I am solo glad to hear he came back! , This absolutely made my day!

I can understand your feelings.

As a working person with plenty of time spent in the real world. That's exactly how to treat this situation. Kind manners and ignoring people just makes it worse.

Well try punching your coworker. Seriously, what I wrote is entirely true, so no, it is not the best solution, period.

As a working person with plenty of time spent in the real world. That's exactly how to treat this situation. Kind manners and ignoring people just makes it worse.

I knew plenty of people growing up who tried to respond to bullying in the manner you have described, yet it only ever made things worse for that person. What bullies want from you most is a reaction and if you blast off like a hothead and try and pick a fight then they get what they want and will seek to cause that reaction again. You can stand up for yourself without resorting to violence and if you cannot, it honestly says more about your level of intelligence than anything else.

As a working person with plenty of time spent in the real world. That's exactly how to treat this situation. Kind manners and ignoring people just makes it worse.

I knew plenty of people growing up who tried to respond to bullying in the manner you have described, yet it only ever made things worse for that person. What bullies want from you most is a reaction and if you blast off like a hothead and try and pick a fight then they get what they want and will seek to cause that reaction again. You can stand up for yourself without resorting to violence and if you cannot, it honestly says more about your level of intelligence than anything else.

Wow, no offense mate but this is entirely wrong. A victim of bullying responding with violence says only one thing: that they are desperately seeking to save themselves from bullies. Saying that a bullying victim is somehow "at fault" for protecting themselves is NEVER okay. You blame the victim, you make them the victim - and then you're basically as bad as the bully. Never blame the victim. Not even if they're using violence to protect themselves. I mean, maybe you did know "plenty of people" but until you have your own bully literally hitting you in the face every day, making you bleed, making you suffer, crushing your self-esteem and making you blame yourself for your weakness, and until you have to put up with everyone else telling you not to fight back... Then you'd do better to just back off. You have no idea what you are saying.

If a kid smacks a bully in the face, it clearly shows they are either not aware of any other option or, worse, that they genuinely have no other option. Both situations are not their fault in any way. Their parents, their teachers, their peers and friends have all failed to give them any better option. I once saw a kid get held down by his "friends" while they forcibly shaved his legs with the razor from a pencil sharpener. He ended up in hospital from blood-loss. Was that kid not allowed to fight back? Get real. There is absolutely a place for violence when you're protecting yourself - but you need to be trained to use it or else you'll likely hurt your bully so bad you get blamed for everything, or worse, you'll mess it up and just make the bully angry enough to really hurt you back.

There is absolutely a place for violence in self-defence. I've always noticed people who swear otherwise are typically the people who've never been bullied or beaten up or raped or whatever. A bullying victim using violence against their bully? Not their fault and says NOTHING about their level of intelligence. That is just baseless bigotry.

If a kid is getting beaten and bruised at school, they can tell a teacher. What if the teacher does nothing? Hmm? Happens all the time. They can tell their parents. What if their parents say "just ignore it"? Hmm? What then? What if they tell a counsellor? What if that same counsellor laughs at them? Yup, case in point. What if they call the police? Can the police arrest a minor for bullying at school? No, they can't. How do you think any of these options is going to make the bully feel? Annoyed? Angry? You better believe it. When all these people, teachers, parents, friends, the police, do nothing to help the victim, and when the victim subsequently decides not to help themselves, it sends a clear message to the bully that what they are doing is okay - and they will keep doing it.

But no bully will ever bash a victim who they know can bash them equally bad in return. Bullies are not the stupid thugs you like to caricature them as - they know exactly who they can pick on and get away with it. But a victim who can fight back is not even a victim anymore. If everybody fought back, there wouldn't even be any bullies. If you don't get that, you've never been bullied and you don't know what you're talking about. And while you're at it, I also know plenty of people - yes, people who have ended up beating their bullies up and who've never been bullied again. So whatever.

Urgh, I hate bullying but I hate victim-blaming even worse. I'll see this thread closed before we all get on the train of blaming victims who lash out at their bullies. At the very least, the bullies deserve it. Parents and teachers and peers who punish victims or tell them they're wrong for trying to protect themselves are just bad parents, teachers and peers. You want victims to treat their bullies with respect? Try stopping the bullying. I dare you.

And let's not forget that the OP had to literally leave their school (edit: and their whole town) to deal with their issue. Explain to me how that's fair. Why not just stop the bullying? Oh that's right... Victims aren't allowed to fight back.

---

Okay, I just went for a run, drank a cup of tea and had a think about this. Saying "don't fight" clearly isn't good enough but just saying "do something" probably isn't good enough either. Bullying victims want real advice. So with that in mind, here is...

...just another sure-fire way to NOT get bullied

hands-on advice that you probably never even considered before

(boy version with notes for girls)

Works best for ages 10-14 years. Nothing is easy. But enough banter! Let's get stuck in.

STEP 1

First, learn to play St James Infirmary Blues on piano. Yes an actual piano. And yes, specifically that one song.

Here is why:

Regardless of whether your bully is a boy or girl, all bullies typically only get away with bullying at school because nearby girls allow them to do it. In most cases, bullies will actually bully you specifically to show-off in front of nearby girls, or else to humiliate you in front of them. This is true even if the bully is a girl. The best way to overcome this is to simply get the girls on your side.

You can't negotiate friendship with young girls, but you CAN make a few positive changes in your own life which will naturally attract their respect and admiration. In your teenage years, this respect and admiration will very quickly turn into adoration. Then you're set. Bullies won't bully you if all the girls nearby love you - the girls simply won't let it happen.

The most effective way to get girls to love you? Play St James Infirmary on the piano. Not even kidding. The song is perhaps the easiest song ever written for piano. It is a plain and simple tune which naturally gets more complex as you get better playing it - which means you only ever have to learn just that one song and just play it a bunch of different ways as you get better.

Search "St James Infirmary piano tutorial" on youtube, choose a version you like and just copy what you see. Pause, play, pause, play until you get it. Repeat until you don't need the youtube video anymore.

As you play it over and over again, you'll notice it doesn't really matter if you make mistakes. That's how this song is designed to work. It is supposed to be sloppy. Just keep on playing and pretend as if the mistakes didn't happen. Sometimes it helps to actually pretend (to yourself) that you work in an underground jazz club on weekends and you have a drinking problem so bad that all you can do is play blues until you fall asleep every night. Get this "roleplay" part down and you'll be playing the song like a professional in a month. It really is that simple.

STEP 2

The next step is more difficult. Once you can play the song, NEVER PLAY IT. This really is the hardest part. When you're good at something (like playing St James Infirmary Blues on piano) you will naturally want to do it all the time and show-off your new skills to everyone. Don't do it! A cool piano song is like a weapon - it should only ever be used in extreme circumstances.

Here's how to know if the circumstances are extreme enough:

You're in a room with a piano (you'll be surprised how often this happens) and you notice a girl hanging around. Maybe she plays a song, maybe she just pushes a few notes. Most young girls are curious enough to press a few keys for lolz. If there are other boys around, wait until they leave. If they don't leave, never mind. There will be another opportunity. If the girl is alone or with other girls, that's your moment.

If she's playing a song, listen to what she is playing, wait until she is finished, then compliment her on her skills (not on the song itself). Just say, "You're really good at that." She will be embarrassed by the compliment, which is good for you. When she is not playing a song (or if she never was), offer to play her a song...

Now is the crucial part. Say these exact words: "I could play you a song if you like". Remember to complement her on her own piano skills first, if she has just finished a song. Be sure to use the word "like" instead of "want" when you offer to play. I could play you a song if you LIKE. Do NOT tell her the name of the song - if she asks, just say you don't know its name.

No matter how unpopular you may think you are, she will pretty much definitely accept your offer. She might say something like, "You can play the piano?!" and you might think she's being nasty to you. Just say, "Sure" and shrug, like it's obvious you're the best piano player in the universe.

She will move out of your way. Sit down, make sure you're comfortable. You don't need to rush - she is not going anywhere. Then start the St James Infirmary Blues.

Start slow and simple - the longer it takes you to show off your skills, the longer she will hang around, listening to you play. Don't play forever, just play slowly and with purpose. Like you're digging a hole or fixing a wheel - you do the job and then it's done and you go home. Don't try to be clever. The song is simple. Play it simply. Think grim thoughts.

Do every part of the song you know just once and then finish. Try to end suddenly (rather than "fading out" or doing anything artsy or weird) but do not stop until you actually finish the song - not for anything - not even if she walks out. Keep playing until you finish! She won't walk out. Just play the song, finish the song, no matter what. If she talks, ignore her until you finish.

When you're finished, she'll say, "You're really good" and you'll feel embarrassed. Just stand up, say "Thanks" and then leave the area. If you need an excuse to leave, just shrug and say "See you round" and literally walk out the door (you're in a room, remember). Don't skip or jump or crab-walk away. Just think of some other place you can walk to and then walk there with purpose. Tell the teacher you need some water if you need to leave the classroom. If the teacher says no, leave anyway. It will be worth it. From the moment you walk away, the girl will want you forever.

THE RESULT

And that's it. She'll tell all her friends that you're awesome at something (even though it's actually the easiest song in the world) and that you're a cute guy who has hidden talents. From that moment, all the girls will want to know what else you have to offer them. Each of them. Individually.

They'll ask you to play the piano for them. You'll play the exact same song and they'll love you for it. Then when you finish the song and they ask you to play another, you simply say, "Nah, I'm bored" and leave the area (same as before) before they can insist - literally walk away and leave the girls behind. Trust me. They'll follow you. And once they follow you, you'll never be bullied again.

What's even better is that if you ARE bullied again, you simply go and find the original girl you met at the piano and you ask her, "How've you been?" and the bullies won't come anywhere near you. She is your bodyguard now.

In my experience, only violent bullies mess with boys who have plenty of girl friends. And nobody, including the girls, will blame you for being hassled by a violent psycho. You'll even notice that being bullied by violent psychos doesn't bother you so much anymore - because now you know you have a skill which automatically wins you the most important kind of schoolyard friends.

Again, the most important part of being good at piano (or anything really) is to not care that you're good at it. If you can possibly NOT play the song, then don't play it! If someone says you're good, whatever. If someone says you suck, whatever. You only got good to make friends. No need to be proud. Playing a cool piano song is like being able to chop vegetables. Don't get excited over nothing.

FOR GIRLS

Obviously this advice is for boys. I am a boy, so I know it works. Girls unfortunately cannot just play a piano to win friends and escape bullies. Girls are usually relegated to the guitar for this. If you are a girl and you play guitar (not the ukulele or banjo or violin or whatever), there will be a line of boys who want you. Other girls won't stop bullying you just because the boys like you now - but you will find bullies won't get under your skin so much when you know all the boys are lusting after your guitar skills. Even if you suck at guitar, all the boys will want to show you how to play - which necessarily involves some level of friendship. Nothing wrong with that.

As a girl with a guitar, you'll never stop having people ask you to be in their band. Do it. You'll meet people. And it doesn't even matter what kind of guitar you play or which song you choose or whether you sing-along or not. If you play the guitar, you're set. The boys will love you (or the girls who like girls) and nothing else will matter.


And that's it. This is "just another way" and there are plenty of others. But I remember the day when someone finally told me the correct response to "you're an idiot" was actually "no, you are" and I wish everyone could share such sagely advice. Maybe one day.

---

Okay, I just went for a run, drank a cup of tea and had a think about this. Saying "don't fight" clearly isn't good enough but just saying "do something" probably isn't good enough either. Bullying victims want real advice. So with that in mind, here is...

...just another sure-fire way to NOT get bullied

hands-on advice that you probably never even considered before

(boy version with notes for girls)

Works best for ages 10-14 years. Nothing is easy. But enough banter! Let's get stuck in.

STEP 1

First, learn to play St James Infirmary Blues on piano. Yes an actual piano. And yes, specifically that one song.

Here is why:

Regardless of whether your bully is a boy or girl, all bullies typically only get away with bullying at school because nearby girls allow them to do it. In most cases, bullies will actually bully you specifically to show-off in front of nearby girls, or else to humiliate you in front of them. This is true even if the bully is a girl. The best way to overcome this is to simply get the girls on your side.

You can't negotiate friendship with young girls, but you CAN make a few positive changes in your own life which will naturally attract their respect and admiration. In your teenage years, this respect and admiration will very quickly turn into adoration. Then you're set. Bullies won't bully you if all the girls nearby love you - the girls simply won't let it happen.

The most effective way to get girls to love you? Play St James Infirmary on the piano. Not even kidding. The song is perhaps the easiest song ever written for piano. It is a plain and simple tune which naturally gets more complex as you get better playing it - which means you only ever have to learn just that one song and just play it a bunch of different ways as you get better.

Search "St James Infirmary piano tutorial" on youtube, choose a version you like and just copy what you see. Pause, play, pause, play until you get it. Repeat until you don't need the youtube video anymore.

As you play it over and over again, you'll notice it doesn't really matter if you make mistakes. That's how this song is designed to work. It is supposed to be sloppy. Just keep on playing and pretend as if the mistakes didn't happen. Sometimes it helps to actually pretend (to yourself) that you work in an underground jazz club on weekends and you have a drinking problem so bad that all you can do is play blues until you fall asleep every night. Get this "roleplay" part down and you'll be playing the song like a professional in a month. It really is that simple.

STEP 2

The next step is more difficult. Once you can play the song, NEVER PLAY IT. This really is the hardest part. When you're good at something (like playing St James Infirmary Blues on piano) you will naturally want to do it all the time and show-off your new skills to everyone. Don't do it! A cool piano song is like a weapon - it should only ever be used in extreme circumstances.

Here's how to know if the circumstances are extreme enough:

You're in a room with a piano (you'll be surprised how often this happens) and you notice a girl hanging around. Maybe she plays a song, maybe she just pushes a few notes. Most young girls are curious enough to press a few keys for lolz. If there are other boys around, wait until they leave. If they don't leave, never mind. There will be another opportunity. If the girl is alone or with other girls, that's your moment.

If she's playing a song, listen to what she is playing, wait until she is finished, then compliment her on her skills (not on the song itself). Just say, "You're really good at that." She will be embarrassed by the compliment, which is good for you. When she is not playing a song (or if she never was), offer to play her a song...

Now is the crucial part. Say these exact words: "I could play you a song if you like". Remember to complement her on her own piano skills first, if she has just finished a song. Be sure to use the word "like" instead of "want" when you offer to play. I could play you a song if you LIKE. Do NOT tell her the name of the song - if she asks, just say you don't know its name.

No matter how unpopular you may think you are, she will pretty much definitely accept your offer. She might say something like, "You can play the piano?!" and you might think she's being nasty to you. Just say, "Sure" and shrug, like it's obvious you're the best piano player in the universe.

She will move out of your way. Sit down, make sure you're comfortable. You don't need to rush - she is not going anywhere. Then start the St James Infirmary Blues.

Start slow and simple - the longer it takes you to show off your skills, the longer she will hang around, listening to you play. Don't play forever, just play slowly and with purpose. Like you're digging a hole or fixing a wheel - you do the job and then it's done and you go home. Don't try to be clever. The song is simple. Play it simply. Think grim thoughts.

Do every part of the song you know just once and then finish. Try to end suddenly (rather than "fading out" or doing anything artsy or weird) but do not stop until you actually finish the song - not for anything - not even if she walks out. Keep playing until you finish! She won't walk out. Just play the song, finish the song, no matter what. If she talks, ignore her until you finish.

When you're finished, she'll say, "You're really good" and you'll feel embarrassed. Just stand up, say "Thanks" and then leave the area. If you need an excuse to leave, just shrug and say "See you round" and literally walk out the door (you're in a room, remember). Don't skip or jump or crab-walk away. Just think of some other place you can walk to and then walk there with purpose. Tell the teacher you need some water if you need to leave the classroom. If the teacher says no, leave anyway. It will be worth it. From the moment you walk away, the girl will want you forever.

THE RESULT

And that's it. She'll tell all her friends that you're awesome at something (even though it's actually the easiest song in the world) and that you're a cute guy who has hidden talents. From that moment, all the girls will want to know what else you have to offer them. Each of them. Individually.

They'll ask you to play the piano for them. You'll play the exact same song and they'll love you for it. Then when you finish the song and they ask you to play another, you simply say, "Nah, I'm bored" and leave the area (same as before) before they can insist - literally walk away and leave the girls behind. Trust me. They'll follow you. And once they follow you, you'll never be bullied again.

What's even better is that if you ARE bullied again, you simply go and find the original girl you met at the piano and you ask her, "How've you been?" and the bullies won't come anywhere near you. She is your bodyguard now.

In my experience, only violent bullies mess with boys who have plenty of girl friends. And nobody, including the girls, will blame you for being hassled by a violent psycho. You'll even notice that being bullied by violent psychos doesn't bother you so much anymore - because now you know you have a skill which automatically wins you the most important kind of schoolyard friends.

Again, the most important part of being good at piano (or anything really) is to not care that you're good at it. If you can possibly NOT play the song, then don't play it! If someone says you're good, whatever. If someone says you suck, whatever. You only got good to make friends. No need to be proud. Playing a cool piano song is like being able to chop vegetables. Don't get excited over nothing.

FOR GIRLS

Obviously this advice is for boys. I am a boy, so I know it works. Girls unfortunately cannot just play a piano to win friends and escape bullies. Girls are usually relegated to the guitar for this. If you are a girl and you play guitar (not the ukulele or banjo or violin or whatever), there will be a line of boys who want you. Other girls won't stop bullying you just because the boys like you now - but you will find bullies won't get under your skin so much when you know all the boys are lusting after your guitar skills. Even if you suck at guitar, all the boys will want to show you how to play - which necessarily involves some level of friendship. Nothing wrong with that.

As a girl with a guitar, you'll never stop having people ask you to be in their band. Do it. You'll meet people. And it doesn't even matter what kind of guitar you play or which song you choose or whether you sing-along or not. If you play the guitar, you're set. The boys will love you (or the girls who like girls) and nothing else will matter.


And that's it. This is "just another way" and there are plenty of others. But I remember the day when someone finally told me the correct response to "you're an idiot" was actually "no, you are" and I wish everyone could share such sagely advice. Maybe one day.

I am sorry but I cant help but comment.....nice advice....very impressive..

Mate you need to calm down. I haven't blamed any victims here at all so don't jump to conclusions. I was merely suggesting that violence is often not the answer (In response to contradictory advice) and I actually made no reference anywhere to someone defending themselves from physical violence so do not try to put words in my mouth.