World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Dragons Bite

Apr. 24, 2011  11:59 AM
 
EPISODE 1"Dreaming Weird stuff"

Dan was running down the road from someone they kept striking their beys at him....he passed out....
“AHHH” Dan woke up with a start he looked around for his beyblade: Earth Raven 125 AC "What happened in my dream"said Dan.He got out of his bed and started pacing across the wooden floor he was trying to remember what happened nut it all seemed to be a blur.6:25. He put his sneakers on and changed in something more decent than PJ'S got on his bicycle and rode off into the night.

Dan rode to his friend's Ku's house ‘‘Knock Knock’’ he tapped on Ku's window she awoke with a start walking drowsily to the window ''Heeey Dan how's you''she asked ''Great how's your brother''He replied ''Like totally asleep''she exclaimed '' great cause i need to tell you something about me'' he said ''Great come in''

TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE 2 "Sting and Scream"
(ACCEPTING CHARACTER REQUESTS)
Apr. 24, 2011  12:09 PM
 
its seems its........not even......emotional.

Quote:Dan was running down the road from someone they kept striking their beys at him....he passed out....
“AHHH!!!” Dan woke up with a start he looked around for his beyblade: Earth Raven 125 AC "What happened in my dream?!"said Dan.He got out of his bed and started pacing across the wooden floor.he was trying to remember what happened,but it all seemed to be a blur.6:25. He put his sneakers on and changed in something more decent than PJ'S.he got on his bicycle and rode off into the night.

Dan rode to his friend's Ku's house ‘*Knock Knock* he tapped on Ku's window.she awoke,walking drowsily to the window.''Heeey,Dan,how are you?''she asked ''Great!how's your brother?''He replied ''Like totally asleep''she exclaimed '' great,cause i need to tell you something about me'' he said ''Great come in''

just added question,exclamtion,and some puntuation marks.plus added some grammar to make the story wiseful
Apr. 24, 2011  12:16 PM
 
good story but needs some improvements as bbp9 said
Dec. 06, 2011  11:00 PM
 
Ok TOTALLY got everything down for it now sory so any Character requests ANYONE willing to take in up to 8 max soo bring em' in please :-)
Oh yea i need someone for Ku's bro and ku's rival soo yeah Bring char's
Just Gonna do part 2 soon chars would be good
Dec. 07, 2011  12:14 AM
 
Part 1 Episode 1: Sting & Scream!!!

Dan and Ku were in the garage talking about Dan's last dream.
"Yeah and they were all just striking their bey's at me and i couldn't find Raven in my Holster where it's supposed to be" Said Dan sadly

"I see... Now did you recognise any of the Black Suited Men's faces at all?" Asked Ku suspiciously
"Well no....Wait a minute actually there was this one guy who had a green tattoo on his face... it was...." And that was how far Dan got because there was a knocking at the garage door.

Ku took her broomstick and went slowly to the garage window ducking all they way hoping not to be seen. Ku tapped the window then a face popped up.
"Ku it's Ryan!!" Shouted Dan, Ku looked puzzled but nevertheless opened the door and a bulky kid came in with a blue fisherman's hat and a grip in his hand.

Now Ryan was Dan's nemesis at school they had a long feud going on since 4th grade and Ryan took every chance to get at Dan Non-Stop.

"Ryan why the heck are you here?" Asked Dan
"Obviously I came to ask for your help Peapot" Said Ryan annoyed
"Umm.... have you been plonked on the head you never want my help sickbreath" Said Dan amazed
"Well today its different I...... need your help cause' some kids got there bey's taken off em'" Said Ryan
"And you need me because.....?" Said Dan
"Because the bullies said they'd only face me 2 v 2 so you get the idea Peapot?" Asked Ryan

Dan simply grunted, looked at Ku and nodded to her. She ran to the cupboard to get some a silver tin.

"Might be hungry on the way" Said Dan munching on a white chocolate chip cookie.



(TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2 EPISODE 2}

Hope you guys enjoy plz give some feeedback and remember i need characters for the bullies and others 7 people needed... Now....
I also might need Ideas
Dec. 07, 2011  1:04 AM
 
Char

Craig Monte
Age:12
Bey: Storm Leone 100 S
Special: Roaring Slash- Attacks bey 4 times causing a ripple in stadium.
Dec. 10, 2011  1:48 PM
 
Episode 2: Sting and Scream!!!

They were nearly at the park when the ground rumbled.

"R.R...Ryan what the heck was that!" Shouted Dan
"I have absolutely no idea" Said Ryan.
The trio ran towards the beam's of light erupting from the ground, they arrived in front of a gravel path when a boy shouted:

"OI you....you people can't pass right now!" Shouted the boy
"Listen Kid..."
"I ain't no kid the name's Craig Monte beyblading champion 2 years running" Said Craig
"Yeah that's the guy who beat Chu & Chi the world's best tag team bladers" Said Ku
"Well as I said you Ain't passing!" Shouted Craig
"Oh yeah who's gonna stop us?" Asked Dan

"Me!" Shouted the boy and ripped the bey off his launcher. Dan did the same but was a nano-second faster

"GOO Raven trace him out!" Said Dan. Raven was marking up Storm Leone but it kept getting away.

"Wh..." Dan

"Heh Storm Leone wont let you get him he is just to fast.... NOW LEONE ATTACK!" Barked Craig. Leone started attacking Raven harder by hitting its spin-track, nearly making Raven lose its balance.

"NOO! Thats it now Raven Skyward Flight!!!" Shouted Dan. Raven was covered with black aura, then he attacked sending Craig up to the sky waiting for the moment.

Dan made a gun with his hands then shouted: BANG! At that moment Raven jumped into the sky and then... Leone came falling down piece by peace.

"HOW!!!!" Screamed Craig. Craig ran away not even bothering to pick up the pieces of Storm Leone.


(Continues in Episode 3 part 3 Sting & Scram!!!)
Dec. 11, 2011  12:46 AM
 
Part 3 Episode 3: Sting & Scream!!!




Dan and friends were running towards the stadium.

When they arrived at the stadium there was a big crack in the middle, and a lot of kids on the floor crying their eyes out. Dan looked at one child and simply asked:
"Hey uh... Kid what happened?" The child had barely enough energy to speak but managed to say:"S..Sharp..." and at that boy came out of the bushes holding a launcher and a bey.
"I AM THE SCORPION" Shouted the boy. Dan was at the scaredist he'd ever been.

"W....Who are you?" Asked Dan
"The name is Scorps! Hahaha" Laughed Scorps
"Well 'Scorps' I challenge you to a 1v1 battle right now!" Screamed Ryan

"I accept foolish mortal" said Scorps. What did Scorps mean by...'Mortal'

"3" Said Scorps
"2" Said Ryan
"1" They both said in unison

"GOO SHOOOT!!" They said. Ryan's bey: Ray Driller 145 D was attacking Scorps': Devil Dragon GB145 MS but it wasn't working. Dragon was just sitting there waiting....Until: "Go Dragonian Bite!" Shouted Scorps. At that moment 2 yellow dragon's popped out of Scorps face bolt, destroying Driller in a matter of seconds. Dan had never experienced such POWER in his life...Was he ready for it?


(Continues pRt 5)



Apr. 03, 2012  1:52 AM
 
Ya like? can i get some feedback?
Apr. 03, 2012  6:10 AM
 
Dude, your grammar became way better between the first chapter and the recent ones. Nice. Also, try changing the titles for every chapter. Not just, Sting and Scream!!!

Overall, nice story. I will support you on this.
Apr. 03, 2012  9:27 AM
 
thx new story tomorow probably