World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

My Naruto story: The secret of Disagari Uchiha.

Sep. 17, 2011  3:29 PM
 
(Feb. 15, 2011  1:32 AM)aries blader Wrote: Disigari knew how to make clones that didn't burst lik showdo clones, or anything lik that, and itachi knew that, so he killed the clone.

So you didn't use clones, eh? I don't want to rag on anyone, but the spelling and grammar could use some work. Is it really that hard to run it through Microsoft Word before posting?
Sep. 17, 2011  4:11 PM
 
Please accept the critisism with pride. Smile Temporal is right, it is quite unrealistic (and I know the Naruto story and I have seen it).
Sep. 17, 2011  4:44 PM
 
*SIGH* i know about the grammer, once again, the last post of my story was from FEBURARY jeez... I HAVE IMPROOVED... (capslock)
(Sep. 17, 2011  3:29 PM)Temporal Wrote:
(Feb. 15, 2011  1:32 AM)aries blader Wrote: Disigari knew how to make clones that didn't burst lik showdo clones, or anything lik that, and itachi knew that, so he killed the clone.

So your didn't use clones, eh? I don't want to rag on anyone, buy the spelling and grammar could use some work. Is it really that hard to run it through Microsoft Word before posting?

She did, but they weren't shadow clones, and Itachi KNEW THAT. If they were not clones, he would not've killed her.
Sep. 17, 2011  5:42 PM
 
My point is this: If you're going to use a popular anime as a basis for a fan-fic, make up a new clan, and work them into the story. Don't throw your character into the Uchiha Clan because you think they are awesome and make them totally beast from Day One. That's unrealistic and Mary-Sue-ish. Also, don't post tour story until you are SURE that you made it as good as possible without feedback. It should be legible, not a jumble of letters and spaces.
Sep. 17, 2011  7:45 PM
 
*SIGH*
For the love of- its my fanfic and i can do what i want with it!!!
you half to understand, you are critisizing a thing that i know now is bad, but when i posted it it was the best of my writing abilities! now they are much better, and i will rewrite it!

*FACEPALM*

THAT IS IT! I AM SO FED UP WITH THIS!!! Ya know what, its not worth the trouble! MAbie i'll just stop!
Sep. 17, 2011  8:01 PM
 
By all means, we're not putting you down. You can't write with cliches, it's paltry and unsightly. And frankly, thin. I'm trying to say that the idea might (As in, it does) need to be rethought. Why post if you know it's bad? Just take the advice. It'll make you a better writer, I swear it will.
Sep. 17, 2011  8:10 PM
 
I posted it because i wanted people to see how my writing improoved. like i said i had just posted the last one, and the one beforre that was from FEBURARY! i know that awhile ago (As in oh, idk, THE BEGINNING!) it was bad, and now the thought of improving has vanished from my mind, so thanks!
Sep. 17, 2011  8:41 PM
 
dude. just. follow. Temporal's. Advice. it's simple, and can only serve to help you. he's one of the best writers here, and tries to make stories as good as they can be. He's a writing god here. get over it and listen to him.
Sep. 17, 2011  8:52 PM
 
Yo, yo. I'm no god. I just want people to improve. Frankly, I don't like this type of talk. I'm just a regular guy with a sense of plot. But taking advice IS important to becoming a good, maybe even great, writer. Revision is aways a must, too. You can go back and fix previous chapters too. There's nothing stopping you. Also, please stop with the "writing god" thing. I understand the "One of the best writers here", but saying I'm a god causes my credibility with the less affluent writers to plummet. It makes me come off as egotistical and selfish. Look, if you need help with making your character less Mary-Sueish, PM me or Sparta. We'll be glad to help. TITAN works, along with Noodoo.
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