World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

My Story - Beyblade: Darkness Reborn

Poll: What do you guys think of my story so far?

The story is great!
58.82%
10
The story is okay, but requires more editting.
17.65%
3
The story is ... bad.
0%
0
The story is horrible and sucks!
0%
0
This story is most likely the worst in the world!
23.53%
4
Total: 100% 17 vote(s)
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Jul. 13, 2011  5:34 PM
 
(Jul. 13, 2011  4:34 AM)M.Cancer90R2F Wrote: o so does that mean my character request is no u no for Komit J. and his bey Astro DGrin

You don't have to worry. He'll be in the story in probably chapter 5/6... it all depends on my friends if they even read the email... or possibly even get it. One of them hates me and stopped reading my emails because I like beyblade Pinching_eyes. Besides, I'm trying to get them to like beyblade, but miserably failled at school. Also, the other characters requested will be in the story as well, just not in the Canadian team.
Jul. 18, 2011  11:46 PM
 
Well guys, Chapter Four is finished (finally!). The replies from my friends, so far were no, because they dislike beyblade. So I only used them as references for the characters. Also, I used the names of their favourite One Piece Characters.
Also, it was split into 2 parts, because it seems very long…

Chapter 4: Project Dark Revival (Written in Ashan’s perspective) part 1

Where… where am I…? Is this a dream…? I asked myself, while I was re-gaining consciousness. I opened my eyes and noticed I was in a bed, with bandages wrapped around my body. I also had a very sharp pain running through my head, but it shortly disappeared. This is weird. The last thing I remember is the encounter with the strange men, and getting knocked out. I thought to myself. I got on my feet, and started looking around. I was in a small room with grey walls and one door leading out. There were no windows, so I couldn’t see anything out of the room. It felt more like a cell. Suddenly, the door burst open and 3 people entered. “Hey, it seems you’ve regained your consciousness! I’m Zoro, leader of the Canadian Team BlackChaos.” said one of them. I realized that he was the one that knocked me out. He wore a yellow t-shirt with blue jeans, and he showed me his bey: Scythe Uranus TR145EWD. The Uranus clear wheel was a wider version of the Kronos clear wheel. “I’m Franky, your worst nightmare!” said the second one. He wore a blue t-shirt that said ‘YOU SUCK!’. He wore glasses, and black jeans. He too, showed me his bey, which was: Earth Poseidon GB145MB. The Poseidon clear wheel looked like a regular Aquario clear wheel. “And I am Ace.” said the third. He wore blue shirt, green pants, and his bey was: Ocean Hippocampus DF145FS. The Hippocampus clear wheel as just like a Pegasis I clear wheel, but lighter blue with small waves around the ‘wings’. The Ocean Wheel, as similar to dark, but had 24 spikes in total. “Come with us, the docter would like to see you.” said Ace. My wounds feel like they’ve healed, so I guess I can walk. I thought to myself. I followed them out of the door, and was amazed at what I saw. “Whoa, where am I?!” I asked. “This is our home…” was Zoro’s reply. “…The base of BlackChaos!” “Wow…, wait. You guys live here?” I asked them. “Yeah, in order to do intense training. We only rest for a couple of hours, but it’s the only way we can master the beys that were given to us.” said Ace. “Speaking of who gave us our beys, here come the Doctor!” said Franky. The doctor was wearing a black suit and was wearing his dark shades. He had long spiked hair that was black, and changed midway to purple. “Well, so you’re finally awake. Firstly, I must apologize for Zoro knocking you unconscious. He uses too much strength when punching someone, and you got a serious wound. Well, I’m Dr. Vegadikijeliverony, but because of my ridiculously long name, everyone calls me ‘Doctor’. We have a lot to discuss, and you’ll eventually understand why we brought you to here.” said the Doctor. I wasn’t sure if I should listen to what he had to say, but I thought it wouldn’t be too bad. “All right then.” I told him. “I’ll listen.” “Good! Follow me.” he said. While walking, we passed to doors, one leading to the kitchen, and one room which seemed to be the training room. We walked until we came to a doorway on the other side of the grey hallway. Then he called Ace forward. “Ace, can you unlock the door for us?” he asked. “Of course, Doctor.” he replied. “What is this?” I whispered to Franky. “It’s a door, genius.” he said. The Doctor smiled, Zoro chuckled, and Ace burst out laughing, while unlocking the door. “Now that was funny!” said Ace. Inside the room was a laboratory, filled with high-tech equipment. Many scientists were running around, looking like they were working very hard. “As you can see, this is our research laboratory. It’s where we try to create new upgrades to many accessories that would be helpful to a blader. Of course, it’s only used for members of Team BlackChaos, and no one else.” said the Doctor. “Doctor, we’ve failed on project Dark Revival.” said one scientist. “Well, try harder! You must revive that legendary bey before the World Championships begin!” replied the Doctor. “Y-yes, of course Docter!” said that scientist. Then he went back to the machine, I think it was some revival machine or something, and placed a rock shaped like a bey. The Doctor noticed that I was looking at the bey, and then asked me a question. “Your name’s Ashan, right?” “Yeah…” I said, still looking at the rock. Yes, he must be the one after all! The Doctor thought to himself. “Perhaps you would like to watch how the revival process would work. First of all, that scientist placed that ‘rock’ into the revival generator. Actually, that’s not a rock, but a fossilized bey. It’s the legendary beyblade Chaos Dranzer 100EF!” he told me. “Doctor, the fossil is glowing!” said another scientist. “We are adding more power to the generator.” “Excellent!” said the Doctor. “This is the reaction we’ve been waiting for! Now, fire the laser cannons!” The laser cannons, which were attached to the ceiling, started glowing, and shot a blue beam at the fossil, and the rock layer started melting, until the rock pieces were completely gone. “Yes! We’ve successfully revived Chaos Dranzer!” said one of the scientists. “Good, now Ashan, how would you like to join team BlackChaos?” asked the Docter. “Well, I was thinking about that, and after seeing all of the training facilities and other stuff, I’d be happy to join!” I replied.
Chapter 4: Project Dark Revival part 2

“Okay. Give Ashan Chaos Dranzer.” said the Doctor. “Excuse me?” I asked. “I already have a bey. It’s my Shadow Hedgehog 85RMF!” I showed my bey, and no one seemed impressed. “That’s your bey?” asked Ace. “Looks more like a piece of scrap metal than a bey!” said Franky. “Look, Ashan. As the leader of this team, I won’t allow anyone to embarrass my team with that hunk of junk!” said Zoro. “Oh yeah? Then let’s see what you’re made of, big shot!” I said. “Ah, a match to see if Ashan is worthy of joining.” said the Doctor. We then went back to the training room, and prepared ourselves for battle. “3, 2, 1…” We both said. “Go Shoot!” I said. “Let it rip!” said Zoro. “Let it rip? You guys don’t say ‘go shoot’?” I asked Zoro. “This is Canada, not Japan. Although we like saying go shoot, we’re not suppose to say it for a practice match.” said Zoro. “What?! Practice match!? Take this seriously, or I’ll knock you out before you can attack!” I said, really mad at his remark. “Okay, then. Scythe Uranus!” Scythe Uranus started charging towards Shadow Hedgehog. “Dodge it, Shadow Hedgehog!” I said. Shadow Hedgehog managed to dodge just in time, and started to counter. “Now you’ll know not to mess with me! Shadow Hedgehog! Rapid Fire!” I said. Shadow Hedgehog glowed with that aura, and started firing bullets of darkness straight towards Scythe Uranus. However, as soon as the bullets hit, they were all deflected, shooting at different directions. “How pathetic! Did you really expect to defeat me with a weak attack like that!? Don’t mock me!” said Zoro. “Ashan is in for a world of pain, since he thought he could win so easily. Doctor, I clearly don’t understand why you would think that he is the one.” said Ace. “Huh? What do you mean ‘the one’? Doctor, were you sharing info with Ace again and didn’t even bother to tell me!?” asked a slightly enraged Franky. “Yes, Franky. I did. Mainly because I told you a lot of things, but you wouldn’t pay attention. So, I thought it would be less troublesome to look for you and tell you. Also, by ‘the one’, I mean the one worthy of mastering Chaos Dranzer and using it to lead our team to victory during the World Championships.” “I see. Well, you might as well give up on that suggestion, because Ashan is getting pulverized!” said Franky. “Darn it!” I said. How is he doing that? There’s no way anyone can be this powerful! I thought to myself. “If you think that this is my best, you’re wrong!” said Zoro. “Uranus! Great Slash!” Scythe Uranus glowed with silvery grey light and in a few seconds was charging like a mad cow towards Shadow Hedgehog. It shredded through Shadow Hedgehog until all the pieces were completely destroyed. “No… Shadow Hedgehog… this can’t be…” I said, as I fainted. The battle was over, and Zoro was the victor. “Nice job, Zoro. You showed that rookie not to mess with BlackChaos!” said Ace. “Doctor, what should I do with his left over scrap metal he called a bey?” asked Zoro. “Throw it out, as we have no use for it.” said the Doctor. “It seems that he’s unconscious again, Doctor. What do we do about him?” asked Franky. “What do you think we’re going to do? We’re going to keep him in the laboratory for now. When he wakes up, we will use that machne.” said the Doctor. “Oh, I see! Then he won’t resist joining us!” said Franky. “Soon, our plan will commence. Get yourselves prepared.” said the Docter.


Hope you guys enjoyed it. Also, you’re characters will show up soon in the next few chapters. So hope you guys like it!
Jul. 21, 2011  1:13 AM
 
oh man this story is not good





its EPIC
Jul. 21, 2011  4:28 AM
 
long story
Jul. 21, 2011  3:01 PM
 
(Jul. 21, 2011  1:13 AM)aqua roxas Wrote: oh man this story is not good





its EPIC

Really? Thanks a bunch!
(Jul. 21, 2011  4:28 AM)BEYSKULL13 Wrote: long story

Yeah, but it's not as long as the other stories that many other experienced writers have written.
Jul. 21, 2011  6:42 PM
 
(Jul. 21, 2011  3:01 PM)MusicBeyblader Wrote:
(Jul. 21, 2011  1:13 AM)aqua roxas Wrote: oh man this story is not good





its EPIC

Really? Thanks a bunch!
(Jul. 21, 2011  4:28 AM)BEYSKULL13 Wrote: long story

Yeah, but it's not as long as the other stories that many other experienced writers have written.

yeah thats true
Jul. 30, 2011  9:24 PM
 
hey whens the next chapter coming
Aug. 02, 2011  7:04 PM
 
(Jul. 30, 2011  9:24 PM)aqua roxas Wrote: hey whens the next chapter coming

Sorry about the long wait. If everything goes well, it should be finished by tonight. Once again, sorry everyone.
MusicBeyblader
Aug. 03, 2011  12:15 AM
 
(Aug. 02, 2011  7:04 PM)MusicBeyblader Wrote:
(Jul. 30, 2011  9:24 PM)aqua roxas Wrote: hey whens the next chapter coming

Sorry about the long wait. If everything goes well, it should be finished by tonight. Once again, sorry everyone.
MusicBeyblader

So much for everything going well... Sorry everyone, but can you wait a little longer? I'll be busy for the next day or two...
MusicBeyblader
Aug. 04, 2011  5:45 AM
 
Do you mind if I request another character?
Aug. 04, 2011  3:05 PM
 
(Aug. 04, 2011  5:45 AM)M.Cancer90R2F Wrote: Do you mind if I request another character?

Sure you can! I mean, there are 8 teams in total, so anyone can request as many characters! Also,Chapter 5 is almost done.
MusicBeyblader
Hello, everyone. Chapter 5 is up and running, so hope you guys like it! Smile And I’m very sorry about the long wait… by the way, It’s kind of long, and I didn’t have time to make it in parts…

Chapter 5: The Decision (Continued in Ashan’s perspective)

“Now, Uranus, attack!” said Zoro. It rammed into Shadow Hedgehog, completely shattering it to pieces. “No… it can’t be!” I said. “Hahaha! You’re so weak, you don’t deserve to live! Uranus!” It was charging towards me, while I was bracing for the attack. “Ahhh!” I said, waking up from that nightmare. I realized it was a dream, more like a nightmare. I looked around, and I was chained to some kind of generator, which was inside some sort of force field. “Well, it seems that you’ve finally awaken!” said a voice. Then a flash of light blinded me for a few seconds. When it cleared, the Docter, Zoro, Ace, and Franky were standing right in front of me. There was also a docter standing behind a control panel. “What’s going on!? Where’s my beyblade!?” I asked. “I don’t know. Probably it’s in a garbage truck, or in a dump. It all depends on how fast the garbage truck moves.” said Franky. “WHAT!!?” I asked. Now they went too far. They destroyed my bey, and threw it away. “However, that’s not the reason you’re chained here. The reason is we’re giving you one chance.” said Ace. Suddenly, part of the floor opened up, and a small pillar rose up. I then noticed that Chaos Dranzer was placed on the pillar. Then Zoro said, “Either accept Chaos Dranzer, or die!” I thought about it for a while, and then decided. “Never! I don’t need that bey! I just need my previous bey, Shadow Hedgehog!” “Fine then.” said the Docter. Then he pointed to the other docter, and that docter nodded, pressing a button. “Ahhhh!” I said. There were sharp pains all over my body, and I noticed electric currents. I’m- I’m being electrocuted! I thought to myself. “We weren’t joking about the part where you die. Why do you think we chained you onto electric generators?” said Franky. “HAHAHAHA!” laughed Zoro and the Docter. Then, suddenly, I glowed with a dark aura. Tanvir and the Docter stopped laughing and was wondering what was going on. In fact, I was thinking about all the insults everyone said to me, all the times I couldn’t beat Nail, each time I messed up in battle, and how weak I was. What’s- going on…? I thought to myself. (Unless you think of a proper strategy, you’ll never win!) Was that… Nail’s voice just now…? I asked myself. But that wasn’t all. (Looks more like a piece of scrap metal than a bey) (Your one weakness is your determination.) (Hey kid! We saw how you bladed at the tournament and you clearly suck!) (I sure hope you don’t humiliate yourself again!) (So much for a proper strategy…) Why are all these thoughts coming to my mind now? I asked myself. Then suddenly, Shadow Hedgehog’s spirit was in front of me. “I can’t believe you would just let them destroy me like that. As a beyblader, you’re a failure.” said Shadow Hedgehog. Its spirit then exploded, and a different spirit replaced it. It looked like a phoenix, but more evil looking… it was a phoenix of darkness. “You must be Ashan. I was waiting for a long time to meet you…” it said. [iMeet me? Who are you?[/i] I asked it. “I am Chaos Dranzer, the dark phoenix! You have the potential to become the greatest beyblader.” it said. It then disappeared, and I just kept on hearing those voices again. (I’m your worst nightmare!) (It’s a door, genius.) (If you’re not going to attack, I will!) I couldn’t take it any longer. If that’s what my friends think of me, I’ll make them pay! I thought. Then I exploded with rage, using the dark aura to break the generators and the force field. “I’ll be taking this!” I said, snatching Chaos Dranzer. “Wait, what are you doing!? asked Franky. I set Chaos Dranzer on my new beylauncher that was somehow in my pocket. “Go Shoot!” I yelled, launching my new bey towards the wall. The wall exploded, with smoke all over the place. “What… happened?” asked Ace, coughing from the smoke. “I’m not sure…” said the Doctor. When the smoke cleared, they noticed that both I and Chaos Dranzer were gone. “But I have a good idea on where he went…” said Zoro. “Same here, Zoro… it’s time to go back to Japan!” said the Doctor.

Meanwhile… back at BeyCity…

“Come on, Kizaru! You have to keep up with our beys!” said Nail. Nail, Kizaru, and Andrew were training hard for that tournament. Nail and Andrew were trying hard to help Kizaru keep balance for his bey. “It’s no use… I’ll never control Kronos.” said Kizaru. “Hey Kizaru. When you were a Blade Hunter, you took a lot of beys from others, right?” asked Andrew. “Yeah.” said Kizaru. “Then why not switch parts with another bey? asked Andrew. It seemed like a good idea to Andrew, and Nail seemed to like it as well. “Andrew has a good point, especially since the parts ‘Basalt, 230, and MS’ don’t necessarily match up together.” Kizaru thought about it, and agreed. “Okay then. Nail, you’re pretty smart when it comes to customizations. What’s your recommendation?” asked Kizaru. “Well, it all comes down to what type you like best. It’s obvious you like defence types that also have attack power, so I’d keep Basalt and 230. However, it would make more sense to switch the MS bottom to a CS bottom. Cs is occasionally used it defence customizations, and because it a rubber coating, it will give some attack power as well. This customization also has a fair amount of stamina. …okay! It’s ready. Here’s your new bey, Basalt Kronos 230CS.” said Nail. Kizaru actually seemed to like his new customization. “Thanks Nail! I’ll give it a shot.” They went back to the stadium, and prepared for another match. “This match will be Andrew vs. Kizaru.” said Nail. “You ready?” asked Andrew. “Always!” said Kizaru. “3,2, 1… Go Shoot!” said Kizaru and Andrew. But Kizaru miss-fired and his bey shot towards the sky. When it fell back, Kizaru ran to catch it, and accidentally bumped into a kid, knocking him down. “Sorry, I didn’t see you. Are you alright?” asked Kizaru. The kid had white spiky hair with a black lining, wore jeans, and wore a long black coat which had a white lining. “I’m okay.” he said. “I’m Iakou. Hey, how about we battle?” he then asked. “Err, okay…” said Kizaru. “Face the power of my Basalt Kronos 230CS!” said Kizaru. “This is my Eclipse Draco WF105RSF.” said Iakou. “3, 2, 1… Go Shoot!” said Iakou and Kizaru. Both beys were spinning near the center of the stadium. Then Kizaru said, “I’ll end this in one attack! Basalt Kronos, Unbalanced Scythe Cutter!” Basalt Kronos started charging, and because of the CS bottom, it had more speed. However, Iakou’s bey easily dodged, letting Kronos hit the stadium wall. “Because of the RSF bottom, or Rubber Sharp Flat, Eclipse Draco can freely change from stamina mode to attack mode.” said Iakou. “Wow. If this keeps up, Kizaru is going to lose.” said Nail. “Kronos! Let’s show Iakou how strong we really are!” Kronos then charged into Eclipse Draco, sending it flying. “Oh yeah! This match is mine!” said Kizaru. “Draco! Final Eclipse!” said Iakou. Eclipse Draco managed to stabilize itself after that attack by using its track. “What… just happened?” asked Kizaru. “Wings Four 105 is the name of the track. When Eclipse Draco was shot out of the stadium, Wings Four activated, to steady itself. Now prepare for my attack!” said Iakou. All of a sudden, the light from the sun started dimming, while Eclipse Draco glowed with a tremendous white light. Then it flied down like a shooting star, crashing into Kronos, causing a huge explosion and knocking out Kronos. “I… lost!?” asked a depressed Kizaru. “The winner of this match is Iakou!” said Nail. Andrew and Kizaru were both shocked by Iakou’s skill as a blader. “Hey, Iakou. Would you like to join our team?” asked Andrew. “Huh? You’re team?” asked Iakou. Nail, Kizaru, and Andrew explained about the upcoming world championships, and how they were forming a team, and also about Ashan’s disappearance. “Okay. I’ll join.” said Iakou. “All right!” said Andrew. “Hey Iakou, maybe you can help me with my training.” said Kizaru. “Sure. But it’s late now, so I’m going home. See you later.” said Iakou. “Okay. We have us four, now we have to find Ashan!” said Nail. All of a sudden, a strong wind blew, and dark lightning filled the sky. “Looking for me?” I asked, slowly walking up to them. “Ashan, you’re okay!” said Nail. “You look stronger, also. I trust you heard about the Championships, and you’re on our team, right?” asked Kizaru. “Of course I know, and I came to tell you I already joined the Canadian team. “…!” said Kizaru and Andrew. “… oh, haha! Good joke! I knew you still had your sense of humour! Haha!” laughed Nail. I just scowled at his lame joke. “I’m not joking, and if you still don’t believe me, you’ll need some persuasion!” I said angrily. “Go Shoot!” I yelled, launching Chaos Dranzer. “Wha…? Go Shoot!” said Nail, Kizaru, and Andrew. My bey charged towards all three beys and blasted them out of the stadium in one hit. “I’m a member of The Canadian team BlackChaos. Remember it, and I’ll see you three at the final tournament!” A flash of lightning struck between me and the other 3, and I was gone. “Why Ashan?” asked Nail. “I’m not sure why, Nail, but from looking at his expression, he seemed pretty mad.” said Andrew.

And that’s all for Chapter 5.
Aug. 04, 2011  8:06 PM
 
Okay he's Andrew's little bro

Name:Derek
Age:10
Bey:Evil Epsilon SW145SD (Epsilon is Orange)
Personality:Naive jealous of andrew
Bey type:Balance
Special Move(Same effect as Zeta) :Epsilon:Booster Blaster
Epsilon:Super Shield
p.s Andrew and Derek work awesome in team battles and the clear wheel and face look the same as Zeta
Aug. 04, 2011  8:34 PM
 
Oh man, cool chapters, and thank for using my character
Aug. 05, 2011  3:46 PM
 
(Aug. 04, 2011  8:34 PM)Iakou Wrote: Oh man, cool chapters, and thank for using my character

Your welcome!
(Aug. 04, 2011  8:06 PM)M.Cancer90R2F Wrote: Okay he's Andrew's little bro

NameGrinerek
Age:10
BeyEeevil Epsilon SW145SD (Epsilon is Orange)
Personality:Naive jealous of andrew
Bey type:Balance
Special Move(Same effect as Zeta) Eeepsilon:Booster Blaster
EpsilonConfuseduper Shield
p.s Andrew and Derek work awesome in team battles and the clear wheel and face look the same as Zeta

Great! I'll try to make him fit in at the next chapter. BTW, you're previous request for Komit... can he apear a little later in the story? Near Chapter 7/8 to be persise...
Aug. 05, 2011  9:33 PM
 
(Aug. 05, 2011  3:46 PM)MusicBeyblader Wrote:
(Aug. 04, 2011  8:34 PM)Iakou Wrote: Oh man, cool chapters, and thank for using my character

Your welcome!
(Aug. 04, 2011  8:06 PM)M.Cancer90R2F Wrote: Okay he's Andrew's little bro

NameGrinerek
Age:10
BeyEeevil Epsilon SW145SD (Epsilon is Orange)
Personality:Naive jealous of andrew
Bey type:Balance
Special Move(Same effect as Zeta) Eeepsilon:Booster Blaster
EpsilonConfuseduper Shield
p.s Andrew and Derek work awesome in team battles and the clear wheel and face look the same as Zeta

Great! I'll try to make him fit in at the next chapter. BTW, you're previous request for Komit... can he apear a little later in the story? Near Chapter 7/8 to be persise...

Yeah i dont care
Aug. 06, 2011  11:00 AM
 
nice
Aug. 06, 2011  7:40 PM
 
(Aug. 06, 2011  11:00 AM)aqua roxas Wrote: nice

I hope you realize you cant just make one word posts like that Chief 2002 - Sigh ...
Aug. 08, 2011  9:31 AM
 
ok thanks Kid Dranzer sorry for breaking rules
Aug. 08, 2011  7:31 PM
 
(Aug. 08, 2011  9:31 AM)aqua roxas Wrote: ok thanks Kid Dranzer sorry for breaking rules

No prob bob
Sep. 17, 2011  4:02 PM
 
all right man just for the record when people take this long to write a chapter i forget about it man im sorry but im tired of this. but on other hand sorry i have never written a story so i dont know about sorry about the criticism
Oct. 25, 2011  10:55 PM
 
(Sep. 17, 2011  4:02 PM)aqua roxas Wrote: all right man just for the record when people take this long to write a chapter i forget about it man im sorry but im tired of this. but on other hand sorry i have never written a story so i dont know about sorry about the criticism

Sorry, I've never had the time to continue on with the story (since I'm in high school now), and ...well... I lost the will to continue on with the story. However, I might continue when I get that will to write back.
Still, my apologies for posting the message very late...
Apr. 10, 2012  10:44 AM
 
(Aug. 06, 2011  7:40 PM)Pocket Byxis Wrote:
(Aug. 06, 2011  11:00 AM)aqua roxas Wrote: nice

I hope you realize you cant just make one word posts like that Chief 2002 - Sigh ...

totally great, make the other topic please -,-
Apr. 10, 2012  10:56 AM
 
super u rock make the other topic fast please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apr. 10, 2012  11:00 AM
 
Not bad bro Tired improve your writing!
Apr. 10, 2012  11:06 AM
 
celestron it rocks he dosent need to improve dude
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