[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst: Zenith

Welcome one and all to Beyblade Burst: Zenith. I'm excited to tell this story that's been rolling around in my brain. Once this idea settled on my mind I just had to spill it on the page. This series takes place after Surge and will incorporate certain details of the different instalments of the manga that were not included in the anime. 


Beyblade Burst: Zenith

Synopsis:

After training directly under Valt Aoi at the legendary BC Sol, Jamie is ready to begin his blading journey. Throughout the blading community, he's known as Valt's protege, and he's determined to live up to that moniker as he reaches for his singular goal; to finally stand on the same stage as Valt, the blader he's admired for so long. But the road to the final stage is riddled with challenges. Zane, the protege of the White Knight, Lui Shirosagi, has also begun his rise to the top. What will happen when these mentees of two powerhouse bladers meet? As they make their way into the gauntlet of blading action, they will come to see there is more to the world of blading than meets the eye.

The first chapter will be coming soon. I have my own cast of characters so I won't be accepting character requests.
I've always liked the Zenith disc specifically for its name.
(Dec. 21, 2020  6:26 PM)Eclipse Force Wrote: I've always liked the Zenith disc specifically for its name.

Has a certain ring to it.
(Dec. 24, 2020  10:34 PM)Sahaj Buttar Wrote: This looks cool

I appreciate that. Thanks. Hopefully you enjoy the series. The first chapter will be out very soon.

Just a question, why choose Lui as the mentor of Zane? I know this is your fan fic and you can do whatever you want, but I just wanted to know why him of all iconic characters?
(Dec. 25, 2020  12:38 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: Just a question, why choose Lui as the mentor of Zane? I know this is your fan fic and you can do whatever you want, but I just wanted to know why him of all iconic characters?

Lui and Valt are big rivals so their successors would probably also be.
(Dec. 25, 2020  12:38 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: Just a question, why choose Lui as the mentor of Zane? I know this is your fan fic and you can do whatever you want, but I just wanted to know why him of all iconic characters?
I wanted another Big Five member, a true blading titan to be mentoring another blader. Shu has already had two bladers he's mentored, so I didn't want to do that again, and Free doesn't seem the type to me to directly mentor someone. Given that I wanted a Big Five member mentor, the pool was limited. In addition Valt and Lui have such a fierce rivalry between them so I thought it would be interesting to explore how their mentees would interact.

Almost done with the first chapter. May release late tonight or sometime tomorrow.
Hm, maybe I should give this a shot.
Waiting for chapter 1.
(Dec. 25, 2020  12:20 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Hm, maybe I should give this a shot.
Waiting for chapter 1.

Should be out today. Polishing a few things up.
Chapter 1: 
Beginnings! Chart the Course!


(Dec. 26, 2020  6:34 AM)Admiral W Wrote:
Chapter 1: 
Beginnings! Chart the Course!



Putting my personal disliking of Achilles losing so early, it was solid. Here’s one thing to improve on, have less dialogue (which is really hard to do seeing as it’s a Beyblade fanfic). The good things are the dialogue and grammar as well as the battles.
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:09 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote:
(Dec. 26, 2020  6:34 AM)Admiral W Wrote:
Chapter 1: 
Beginnings! Chart the Course!



Putting my personal disliking of Achilles losing so early, it was solid. Here’s one thing to improve on, have less dialogue (which is really hard to do seeing as it’s a Beyblade fanfic). The good things are the dialogue and grammar as well as the battles.

Any particular reason on the point about less dialogue?
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:19 AM)Admiral W Wrote:
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:09 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: Putting my personal disliking of Achilles losing so early, it was solid. Here’s one thing to improve on, have less dialogue (which is really hard to do seeing as it’s a Beyblade fanfic). The good things are the dialogue and grammar as well as the battles.

Any particular reason on the point about less dialogue?

Stories usually have a good balance between dialogue and actions. The problem with too much dialogue is that the actions become less. It’s okay since it’s a Beyblade fanfic and Beyblade is primarily a show/comic in which actions can be drawn (and it’s hard to turn actions into words)
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:34 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote:
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:19 AM)Admiral W Wrote: Any particular reason on the point about less dialogue?

Stories usually have a good balance between dialogue and actions. The problem with too much dialogue is that the actions become less. It’s okay since it’s a Beyblade fanfic and Beyblade is primarily a show/comic in which actions can be drawn (and it’s hard to turn actions into words)
Do you have a specific example of the lack of balance?
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:47 AM)Admiral W Wrote:
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:34 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: Stories usually have a good balance between dialogue and actions. The problem with too much dialogue is that the actions become less. It’s okay since it’s a Beyblade fanfic and Beyblade is primarily a show/comic in which actions can be drawn (and it’s hard to turn actions into words)
Do you have a specific example of the lack of balance?

For example, in my very first fan fic I had too much dialogue which lead to a lack of interest.
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:49 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote:
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:47 AM)Admiral W Wrote: Do you have a specific example of the lack of balance?

For example, in my very first fan fic I had too much dialogue which lead to a lack of interest.

I'm taking about specifically with my story. You mentioned a lack of balance in what I wrote. Is there a specific place where you noticed that, and if so, what made it unbalanced?
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:52 AM)Admiral W Wrote:
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:49 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: For example, in my very first fan fic I had too much dialogue which lead to a lack of interest.

I'm taking about specifically with my story. You mentioned a lack of balance in what I wrote. Is there a specific place where you noticed that, and if so, what made it unbalanced?

I may have been exaggerating a tad too much, but after the battle there is a tad too much dialogue. What this did was take a little bit out of the exposition more specifically things like who are these characters.
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:58 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote:
(Dec. 26, 2020  7:52 AM)Admiral W Wrote: I'm taking about specifically with my story. You mentioned a lack of balance in what I wrote. Is there a specific place where you noticed that, and if so, what made it unbalanced?

I may have been exaggerating a tad too much, but after the battle there is a tad too much dialogue. What this did was take a little bit out of the exposition more specifically things like who are these characters.

What made it a tad too much? I find that when giving constructive criticism, especially when it comes to writing, it's important to be specific. So if there's a specific example and you could explain how that's an example of it, that could be useful. One of the ways we get to know character is through dialogue. Are they witty? Brusque? Timid?  Dialogue is one of the ways we get to know how a character carries themselves. If that's just a personal preference on your part I understand that. And usually it's best to reveal character through actions and dialogue, not really exposition. Exposition is best used in connection with character in the backstory.
Hm, it looks neat. I personally liked the part with Jamie and Tyler the best, since it gives us a bit of insight on our main dudes. The ending with the mysterious three, however, was honestly an overused way of ending a chapter..which I'm not a big fan of. But somehow, despite the use of dub names (which I also don't like, but this is your story so you do you), I actually managed to enjoy this for the most part. Good luck with the next chapters!
(Dec. 26, 2020  9:53 AM)PinkRose Wrote: Hm, it looks neat. I personally liked the part with Jamie and Tyler the best, since it gives us a bit of insight on our main dudes. The ending with the mysterious three, however, was honestly an overused way of ending a chapter..which I'm not a big fan of. But somehow, despite the use of dub names (which I also don't like, but this is your story so you do you), I actually managed to enjoy this for the most part. Good luck with the next chapters!

I've always preferred the dub names personally. Started with the dub, have always favored it.
Hmm I personally like this fanfic although I was a bit confused with the new beys thinking does this take place in sparking and do we still use superking beys and I was a bit confused on the shapes and stuff oc the beys this also kinda reminds me of a fan made animation of season 6
(Dec. 26, 2020  8:09 PM)Challen Wrote: Hmm I personally like this fanfic although I was a bit confused with the new beys thinking does this take place in sparking and do we still use superking beys  and I was a bit confused on the shapes and stuff oc the beys this also kinda reminds me of a fan made animation of season 6

Glad you enjoyed it. Sparking/Surge beys are still in use. Takes place after Surge.
(Dec. 26, 2020  6:34 AM)Admiral W Wrote:
Chapter 1: 
Beginnings! Chart the Course!



I don't know I you want or care to have my opinion. But your punctuation.. it was mostly just periods. I like reading the emotion through punctuation as much as dialogue. For example in the middle of a heated battle I don't think Valt would be casually be saying: "Valiant Whip." He'd probably be more like: Valiant.. Whip!" Just my personal opinion.
Made a change to the ending of the chapter.

Next chapter should be out this week.