I could offer you my critique, but I don’t think you would like it. DeltaZakuro would you like my advice?

If you want, it makes no difference to me

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

I could offer you my critique, but I don’t think you would like it. DeltaZakuro would you like my advice?

If you want, it makes no difference to me

Alright. I feel like at the current state, there are quite a few issues. My first one being that there’s a lack of thematic elements being shown which is necessary for a dark show. My next complaint is 52 chapter count. This is a issue with a lot of fan ficus and even the Beyblade show where they have more episodes than they really need which leads to filler and less content time so try to cut down on episodes, but add more content (it’s okay if it takes longer than planned). Thirdly there’s too much battles and too little character development, try to balance it out. These are the things that I would change to make the story better. Just by the way do you even read the criticism?

New Episode will be out soon, ive got some nice surprises for the episode + the introduction of 2 new characters.

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Episode 9
https://www.wattpad.com/1131414930-beybl...ns-revenge
UnseenBurst and GenesisBlader

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Oh yeah, Akira is the main antagonist. but i think you might've figured that out already.

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

New Episode will be out soon, ive got some nice surprises for the episode + the introduction of 2 new characters.

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Episode 8
https://www.wattpad.com/1131414930-beybl...ns-revenge
UnseenBurst and GenesisBlader

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Oh yeah, Akira is the main antagonist. but i think you might've figured that out already. 

lol i simply believe that romance is indeed in the air with alena and haiden lolol (jk) but i liked this chapter, and here's a few reasons why:

Spoiler (Click to View)

Antagonist Intro: The Antagonist into was like no other, and instead it consisted of a goodman walking up to Alena and going "lol im gonna defeat you so uh just defeat two bladers then i'll destroy you" not actually tho in a more kewl way 😎

Showcase of Bey: Fallen Abbadon's showcase was one that actually made sense, ?????? Haiden's bey in the process, forcing ???? to ???? up (i dont wanna spoil)

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"If you fail to prepare, your prepared to fail." - Mark Spitz

New Episode will be out soon, ive got some nice surprises for the episode + the introduction of 2 new characters.

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Episode 8
https://www.wattpad.com/1131414930-beybl...ns-revenge
UnseenBurst and GenesisBlader

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Oh yeah, Akira is the main antagonist. but i think you might've figured that out already.

Spoiler (Click to View)

This chapter really shows how much Alena has grown, at first if she heard this she'd be like: Okay, why do I care? But now she actually cares about Haiden and wants to defeat Akia for Haiden, this development was handled amazingly! It was fast but not too fast I loved this! 8/10 for this chapter! I loved it!!

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Replying to GenesisBlader

Spoiler (Click to View)

Akira is a very deceptive blader. He likes to make himself look friendly in front of those he can manipulate which often results in their downfall in the end. The only reason he made Alena challenge 2 more opponents is because he knows Anahels secret and sending her on a side-quest pretty much gives him time to train before he faces Alena.

Abaddon introduction was actually something that was planned last minute but i think it worked pretty well in the end. Abaddon is a bey of destruction so it was no surprise Haiden was destroyed so easily.

I feel like y'all are gonna like this antagonist. He is strong, manipulative and he has a villainous motivation which will be revealed very soon.

(And yeah, Alena X Haiden is a possibility but im not saying anything)

Replying to UnseenBurst

Spoiler (Click to View)

I knew this was gonna be brought up at some point. You will notice that Alena has mellowed out some since Episode 1, since she has been around the Beyclub Members and Haiden, her attitude has changed slightly over time and it's only getting started from here.

In future episodes, you'll see Alena become more attached to her peers and even has a mutual friendship with them. The one thing that lead Alena down the path she currently walks is because she was never appreciated and she had nobody to call a friend when she was a member of HELL and it took a toll on her personality to great limits.

This is just the start of Alenas change and it's gonna be interesting to see how she changes in the future.

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

Ava Akaba
Age: 11
Height: 5'1"
Weight: 107lbs
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Maroon (Turns bright red when resonating)

Appearance: Ava is a small girl who has a small and petite figure. She wears a white t-shirt with a red jacket with the letter A imprinted on the front and back, she wears black jeans with some small frays in them and she wears blue tennis shoes. She has a red upside down letter on the top of her head and 2 upside down red triangles under her eyes

Personality: Ava is often very kind to a lot of people she meets but her shyness usually gets in the way and she doesnt have many friends because of this. When in battle, her personality gets extremely explosive as her intense bond with her Achilles often fuels her power to great levels.


Bey: Ultimate Achilles.Convert.Dimension'-Shield/-Blade (Bio on this soon)


Special Moves

Ultimate Buster - Achilles rushes up the slope of the stadium and races back down and deals an incredible smash attack

Ultimate Shield - Achilles surrounds itself with an orb of energy which blocks it from any oncoming attacks

Ultimate Sword - Using the -Blade Metal Ring, Achilles channels all its power into its 2 swords for a devastating attack

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

Episode 10
https://www.wattpad.com/1131556476-beybl...ke-crusher

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

Upcoming Episodes

Episode 11: The Black Thunderbolt! Havoc Satan!!
Episode 12: Anahel VS Satan!!
Episode 13: Axe Of Raging Fire! Enchanted Spriggan!
Episode 14: Destructive Clash! Alena VS Selena!!
Episode 15: The Crimson Bey Of Evil! Fallen Abaddon!
Episode 16: Evil Flames! Fallen Inferno!!
Episode 17: Road To Victory! Star Dragon!
Episode 18: The Next Super Z! Ultimate Achilles!
Episode 19: Rushing Awakening! Anahel VS Achilles!!

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

Episode 10
https://www.wattpad.com/1131556476-beybl...ke-crusher

I have one thing to say about this chapter. Haiden I swear in Valt Aoi's name if you don't turn around and get your Bey back the Shu Kurenai will destroy the next Bey you get

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Episode 10
https://www.wattpad.com/1131556476-beybl...ke-crusher

I have one thing to say about this chapter. Haiden I swear in Valt Aoi's name if you don't turn around and get your Bey back the Shu Kurenai will destroy the next Bey you get

Haiden actually abandoned Horogium for a pretty good reason which will be explained in the next episode.

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

I still feel like you’ve missed on the main essence of a dark story. That’s all I’m going to say writer to writer.

I still feel like you’ve missed on the main essence of a dark story. That’s all I’m going to say writer to writer.

Try to remember constructive criticism, especially when you are criticizing a topic like writing, that people work very hard on.

I still feel like you’ve missed on the main essence of a dark story. That’s all I’m going to say writer to writer.

Try to remember constructive criticism, especially when you are criticizing a topic like writing, that people work very hard on.

I have given my constructive criticism above hence the still

Try to remember constructive criticism, especially when you are criticizing a topic like writing, that people work very hard on.

I have given my constructive criticism above hence the still

I understand, but maybe you should bring it to PMs.

New episode out soon

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

After reading back over Jupiters posts in this thread, ive finally just decided to make a response because im bored and i also just don't want anymore misconceptions regarding the story. (6Jupiter5 if you read this, this not me calling you out at all. this is merely a response and a bit of clarification)

The "Dark" In ~A Dark Beyblade Story~ refers to Alena being a darker and more sinister protagonist and she does have quite a few dark moments and will continue to have them. A dark story normally has very strong themes like the following: "horror of war, drugs, people trafficking, child abuse, genocide, terrible crimes, and terrorism" which is all stuff from a post Jupiter made in this thread and i personally don't believe that has anything to really do with this story, after all this is a Beyblade fanfic and such topics have no place in Beyblade and like you said, sensitive or explicit topics are not allowed on WBO but either way, they'd be posted on Wattpad anyway so i believe thats my way around that if i had used elements like those.

Another thing to note, Alena is pretty much the epitome of darkness and all things evil and that is what "~A Dark Beyblade Story~" refers to, it simply just refers to Alenas darkness and the overwhelming power she holds and I like to think she is what we all thought Bell would be

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

After reading back over Jupiters posts in this thread, ive finally just decided to make a response because im bored and i also just don't want anymore misconceptions regarding the story. (6Jupiter5 if you read this, this not me calling you out at all. this is merely a response and a bit of clarification)

The "Dark" In ~A Dark Beyblade Story~ refers to Alena being a darker and more sinister protagonist and she does have quite a few dark moments and will continue to have them. A dark story normally has very strong themes like the following: "horror of war, drugs, people trafficking, child abuse, genocide, terrible crimes, and terrorism" which is all stuff from a post Jupiter made in this thread and i personally don't believe that has anything to really do with this story, after all this is a Beyblade fanfic and such topics have no place in Beyblade and like you said, sensitive or explicit topics are not allowed on WBO but either way, they'd be posted on Wattpad anyway so i believe thats my way around that if i had used elements like those.

Another thing to note, Alena is pretty much the epitome of darkness and all things evil and that is what "~A Dark Beyblade Story~" refers to, it simply just refers to Alenas darkness and the overwhelming power she holds and I like to think she is what we all thought Bell would be

Thanks for clarifying. I’ll try to give better feedback for the story. But I just had a question, what exactly is the theme? I had a hard time figuring it out and still haven’t found it out. Regardless keep on writing.

After reading back over Jupiters posts in this thread, ive finally just decided to make a response because im bored and i also just don't want anymore misconceptions regarding the story. (6Jupiter5 if you read this, this not me calling you out at all. this is merely a response and a bit of clarification)

The "Dark" In ~A Dark Beyblade Story~ refers to Alena being a darker and more sinister protagonist and she does have quite a few dark moments and will continue to have them. A dark story normally has very strong themes like the following: "horror of war, drugs, people trafficking, child abuse, genocide, terrible crimes, and terrorism" which is all stuff from a post Jupiter made in this thread and i personally don't believe that has anything to really do with this story, after all this is a Beyblade fanfic and such topics have no place in Beyblade and like you said, sensitive or explicit topics are not allowed on WBO but either way, they'd be posted on Wattpad anyway so i believe thats my way around that if i had used elements like those.

Another thing to note, Alena is pretty much the epitome of darkness and all things evil and that is what "~A Dark Beyblade Story~" refers to, it simply just refers to Alenas darkness and the overwhelming power she holds and I like to think she is what we all thought Bell would be

Thanks for clarifying. I’ll try to give better feedback for the story. But I just had a question, what exactly is the theme? I had a hard time figuring it out and still haven’t found it out. Regardless keep on writing.

For now its unknown since I haven't planned ahead that far yet but I don't think y'all will be disappointed.

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

New episode coming December 1st

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

Apologies for no new content, been busy with some irl things and have been working tirelessly on Story Of Lanes Sister. New content is in the works right now and i'm also planning big things for the coming arc.

Stay tuned, new episode should drop within coming weeks.

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS

Custom Products Part 1
March (Releases 3/29)
B-01 DX Starter Crusher Anahel.Dk.Nr-Massacre
B-02 Booster Canon Horogium.0B.Y-Warp

April (Releases 4/28)
B-03 Booster Cosmic Valkyrie.12V.Rb'-Sword
B-04 Random Booster Vol.1 Flame Ragnaruk.Ω.Et-Wing

May (Releases 5/17)
B-05 Booster Phantom Fafnir.Rt.Ab-Drain

June (Releases 6/24)
B-06 Booster Havoc Satan.Hr.Rl-Hell
B-07 Booster Enchanted Spriggan.St.Qt'-Axe
B-00 Destruction Metal Ring

July (Releases 7/4 (Starter), 7/26 (RB) )
B-08 Starter Fallen Abaddon.0D.αl'
B-09 Random Booster Vol.2 Star Dragon.Ig'-Awakening

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PFP: Baby picture of me and one of my irl friends / ANY PRONOUNS