I Collect The Bodies (A Short Story)

This is a short story for my English class that I just finished and thought I would post. It is still a rough draft, but I am working to improve it. I still need to add more detail but I wanted to finish the basic plot first. I'm also changing the beginning, which I will post tomorrow. If you have any suggestions on how to improve, PLEASE TELL ME! I want this to be the best it can be.

story:
Final Version:
I'm to tired to review right now, but I'll get to the specifics tomorrow. Overall, I liked it. Pretty dang awesome.
I like it. Just not a fan of as if such and such, I much prefer direct metaphors and similes. So instead of saying it was as if the boy was smaller than everyone else, use the boy was a cockroach amongst lions.

Any other advice I may have just skimming over it is use proper possessive marks and try to avoid repeating words and using but too much. Most of the time, it can be replaced with however, although etc.

I dislike the terms suddenly and think you should look over some ways to explain what happens over that period of time or in a sweet little sentence. Compare the two:

All of a sudden he grabbed the pen and scribbled his name on the sheet angrily.

After what seemed to be ages, a malicious grin spread across the face of the man holding the contract as the boy scribbled his name in a flutter of rage.

Something regarding camouflaged soldiers, they can't literally be dressed in camouflaged really, so we use camouflaged soldiers rather than dressed in camouflage. Sounds a little better, no?

Title might need a bit of fixing too?
Thanks for your feedback. I tried to implement your thoughts into the final version of the story. Here is the final, finished version of it.

Story: