[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst: Kiwami!

(Aug. 08, 2021  11:39 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Here goes your entry, hope it's actually writeable XD

Holy Horusood, that's a lot of words.
(Aug. 09, 2021  1:21 AM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Okay, can Shin and Maru (if it is okay with PinkRose) have a rivalry as Shu Vs Lui?

Hmm, I don't know. Maru's not exactly the type to have a rivalry that intense as she dislikes heavy comeptitive-ness; so I can see them more as distant kinda-sorta friends or in a one-sided rivalrly on Shin's end. But if Kiryu Kazuma goes for that route, I wouldn't really mind.
Chapter 2:


Read this after reading the chapter:


(Aug. 09, 2021  2:59 PM)PinkRose Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  1:21 AM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Okay, can Shin and Maru (if it is okay with PinkRose) have a rivalry as Shu Vs Lui?

Hmm, I don't know. Maru's not exactly the type to have a rivalry that intense as she dislikes heavy comeptitive-ness; so I can see them more as distant kinda-sorta friends or in a one-sided rivalrly on Shin's end. But if Kiryu Kazuma goes for that route, I wouldn't really mind.

I'll think about it.
You know, I like the little detail of practically every character's name having a meaning (Ichiban means The Best or Number 1, Chikara means power, Watashi means I/Me...actually the latter is kinda funny now that I think about it), and it's made even better by some entries (namely Shin and Maru) having meaningful names too.
The battle was fairly well-done by the way, but I'd have liked a bit more detail on the appearance of Icarus and Wendigo's avatar. Otherwise, aside from a couple frequent typos, this chapter turned out pretty good. Looks like you're really off to a good start, keep up the momentum *thumbs up*
(Aug. 09, 2021  3:13 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Chapter 2:


Read this after reading the chapter:


(Aug. 09, 2021  2:59 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Hmm, I don't know. Maru's not exactly the type to have a rivalry that intense as she dislikes heavy comeptitive-ness; so I can see them more as distant kinda-sorta friends or in a one-sided rivalrly on Shin's end. But if Kiryu Kazuma goes for that route, I wouldn't really mind.

I'll think about it.

zue hua pao pao pi pon shiao shiao

in other words nice chapter dude

for having an exam start right after you finish a chapter this was amazingly gud
(Aug. 09, 2021  3:13 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Chapter 2:


Read this after reading the chapter:


(Aug. 09, 2021  2:59 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Hmm, I don't know. Maru's not exactly the type to have a rivalry that intense as she dislikes heavy comeptitive-ness; so I can see them more as distant kinda-sorta friends or in a one-sided rivalrly on Shin's end. But if Kiryu Kazuma goes for that route, I wouldn't really mind.

I'll think about it.

A couple grammar mistakes and typos and a mix-up between Watashi and William in a couple places, nothing major. Well done otherwise! Is Morita as Watashi's last name coincidental or intentional? BTW, hope you do well on your exams!
(Aug. 09, 2021  4:01 PM)i\m batman Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  3:13 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Chapter 2:


Read this after reading the chapter:



I'll think about it.

A couple grammar mistakes and typos and a mix-up between Watashi and William in a couple places, nothing major. Well done otherwise! Is Morita as Watashi's last name coincidental or intentional? BTW, hope you do well on your exams!
coincidence? i think not
Avatar's of Beys

Icarus


Wendigo


Centaur


(Aug. 09, 2021  4:01 PM)i\m batman Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  3:13 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Chapter 2:


Read this after reading the chapter:



I'll think about it.

A couple grammar mistakes and typos and a mix-up between Watashi and William in a couple places, nothing major. Well done otherwise! Is Morita as Watashi's last name coincidental or intentional? BTW, hope you do well on your exams!

Thanks! And Watashi's last name Morita was coincidental, Morita means forest (Wendigo is the spirit of forest)
Really good, I not going to repeat what was said above, but I really would like to see the avatars appearances explained as that is one of my favorite parts.
(Aug. 09, 2021  4:43 PM)LJ-Blader Wrote: Really good, I not going to repeat what was said above, but I really would like to see the avatars appearances explained as that is one of my favorite parts.

I did posted their pics, see the above post.
(Aug. 09, 2021  3:13 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Chapter 2:


Read this after reading the chapter:


(Aug. 09, 2021  2:59 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Hmm, I don't know. Maru's not exactly the type to have a rivalry that intense as she dislikes heavy comeptitive-ness; so I can see them more as distant kinda-sorta friends or in a one-sided rivalrly on Shin's end. But if Kiryu Kazuma goes for that route, I wouldn't really mind.

I'll think about it.

Valt, stop lying, if your siblings didn't wake you up, you wouldn't wake up till midnight and Valt's brat? Excuse me, Valt's the number 1 Blader in the world. Just thought I'd vent about that, good chapter, work on grammar Smile
Great chapter, Valt is a liar tho….
(Aug. 09, 2021  5:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Great chapter, Valt is a liar tho….

Valt has already gotten into the habit of lying to his children, *sighs* I thought you'd be better than this.
(Aug. 09, 2021  5:31 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  5:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Great chapter, Valt is a liar tho….

Valt has already gotten into the habit of lying to his children, *sighs* I thought you'd be better than this.

Yup, who taught him how to parent?
(Aug. 09, 2021  5:48 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  5:31 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Valt has already gotten into the habit of lying to his children, *sighs* I thought you'd be better than this.

Yup, who taught him how to parent?

(Aug. 09, 2021  5:57 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  5:48 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Yup, who taught him how to parent?


(Aug. 09, 2021  6:00 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  5:57 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:


Desperate times call for desperate measures
(Aug. 09, 2021  6:13 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Aug. 09, 2021  6:00 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:

Desperate times call for desperate measures

True, well let’s not get off topic tho
The Kiwami 3 (The bladers which are believed to be the strongest three who wields a Kiwami Bey)

That's a bot lol

My message did not showed up?

Kiryu Kazuma

(Aug. 12, 2021  8:25 AM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: The Kiwami 3 (The bladers which are believed to be the strongest three who wields a Kiwami Bey)


I cannot post.... Is it a bug?
Is that a bug? Demon Belial you mentioned me, but I can't see the post.
good god i hate spamming on threads that dont even apply to the theme

nice chapters!