[Fan Fiction]  (Beansworth's Fanfics)Beyblade X: Spark and Beyblade Burst: Mythic Burst(On Hiatus)

Your welcome for the support beansworth

Oh I started a new page again
Man, your good at starting new pages
It’s kinda weird

So when does the next mystical chapter come out
Um Idk, after my school work today, I'm going to skip to 16 and work on it. It shouldn't take too long, and I also want to try and post Odyssey Chapter 2, but it depends if i get time to work on Odyssey, so probably around noon maybe? Today, I want to get back to Chapter 24

Okay so, I probably won't have Chapter 16 up tonight.

(Jan. 05, 2022  4:44 PM)beansworth Wrote: Um Idk, after my school work today, I'm going to skip to 16 and work on it. It shouldn't take too long, and I also want to try and post Odyssey Chapter 2, but it depends if i get time to work on Odyssey, so probably around noon maybe? Today, I want to get back to Chapter 24

Okay so, I probably won't have Chapter 16 up tonight.
Wow, I call myself a fanfiction writer, I'm going to get Chapter 16 up, also what do you guys think Irene thinks of Keith?

Chapter 16!


Chapter 16: Battle Royale! Finn Mizuno!

Valt: “Well, now I have news! Once we return to main land, Japan. You guys will all have a battle royale!”
Keith: “Let’s go! I can battle everyone!”
Keith waved goodbye to Lui, Drum, Bell and Phoebe.
Lui: “That guy, he’s interesting.”
Drum: “Your right! I can’t wait to battle him!”
Bell gripped Belial, and walked to his cabin.
Bell: “Time for an upgrade, Belial!”
The ship landed and everyone got off, Irene had something on her mind.
Shu, and everyone stood there, and Baki and Keith ran to each other.
Keith: “Baki, how was your training?”
Baki: “My defense has improved, but how was Lui’s training!?”
Keith: “It was sick! Van had appeared, but Lui beat him.”
Valt began walking and everyone followed him, up to the Battle Royale Stadium.
Valt: “Here it is!”
Everyone got ready when Shu called out.
Shu: “Hey that’s a no go, a storm is rolling in, everyone go back to yours houses.”
Everyone ran home, and they wouldn’t be blading today, due to the huge storm that had brewed.
Keith sat on the couch with Irene watching a baking show, the two were trying to bing watch all of “Europe’s Bakeoff!”
Irene: “Hey Keith, could I ask you something?”
Keith: “Sure, what is it?”
Irene looked away, while blushing and said.
Irene: “Keith, I like you.”
Keith: “What?”
Irene was super red, and Keith was blushing.
Irene: “I said, I like you, like love you.”
Keith looked at Irene, and her face was red.
Keith: “Wait, your saying, you like me?”
Irene got off the couch and sat next to Keith.
Irene: “Yes, I love you.”
Keith’s mind went blank and he thought about his feelings for Irene.
Keith: “Hey Irene.”
Irene: “Yeah?”
Keith: “I love you too.”
Irene blushed and jumped on top of Keith hugging him.
Inside of a warehouse, two kids stood there, one beyblading and the other watching him.
???: “Go Shoot!”
???: “Finn, someone’s coming!”
Finn: “Fuyuko, get behind me!”
The white-haired boy walked in, and said.
War: “Hey Finn, let’s battle.”
Finn: “How do you know my name?”
War: “I have a insider.”
War put Warrior onto his launcher, and Finn put Pisces onto his launcher.
Both: “3! 2! 1!”
Both: “Go Shoot!”

Chapter 17-Preview!

War: "Now, Warrior!"
Finn: "Thermic Drive!"
The storm doesn't let up, but two bladers continue to battle!
Keith: "Next time on Beyblade Burst: Mystical! Chapter 17: Thermic Pisces! Thermic Drive!

@Hollowmind8 Next chapter for Finn!
I'm going to work on Chapter 17 today, and release it.
That's when basically every oc is introduced
That’s true but I can’t wait to see mine and other people’s creations
I'll try to get Chapter 19 out as soon as possible

I wanted to ask, what do you guys think I could improve? Like rate these 5 things for me, if you have the time, thanks.

Story-1/10

Plot-1/10

Characters-1/10

Length-1/10

Posting-1/10

If you could do this, even just quickly, that would help a bunch, I want to improve on Mystical now.
(Jan. 06, 2022  7:44 PM)beansworth Wrote: I'll try to get Chapter 19 out as soon as possible

I wanted to ask, what do you guys think I could improve? Like rate these 5 things for me, if you have the time, thanks.

Story-1/10

Plot-1/10

Characters-1/10

Length-1/10

Posting-1/10

If you could do this, even just quickly, that would help a bunch, I want to improve on Mystical now.

Honestly, I'm bad at giving reviews, but here goes:



Story: 4/10, Well... you cannot understand the whole story before it's conclusion, so I'll rate it for what I have seen so far. The progression of the story is very fast, like whole tournament in just three chapters is not really a good thing and also battles are kinda.... decent, maybe try to add more details.


Plot: 5/10, The protag is Keith, but we don't know anything much about him, where he is from or what is the reason for him to battle? (Other than having fun in battle like what or who motivated him?) and also it seems like Van is the antagonist, maybe.... give him a reason for being so harsh? If it's because he's corrupted by his bey then well it doesn't makes sense in terms of my understanding of resonance and corruption stuff. The bey isn't responsible for it's owner corruption, the owner is the one who is willing to shares the pain. Beyblade follows on his owner's commands on what they want or they are the personification of the blader's current emotional state. Maybe, backstory for both the protag and antag make the story interesting.


Characters: 6/10: I'll be honest with you, dialouges and amount of details brings out the characters to life which this fic lacks a lot.

It also feels like weird how Valt and Free decided to help them with no reason specified.


Length: 6/10, Some chapters are short and some chapters have decent length. Consider adding space btw the texts, it makes it easier to read.


Posting: I don't know what you meant by this, but I think you're talking about release dates of your chapters, if that's the case then, this isn't any kind of thing which needs a rating, take your time and don't rush.


Total: 21/40 (More than 50%, it's definetly better than my school grades lo), Hmmm, it's not bad considering it's your first fic. Try to add more details and extend the length of your chapters as well.


Note: I'm not much of a pro in making fanfictions as well so I can somewhat relate with you and hey it's your first fic, so it's understandable.
(Jan. 06, 2022  11:12 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote:
(Jan. 06, 2022  7:44 PM)beansworth Wrote: I'll try to get Chapter 19 out as soon as possible

I wanted to ask, what do you guys think I could improve? Like rate these 5 things for me, if you have the time, thanks.

Story-1/10

Plot-1/10

Characters-1/10

Length-1/10

Posting-1/10

If you could do this, even just quickly, that would help a bunch, I want to improve on Mystical now.

Honestly, I'm bad at giving reviews, but here goes:



Story: 4/10, Well... you cannot understand the whole story before it's conclusion, so I'll rate it for what I have seen so far. The progression of the story is very fast, like whole tournament in just three chapters is not really a good thing and also battles are kinda.... decent, maybe try to add more details.


Plot: 5/10, The protag is Keith, but we don't know anything much about him, where he is from or what is the reason for him to battle? (Other than having fun in battle like what or who motivated him?) and also it seems like Van is the antagonist, maybe.... give him a reason for being so harsh? If it's because he's corrupted by his bey then well it doesn't makes sense in terms of my understanding of resonance and corruption stuff. The bey isn't responsible for it's owner corruption, the owner is the one who is willing to shares the pain. Beyblade follows on his owner's commands on what they want or they are the personification of the blader's current emotional state. Maybe, backstory for both the protag and antag make the story interesting.


Characters: 6/10: I'll be honest with you, dialouges and amount of details brings out the characters to life which this fic lacks a lot.

It also feels like weird how Valt and Free decided to help them with no reason specified.


Length: 6/10, Some chapters are short and some chapters have decent length. Consider adding space btw the texts, it makes it easier to read.


Posting: I don't know what you meant by this, but I think you're talking about release dates of your chapters, if that's the case then, this isn't any kind of thing which needs a rating, take your time and don't rush.


Total: 21/40 (More than 50%, it's definetly better than my school grades lo), Hmmm, it's not bad considering it's your first fic. Try to add more details and extend the length of your chapters as well.


Note: I'm not much of a pro in making fanfictions as well so I can somewhat relate with you and hey it's your first fic, so it's understandable.
For Van's backstory, I did have Chapter 24 for his backstory, but I lost it a week ago, I'll work on character's backstories. Your right about Valt and Free though, their reason is that they discovered Keith and the gang, through the news and seeing Keith and Van's fight. Thanks!
(Jan. 06, 2022  7:44 PM)beansworth Wrote: I'll try to get Chapter 19 out as soon as possible

I wanted to ask, what do you guys think I could improve? Like rate these 5 things for me, if you have the time, thanks.

Story-1/10

Plot-1/10

Characters-1/10

Length-1/10

Posting-1/10

If you could do this, even just quickly, that would help a bunch, I want to improve on Mystical now.
.
So let's do it, Warning: I have little empathy, sorry if I sound rude or anything.
(Edit: Me and Kiryu having almost the same opinion, noice)
.
TL;DR: Improvement can be done. But that’s your first fic, you still don't have that much experience yet. I hope this helps.
(Jan. 07, 2022  12:52 AM)Hollowmind8 Wrote:
(Jan. 06, 2022  7:44 PM)beansworth Wrote: I'll try to get Chapter 19 out as soon as possible

I wanted to ask, what do you guys think I could improve? Like rate these 5 things for me, if you have the time, thanks.

Story-1/10

Plot-1/10

Characters-1/10

Length-1/10

Posting-1/10

If you could do this, even just quickly, that would help a bunch, I want to improve on Mystical now.
.
So let's do it, Warning: I have little empathy, sorry if I sound rude or anything.
(Edit: Me and Kiryu having almost the same opinion, noice)
.
TL;DR: Improvement can be done. But that’s your first fic, you still don't have that much experience yet. I hope this helps.
Writing is something I need to work on so, Chapter 17 will be my improved one. Thanks for everything!

I'll post Chapter 17 tomorrow, hope it's better then the other chapters!
Chapter 17, with improved writing!
In the spoiler

Chapter 18: Paige Shadis! Kidnapped Persephone
Wait a minute Keith has a sister and his grandmother is the queen of some random country
(Jan. 07, 2022  6:47 PM)PikaBeyblade Wrote: Wait a minute Keith has a sister and his grandmother is the queen of some random country
Yes, and his grandmother is basically Queen Elizabeth, from Europe. Basically his grandmother is the queen of Europe, and his sister is older then him and kinda dont like him
Next Chapter is done.

Chapter 19: New Bladers! Vahalla!
(Jan. 10, 2022  11:04 PM)Carma___bigbang Wrote: It’s been dead for a bit
We’re all waiting for the next chapter.
(Jan. 10, 2022  11:04 PM)Carma___bigbang Wrote: It’s been dead for a bit

It's not dead the last Chapter was literally Two Days ago. I'm sorry but we Fanfic Writers can't mass produce Chapters like we want to like snap, that'd make the job way less fun and the faster it takes to produce a Chapter the more likely that it won't be the Best Chapter. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong but I'm just saying you shouldn't really be saying that the thread is dead because this could put Pressure on the Writer and trust me, when you're writing under pressure. The Chapters will not end up good and it'll just really make everyone unhappy. Again, not doing anything wrong just saying that you shouldn't say that this thread is dead if the last chapter was posted 2 Days Ago. If the Last Chapter was posted 3 Months Ago then you could say this I guess.
Sorry, I would be working on the next Chapter, but right now I got some Exams so I have to wait a little yet. I'll try my best to get the next Chapter out soon, but I also want to make sure that the chapter is good, as new OCs are in Unseen and Speedy yours have their own chapter intros.

TLGrinR-Exams in High School are here, and Chapter should be soon