Hey Guys I am making my own series called Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle it is a mix of sparking and dynamite battle I hope you enjoy I only have part 1 of chapter 1 done I will release a new chapter every week

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Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
                      Chapter 1
   Time To Go All Out Bionic Apollo

Justin: Hey Asher, did you hear about Valt’s new bionic bey?

Me: Of course it looks so cool after school I am going to
ask my Dad to help me build my own after school.

Justin: Do you think he would be up for making one for me too?

Me: Sure. And I heard Valt is coming in town today to get ready for the new Legends League.

Me: Let’s Challenge him to a battle when our beys are finished.  

Teacher: Boys did you hear my question?

Me: We were distracted, sorry.

Teacher: Since you owned up to your mistake I will let you off the hook but do not let it happen again.

Me/Justin: Phew.

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Hey Guys I am making my own series called Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle it is a mix of sparking and dynamite battle I hope you enjoy I only have part 1 of chapter 1 done I will release a new chapter every week

---

Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
                      Chapter 1
   Time To Go All Out Bionic Apollo

Justin: Hey Asher, did you hear about Valt’s new bionic bey?

Me: Of course it looks so cool after school I am going to
ask my Dad to help me build my own after school.

Justin: Do you think he would be up for making one for me too?

Me: Sure. And I heard Valt is coming in town today to get ready for the new Legends League.

Me: Let’s Challenge him to a battle when our beys are finished.  

Teacher: Boys did you hear my question?

Me: We were distracted, sorry.

Teacher: Since you owned up to your mistake I will let you off the hook but do not let it happen again.

Me/Justin: Phew.

want me to give it a rating?

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paimon says: 
EHE TE NENDAYO    
if you dont see yellow in this signature, you need primogems.

turn your face sunny side up.

It's in the wrong forum. It should go in "Your Creations".

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DON'T CALL ME SHORT!1!!1!

Spoiler (Click to View)

oh I did not know srry

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also yes you can rate it

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

ok
grammars: 4.3/5 it seemed pretty good. i did see one or two mistakes, but other than that, its good!
story: 4.2/ 5 i cant say much at this point, but this has a lot of potential!
story telling: 2.9/5 im sorry but it is kinda hard to understand a few things, but i know things can get better!

total score: 11.4/ 15 doing good! could use some improvements and tell me if you want anything else rated if i forgot anything. (i probably did)

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paimon says: 
EHE TE NENDAYO    
if you dont see yellow in this signature, you need primogems.

turn your face sunny side up.

Thx I will Try to improve in chapter 2

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

My rating for this thing.

Grammar: 5/5. It’s so short there’s like no space to mess up.
Story: 2/5. There is absolutely no development or anything to the story, only very slight hints.
Characters: 1/5. Every bit of dialogue, every interaction, just everything was very bland, very characterless.
Dialogue: 1/5. It didn’t feel like anyone was talking, just words being said for the sake of words being said.
Length: 1/5. I’d go 0 but 1 is the lowest on my ranking system. It’s so short that it can’t develop the story at all, it can’t show any characters at all, and is only one line of dialogue.

Total: 10/25. Tons of improvement needed, hope you can improve later.

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My rating for this thing.

Grammar: 5/5. It’s so short there’s like no space to mess up.
Story: 2/5. There is absolutely no development or anything to the story, only very slight hints.
Characters: 1/5. Every bit of dialogue, every interaction, just everything was very bland, very characterless.
Dialogue: 1/5. It didn’t feel like anyone was talking, just words being said for the sake of words being said.
Length: 1/5. I’d go 0 but 1 is the lowest on my ranking system. It’s so short that it can’t develop the story at all, it can’t show any characters at all, and is only one line of dialogue.

Total: 10/25. Tons of improvement needed, hope you can improve later.

ah thats what if forgot.

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paimon says: 
EHE TE NENDAYO    
if you dont see yellow in this signature, you need primogems.

turn your face sunny side up.

ok
grammars: 4.3/5 it seemed pretty good. i did see one or two mistakes, but other than that, its good!
story: 4.2/ 5 i cant say much at this point, but this has a lot of potential!
story telling: 2.9/5 im sorry but it is kinda hard to understand a few things, but i know things can get better!

total score: 11.4/ 15 doing good! could use some improvements and tell me if you want anything else rated if i forgot anything. (i probably did)

What Was Hard to Understand?

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

ok
grammars: 4.3/5 it seemed pretty good. i did see one or two mistakes, but other than that, its good!
story: 4.2/ 5 i cant say much at this point, but this has a lot of potential!
story telling: 2.9/5 im sorry but it is kinda hard to understand a few things, but i know things can get better!

total score: 11.4/ 15 doing good! could use some improvements and tell me if you want anything else rated if i forgot anything. (i probably did)

Can you rate my fan fic/or fan fics?

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

ok
grammars: 4.3/5 it seemed pretty good. i did see one or two mistakes, but other than that, its good!
story: 4.2/ 5 i cant say much at this point, but  this has a lot of potential!
story telling: 2.9/5 im sorry but it is kinda hard to understand a few things, but i know things can get better!

total score: 11.4/ 15 doing good! could use some improvements and tell me if you want anything else rated if i forgot anything. (i probably did)

What Was Hard to Understand?

the story telling. some of the the things i couldnt really understand.

---

ok
grammars: 4.3/5 it seemed pretty good. i did see one or two mistakes, but other than that, its good!
story: 4.2/ 5 i cant say much at this point, but  this has a lot of potential!
story telling: 2.9/5 im sorry but it is kinda hard to understand a few things, but i know things can get better!

total score: 11.4/ 15 doing good! could use some improvements and tell me if you want anything else rated if i forgot anything. (i probably did)

Can you rate my fan fic/or fan fics?

sure.

---

paimon says: 
EHE TE NENDAYO    
if you dont see yellow in this signature, you need primogems.

turn your face sunny side up.

Preview for part 2
All right our beys are finished
Valt's new Bey?
Go Justin you can do it
Wait what?

Next Time on Beyblade burst BB
Janus and Apollo debut
3 2 1
Let It Rip

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If you have any questions about the Bionic Battle Anime just ask

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Btw Justin and Asher are not brothers they are just best friends that have known each other since they were 5 Justin and Asher are both 12 before Justin's combo before his bionic bey was Archer Hercules double 0 volcanaic Asher is the main charecter His combo was Heat Salamander double 0 revolve

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****After School****
Mom: Welcome Back Asher and Justin.

Me: Hi Mom, where is Dad? I need to talk to him
.
Dad: Did Someone say my name?

Me: Hi Dad I need your help to build me and Justin bionic
beys.
Dad: Sure why not come on let’s go.

Justin: Can your dad really make bionic beys?

Me: He was the one who built Valt’s so probably.

Justin: WAIT WHAT!?

Dad: Yup Valt wanted the best of the best to help him build his Bionic bey.

Me: Here we are at Dad's office, the place he makes bey’s at.

Dad: All right first what type of beyblade do you want it to be?

Me: I want mine to be a wicked attack type to beat Valt.

Dad: Valt is the strongest in the world you won't be beating him anytime soon.

Me: Trust Me Dad that is all about to change.

Justin: I want my beyblade to be a defense type.

Me/Dad/Justin: Let’s Get working!

****After Beys are finished****

Me: It’s done say hello to to my new bey Bionic Apollo.

Justin: It is cool and all but Dawn Janus is way better.

Dad: Valt said he should be arriving at the station in 5 minutes.

Me/Justin: Whoever gets there first gets to battle Valt first.

Dad: I don’t think they will ever grow up.

Justin: Nice try but I got here first (Panting).

Valt: Hey guys are you Justin Aoki and Asher Suzuki?
Justin: Yup we came out to battle you and I'm going first.

Valt: Alright I could use a good workout and don't hold back.

Me: I guess I will be the ref inspect your opponents bey .

Valt: Meet Hero Valtrek, the ultimate strongest bey ever!

Justin: It is cool but Dawn Janus is winning!

(Valt’s thoughts): Dawn Janus is a defense type that has 5 free spinning stars on it. I know his plan he is going to defend.

(Justin’s thoughts): Hero Valtrek is an attack type with rubber on it and huge attacking blades. A hit from this should do a lot of damage so I have to defend all the way.

Me: Ready Set

Valt/Justin: 3 2 1 Let it Rip!

Justin: Janus take center stage!

Valt: Valtrek get in there! Hero Sword!

(Janus Bursts)

Justin: Wait what?
Me: Hero Valtrek with a burst finish the winner is Valt Aoi.

Valt: Thanks for the amazing battle it was wicked.
Justin: ...

Me: Valt it is time for you to battle me, you are going down.

Valt: Show me what you got I am not planning on losing.

Justin: Ready Set!

Me/Valt: 3 2 1 Let it Rip!

Me: Go Apollo attack!

Valt: Go Rush Launch!

(Apollo sent flying)

Apollo: Is this really all you got?

Me: Huh?

Apollo: it is as simple as that you are the only blader that can truly master me.

Me: your right!

Me: APOLLO!!
(I start resonating)

Valt: No way is he?

Me: Time to wrap this up, use bionic Strike.

Valt: HA VALTREK!!

(Valt starts Resonates)

Valt: END THIS HERO SWORD!!!

(Apollo Bursts)

(I pass out)

Valt: Is he ok?

Justin: Yup he Just fell asleep it was fun battling you Valt.

(Valt Thoughts): They are going to be interesting.

Preview
Me: I want to battle more legends battling Valt was fun
Me: Wait I get to enter the Pre legends League
Me: What about Justin
Me: Silas Rantaro?
Next episode on Beyblade Burst BB
Janus creator of all beginnings

---

Also I am running out of Idea's for charecters so Who ever comes up with the coolest charecter and coolest bey to go with the charecter there bey/charecter will be featured in my book

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

ok
grammars: 4.3/5 it seemed pretty good. i did see one or two mistakes, but other than that, its good!
story: 4.2/ 5 i cant say much at this point, but  this has a lot of potential!
story telling: 2.9/5 im sorry but it is kinda hard to understand a few things, but i know things can get better!

total score: 11.4/ 15 doing good! could use some improvements and tell me if you want anything else rated if i forgot anything. (i probably did)

Can you rate my fan fic/or fan fics?

I like it 25/10

---

If you want to see my irl face pixelated, click the following spoiler

Spoiler (Click to View)

Ok, I trolled you, but the next one is real

Spoiler (Click to View)

You're a pervert for wanting to find my irl face pixelated!

25 out of 10? What? do you mean 10/25?

---

BTW I'd say 12.5/20

---

Can you rate my fan fic/or fan fics?

I like it 25/10

for what?

---

Please try out my Fan Fics:
FBW saga (First Blader War)

Scion of the Legends (The Dark Forsworn Series)

Note: I'm falling apart from reading many posts from people who are leaving or are going to be inactive.

its pretty good, though its missing out on punctuation (which is driving me crazy) but other than that it has a lot of potential
you just need to keep working at it

---

Spoiler (Click to View)

if your reading this you are getting curious

Spoiler (Click to View)

ever heard the saying curiosity killed the cat?

Spoiler (Click to View)

i wouldnt click the next spoiler

Spoiler (Click to View)

why did you click it...

I like it 25/10

for what?

Your fanfics

---

25 out of 10? What? do you mean 10/25?

---

BTW I'd say 12.5/20

No I actually meant it cause his are good

---

If you want to see my irl face pixelated, click the following spoiler

Spoiler (Click to View)

Ok, I trolled you, but the next one is real

Spoiler (Click to View)

You're a pervert for wanting to find my irl face pixelated!

Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
                    Chapter 2
   Janus Creator Of All Beginnings

               Mom: Asher wake up your Dad has a surprise for you.

                                         (Me Snoring)
               
                        Mom: A letter came in from Valt for you.

                     Me: Wait what did Valt say spill it please Mom.

                    Mom: Change into clothes and brush your teeth then
                   You and your Dad will talk about the letter now hurry.

                               ****After He Changes****
             
                       Me: Good Morning Dad Mom told me you got a
                      Letter from Valt Aoi.

                       Dad: Well I got 2 pieces of news from Valt and WBO.

                       Me: Well what is it spill also is Justin involved?

                       Dad: First the news from WBO you have been chosen
                       To enter the Pre Legends League Justin still has to
                       Prove his worth before he can enter yet. Also
                       Valt said that he wants you guys to come train
                       At BC Sol.

                       Me: Awesome! Me and Justin will get to battle more
                                       Legends I am so excited.

                        Dad: If Justin does well in those battles he will
                         Be in the Pre Legend League too.

                           ****After they pick up Justin****
           
                Dad: Here we are at theTrain Station you guys do us proud.

                Justin: Don’t worry I'm not going to lose ever again

                 Me: Sorry but you're going down in the Legends League.

                Dad: Bye guys don’t forget to have fun while practicing.

                (Justin Thoughts): Hero Valtrek was so strong he defeated me in
                One hit that was impressive but Asher stood up to Valt at full
                 Power even though he lost he put up a way better fight then
                 I did.

                 Me: Justin look they have Ice cream here it is really yummy.

                 Justin: (No Comment)

                 Me: Justin what’s wrong you look upset.

                Justin: Yeah I am fine.

                 Me: Tell me the truth. I have known you since I was 5.

                 Justin: I was just thinking about the battle against Valt.

                 Me: Don’t beat yourself up about it, a loss is a way to learn.

Justin: (FlashBack of when he met Asher)

Daycare Teacher: Asher show Justin around he is new and I want him to feel welcome.

Asher: Ok I promise I will take good care of him.

Daycare Teacher: I know you will. I go make lunch see you two later.

Asher: Hi my name is Asher what is your name?

(Justin Whispers): Justin.

Asher: Cool we will be great friends.

(Justin stops flashback)

Asher: Look amigo we are in spain.

Justin: Didn’t Valt say someone was going to be picking us up.

???: Are you two Justin Aoki and Asher Suzki?

Justin: That depends who are you?

Rantaro: Just your friendly neighborhood Rantaro Kiyama here to pick you up but you can call me Honcho.

Asher: Rantaro Kiyama this is awesome you're a super cool legend I cannot wait to battle you.

Rantaro: Valt said you guys were super strong blader hope he’s not wrong I have been waiting for another 2 interesting bladers to battle me.

Justin: What do you mean “another 2”.
Rantaro: Let’s Just say I have coached two super strong bladers before they even bested me at one point.

Asher: Who are they?

Rantaro: Enough talk let’s head over to BC Sol Valt’s waiting he will blow his stack if he waits for us any longer.

Justin: I am so beating Valt and getting my revenge.

Asher: HEY YOU DID NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION!!

Rantaro: You will meet them soon enough.

                                ****At BC Sol****

Me/Justin: Valt we are here battle us!!

???: Quiet pipsqueaks!

Me: Huh?

Rantaro: Well Silas way to treat our guests.

Silas: Well they were in the way of my training sorry I didn’t pamper up the place.

Me/Justin: Silas Karlisle?

Silas: Valt are these pipsqueaks your friends?

Valt: Yup I invited them to train for the WBO’s Pre Legend League  I was hoping they would battle you guys.
Silas: I will take on that kid next to the other one.

Justin: My name is Justin and I am taking you down!

Valt: How about we do a tag battle that way everyone can battle!

Silas: Then I guess I am teamed up with Poncho.

Rantaro: MY NAME IS HONCHO AND YOU KNOW IT!!

Rantaro: Meet my bionic bey Gale Roktavor!

Silas: My bey is way better Jinx Satomb!

Valt: I guess I will reff inspect your opponents bey.

(My Thoughts): Jinx Satomb a defense type that has a free spinning wheel all around the layer I will have to attack hard if I wanna burst this thing.

(Justin’s Thoughts): Gale Roktavor a Stamina Type it has three huge
Stamina wings will it be able to spin for a long time and it will be able to make a huge tornado I have got to make my defense a lot stronger.

Me: Alright Apollo let’s go like this!

(Silas Thought): He put a metal ring around his layer to amp his attack well I will do the same thing except to amp my defense.

Valt: Ready Set!

Asher, Justin, Rantaro and Silas: 3 2 1 Let It Rip!!

Rantaro: Alright Roktavor take center!

Justin: I am taking the center!
(Beys Clashing)

Me: Go Bionic Launch!

Silas: Satomb Triple Spin!

(All of Apollo attacks getting brushed off)

Justin: Alright Janus use Star Spin!

(Rantaro’s Thoughts): Those 5 free spinning stars are brushing off Rocktavors attacks.

Silas: You're not going to break through with wimpy attacks!

Me: Grr!!

Apollo: Satomb keeps brushing off your attacks aim for the center with power!!

Me: Your right I am going to attack directly!

(I start resonating)

Me: APOLLO!!

???: Huh he has such a resonance.

Me: Go Bionic strike

(Satomb bursts)

Silas: WHAT!!

Justin: I am going to be just like Asher, no stronger than him!
(Justin starts resonating)

Justin: GO SUNSET CRASH!!

(Roktavor gets sent out of the stadium)

Rantaro: Wait what!?

Valt: Janus with a ring out finish the winners are Asher and Justin.

(Justin and Asher High Five)

Me/Justin: We did it!

???: You guys are interesting Valt was right.

Valt: Well looks like I was right Free!

Free: You were.

Me/Justin: Free del a hoya?

---

Preview
Me: Free del La Hoya wants to battle us?
Me: A 2 on 1?
Me: We will win
Next time on Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
Give my spin back, Gyrate Fafnir
3 2 1 Let It Rip

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
Chapter 3
Give My Spin Back, Gyrate Fafnir

Free: So you beat Silas and Rantaro.

Rantaro: so the lone wolf finally came around.

Justin: Free battle me now!
Free: I want to battle both of you at the same time come at me!

Justin: Wait wouldn’t that be super unfair?

Free: Do you wanna battle or not?

Me: Touche

Apollo: Asher!

Me: Apollo…

Apollo: This is an opponent we cannot underestimate.

Me: Right we need to win for Justin’s sake

Apollo: Is your journey just about Justin?

Me: Your right I need to do this for myself.

Apollo: Good…

(Free’s Thoughts): He has a strong resonance with his bey.

Me: Let’s go like this Apollo.

(Free’s Thoughts): He added a metal ring to boost his attack.

Justin: Let’s do it too Janus!

Me: Get your launcher free.

Free: Nah i'm good going to launch it with my hand.

Me/Justin: Seriously!
Free: Yup now let’s get to the battle, Meet Gyrate Fafnir!

(Justin’s Thoughts): It is a counterclockwise spinning stamina type
I will stop all of it’s attacks with my defense.

Rantaro: Ready Set!

Me,Free,Justin 3 2 1 Let it Rip!!

Justin: Go take the center, Dawn’s Guard!!

Me: Attack em Apollo!

(Fafnir starts draining Apollo’s spin)

Me: Wait what!?

Free: Gyrate Spin!

Me: We aren’t done yet, GO APOLLO!!

(I start resonating)

Go Bionic Launch!

(Apollo hits fafnir with a flurry of attacks)

Me: Yeah fafnir is losing steam!

(Fafnir goes over to Janus to steal some spin)

Justin: No Janus hang in there

(Janus stops spinning)

Me: Go Apollo attack!!

(Fafnir and Apollo hitting each other hard)

Free: Time to end this, HA FAFNIR

(Free starts Resonating)

Free: Gyrate Claw!!

Me: APOLLO GO ALL OUT, BIONIC STRIKE!!

(Huge explosion occurs)

Free: It is over.

(Apollo bursts)

Me: I lost…..

Free: You have potential, After I finish training I will battle both of you on a 1 on 1 battle.

Rantaro: Right now it is time for you to battle head honcho Justin Aoki!

Justin: Um ok?

Me: What about me I am ready to rumble!

Valt: Don’t forget Justin still needs to rank up to enter the Pre Legends League!

Me: Oh yeah I forgot that, Go in for the win Justin!

Justin: I'm going to send Roktavor flying with my moves!
Rantaro: Haha you think I am a legend it will take you years to beat me!

Me: Hey Valt mind if I reff this battle I really want to watch this battle!

Valt: Go ahead!

Me: First Battle, Ready Set!

Rantaro/Justin: 3 2 1 Let It Rip!!

Justin: All right Janus take the center!

Rantaro: Sorry the center is already mine!

(Beys Clash)

Justin: Right where I want you!

Rantaro: Wait what?

Justin: Dawn Spin!!

(Janus Repeals Roktavor attack then takes the center)

Rantaro: Roktavor take the center!

(Roktavor keeps attacking but Janus keeps repealing it’s attacks)
Justin: Look at this move Honcho, Dawn’s Guard!!

(Roktavor keeps hitting but it is not doing anything it starts losing spin)

Rantaro: Roktavor keep spinning come on!

(Roktavor stops spinning)

Justin: Yes that’s how you do it defeating legends left and right!

Me: Janus with a survivor finish 1 point!

Valt: Honcho I think it is time for you to be serious!

Rantaro: I think you are right Valt!

Me: What do you mean?

Valt: This is not Honcho’s all, but Justin is about to realize what happens when you are tangling with legends!

Rantaro: You are going to find out what Roktavor’s all, now let’s get to the next battle!

Me: Ready Set

Rantaro/Justin: Let It Rip!!

(Roktavor gets to the center right away)

Justin: So fast!

Rantaro: Roktavor show him what's what!

Justin: Knock it out of the center!

Rantaro: Not yet, Triple Wing Storm!

(Janus tries to attack Roktavor but the storm won’t let it through)

Justin: We aren’t done yet JANUS!!

(Justin starts resonating)
Justin: Alright break through now!!

(Janus breaks through the wind barrier)

Rantaro: Not done!!

(Honcho starts resonating)

Rantaro: Triple Wing Hurricane

(Janus Bursts)

Me: It’s Gale Roktavor with a burst finish. The winner is Honcho!

Rantaro: How did you think of that my friend!

(Justin runs off)

(Free comes in)

Free: I am ready to battle you guys

Valt: Give us a minute Free we will be there in a bit.

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
                    Chapter 2
   Janus Creator Of All Beginnings

               Mom: Asher wake up your Dad has a surprise for you.

                                         (Me Snoring)
               
                        Mom: A letter came in from Valt for you.

                     Me: Wait what did Valt say? Spill it please, Mom.

                    Mom: Change clothes and brush your teeth then
                   you and your Dad will talk about the letter, now hurry.

                               ****After He Changes****
             
                       Me: Good Morning Dad, Mom told me you got a
                      Letter from Valt Aoi.

                       Dad: Well I got 2 pieces of news from Valt and WBO.

                       Me: Well what is it? Also is Justin involved?

                       Dad: First the news from WBO. You have been chosen
                       To enter the Pre Legends League, but Justin still has to
                       Prove his worth before he can enter. Also,
                       Valt said that he wants you guys to come train
                       At BC Sol.

                       Me: Awesome! Me and Justin will get to battle more
                                       Legends! I am so excited.

                        Dad: If Justin does well in those battles he will
                         Be in the Pre Legend League too.

                           ****After they pick up Justin****
           
                Dad: Here we are at the Train Station, you guys do us proud.

                Justin: Don’t worry, I'm not going to lose ever again.

                 Me: Sorry but you're going down in the Legends League.

                Dad: Bye guys, and don’t forget to have fun while practicing.

                (Justin Thoughts): Hero Valtrek was so strong he defeated me in
                One hit. That was impressive, but Asher stood up to Valt at full
                 Power. Even though he lost, he put up a way better fight then
                 I did.

                 Me: Justin look they have Ice cream here, it is really yummy.

                 Justin: (No Comment)

                 Me: Justin what’s wrong? You look upset.

                Justin: Yeah, I am fine.

                 Me: Tell me the truth. I have known you since I was 5.

                 Justin: I was just thinking about the battle against Valt.

                 Me: Don’t beat yourself up about it, a loss is a way to learn.

Justin: (FlashBack of when he met Asher)

Daycare Teacher: Asher, show Justin around. He is new and I want him to feel welcome.

Asher: Ok, I promise I will take good care of him.

Daycare Teacher: I know you will. I'll go make lunch, see you two later.

Asher: Hi my name is Asher, what is your name?

(Justin Whispers): Justin.

Asher: Cool, we will be great friends.

(Justin stops flashback)

Asher: Look amigo, we are in spain.

Justin: Didn’t Valt say someone was going to be picking us up?

???: Are you two Justin Aoki and Asher Suzki?

Justin: That depends, who are you?

Rantaro: Just your friendly neighborhood Rantaro Kiyama here to pick you up, but you can call me Honcho.

Asher: Rantaro Kiyama! This is awesome! You're a super cool legend, I cannot wait to battle you.

Rantaro: Valt said you guys were super strong bladers, hope he’s not wrong. I have been waiting for another 2 interesting bladers to battle me.

Justin: What do you mean “another 2”.
Rantaro: Let’s Just say I have coached two super strong bladers before, and they even bested me at one point.

Asher: Who are they?

Rantaro: Enough talk. Let’s head over to BC Sol Valt’s waiting, and he will blow his stack if he waits for us any longer.

Justin: I am so beating Valt and getting my revenge.

Asher: HEY YOU DID NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION!!

Rantaro: You will meet them soon enough.

                                ****At BC Sol****

Me/Justin: Valt! We are here battle us!!

???: Quiet pipsqueaks!

Me: Huh?

Rantaro: Well Silas, way to treat our guests.

Silas: Well they were in the way of my training, sorry I didn’t pamper up the place.

Me/Justin: Silas Karlisle?

Silas: Valt are these pipsqueaks your friends?

Valt: Yup I invited them to train for the WBO’s Pre Legend League. I was hoping they would battle you guys.
Silas: I will take on that kid next to the other one.

Justin: My name is Justin and I am taking you down!

Valt: How about we do a tag battle, that way everyone can battle!

Silas: Then I guess I am teamed up with Poncho.

Rantaro: MY NAME IS HONCHO AND YOU KNOW IT!!

Rantaro: Meet my bionic bey, Gale Roktavor!

Silas: My bey is way better! Jinx Satomb!

Valt: I guess I will reff. Inspect your opponents bey.

(My Thoughts): Jinx Satomb a defense type that has a free spinning wheel all around the layer. I will have to attack hard if I wanna burst this thing.

(Justin’s Thoughts): Gale Roktavor, a Stamina Type. It has three huge
Stamina wings, so it will be able to spin for a long time. It will be able to make a huge tornado, so I have to make my defense a lot stronger.

Me: Alright Apollo, let’s go like this!

(Silas Thought): He put a metal ring around his layer to amp his attack. Well I will do the same thing, except to amp my defense.

Valt: Ready Set!

Asher, Justin, Rantaro and Silas: 3, 2, 1, Let It Rip!!

Rantaro: Alright Roktavor, take center!

Justin: I am taking the center!
(Beys Clashing)

Me: Go, Bionic Launch!

Silas: Satomb, Triple Spin!

(All of Apollo attacks getting brushed off)

Justin: Alright Janus, use Star Spin!

(Rantaro’s Thoughts): Those 5 free spinning stars are brushing off Rocktavors attacks.

Silas: You're not going to break through with wimpy attacks!

Me: Grr!!

Apollo: Satomb keeps brushing off your attacks! Aim for the center with power!!

Me: Your right I am going to attack directly!

(I start resonating)

Me: APOLLO!!

???: Huh? He has such a resonance.

Me: Go, Bionic strike

(Satomb bursts)

Silas: WHAT!!

Justin: I am going to be just like Asher, no, stronger than him!
(Justin starts resonating)

Justin: GO, SUNSET CRASH!!

(Roktavor gets sent out of the stadium)

Rantaro: Wait, what!?

Valt: Janus with a ring out finish the winners are Asher and Justin.

(Justin and Asher High Five)

Me/Justin: We did it!

???: You guys are interesting, Valt was right.

Valt: Well looks like I was right, Free!

Free: You were.

Me/Justin: Free de la hoya?

---

Preview
Me: Free del La Hoya wants to battle us?
Me: A 2 on 1?
Me: We will win
Next time on Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
Give my spin back, Gyrate Fafnir
3 2 1 Let It Rip

The story is amazing. You are just missing some punctuation. I corrected it in quote. Other than that, I LOVED it. Keep up the GREAT work.

---

Grammar: 3.5 / 5.0
Punctuation: 2.5 / 5.0
Dialogue: 4.8 / 5.0
Characters: 5.0 / 5.0
Storyline: 5.0 / 5.0

Total:
20.8 / 25.0
83.2%

Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
                    Chapter 2
   Janus Creator Of All Beginnings

               Mom: Asher wake up your Dad has a surprise for you.

                                         (Me Snoring)
               
                        Mom: A letter came in from Valt for you.

                     Me: Wait what did Valt say? Spill it please, Mom.

                    Mom: Change clothes and brush your teeth then
                   you and your Dad will talk about the letter, now hurry.

                               ****After He Changes****
             
                       Me: Good Morning Dad, Mom told me you got a
                      Letter from Valt Aoi.

                       Dad: Well I got 2 pieces of news from Valt and WBO.

                       Me: Well what is it? Also is Justin involved?

                       Dad: First the news from WBO. You have been chosen
                       To enter the Pre Legends League, but Justin still has to
                       Prove his worth before he can enter. Also,
                       Valt said that he wants you guys to come train
                       At BC Sol.

                       Me: Awesome! Me and Justin will get to battle more
                                       Legends! I am so excited.

                        Dad: If Justin does well in those battles he will
                         Be in the Pre Legend League too.

                           ****After they pick up Justin****
           
                Dad: Here we are at the Train Station, you guys do us proud.

                Justin: Don’t worry, I'm not going to lose ever again.

                 Me: Sorry but you're going down in the Legends League.

                Dad: Bye guys, and don’t forget to have fun while practicing.

                (Justin Thoughts): Hero Valtrek was so strong he defeated me in
                One hit. That was impressive, but Asher stood up to Valt at full
                 Power. Even though he lost, he put up a way better fight then
                 I did.

                 Me: Justin look they have Ice cream here, it is really yummy.

                 Justin: (No Comment)

                 Me: Justin what’s wrong? You look upset.

                Justin: Yeah, I am fine.

                 Me: Tell me the truth. I have known you since I was 5.

                 Justin: I was just thinking about the battle against Valt.

                 Me: Don’t beat yourself up about it, a loss is a way to learn.

Justin: (FlashBack of when he met Asher)

Daycare Teacher: Asher, show Justin around. He is new and I want him to feel welcome.

Asher: Ok, I promise I will take good care of him.

Daycare Teacher: I know you will. I'll go make lunch, see you two later.

Asher: Hi my name is Asher, what is your name?

(Justin Whispers): Justin.

Asher: Cool, we will be great friends.

(Justin stops flashback)

Asher: Look amigo, we are in spain.

Justin: Didn’t Valt say someone was going to be picking us up?

???: Are you two Justin Aoki and Asher Suzki?

Justin: That depends, who are you?

Rantaro: Just your friendly neighborhood Rantaro Kiyama here to pick you up, but you can call me Honcho.

Asher: Rantaro Kiyama! This is awesome! You're a super cool legend, I cannot wait to battle you.

Rantaro: Valt said you guys were super strong bladers, hope he’s not wrong. I have been waiting for another 2 interesting bladers to battle me.

Justin: What do you mean “another 2”.
Rantaro: Let’s Just say I have coached two super strong bladers before, and they even bested me at one point.

Asher: Who are they?

Rantaro: Enough talk. Let’s head over to BC Sol Valt’s waiting, and he will blow his stack if he waits for us any longer.

Justin: I am so beating Valt and getting my revenge.

Asher: HEY YOU DID NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION!!

Rantaro: You will meet them soon enough.

                                ****At BC Sol****

Me/Justin: Valt! We are here battle us!!

???: Quiet pipsqueaks!

Me: Huh?

Rantaro: Well Silas, way to treat our guests.

Silas: Well they were in the way of my training, sorry I didn’t pamper up the place.

Me/Justin: Silas Karlisle?

Silas: Valt are these pipsqueaks your friends?

Valt: Yup I invited them to train for the WBO’s Pre Legend League. I was hoping they would battle you guys.
Silas: I will take on that kid next to the other one.

Justin: My name is Justin and I am taking you down!

Valt: How about we do a tag battle, that way everyone can battle!

Silas: Then I guess I am teamed up with Poncho.

Rantaro: MY NAME IS HONCHO AND YOU KNOW IT!!

Rantaro: Meet my bionic bey, Gale Roktavor!

Silas: My bey is way better! Jinx Satomb!

Valt: I guess I will reff. Inspect your opponents bey.

(My Thoughts): Jinx Satomb a defense type that has a free spinning wheel all around the layer. I will have to attack hard if I wanna burst this thing.

(Justin’s Thoughts): Gale Roktavor, a Stamina Type. It has three huge
Stamina wings, so it will be able to spin for a long time. It will be able to make a huge tornado, so I have to make my defense a lot stronger.

Me: Alright Apollo, let’s go like this!

(Silas Thought): He put a metal ring around his layer to amp his attack. Well I will do the same thing, except to amp my defense.

Valt: Ready Set!

Asher, Justin, Rantaro and Silas: 3, 2, 1, Let It Rip!!

Rantaro: Alright Roktavor, take center!

Justin: I am taking the center!
(Beys Clashing)

Me: Go, Bionic Launch!

Silas: Satomb, Triple Spin!

(All of Apollo attacks getting brushed off)

Justin: Alright Janus, use Star Spin!

(Rantaro’s Thoughts): Those 5 free spinning stars are brushing off Rocktavors attacks.

Silas: You're not going to break through with wimpy attacks!

Me: Grr!!

Apollo: Satomb keeps brushing off your attacks! Aim for the center with power!!

Me: Your right I am going to attack directly!

(I start resonating)

Me: APOLLO!!

???: Huh? He has such a resonance.

Me: Go, Bionic strike

(Satomb bursts)

Silas: WHAT!!

Justin: I am going to be just like Asher, no, stronger than him!
(Justin starts resonating)

Justin: GO, SUNSET CRASH!!

(Roktavor gets sent out of the stadium)

Rantaro: Wait, what!?

Valt: Janus with a ring out finish the winners are Asher and Justin.

(Justin and Asher High Five)

Me/Justin: We did it!

???: You guys are interesting, Valt was right.

Valt: Well looks like I was right, Free!

Free: You were.

Me/Justin: Free de la hoya?

---

Preview
Me: Free del La Hoya wants to battle us?
Me: A 2 on 1?
Me: We will win
Next time on Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
Give my spin back, Gyrate Fafnir
3 2 1 Let It Rip

The story is amazing. You are just missing some punctuation. I corrected it in quote. Other than that, I LOVED it. Keep up the GREAT work.

---

Grammar: 3.5 / 5.0
Punctuation: 2.5 / 5.0
Dialogue: 4.8 / 5.0
Characters: 5.0 / 5.0
Storyline: 5.0 / 5.0

Total:
20.8 / 25.0
83.2%

Do you think I am really capturing the personatlties?

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

The story is amazing. You are just missing some punctuation. I corrected it in quote. Other than that, I LOVED it. Keep up the GREAT work.

---

Grammar: 3.5 / 5.0
Punctuation: 2.5 / 5.0
Dialogue: 4.8 / 5.0
Characters: 5.0 / 5.0
Storyline: 5.0 / 5.0

Total:
20.8 / 25.0
83.2%

Do you think I am really capturing the personatlties?

Yes, I do. It's great

Beyblade Burst Bionic Battle
Chapter 4
Get Ready For an Attack! Assault Lunior

(Valt runs over to Justin) Valt: There you are I have been looking all over!
Justin: Hey Valt do you want something?

Valt: I actually do, I wanna battle you!

Justin: Um ok?

Valt/Justin: 3 2 1 Let it Rip!!

Justin: Go Janus!

(Janus takes the center)

Valt: I have a question why do you battle?

(Valtrek launches a flurry of attacks)

Justin: Why do I battle?

(Janus is knocked away from the center)

Justin: Sunset Crash!!

Valt: Go Hero Sword!!

(Both beys stop spinning)

Valt: Well what do you know a draw!

Justin: Thanks Valt I know what I battle for!

Valt: Let’s head back Asher is probably losing his head waiting for us!

(Valt and Justin Head back)

Me: Justin are you ok?
Justin: Yup I am alright!

Free: Now are we ready to battle?

Me/Justin: You bet!

Announcer: Alright everyone! We have a special match for you today!
The lone wolf Free De La Hoya!

(Crowd goes wild)

Announcer: And the new comer wanting to enter the Pre Legend League
Justin Aoki!

Justin: Free I hope you're ready to meet your match I am going to end your winning streak!

Free: You can dream but can’t make it a reality.

Reff: Inspect your opponents bey!

(Justin Thought’s): Gyrate Fafnir a counterclockwise spinning stamina
Type but if I defend and stop it from taking my spin it will stop spinning
I am going on the defense!

Free: By the way I am coming at you with a powerful launch.

Justin: Come at me!

Reff: Ready Set!

Free/Justin: 3 2 1 Let it Rip

Announcer: Wow Janus takes the center quickly and sets up camp!

Free: You cannot win by just defending.

Announcer: Fafnir goes in for the barrage of attacks but Janus brushes them off with It’s free spinning stars!

Justin: Now Janus, Dawn’s spin!!

Free: Fafnir get in there!

Announcer: Fafnir and Janus are clashing for the center; they are not letting up an inch!

Free: Now Gyrate Break!!

Justin: Janus hang in there!

(Janus Bursts)

Announcer: Fafnir just bursted Janus into next year it used the clash to activate it’s ultimate move then came from behind with a burst!

(Justin picks up Janus’s parts)

Free: You cannot just defend all the time you need to attack at some
Points in battles just defending will get you nowhere when battling
Legends.

Justin: Thanks for the advice I am going to use that against you to beat
You!

(Free smiles)

Me: Free your going down I am going to beat you once and for all!!

Free: Step up to the plate don’t disappoint me!
Announcer: Alright folks we got another ranked battle! Our lone wolf Free de la hoya!

(Crowd goes wild)

Announcer: And we have got another new blader that has stood up to free before it is Asher Suzuki!!

Reff: Ready Set!

Free/Me: 3 2 1 Let It Rip

Me: Go Apollo!

Anouncher: Apollo sends fafnir flying with a strong attack!!

Me: Yes keep going Apollo send em flying!

Free: Fafnir Gyrate Spin!!

Announcer: Fafnir absorbs all of Apollo’s hits! Apollo is in a pinch!

Me/Apollo: Time to hit 'em hard, bionic strike!!

(Fafnir is shot out of the stadium)

Reff: Bionic Apollo with a Ring Out Finish 1 point awarded!

(Free picks up fafnir)

Free: Well what do you know about that you're pretty interesting just like…..

Asher: Nice job Apollo let’s keep up the good work!

Free: I'm going to be hitting you with a strong launch!
Me/Apollo: Bring it!!

Announcer: Asher Suzuki Wants Free De La Hoya to bring the heat! Do you think Free will serve up the order! Let’s find out!

Reff: 2nd Battle! Ready Set!!

Me/Free 3 2 1 Let It Rip!!

Free: Now Gyrate Break!!

Me: Bionic Launch!!

Announcer: Oh my gosh Fafnier and Apollo go in for an all out flurry of attacks and they are not letting up an inch!

Apollo: Go forth Asher!!

Asher: GO APOLLO!!

(I start resonating)

Free: FAFNIR!!

(Free starts resonating)

Free: Gyrate Claw!!

Me: Bionic Whip!!

(Huge Explosion occurs)

Free: It’s Over!!

Me: No it’s not!!
Announcer: Apollo hangs in there by hitting the wall!!

Free: Wait what!!

Me: Apollo GO!!

(Fafnir is spinning so slowly)

Announcer: Asher is going to get Free he is going to win!!

Me: Go!!

(Apollo hits fafnir hard)

(Apollo Bursts)

Me: Wait What!?

Reff: Gyrate Fafnir with a burst finish the winner is Free De La Hoya!!

Crowd: (No Comment)

Announcer: Um well it looks like Apollo bursted?

Me: What just happened?

Rantaro: Slo Mo Burst.

Me/Justin: Huh?

Rantaro: When a counterclockwise bey is hit hard by a fast clockwise bey that clockwise bey bursts.

Me: Oh…

Justin: You did so well!


Me: But I didn’t win?

Justin: Did you have fun?


Me: Yeah that battle was mega ultra fun!

Justin: Then that is a win!

Free: He’s right you know battling is not just about winning it is about having fun someone special taught me that.

(Valt Smiles)


****Back At BC SOL****

Valt: Hey Honcho maybe you should take Justin and Asher and the new recruits to The Ogre!!

Rantaro: That would be a great learning experience for them!

Justin: Oh yeah I won again

Noah: Aw man your way to strong dude.

Rantaro: Hey Justin how’s your winning streak going?

Justin: Good, I am winning left and right

Rantaro: Ok, where’s Asher?

Noah: After I battled him he went to the cafeteria for a snack then he fell asleep.

Rantaro: *Sighs* anyways I am taking you guys to Ogre Island where you can battle the Ogre!

Justin: Who is “The Ogre”

Rantaro: You will find out, Noah get Jake and Emma!

Me: Morning.

Rantaro: YOU CAME HERE TO TRAIN NOT TO SLEEP!!!

****At Ogre’s Island****

Rantaro: We are almost there!

Me: Hey Honcho are you going to be battling The Ogre?

Rantaro; My job is to supervise you guys not to battle.

(Justin Whispers): Maybe he is too scared to battle the ogre himself!

Rantaro: I HEARD THAT!!

(Boat stops at Island)

???: So you guys are finally here!

Justin: Ogre we are here to battle you!

???: The only person who looks like an ogre here is you!
Me/Justin: Lui Shirosagi?

Lui: Yup in the flesh I'm only doing this because Rantaro asked me to!

Jake,Emma and Noah: So awesome Lui Shirosagi is here right now!!

Lui: Don’t you dare bore me or else I will crush all of you to smithereens!

Me: I won’t bore you, I'm way stronger than I look!!

Lui: Well you coulda fooled me!

Justin: Why I outta!!

Lui: Anyways let’s get to the battle you guys I'm taking both of you on at the same time!

Rantaro: Alright let’s start the battle royal!

Lui: This will be too easy! Meet Assault Luinor!

Me: Wow this battle is going to be epic!!

Rantaro: Inspect your opponents bey!

(Justin’s thoughts): Luinor is a heavy attack type with two mode upper mode and smash mode both of them can deal a lot of damage, but we have the advantage since we are working together!

Rantaro: Ready set!!

Lui/Me/Justin: 3 2 1 Let It Rip!!

Lui: Luinor start off with an attack!!

(Luinor hits Janus hard and Janus starts wobbling)

Justin: Hang in there, Sunset Crash!!

(Luinor is hit off balance)

Lui: Luinor end it with Assaulting Crash!!

(Luinor Picks up speed on the slope is setting up for a crashing strike)

Me: Don’t forget about me, Bionic Launch!!

(Apollo hits Luinor with a flurry of attack)

Lui: Is this all you’ve got!!

(Lui Starts Resonating)

Me: So intense

Lui: Prepare for a nightmare, Assaulting Smash!!

(Apollo and Janus Burst)

Me/Justin: Wait what?!

(Lui Starts laughing).

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

I love how Rantaro taught about the Slo-mo burst in your fanfic, just like in surge.

thank you I kinda dont want to copy the seasons but want to add bits there and here

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.