thing. I guess it's hard to put into words how deeply entwined our loves are with her friends and how impossible it is for her to conceive ever dropping them (she's known a few of them near all her life).

Anyways yesterday made for an uber long day. I confronted each one of the dudes. It was crazy that 2 of the 3 kids were genuinely apologetic and wanted to work things out so everyone was happy. The third guy...let's not talk about that guy.

The 3rd guy is pretty much her closest of the 3 and also the ringleader for the douchebaggery. So he didn't back down, really, and things got ugly...then less ugly..then ugly again. So whatever. 2 for 3 isn't bad .

Anyways this isn't resolved by a long shot but I've got some peace of mind right now. Thanks everyone!