This is my first beyblade story, hopefully it's enjoyable.

Everything spins into chaos-A Beyblade story.

Chapter one:The beginning

Spoiler (Click to View)

Hello, my name is Mitch Kaizer. I’m writing this after “The Occurrence”, which occurred 3 years ago. I hope someone is reading this, because I don’t want to be the only person left in this world, considering what happened. It all started on a hot summer day in July…
...I walked through my small neighborhood, heading to the BeyCenter, which was where all the stadiums near me were located, other than the worthless practice stadiums that were too small for actual battle. I looked down at my Steel (A metal wheel that seemed to have claws poking out of its otherwise smooth surface that faced to the right) Panther (Shaped like 4 cat’s open maws following one another, like wolf) MP150 (Metal Protector, shaped like BD145 but at a higher height and less likely for floor scrapes) MJB (Metal Jog Ball), which never lost a battle until that day. I continued walking down the street, and quickly arrived at the BeyCenter. The day was hot and steamy, just like most days in South Florida, but that day the temperature reached about 100 degrees, and I enjoyed being within the air-conditioning of the BeyCenter. I walked down to the stadiums, and saw a tournament occurring. A smile played across my face, and I went to ask if it was too late to join. Fortunately, it was still in the first round, so I joined. As I waited for my battle, I noticed a new kid clutching his bey. He seemed about my age (14 at the time), but wore a long, dark coat that seemed very uncomfortable, since he kept shifting around. He had silver hair, and striking grey eyes. The odd thing was, he had a small smile on his face, like he knew a funny little joke. I shook of the image, and stood up for my battle. The announcer yelled out “Now, making his way to the stadium, our current champion, Mitch Kaizer with his Steel Panther MP150 MJB! But, will he be able to destroy this new competitor, Kent Waint with his bey, Eternal entropy MS130 EMD?”
...I paused for a second, listing to the announcement. I saw the kid stand up, and I knew that he was Kent Waint. I stepped up to the arena, ready for the fight, and took out Steel Panther, placed it on my Beylauncher attached to my 3-segment grip, and was ready to go. Kent stepped up, took out a simple Light Launcher L 2, and attached his bey to it. I immediately noticed something was off, because when he placed it, he rotated the bey but nothing happened. It almost seemed if the bey’s metal wheel rotated, but that was impossible… or was it? We got into our positions, and started the countdown.
...“Three!” I shouted, getting ready for the battle.
...“Two.” Kent said coolly, as if he didn’t even care.
...“ONE!” The crowd shouted in unison.
...“Let it rip!” Both Kent and I yelled in unison.
...Immediately our beys clashed, and Steel Panther assaulted Eternal Entropy, seeming to destroy its rotation. But Eternal Entropy kept spinning, completely unfazed by the attacks. I saw something, but it seemed like nothing at first, but it became apparent that nothing happened to Eternal Entropy no matter what I threw at it. I finally realized my fear had come true: The bey itself was free spinning on ball bearings. “Panther! Hold back! Wait for the perfect moment to pounce upon Eternal Entropy!” I shouted.
...Kent simply laughed slightly, and said quietly “That won’t happen any time soon. You’ll sleep out before Eternal Entropy loses any spin at all!”
...I took a step back, startled at this statement. “Well, I might as well take my short stamina, and destroy you with one clean hit. Special move! Panther Steel Claw Slash!” I yelled as loud as possible.
...Instantly a giant panther replaced my bey, unsheathed it’s wicked claws, and attacked Eternal Entropy. Eternal Entropy withstood the blow, and after holding it off for a short bit began to glow. A dark green tinted cloud enveloped it, and instantly the panther disappeared. Steel Panther lost near all its spin, and I began to panic. I finally realized something: The only way to stop this bey was to send it out somehow. With all my remaining strength and stamina, I yelled “Panther Deadly Pounce Destruction!”
...Panther disappeared, only to reappear directly next to Eternal Entropy. Panther had a short swaying motion, and slammed Eternal Entropy out of the stadium. I almost brought my bey back, when Kent said in a low voice “Entropic Decay. Kill him, Entropy. Kill him now.”
...I quickly called out to Panther to hold back, but then it happened. Eternal Entropy smashed directly onto Panther, covered it in a black cloud, and fell off, still spinning strong. Panther lay in a broken, decayed state in the stadium, surrounded by a craggy floor. “No way. No freaking way. I can’t lose, It’s… impossible…” I fell to my knees, taken by surprise, hurting from losing, and feeling strangely hollow inside.
...I grabbed Panther, and left the BeyCenter. All the while I heard Kent’s maniacal laughter, and his taunts, like “Mitch the Mighty Is Mitch the Weakling now! He chickened out, left! He never deserved to be champion!”
...I never knew it was the beginning of the end.

End chapter one.

Chapter two: Running

...

Spoiler (Click to View)

After the loss at the tournament, I fell into a deep depression, which was even worse considering Steel Panther was in such a state, normal repairing means wouldn’t fix it. I mainly stayed at home, missing many weeks of school. My friends, Justin (His bey was a Great Vulture W120 W2D, had black hair, brown eyes, and was about 11), Samantha (Her bey was a Deadly Angle C145 RB, had long, flowing red hair, blue eyes, and was 13), and Marc (His bey was a Shatter Bull TH170 MB, he had blond hair, gray eyes, was as old as me, and was is an expert at repairing beys) all tried to help me, but nothing helped, until Marc decided to help repair Steel Panther and upgrade it, but I said “How will you fix it? It’s destroyed…” I said.
Mark smiled at me, and spoke with an exited tone in his voice, “Well, I can’t bring the old Steel Panther back, but I can create a new one, a 4D system one at that!”
...I looked at him, and said “Sure. But if it isn’t Panther like I know it…”
...“Don’t worry Mitch, It’ll be like… Panther 2.0.” Marc said happily.
...A few hours later, Marc came to me, sweating and looking exhausted. I raised an eyebrow, about to ask why, when he said “It’s hard making a 4D bey. Very hard.”
...He held up a shining, blackish-blue bey, and said “This is Claw Panther J.MD, which J.MD has a system that allows you to switch between three tips: Metal Jog Ball, Metal Jog Flat, which is faster than RF, and Metal Jog Defense, which is like W2D, but instead of a small ridge and a spike protruding, the entire thing is covered in spikes. Claw has the ability to rotate its Metal Frame and Core to have two different modes: Assault and Defender. Defender has the claws on claw touching, so they form almost a perfect, heavy circle. Assault has each individual claw-Eight in all, four on each section- out, so it has amazing smash. I kept Panther, because it was undamaged.”
...I sat there, my mouth agape, and took the bey. I held it there, staring at its glossy surface, and said “Thank you. You have no idea how great this is.”
...Marc beamed at me, when suddenly the front door of my house opened with a random jerk. I looked up, and saw Justin standing there, their eyes wild, and Justin said with a quaky voice “Mitch… That dude you battled? He… he… he’s destroying people’s beys, and actually putting kids into comas, just with one attack… it’s horrible… you… need to help… because one of those kids is Samantha.”
...My eyes widened, and I stood up. I clutched Claw Panther tightly, and mustering up all my anger and sadness, said “Where’s that little monster?”
...Justin led me to a small, gray building about 2 stories high, just a little ways off from the BeyCenter, and brought me inside. The building seemed deserted, until my eyes fell onto a giant hole in the ground. It was a bey stadium, where two people battled. One of them, of course, was Kent. “Go Entropy! Entropic Destruction! Kill them! Kill them all!” Kent cried, screaming.
The other kid, who looked about 11, stepped back, and called out “Earth Bull! Stay back! Don’t let him do what he did to Jane to us!”
...Kent laughed, a creepy sound, and I saw Eternal Entropy swoop in, and destroy the Earth Bull. The kid fell to his knees, crying, and that was when Kent whispered “Now you’ll be another stepping stone in my quest… you pathetic weakling.”
...The kid brought his head up, tears streaming down his face, and cried out “No! Please, God no!”
...The kid let out an anguished sound, almost as if he was being stabbed, and fell over. He almost seemed dead, and Kent laughed again. He looked over at me, and said “Well, if it isn’t Mr. Failure? I thought I took you out, but I guess I didn’t. I’ll finish you off right here, right now.”
...He held up his Eternal Entropy, and I finally noticed that the bey’s clear wheel-if you could call it that on this bey- was made of pure metal. I shook my head, and spoke with a strong voice, “I will not fall today, Kent. I’m not going to battle you, and let what you did to those poor kids happen to me. I will take you down, slowly but surely, and finish you. Whatever mad quest you’re on, it’ll stop, right at me, when you try to beat me again. You will lose.”
...Kent smiled a disturbing smile that almost went from ear to ear, and said, “My quest isn’t mad. I’m making chaos come, causing it with entropy, and when it comes, it will be doomsday for you bladers.”
...I stopped, and said quietly to Justin, “Let’s get outta here, before he puts us in a coma, too!”
...We quickly ran out the building, scared about the info we held, scared about the coming ‘doomsday’ Kent spoke of, and scared we were the next to fall under his evil spell. We ran, on and on, until we reached my house. We slammed the door shut, and saw Marc sitting on my couch, watching T.V. “Why are you watching T.V at a time like this!” I shouted.
...Marc looked at me, a scared look on his face, and spoke one, single word: “Look.”
...Me and Justin looked at the T.V and gasped. We saw out pictures, and heard the newscaster say “These two kids, Mitch Kaizer and Justin Painen are suspects in the recent outbreak of bladers in comas, using the powers of their beys to destroy those who they battle. If seen, report them to the police so they can be apprehended and tried for their crimes.”
...Justin and I were on the lam.

Chapter 3 part 1: Evil.

Spoiler (Click to View)

NOTE: This chapter is written in first and third point of view. The 3rd person point of view sections are details the reader needs to know, but the main character never found out about.

... I sat there, speechless, as I watched the news roll on. The newscaster went on about how every kid went into a coma, almost like a portion of their brain decayed, after the battles. Then, the scene shifted to the BeyCenter, and I actually gasped. The entire place was ablaze, bright red and orange flames licking the buildings around it. The newscaster spoke, and said in a very loud voice “This fire’s origin was unknown, but we suspect it was caused by the two bladders that put many kids into comas. We will resume coverage on this horrible story later, but now it is time for the overall weather in the lower section of Florida.”
... I grabbed the remote, turned off the T.V, and said “We have to find Kent, and somehow get him to confess that he did it… but I doubt we’ll be able to do that.”
... “Why?” Marc asked, his eyebrow creeping up on his forehead.
...“Kent almost seems… possessed by some sort of force. He said he would bring chaos back, and it would be doomsday for us bladers…” I said, my voice growing weaker and weaker as I spoke.
...“Let’s go back to that warehouse and teach Kent a lesson in losing!” Justin said a tone of excitement in his voice.
... “Well, if we win, we may find out how to get those kids back to normal. If not… we’ll be joining Samantha in a coma as well,” I said, a dark look on my face.
...A few minutes later, we arrived at the nondescript, gray two story building. I looked over to the BeyCenter, seeing its charred remains, and almost cried. I thought to myself ‘Today is not the day for grief over a loss of a building. There’s more to worry about.’ I reached for the door, but stopped. I felt something completely evil behind the door, and I stood there for about 5 minutes before grabbing the handle to the door. It was locked. “Carp!” I shouted, letting my very colorful language echo through the empty street.
... I grabbed Claw Panther, and Justin took out his Great Vulture, and we both attached them to our beylaunchers. We pulled the strings at once, and the beys flew and broke the door down. I couldn’t see anything at all, and had to wait for my eyes to adjust.

~~~

...Kent stood in front of a large wall of shadow in the back of the building, away from the looks of Mitch and Justin. Kent looked up to the wall, and spoke “Come out, Chaos. I know you have enough power to manifest yourself for a few minutes.”
Suddenly, the wall of shadow produced a small, human-esc shape of pure shadow. The shape had dark red eyes, and they stared upon Kent. “Tell me why you have called upon me, you worthless servant.”
... “Forgive my intrusion, Chaos, but I must tell you my quest is going well. I have defeated many bladers, and in that process have given you much power that you are conserving,” Kent said hastily, looking down upon the ground.
... “Yes, but there is still one that seems impervious to Eternal Entropy’s deadly force, the one called… Mitch Kaizer. Somehow, he survived Entropic Decay, and is here now.” The shadow known as Chaos said, his voice dripping with malice.
...Kent’s eyes widened, and he said, “Mitch is here, now? How is that even possible…? “
... “It is, and now take care of him. Start the Occurrence, using this new Eternal Entropy,” Chaos whispered.
... A beyblade floated from the shadow’s hand, and Chaos spoke, his voice rising, but getting deeper somehow, “This beyblade is Eternal 4D Entropy II MS.BD and it is unstoppable. Hopefully it will serve your quest, and crush this Mitch Kaizer. If not… it will be you who will be crushed and turned to powder that I will use to quench my thirst.”
...Kent gulped, and rushed to the hole in the ground that was used as a stadium to gain Chaos’s power.
End chapter 3 part 1 of 2.

---

Part two of Chapter 3....

Chapter 3 part 2: The Occurrence's beginning

...

Spoiler (Click to View)

After my eyes adjusted, I noticed Kent standing at the stadium, a wicked smile upon his face. He spoke, his voice calmer then the last time I saw him, and said “Hello Mitch. I hope you’ve been doing well. And I hope you’re ready to join that pathetic girl Samantha in a coma, right after I’m done with you.”
... I looked at him, a grim look upon my face, and said “You won’t win this time. I’m not letting you take me out. Not now, not ever.”
I stepped forward, but Justin stopped me. “I should go, since it’s my fault Samantha is in a coma,” he said, and took a step towards the stadium. He attached Great Vulture to his Beylauncher LR, stood at the opposite side of the stone stadium, and said “I’m ready.”
... “Fine, it’s you’re funeral.” Kent said casually.
...“Three!” Justin yelled.
...“Two.” Kent said, completely calm.
...“One!” Justin yelled, increasing his volume.
...“Let it rip!” They said in unison.
...Immediately, their beys crashed in the middle of the stadium, creating a large explosion. I stepped back, and saw something strange. Eternal Entropy seemed to have changed, but I shook it off quickly. Great Vulture started smashing into Eternal Entropy at the center of the stadium, and did nothing to it. “Justin! Eternal Entropy is free spinning! It will absorb your attacks unless you knock it out somehow!” I yelled at Justin.
...He ignored me, and continued attacking. “Special Move! Flying Talon Strike!” Justin called out.
...Vulture flew in the air, disappeared, and immediately came crashing down upon Eternal Entropy. Eternal Entropy nearly stopped spinning, and Great Vulture simply leaped off of Entropy, but wobbling at an insane degree. “Entropy! Entropic Destruction!” Kent cried out, desperate to win for some odd reason, almost like if he lost he would die.
... Entropy rushed at Vulture, and stuck it down, dissolving most of Great and a small section of Vulture. “No! Vulture! Don’t give up! I won’t let you lose, not to this monster!” Justin cried out.
... The next few seconds were a blur, and the best word I could describe them with is “Chaotic”. Vulture jerked up, like a puppet with its strings yanked, and hit Entropy. Entropy finished Vulture by completely dissolving Great. Justin fell to the ground, screaming in agony. Kent laughed his maniacal laugh, and through the door hole, I saw the sky turn red. A black shadow escaped the room, rushed out to the outside, and formed a kid who looked 17. The kid towered above me; at least a full 8 inches above me, and his eyes were a deep red. He looked upon me, a evil little smile upon his face, and said “You will be the first to fall under my rule, Mitch. You will be the first to fall to Chaos!”
...The kid dissipated into a dark shadow, and it flew away. Kent continued to laugh, and that sound broke me. I screamed, and leaped at Kent. I grabbed his throat, and started to choke him. “You like putting kids into comas? How would you like to be put into a hole, dead? Hm? Not very fun huh? What you did to those kids deserves death, you monster. Death!” I screamed at him, my spittle splattering him in the face.
...He grabbed at his throat, yanked off my hands, and landed a solid punch on my face. “I am not a killer. I was forced by Chaos. If I didn’t, I would be dead now. He’s the monster, he is Chaos itself,” Kent said, his voice barely a whisper. My rage subsided, and I ran out the door. What I saw made my stomach turn.
...The Occurrence had begun.

Chapter 4:Chaos rising

Spoiler (Click to View)

... I stood there, stunned, looking at the burning sky above, the charred ground below me, and closed my eyes. ‘It’s only a dream; it’s only a dream…’ I thought to myself, and I opened my eyes. The buildings were still ruined, and the cars were still on fire. I almost screamed. Almost, that is. I grabbed onto one last shred of my sane, calm mind that was quickly tearing apart, and tried calming down. I closed my eyes again, and just one thought ran through my mind: Take out Chaos, and try to save my little town.
...Well, make that two. I had to save my friends, and I would need to find out how. With those two thoughts in mind, I walked over to Kent. He cowered in a corner, expecting me to choke him, but I just looked at him and asked, “How do I get the kids out of their coma?”
... Kent looked up at me, surprised, and said, “I don’t know, only Chaos can do that, and he’d only do it to use them as his army…”
... I stared at him, and asked another question: “Why? Why would you do this?”
... Kent’s stare turned icy, and he said, “He took my parents, my sister, and my friends from me, and threatened to kill them if I didn’t comply with him. He wormed his way into my mind… made me enjoy doing those horrid things… I’m glad it’s over now.”
... I shot a glare at him and said, “It’s not even close to being over yet.”
... Kent looked at me, a confused look upon his face, and I said “I’m taking Chaos out, and saving my friends. I don’t care if you try to stop me, I will try to stop Chaos from spreading more.”
... Kent’s confused face changed into a steely look of anger, and he said, “Why would I stop you? I want to stop Chaos too. He killed my parents after I agreed to help him, after all.”
... I nodded, and helped him up. I looked out upon the street and said, “Let’s go kick Chaos’s butt.”
...We walked out the building, and we started talking about some mundane things, like the basketball game that happened two weeks ago went, how school is terrible, and who we were crushing on for some odd reason… I still wonder what triggered the entire conversation. Probably the destruction and death around us got too much to bear. After a few minutes, I said “Stop.”
...Kent looked at me, bewildered, and I said “We’re at the hospital. I want to check it out, see if the kids have risen to be in Chaos’s army yet.”
...I stepped inside, and saw cot after cot laid against the wall, full of sleeping kids. I quickly realized they weren’t sleeping, but were all in a coma. I looked for Samantha and Justin, and found them lying in the last two cots in the hallway. I looked at them, and started to cry, when a sound stopped me. It was the sound of someone other than Kent and me talking. I looked down, and saw it was Samantha’s mouth moving, and I heard a quiet whisper, barely audible, and it was a few, simple words that filled me with dread: “Long live Chaos”.
...I took a step back and almost screamed when I heard all the kids reciting these few words. I saw three kids stir, and watch them stand up, their eyes glassy. Samantha stood behind me and said in the same whispery tone “All who oppose Chaos will fall. Long live Chaos.”
...She took out Deadly Angel, and I said “No, Samantha, you aren’t a servant to anything, especially Chaos,” and while talking my fingers curled into a fist, “but if you are… enjoy this present from your friend, Mitch.”
... I slammed my fist into her jaw, and she crumpled to the ground. Her eyes fully focused, and she said “Why does my jaw hurt so much? And how’d I end up here? And why is Kent with you, Mitch?”
...I shook my head, and whispered to her “Now’s not the time for questions, we just gotta get Justin out of his coma, too!”
... I looked over to Justin’s cot, and saw him standing up, and him reciting “Long live Chaos” over and over. I ran up to him, curled my fingers, and punched him so hard, that he fell back into his cot. He looked up at me, and said “Dude, what the heck! That hurt!”
...I smiled, and said “It’s great seeing you too, Justin.”
...He shook his head, and asked “Why is Kent here? Is he good now, or something?”
...“Yeah, he’s as much a victim as you, Samantha, and me. Now then, let’s find Marc and take down Chaos,” I said, a stern look on my face. She nodded, and we took off running to Marc’s house.
...After about 4 minutes in a dead run, we reached his house. We opened the door, to see Marc sitting at his computer, furiously typing away on his keyboard. “Marc! Dude, what the heck are you doing!” I yelled at him, snapping his attention away from his computer.
...“I was trying to type up a letter convincing your innocence… wait, why is Kent here?” Marc asked.
...“I’ll tell you guys later, but we need your help, Marc.” I said, waiting for a response.
...“Why? Is the world ending, or something?” Marc asked, joking. He started to laugh.
...“Yes, it is,” I said sternly.
...Marc’s laugh immediately stopped, and he said, “Ok then, why? Did Kent’s bey cause it?”
...“In a way, yes, but it’s not his fault. Chaos caused it,” I said, my voice unfaltering.
...Marc got up, sighed, and said, “Ok, I’ll help. But can I get a piece of the action at this Chaos fellow? I want to snap his freaking neck.”
...I smiled, and said, “It’s good to have the old Marc back.”
...A few minutes later, we were out the door, ready to face Chaos.

Chapter five: Into the Lion’s Den

Spoiler (Click to View)

...Kent, Marc, Samantha, Justin, and I walked down the street, avoiding all the dangerous obstacles in our path. Every so often we saw a kid stumbling about, either mumbling “Long live Chaos”, or in a daze at the sudden apocalyptic conditions. We all slowed down before the building where Justin last battled Kent , and Kent said “This should be where Chaos is… but he’s mobile now so he may not be here.”
...“What do you mean, he’s mobile? He wasn’t able to move around before?” I asked, and Kent nodded.
I sighed, and held Steel Panther in my hand, clutching it. I opened the door, and was hit with a sense of evil. I shook a bit, slightly frightened, but mustered up my strength and stepped in. The darkness was total, and I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face.
...“Welcome, humans,” A deep voice boomed. I shuddered, and I heard Kent whisper “Chaos. He’s here…”
...I looked around, and I was able to barely see what was going on. Chaos was nowhere near, but I still heard his voice. “Kent… he isn’t here. I don’t know how, but he isn’t here,” I whispered to him.
...Kent shook his head in disbelief, saying “How could he do that? How could he gain so much power in such a short time? It’s unthinkable…”
...I shrugged, and yelled out, “You don’t scare me, Chaos, especially when you aren’t brave enough to come out and fight me or my friends!”
...I heard a deep chuckle, and felt the ground rumble. “Fight you? Why waste the energy? You are a simple, worthless being,” Chaos said.
...I clenched my fists, and turned around. “Let’s find Chaos, and take him out… for real this time,” I said to everyone.
...Kent looked to the side, seeming guilty for lying, but I ignored it. I walked out of the building, and looked at the sky, thinking. I saw a pillar of red clouds reaching the ground, and followed them. When they reached the ground… they disappeared, along with the ground itself. There seemed to be a castle made of obsidian floating above the void, defying gravity itself. I turned around, looked at my friends, and said “I think I know where Chaos is.”

~~~

After an hour of walking, we finally reached the castle. A giant drawbridge was the only way across, and it was retracted. I sighed, and looked for another way in. After 30 minutes of hard searching, I gave up. I looked at the two pillars beside us, and nearly punched myself. There was a crank to lower the bridge at the base of the left pillar. I started to crank it, but it stuck. The bridge was halfway down, and out of reach. But a sudden crash made me jump, and the bridge fell the rest of the way down. I shook my head, and walked on the cracked bridge. We were headed into Chaos’s lair, and to possible death. Everyone walked forward down a long hallway, but it began getting darker and darker, until it was black. We walked on, until I hit a wall. I felt the wall around what I ran into, and it was completely boxed in. It was a dead end. “Carp!” I cursed, and kicked the wall.
...I heard a grunt, and felt the wall in front of me again. It was gone. I raised an eyebrow, and continued on. The hallway began to lighten, until it had the same amount of light as day. I blinked for a bit, getting used to the light, and made out a beystadium, and a man standing in front of it. It wasn’t any man, it was Chaos. He turned, and frowned. “The pests arrived? Kent, why did you lead them here?” Chaos said.
...I looked at Kent, and he smiled. “Because I don’t work for you, Chaos,” Kent said, “Why would I turn against these kids? They didn’t do anything.”
...Chaos’s eyes flared, and he teleported towards Kent. “You definitely work for me because I created you. You cannot disobey me because I will kill you!”
...Chaos brought his hand back, and punched Kent in his face. Kent fell back, and lay still. I stood there, mouth agape, and said, “You shouldn’t have done that Chaos,” and I punched him in the back. Chaos simply laughed, and turned around.
...“You think you can stop me with your fists, Mitch Kaizer? You can’t stop anything I set in motion you pathetic weakling!”
...Chaos glared at me, and I nearly screamed. My mind felt like it was being ripped apart, and I could hardly contain the scream. I returned the stare, and barely got out “I will stop you Chaos. No matter what you think.”
...I then fell into a deep, unbreakable unconscious.
End Chapter 5

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 6: Chains
I awoke, finding myself surrounded by impenetrable darkness. I heard no sounds, and wondered ‘Am I dead?’ My question was answered when a loud, squealing noise broke the silence that filled the room like a thick soup. A rectangle of light appeared, but my eyes were so adjusted to the dark I couldn’t make out anything. Finally, after a bit, I could finally make out shapes, and realize it was someone with a food cart.
I heard someone mumble “Well, it took them long enough to get us food…”
I finally felt my arms, hanging at my side, chained to the wall. I looked down at them, and luckily there was enough light to see my skin was almost albino white.
I thought out loud, “How long was I out?”
I got an answer from my least expected source, the person with the food cart.
...Kent.
...He looked at me, smiled and said, “Glad you’re awake. You’ve been out for a long, long time…”
...“How long was I out?” I asked.
...“About month or two.”
...That surprised me. How could any human be able to survive that long?
...I glanced around, and saw my friends chained to the wall as well, their skin as white as mine.
...I looked at Kent, pure contempt in my eyes, barely keeping in my rage, and asked one question: “Why?”
...He dropped the smile, and replied, “Chaos created me. Everything I told you was a lie. I am about as human as he is, and that isn’t at all. When he’s done with me, he’ll simply end my existence. I don’t feel like dying just yet.”
...With that statement, I broke. I screamed at him, unleashing all my anger and frustration at him, screaming until my throat was raw.
...He simply stared at me, and after I was done, he chuckled “Ok, glad you are done with that. It’s time to eat now, all of you.”
...Marc grumbled head down. I could everyone else in the room, which I could tell there were plenty of people, were relatively happy at this notion. I sighed, and grimly accepted the tasteless paste he fed us. After he left, my mind began to come up with ways of escaping this hellish room. After working out many, many ideas, I realized every one of them was impossible, for one reason and one reason only: The chains bound to my wrists and legs.
...But then a thought hit me: What if I could get through using Panther? I attempted to reach my back pocket. The chains, of course, kept me from reaching. I sighed once more, and doubt of escape wormed its way into my heart. But I wouldn’t give up. I don’t know what kept me going, but I did not give up, despite the hopelessness of my situation. After hours trying, I finally got my launcher onto the floor. I grabbed it with my feet, and sat down so I could grab it. Luckily, the chains reached just far enough for me to grab the launcher. I stood up, and began working on getting Panther out, when I realized something: Panther wasn’t in my pocket!
...I cursed Kent and Chaos for removing Panther, and cursed myself for getting myself and all my friends stuck in this situation. I kicked the wall behind me, and heard a small clink. I turned to look, but I couldn’t see anything. I kicked again, and heard the same noise. I put my foot on what I thought made the noise, and brought it forward. It was a miracle.
...It was Panther.
...I stared, my mind racing. I wondered how Panther got out of my pocket, but I stopped wondering. I reached down, grabbed Panther, and launched it at the chains on my ankles. I then realized how was I going to free my wrists? The question answered itself when Panther came back to my hand, but missed. It hit the chain on my right arm, and broke right through. I almost screamed with joy, but my better judgment kept me silent. I started working on picking the lock on the chain on my other hand, and whispered to everyone else “I’ll be back. Don’t you worry.”
...I launched Panther at where I thought the door was, and it went right through. I called it back, and it landed right into my hand, luckily. I tried reaching through the hole, but it was far too small for my hand to fit through. Cursing once more, I kicked the door. It splintered, and I kicked again. The door fell outwards, right onto Kent’s food cart. He looked at me, and anger and fear flared on his face.
...He reached for Entropy, but I whispered, “Stop. I know you don’t like imprisoning people… Just let me go. Please.”
...He shook his head, and hissed at me, “Why would I ever let you go? You’re the reason Chaos might kill me!”
...I looked at him, bewildered, and asked, “Why the hell would he kill you because of me?”
...He looked at the floor, and whispered, “Because I was supposed to completely destroy you. But you… survived. I don’t know how, but you survived.”
...I shrugged, and laughed, “I seem to be surviving through many things recently.”
...Kent laughed a low, menacing laugh and his voice was like acid. “You won’t survive your next encounter with Chaos. And believe me, if you attempted to escape… you would encounter him no matter what.”
I glared at him, and jumped on and over the cart, outrunning him luckily. I heard his voice echo behind me, “You won’t survive, Mitch! You won’t survive out there!”

Screw the character requests.
They're worthless.

---

Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

Good story. I think it needs a tad bit of revamp, or rereading, as there is a little redundacy, and some lack of detail. But the plot and foreshadowing seems to follow a straight and well thought out plan. I think your off to great start, looking forward to seeing more.

ShockCaelum

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Writing is how we live, and how we will be remembered.


If any members plan to write a story, please read or a least check this out first: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-The-Writers-Handbook

Good story. I think it needs a tad bit of revamp, or rereading, as there is a little redundacy, and some lack of detail. But the plot and foreshadowing seems to follow a straight and well thought out plan. I think your off to great start, looking forward to seeing more.

ShockCaelum

Thank you very much, Chapter tow should be out today or tommorow. I agree, it does get redundant, mainly because it only took me 2 hours to write, correct grammar/spelling mistakes, and post it. But I do write fast...
~X

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

Here's chapter two, and it's a doozie.

Chapter two: Running

...

Spoiler (Click to View)

After the loss at the tournament, I fell into a deep depression, which was even worse considering Steel Panther was in such a state, normal repairing means wouldn’t fix it. I mainly stayed at home, missing many weeks of school. My friends, Justin (His bey was a Great Vulture W120 W2D, had black hair, brown eyes, and was about 11), Samantha (Her bey was a Deadly Angle C145 RB, had long, flowing red hair, blue eyes, and was 13), and Marc (His bey was a Shatter Bull TH170 MB, he had blond hair, gray eyes, was as old as me, and was is an expert at repairing beys) all tried to help me, but nothing helped, until Marc decided to help repair Steel Panther and upgrade it, but I said “How will you fix it? It’s destroyed…” I said.
Mark smiled at me, and spoke with an exited tone in his voice, “Well, I can’t bring the old Steel Panther back, but I can create a new one, a 4D system one at that!”
...I looked at him, and said “Sure. But if it isn’t Panther like I know it…”
...“Don’t worry Mitch, It’ll be like… Panther 2.0.” Marc said happily.
...A few hours later, Marc came to me, sweating and looking exhausted. I raised an eyebrow, about to ask why, when he said “It’s hard making a 4D bey. Very hard.”
...He held up a shining, blackish-blue bey, and said “This is Claw Panther J.MD, which J.MD has a system that allows you to switch between three tips: Metal Jog Ball, Metal Jog Flat, which is faster than RF, and Metal Jog Defense, which is like W2D, but instead of a small ridge and a spike protruding, the entire thing is covered in spikes. Claw has the ability to rotate its Metal Frame and Core to have two different modes: Assault and Defender. Defender has the claws on claw touching, so they form almost a perfect, heavy circle. Assault has each individual claw-Eight in all, four on each section- out, so it has amazing smash. I kept Panther, because it was undamaged.”
...I sat there, my mouth agape, and took the bey. I held it there, staring at its glossy surface, and said “Thank you. You have no idea how great this is.”
...Marc beamed at me, when suddenly the front door of my house opened with a random jerk. I looked up, and saw Justin standing there, their eyes wild, and Justin said with a quaky voice “Mitch… That dude you battled? He… he… he’s destroying people’s beys, and actually putting kids into comas, just with one attack… it’s horrible… you… need to help… because one of those kids is Samantha.”
...My eyes widened, and I stood up. I clutched Claw Panther tightly, and mustering up all my anger and sadness, said “Where’s that little monster?”
...Justin led me to a small, gray building about 2 stories high, just a little ways off from the BeyCenter, and brought me inside. The building seemed deserted, until my eyes fell onto a giant hole in the ground. It was a bey stadium, where two people battled. One of them, of course, was Kent. “Go Entropy! Entropic Destruction! Kill them! Kill them all!” Kent cried, screaming.
The other kid, who looked about 11, stepped back, and called out “Earth Bull! Stay back! Don’t let him do what he did to Jane to us!”
...Kent laughed, a creepy sound, and I saw Eternal Entropy swoop in, and destroy the Earth Bull. The kid fell to his knees, crying, and that was when Kent whispered “Now you’ll be another stepping stone in my quest… you pathetic weakling.”
...The kid brought his head up, tears streaming down his face, and cried out “No! Please, God no!”
...The kid let out an anguished sound, almost as if he was being stabbed, and fell over. He almost seemed dead, and Kent laughed again. He looked over at me, and said “Well, if it isn’t Mr. Failure? I thought I took you out, but I guess I didn’t. I’ll finish you off right here, right now.”
...He held up his Eternal Entropy, and I finally noticed that the bey’s clear wheel-if you could call it that on this bey- was made of pure metal. I shook my head, and spoke with a strong voice, “I will not fall today, Kent. I’m not going to battle you, and let what you did to those poor kids happen to me. I will take you down, slowly but surely, and finish you. Whatever mad quest you’re on, it’ll stop, right at me, when you try to beat me again. You will lose.”
...Kent smiled a disturbing smile that almost went from ear to ear, and said, “My quest isn’t mad. I’m making chaos come, causing it with entropy, and when it comes, it will be doomsday for you bladers.”
...I stopped, and said quietly to Justin, “Let’s get outta here, before he puts us in a coma, too!”
...We quickly ran out the building, scared about the info we held, scared about the coming ‘doomsday’ Kent spoke of, and scared we were the next to fall under his evil spell. We ran, on and on, until we reached my house. We slammed the door shut, and saw Marc sitting on my couch, watching T.V. “Why are you watching T.V at a time like this!” I shouted.
...Marc looked at me, a scared look on his face, and spoke one, single word: “Look.”
...Me and Justin looked at the T.V and gasped. We saw out pictures, and heard the newscaster say “These two kids, Mitch Kaizer and Justin Painen are suspects in the recent outbreak of bladers in comas, using the powers of their beys to destroy those who they battle. If seen, report them to the police so they can be apprehended and tried for their crimes.”
...Justin and I were on the lam.

---

Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

Ok then, this is chapter 3, and it will be divided into two parts. Each will be in its own post.

Chapter 3 part 1: Evil.

Spoiler (Click to View)

NOTE: This chapter is written in first and third point of view. The 3rd person point of view sections are details the reader needs to know, but the main character never found out about.

... I sat there, speechless, as I watched the news roll on. The newscaster went on about how every kid went into a coma, almost like a portion of their brain decayed, after the battles. Then, the scene shifted to the BeyCenter, and I actually gasped. The entire place was ablaze, bright red and orange flames licking the buildings around it. The newscaster spoke, and said in a very loud voice “This fire’s origin was unknown, but we suspect it was caused by the two bladders that put many kids into comas. We will resume coverage on this horrible story later, but now it is time for the overall weather in the lower section of Florida.”
... I grabbed the remote, turned off the T.V, and said “We have to find Kent, and somehow get him to confess that he did it… but I doubt we’ll be able to do that.”
... “Why?” Marc asked, his eyebrow creeping up on his forehead.
...“Kent almost seems… possessed by some sort of force. He said he would bring chaos back, and it would be doomsday for us bladers…” I said, my voice growing weaker and weaker as I spoke.
...“Let’s go back to that warehouse and teach Kent a lesson in losing!” Justin said a tone of excitement in his voice.
... “Well, if we win, we may find out how to get those kids back to normal. If not… we’ll be joining Samantha in a coma as well,” I said, a dark look on my face.
...A few minutes later, we arrived at the nondescript, gray two story building. I looked over to the BeyCenter, seeing its charred remains, and almost cried. I thought to myself ‘Today is not the day for grief over a loss of a building. There’s more to worry about.’ I reached for the door, but stopped. I felt something completely evil behind the door, and I stood there for about 5 minutes before grabbing the handle to the door. It was locked. “Carp!” I shouted, letting my very colorful language echo through the empty street.
... I grabbed Claw Panther, and Justin took out his Great Vulture, and we both attached them to our beylaunchers. We pulled the strings at once, and the beys flew and broke the door down. I couldn’t see anything at all, and had to wait for my eyes to adjust.

~~~

...Kent stood in front of a large wall of shadow in the back of the building, away from the looks of Mitch and Justin. Kent looked up to the wall, and spoke “Come out, Chaos. I know you have enough power to manifest yourself for a few minutes.”
Suddenly, the wall of shadow produced a small, human-esc shape of pure shadow. The shape had dark red eyes, and they stared upon Kent. “Tell me why you have called upon me, you worthless servant.”
... “Forgive my intrusion, Chaos, but I must tell you my quest is going well. I have defeated many bladers, and in that process have given you much power that you are conserving,” Kent said hastily, looking down upon the ground.
... “Yes, but there is still one that seems impervious to Eternal Entropy’s deadly force, the one called… Mitch Kaizer. Somehow, he survived Entropic Decay, and is here now.” The shadow known as Chaos said, his voice dripping with malice.
...Kent’s eyes widened, and he said, “Mitch is here, now? How is that even possible…? “
... “It is, and now take care of him. Start the Occurrence, using this new Eternal Entropy,” Chaos whispered.
... A beyblade floated from the shadow’s hand, and Chaos spoke, his voice rising, but getting deeper somehow, “This beyblade is Eternal 4D Entropy II MS.BD and it is unstoppable. Hopefully it will serve your quest, and crush this Mitch Kaizer. If not… it will be you who will be crushed and turned to powder that I will use to quench my thirst.”
...Kent gulped, and rushed to the hole in the ground that was used as a stadium to gain Chaos’s power.
End chapter 3 part 1 of 2.

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Part two of Chapter 3....

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 3 part 2: The Occurrence's beginning

...
After my eyes adjusted, I noticed Kent standing at the stadium, a wicked smile upon his face. He spoke, his voice calmer then the last time I saw him, and said “Hello Mitch. I hope you’ve been doing well. And I hope you’re ready to join that pathetic girl Samantha in a coma, right after I’m done with you.”
... I looked at him, a grim look upon my face, and said “You won’t win this time. I’m not letting you take me out. Not now, not ever.”
I stepped forward, but Justin stopped me. “I should go, since it’s my fault Samantha is in a coma,” he said, and took a step towards the stadium. He attached Great Vulture to his Beylauncher LR, stood at the opposite side of the stone stadium, and said “I’m ready.”
... “Fine, it’s you’re funeral.” Kent said casually.
...“Three!” Justin yelled.
...“Two.” Kent said, completely calm.
...“One!” Justin yelled, increasing his volume.
...“Let it rip!” They said in unison.
...Immediately, their beys crashed in the middle of the stadium, creating a large explosion. I stepped back, and saw something strange. Eternal Entropy seemed to have changed, but I shook it off quickly. Great Vulture started smashing into Eternal Entropy at the center of the stadium, and did nothing to it. “Justin! Eternal Entropy is free spinning! It will absorb your attacks unless you knock it out somehow!” I yelled at Justin.
...He ignored me, and continued attacking. “Special Move! Flying Talon Strike!” Justin called out.
...Vulture flew in the air, disappeared, and immediately came crashing down upon Eternal Entropy. Eternal Entropy nearly stopped spinning, and Great Vulture simply leaped off of Entropy, but wobbling at an insane degree. “Entropy! Entropic Destruction!” Kent cried out, desperate to win for some odd reason, almost like if he lost he would die.
... Entropy rushed at Vulture, and stuck it down, dissolving most of Great and a small section of Vulture. “No! Vulture! Don’t give up! I won’t let you lose, not to this monster!” Justin cried out.
... The next few seconds were a blur, and the best word I could describe them with is “Chaotic”. Vulture jerked up, like a puppet with its strings yanked, and hit Entropy. Entropy finished Vulture by completely dissolving Great. Justin fell to the ground, screaming in agony. Kent laughed his maniacal laugh, and through the door hole, I saw the sky turn red. A black shadow escaped the room, rushed out to the outside, and formed a kid who looked 17. The kid towered above me; at least a full 8 inches above me, and his eyes were a deep red. He looked upon me, a evil little smile upon his face, and said “You will be the first to fall under my rule, Mitch. You will be the first to fall to Chaos!”
...The kid dissipated into a dark shadow, and it flew away. Kent continued to laugh, and that sound broke me. I screamed, and leaped at Kent. I grabbed his throat, and started to choke him. “You like putting kids into comas? How would you like to be put into a hole, dead? Hm? Not very fun huh? What you did to those kids deserves death, you monster. Death!” I screamed at him, my spittle splattering him in the face.
...He grabbed at his throat, yanked off my hands, and landed a solid punch on my face. “I am not a killer. I was forced by Chaos. If I didn’t, I would be dead now. He’s the monster, he is Chaos itself,” Kent said, his voice barely a whisper. My rage subsided, and I ran out the door. What I saw made my stomach turn.
...The Occurrence had begun.

---

Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

Chapter four is up!

Chapter 4:Chaos rising

Spoiler (Click to View)

... I stood there, stunned, looking at the burning sky above, the charred ground below me, and closed my eyes. ‘It’s only a dream; it’s only a dream…’ I thought to myself, and I opened my eyes. The buildings were still ruined, and the cars were still on fire. I almost screamed. Almost, that is. I grabbed onto one last shred of my sane, calm mind that was quickly tearing apart, and tried calming down. I closed my eyes again, and just one thought ran through my mind: Take out Chaos, and try to save my little town.
...Well, make that two. I had to save my friends, and I would need to find out how. With those two thoughts in mind, I walked over to Kent. He cowered in a corner, expecting me to choke him, but I just looked at him and asked, “How do I get the kids out of their coma?”
... Kent looked up at me, surprised, and said, “I don’t know, only Chaos can do that, and he’d only do it to use them as his army…”
... I stared at him, and asked another question: “Why? Why would you do this?”
... Kent’s stare turned icy, and he said, “He took my parents, my sister, and my friends from me, and threatened to kill them if I didn’t comply with him. He wormed his way into my mind… made me enjoy doing those horrid things… I’m glad it’s over now.”
... I shot a glare at him and said, “It’s not even close to being over yet.”
... Kent looked at me, a confused look upon his face, and I said “I’m taking Chaos out, and saving my friends. I don’t care if you try to stop me, I will try to stop Chaos from spreading more.”
... Kent’s confused face changed into a steely look of anger, and he said, “Why would I stop you? I want to stop Chaos too. He killed my parents after I agreed to help him, after all.”
... I nodded, and helped him up. I looked out upon the street and said, “Let’s go kick Chaos’s butt.”
...We walked out the building, and we started talking about some mundane things, like the basketball game that happened two weeks ago went, how school is terrible, and who we were crushing on for some odd reason… I still wonder what triggered the entire conversation. Probably the destruction and death around us got too much to bear. After a few minutes, I said “Stop.”
...Kent looked at me, bewildered, and I said “We’re at the hospital. I want to check it out, see if the kids have risen to be in Chaos’s army yet.”
...I stepped inside, and saw cot after cot laid against the wall, full of sleeping kids. I quickly realized they weren’t sleeping, but were all in a coma. I looked for Samantha and Justin, and found them lying in the last two cots in the hallway. I looked at them, and started to cry, when a sound stopped me. It was the sound of someone other than Kent and me talking. I looked down, and saw it was Samantha’s mouth moving, and I heard a quiet whisper, barely audible, and it was a few, simple words that filled me with dread: “Long live Chaos”.
...I took a step back and almost screamed when I heard all the kids reciting these few words. I saw three kids stir, and watch them stand up, their eyes glassy. Samantha stood behind me and said in the same whispery tone “All who oppose Chaos will fall. Long live Chaos.”
...She took out Deadly Angel, and I said “No, Samantha, you aren’t a servant to anything, especially Chaos,” and while talking my fingers curled into a fist, “but if you are… enjoy this present from your friend, Mitch.”
... I slammed my fist into her jaw, and she crumpled to the ground. Her eyes fully focused, and she said “Why does my jaw hurt so much? And how’d I end up here? And why is Kent with you, Mitch?”
...I shook my head, and whispered to her “Now’s not the time for questions, we just gotta get Justin out of his coma, too!”
... I looked over to Justin’s cot, and saw him standing up, and him reciting “Long live Chaos” over and over. I ran up to him, curled my fingers, and punched him so hard, that he fell back into his cot. He looked up at me, and said “Dude, what the heck! That hurt!”
...I smiled, and said “It’s great seeing you too, Justin.”
...He shook his head, and asked “Why is Kent here? Is he good now, or something?”
...“Yeah, he’s as much a victim as you, Samantha, and me. Now then, let’s find Marc and take down Chaos,” I said, a stern look on my face. She nodded, and we took off running to Marc’s house.
...After about 4 minutes in a dead run, we reached his house. We opened the door, to see Marc sitting at his computer, furiously typing away on his keyboard. “Marc! Dude, what the heck are you doing!” I yelled at him, snapping his attention away from his computer.
...“I was trying to type up a letter convincing your innocence… wait, why is Kent here?” Marc asked.
...“I’ll tell you guys later, but we need your help, Marc.” I said, waiting for a response.
...“Why? Is the world ending, or something?” Marc asked, joking. He started to laugh.
...“Yes, it is,” I said sternly.
...Marc’s laugh immediately stopped, and he said, “Ok then, why? Did Kent’s bey cause it?”
...“In a way, yes, but it’s not his fault. Chaos caused it,” I said, my voice unfaltering.
...Marc got up, sighed, and said, “Ok, I’ll help. But can I get a piece of the action at this Chaos fellow? I want to snap his freaking neck.”
...I smiled, and said, “It’s good to have the old Marc back.”
...A few minutes later, we were out the door, ready to face Chaos.

---

Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

great but once u got to the 2 nd chapter u started to slack off

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If you want to battle pm me and we can batle sometime

Pegusas!!!! raykon and monmji rule yeah
thank you for the sig taj12

Spoiler (Click to View)

i rule because im the best blader hahahahahahha

Oh, man, I cannot belive I havn't put any chapters up recently... I gurentee there will be one by tommorow night!
Doubt anyone will see this but...
~X~
EDIT: New chapter, Chapter 5 is now up!

Everything Spins into Chaos- Chapter five: Into the Lion’s Den

Spoiler (Click to View)

...Kent, Marc, Samantha, Justin, and I walked down the street, avoiding all the dangerous obstacles in our path. Every so often we saw a kid stumbling about, either mumbling “Long live Chaos”, or in a daze at the sudden apocalyptic conditions. We all slowed down before the building where Justin last battled Kent , and Kent said “This should be where Chaos is… but he’s mobile now so he may not be here.”
...“What do you mean, he’s mobile? He wasn’t able to move around before?” I asked, and Kent nodded.
I sighed, and held Steel Panther in my hand, clutching it. I opened the door, and was hit with a sense of evil. I shook a bit, slightly frightened, but mustered up my strength and stepped in. The darkness was total, and I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face.
...“Welcome, humans,” A deep voice boomed. I shuddered, and I heard Kent whisper “Chaos. He’s here…”
...I looked around, and I was able to barely see what was going on. Chaos was nowhere near, but I still heard his voice. “Kent… he isn’t here. I don’t know how, but he isn’t here,” I whispered to him.
...Kent shook his head in disbelief, saying “How could he do that? How could he gain so much power in such a short time? It’s unthinkable…”
...I shrugged, and yelled out, “You don’t scare me, Chaos, especially when you aren’t brave enough to come out and fight me or my friends!”
...I heard a deep chuckle, and felt the ground rumble. “Fight you? Why waste the energy? You are a simple, worthless being,” Chaos said.
...I clenched my fists, and turned around. “Let’s find Chaos, and take him out… for real this time,” I said to everyone.
...Kent looked to the side, seeming guilty for lying, but I ignored it. I walked out of the building, and looked at the sky, thinking. I saw a pillar of red clouds reaching the ground, and followed them. When they reached the ground… they disappeared, along with the ground itself. There seemed to be a castle made of obsidian floating above the void, defying gravity itself. I turned around, looked at my friends, and said “I think I know where Chaos is.”

~~~

After an hour of walking, we finally reached the castle. A giant drawbridge was the only way across, and it was retracted. I sighed, and looked for another way in. After 30 minutes of hard searching, I gave up. I looked at the two pillars beside us, and nearly punched myself. There was a crank to lower the bridge at the base of the left pillar. I started to crank it, but it stuck. The bridge was halfway down, and out of reach. But a sudden crash made me jump, and the bridge fell the rest of the way down. I shook my head, and walked on the cracked bridge. We were headed into Chaos’s lair, and to possible death. Everyone walked forward down a long hallway, but it began getting darker and darker, until it was black. We walked on, until I hit a wall. I felt the wall around what I ran into, and it was completely boxed in. It was a dead end. “Carp!” I cursed, and kicked the wall.
...I heard a grunt, and felt the wall in front of me again. It was gone. I raised an eyebrow, and continued on. The hallway began to lighten, until it had the same amount of light as day. I blinked for a bit, getting used to the light, and made out a beystadium, and a man standing in front of it. It wasn’t any man, it was Chaos. He turned, and frowned. “The pests arrived? Kent, why did you lead them here?” Chaos said.
...I looked at Kent, and he smiled. “Because I don’t work for you, Chaos,” Kent said, “Why would I turn against these kids? They didn’t do anything.”
...Chaos’s eyes flared, and he teleported towards Kent. “You definitely work for me because I created you. You cannot disobey me because I will kill you!”
...Chaos brought his hand back, and punched Kent in his face. Kent fell back, and lay still. I stood there, mouth agape, and said, “You shouldn’t have done that Chaos,” and I punched him in the back. Chaos simply laughed, and turned around.
...“You think you can stop me with your fists, Mitch Kaizer? You can’t stop anything I set in motion you pathetic weakling!”
...Chaos glared at me, and I nearly screamed. My mind felt like it was being ripped apart, and I could hardly contain the scream. I returned the stare, and barely got out “I will stop you Chaos. No matter what you think.”
...I then fell into a deep, unbreakable unconscious.
End Chapter 5

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

I am now officially taking GOOD character requests. I will only accept ones sent via PM, if it's posted in the topic I will ignore it. And there's only 2 spots, and once their filled there will never be any more request openings. Better get to work on those good sheets !

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

Well.
I learned a lot recently.
Screw the character requests.
I'll finish up a little of Chapter 6, post a preview after I get a bit done.
Doubt any one will read this...
Ok, Chaper 6 preview.
Twists, anyone?
Chapter 6: Chains
eeeI awoke, finding myself surrounded by impenetrable darkness. I heard no sounds, and wondered Am I dead? My question was answered when a loud, squealing noise broke the silence that filled the room like a thick soup. A rectangle of light appeared, but my eyes were so adjusted to the dark I couldn’t make out anything. Finally, after a bit, I could finally make out shapes, and realize it was someone with a food cart.
eeeI heard someone mumble “Well, it took them long enough to get us food…”
eeeI finally felt my arms, hanging at my side, chained to the wall. I looked down at them, and luckily there was enough light to see my skin was almost albino white.
eeeI thought out loud, “How long was I out?”
I got an answer from my least expected source.
The person with the food cart.
Kent.
To be continued…

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

PURE AWESOMNESS!!

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Credit to Ryu-X for awesome sig.
DEATH QUETZALCOATL WILL POUND YOU!

Well, I wish I had a bit more critisism then that
Why is it so great, what can be improved on, etc.
Working on Chapter 6, also.

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

To be honest, it's a little messy. Try to make paragraphs and skip a line when using dialogue (Unless it's the same person twice in a row). Otherwise, just cut back on the dialogue and think through descriptions. Use literary devices and similes+metaphors. If you really want to get complicated, you can try to put in a few foreshadows of future events.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

Thank you.
That's the most criticism I've gotten in this topic XD

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

and you tell me i have no paragraphs T_T

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my selling thread

..I walked through my small neighborhood, heading to the BeyCenter, which was where all the stadiums near me were located, other than the worthless practice stadiums that were too small for actual battle. I looked down at my Steel (A metal wheel that seemed to have claws poking out of its otherwise smooth surface that faced to the right) Panther (Shaped like 4 cat’s open maws following one another, like wolf) MP150 (Metal Protector, shaped like BD145 but at a higher height and less likely for floor scrapes) MJB (Metal Jog Ball), which never lost a battle until that day.

You know, if I were you I wouldn't describe the parts in details because that ruins your eyes.
In fact, I would like to describe the parts within a battle,like:

A attacks my bey's track with his bey. Fortunately, the circular shape of MP150 prevents it from gaining high damage.

*Notice: It is not in your story.

Apart from that, except the paragraph problems in the first part, this is a really good story.
Keep it up.

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Tips:

It is a lousy idea to write the upgrade like that.
The M.C with the bey-fixer should have a fight, then the bey-fixer will tell him about the special abilities of the new bey, that would be better.

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Let the wings of hope spread to the whole world!

New story :
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Yoku-s-s...ary-Hereos

Thanks for the advice, and of course if I re-write anything, I'll be sure to include it.
Thanks for the advice!
And nations, like I said in the PM to you, my story is pretty bad, considering this was the first one I've written on here... but I need all the criticism I can get!

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

This is a piece of carp.

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The smartes thing I've ever heard is "Shut up you idiot."

Well, that is one helpful comment, considering you gave me no reason why it is...
Really good job making out what kind of person you are. Really, really great job
Anyways, sorry about no new chapter, got tons of schoolwork, and I'm helping out someone on their story (Fixing grammer, lengthening chapters, etc). I have a full plate, so when I have some freetime I'll get straitgh to work on the next chapter, and after that will be a final chapter.
Followed by an epilouge, which will lead into the sequal.
I got this thing all planned out.

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

Well it was way too detailed and no life that one by the rock leone guy was good but your's was lifeless.

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The smartes thing I've ever heard is "Shut up you idiot."

hi

...
So an expository story has more life then an actual narritive?
And I put detail so you can tell what's going on. I prefer more detail then none.
And to anyone with actual legit criticisms... Please, comment and give me advice. I need advice to keep geting better, and I wish to please as many people as possible.
Other then those who wish for short, grammarless chapters.

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X

I don't like this story because there is too much detail and not enough action. There is also too much “carp” and the characters have no personalities.
Tip: Write more dialogue. Dialogue makes a story interesting and unique. Plus it gives your charachters more charachter.

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It's pretty good. I have'nt read all of it butit's alright from what ive seen.

Youve got some good ideas. but you need to portray them better. you need to use words that draw attention to them selves rather than repeating them.

.“ONE!” The crowd shouted in unison.
...“Let it rip!” Both Kent and I yelled in unison.

you have desribed but at a low level. use better vocabulary rather than (like ^) repeating words. Instead you couldve written this


"ONE!" The crowd shouted in unison.
"Let it rip" My opponent and I yelled jointly.

The characters are wrong. they keep changing personality etc. and thhis is probably beacause of lack of description at the beginning.

You change too quickly between places. Explain how he walked back to his house etc. the reader likes to know this kinda stuff

I like your scentence use though. After reading chapter 3 i was sure.

I like this "occurence" thing. It is suspeenseful. GOOD IDEA (^0_0^)

FYI: you dont have to explain stuff like that in the NOTE. it may have helped some people but i wouldve enjoyed trying to work it out myself.

PS: can u PM me wen a new chapter comes out. Its really good :>)-(-<

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Thanks to Synth for the sig and the avatar
PM me for Mario Kart Wii, Brawl or Pokemon. My Pokemon FC is 2365 6466 0001
Before you read a story, go to Renagade Reviews. If you have a story, then ask us for a review: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Renegade...#pid729778

“I thought the devil was a goat-man with a curly beard and horns. I was wrong. Now I know the devil has no face… Literally.”
Read my new story Faceless. It's promised to be bigger and better than my last one.
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Faceless...pid1080518

Hey, thanks. It's posts like that which allow me to become a better writer...
And I do agree, I will have to re-write the previous chapters simply so they seem better and far more consistant.
Thanks for the advice!

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Credit to DeX for this amazing signature!
Want a ok story that's readable? With actual grammar? Check out Everything Spins Into Chaos: A beyblade story
I use Hasbro beys. Because I have no acsess to TT or Sonokong beys. Hopefully that'll change soon.
~X